[Article] What's the story with casual homophobia?

Hmm_Messiah

why is it ok to use blond in some sense suggesting, untruly that blond people are dumb ?

You are saying it wouldn't be acceptable but I don't know who you are speaking for; it is acceptable , in the context, to me at least.

solice

Ok, moved in with a bunch of people i knew but didnt know that well at the start of the summer, moving out tomorrow to go back to college. But anyways, they knew the story, they knew what to expect and for a long time they were a bit aprehensive. We got on really well but at times i found it obvious that they were picking their words carefully when talking to me.
In the last month they have settled down alot more and everybody is comfortable and we all got on really well. And when i heard them use the word "gay" in a way to suggest that something is sh1te i was oddly pleased.
Ok, it was a slur on all homosexuals areound the world but I was glad that they were able to say it, it was a form of acceptance if you know what i mean?

Now if they would just keep the fcukin house clean i would be happy.

Cronus333

Great article!!! I wouldn't like to be him though.... Anyway on an earlier point, I wouldn't tell anyone in my school I was gay. It's very strictly religious and i'm afraid I'd be thrown out!! stupid jesuits.....

Victor

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

why is it ok to use blond in some sense suggesting, untruly that blond people are dumb ?

Hey, leave people with speech impairments alone!

Blonde has a genuine reference insofaras some people will dye their hair blonde. The original slight against blonde people was against these people who dyed.

Hmm_Messiah

solice
my experience to, though maybe its at the end of some "process". good to hear

and ans for the untidiness of the gaff i hear theres a couple of queer gangs breaking into houses and tidying up / redecorating.

Rev Hellfire

Actually I personally believe that the word gay has grown past its association with homosexuality, its now seems more to imply lame, few people when when using the word in its more common ' jesus thats gay' form are thinking of homosexuals. It all smacks a bit of going out of your way to justify your indignation.
I actually at one time added the word gay and its various l33t spellings to the banned word list on the old iol TFC server, the response to this action was to say the least informative.

the_syco

Gay is an odd word.

At first, it meant to be happy. I think it was used in "the daffodils" poem in that sense. Later, it meant homosexuals, and now it means that something sucks, or is lame.

damien

the_syco wrote:

and now it means that something sucks, or is lame.

and now it is allowed to mean something negative and lame.

Rev Hellfire

damien.m wrote:

and now it is allowed to mean something negative and lame.

So. Whats your point.

Rozie

I'm a bit divided. It really depends on the motivation behind it.

As for blonde jokes, *most* people realise how ridiculous they are and that's part of the humour.

Hmm_Messiah

your right Rozie, motivation is a big part of it.

I just find it a bit much this blanket condemnation of words because they wee once derogotary.

Every one on this thread practically calls heteroosexuals "straight", the difference being homosexuals are "bent", you get the connotation? but no problem there.

I liked what the kid wrote, and its true that teachers/classes need to make it easier for any guy/girl to be who they are

Boston

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

your right Rozie, motivation is a big part of it.

I just find it a bit much this blanket condemnation of words because they wee once derogotary.

Every one on this thread practically calls heteroosexuals "straight", the difference being homosexuals are "bent", you get the connotation? but no problem there.

I liked what the kid wrote, and its true that teachers/classes need to make it easier for any guy/girl to be who they are

If gay guys where constantly having a go at a straight guy for being straight there would be a problem also. Leaving the word fag aside (very likely to make me get nasty quickly), I really could care less about what words people use, however having my sexuality turned into some kinda joke, is allot worse then having it use as an insult.

Freaky Angelo

I agree that a persons sexuality is not a joke.

I recently changed schools and got more freedom, in that school you have people who ae blantly gay or bi and nobody cares. In my old school you'd have found yourself tortured. Actually I think what turned me was that only girls were nice to me and guys were totally scumbags - see I have issues so the way I see it:

Guys are tools none of them ever want more then a quickie, none of them ever want to have a relationship and they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves when they're getting off.

I respect women which is why I go for guys more lately. Sadly I put myself on hiatus from going out with people (not believing in love and all that crap) and found that I was a "fag without benefits". Benefits being that gay men have a very good kind of confidence that straight guys lack. I really can't explain it but gay guys hook up a little bit easier then straight guys.

The thing is that I believe most straight guys who call gay people faggots and fudge-packers and stuff like that are INSECURE about their OWN sexuality.

It's highly possible the guy calling another guy a fag is actually crushing on him. The world's mixed up and a bit warped. Gays Globally are the new Black People in a way, humans love to prejudice - bad enough they can't fully get over skin colour but a persons sexuality isn't a joke or anyone's big business.

Get with the times world - casual homophobia isn't fashionable it's just weird!

rsynnott

Freaky Angelo wrote:

I really can't explain it but gay guys hook up a little bit easier then straight guys.

*Glares*

Speak for yourself.

*Goes off to sulk*

Boston

Freaky Angelo wrote:

I agree that a persons sexuality is not a joke.

I recently changed schools and got more freedom, in that school you have people who ae blantly gay or bi and nobody cares. In my old school you'd have found yourself tortured. Actually I think what turned me was that only girls were nice to me and guys were totally scumbags - see I have issues so the way I see it:

They see you as one of the girls, not because of your sexuality but because thats what you want. If your happy being someones handbag thats grand, but it's not a for gone conclusion.

Guys are tools none of them ever want more then a quickie, none of them ever want to have a relationship and they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves when they're getting off.

Your either very young or full of ****. I'm a guy and somehow I manage not to be a ****. Most guys that people that about guys, only do so to excluse their own bad behaviour. convient blamign your gender for your own short comings as a person. And before you say decent gays guys are rare, bull, you get what you look for.

I respect women which is why I go for guys more lately. Sadly I put myself on hiatus from going out with people (not believing in love and all that crap) and found that I was a "fag without benefits". Benefits being that gay men have a very good kind of confidence that straight guys lack. I really can't explain it but gay guys hook up a little bit easier then straight guys.

This reads as you saying you go for people that you don't repect. whats that all about? Is it because you believe that you too, as a man, are a tool? and therefore liable to act in the same way as others of your gender? Maybe if you repected them abit more they would respect you in return.

The thing is that I believe most straight guys who call gay people faggots and fudge-packers and stuff like that are INSECURE about their OWN sexuality.

Yep, sure, maybe, whatever like. Some people are assholes simple as that.

It's highly possible the guy calling another guy a fag is actually crushing on him.

Who cares whats the arseholes reasoning is, doesn't make it any different. Maybe believing that litte fairly tales helps you, I don't know. I don't believe it accurate.

rsynnott: Please obtain a clue before posting again. Attacking a user with lines such as obtain a brain and you're an idiot is not on. You wouldn't do it in real life, don't do it here.

rsynnott

LiouVille wrote:

rsynnott: Please obtain a clue before posting again. Attacking a user with lines such as obtain a brain and you're an idiot is not on. You wouldn't do it in real life, don't do it here.

If they said something that silly, then yes, I quite possibly would. I'm not the most tactful, for better or worse.

And I didn't call anyone an idiot; please refrain from making stuff up.

Boston

rsynnott wrote:

If they said something that silly, then yes, I quite possibly would. I'm not the most tactful, for better or worse.

And I didn't call anyone an idiot; please refrain from making stuff up.

You say lots of silly ****, yet we don't rep into you and personally attack you. Besides if you disagree with someone disagree with them don't attack them. What is wrong with you that you don't understand that its not allowed on this forum and people don't want to reads you telling everyone with a different opinion to yours that their morons or brainless.

And I didn't call anyone an idiot; please refrain from making stuff up

if the search function was available I'd find the posts where you called people idiots. You seem to like to insult people on line. I find it boring to read tbh.

rsynnott

LiouVille wrote:

rsynnott: Please obtain a clue before posting again.

LiouVille wrote:

You say lots of silly ****,

Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.

Hmm_Messiah

rsynnott wrote:

Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.

You hae done Liouville a service; proved his point.

And have gotten off topic. Though wait.... was it about the silly ways people insult others.


Freaky Angelo: If that is in fact your own experience then I can see it would be depressing. However it comes across as a massive generalisation. Unfortunately some of what I say I have experienced; but I imagine that predatory/promiscous/casual behaviour is equally found in straight guys.

Freaky Angelo

Sorry about that Messiah, you're right I did generalize. But I've been put down by guys more then girls in my life...plus I'd posted after I got a hate-mail from my ex (I swear her and her brother are dogged!)

I stand by my belief that Love is a dated term that rarely applies (no I didn't bring it up last time) but all the guys I've met have wanted one thing.

I never let them get too far. I never get close to everyone and 50% of hate is fear because it's proven humans fear what they cant understand.

In all fairness though there are a lot of good guys out there but I know more gay guys that hook up faster and more frquently then hetro couples simply because guys usually think in similar patterns.

rsynnott and Liouville please keep the disputes to another forum seriously guys if Liouville is going to call me naive or whatever then at least could he act more mature? I am young but I've not had an easy life thank you.

So I retract a lot of my statement, that was the bitterness talking but here's what I believe:

Gay men have a different understanding of their preferred partners then in comparison to the straight men

Men are sexually active for longer that's a LOT to factor into their behaviour

I am NOT a handbag, I get on better with girls because they accepted me more readily then the male friends who found out ("Uh - I have to catch a bus")

Insecurity begets fear which begets hate in humans. It's a fact not a fairy tale but not all people fear some ARE just jerks!

And lastly: I blame my shortcomings as a person on BEING a person in the end of the day I at least realize my shortcomings. You DO realize that among YOUR shortcomings there is patronizing nature and a lack of tact I felt offended by how you talked to me. But I really don't care if you dislike me or not. After all. Why would your opinion matter? I don't know you. You obviously don't know me.

So in closing I was wrong to call all men tools it's just some people that are and homophobia is just another hate/fear humans NEED to come over if they want to move on (like letting Gay Marriage in and stuff)

Boston

Freaky Angelo wrote:

Sorry about that Messiah, you're right I did generalize. But I've been put down by guys more then girls in my life...plus I'd posted after I got a hate-mail from my ex (I swear her and her brother are dogged!)

So you got a hate-mail from an ex Girlfriend, and you decided to take it out on men, how does that make sense?

I stand by my belief that Love is a dated term that rarely applies (no I didn't bring it up last time) but all the guys I've met have wanted one thing.

I never let them get too far. I never get close to everyone and 50% of hate is fear because it's proven humans fear what they cant understand.

Sounds like you have intimacy issues.

In all fairness though there are a lot of good guys out there but I know more gay guys that hook up faster and more frquently then hetro couples simply because guys usually think in similar patterns.

So a man can love a woman, just not another man? Hetro couples can be just about sex as much as homo couples can.

rsynnott and Liouville please keep the disputes to another forum seriously guys if Liouville is going to call me naive or whatever then at least could he act more mature? I am young but I've not had an easy life thank you.

How have I been immature and in what way could i have been more mature.

Gay men have a different understanding of their preferred partners then in comparison to the straight men

why do you say that? Is it because in most cases the relationship isn't going to end up with 2.4 kids and a three bedroom house in the sub's?

Men are sexually active for longer that's a LOT to factor into their behaviour

Where are you getting that wrong idea from.

I am NOT a handbag, I get on better with girls because they accepted me more readily then the male friends who found out ("Uh - I have to catch a bus")

What are you talking about mate? In what way have they not accepted you. Do they showdiscomfort when the topic of sexuality is raised? Do they not want to talk about your relationships or feelings, thats perfectly grand. You talk about women being more accepting, however you're not challanging their sexuality. I think the situation would be reversed if you where a lesbian.

And lastly: I blame my shortcomings as a person on BEING a person in the end of the day I at least realize my shortcomings. You DO realize that among YOUR shortcomings there is patronizing nature and a lack of tact I felt offended by how you talked to me. But I really don't care if you dislike me or not. After all. Why would your opinion matter? I don't know you. You obviously don't know me.

I found your post extremely offensive and childish. As for tact, I'm not here to cuddle someone like you. I'm hear to tell you to cop on to yourself, and snap out of this self pettying trip you're on. I don't hate you, I don't dislike you, I don't "anything" you.

You sound like you have had very limited experience of the world and relationships. Far too little to be basicing the opinions you have on.

So in closing I was wrong to call all men tools it's just some people that are and homophobia is just another hate/fear humans NEED to come over if they want to move on (like letting Gay Marriage in and stuff)

Homophobia had nothing to do with what you said.

Hmm_Messiah

Liouville I think you are being unfair ; not necessarily wrong in anythig you say but I don't think your reply was what the guy needed.

It is in fact ok for him to be niave, mislead, mis informed. Yoou don't have enough knowledge to tell any one they have intimacy issues, any ways I don't see that he has other than a wish for imtimacy with a guy that he is not finding.

The guy explained his OP, and emphasised both his youth and having what he finds a "hard life". I would not underestimate how difficult any person finds their life (it can too often ultimately lead to suicide or self harm)

In most of the things you disagree with him on he is only given his opinion, based on his experience. I think he was using the forum to "unload", I really don't have a problem with that. He wasnt flaming or being deliberately ignorant and offensive

I read his latest post as from some one not only frustrated but hurting. I don't think a young person's hurt should be disregarded, I imagine most people would hopee this forum would be seen as more tolerant, accepting that the world in general.

I found your post extremely offensive and childish. As for tact, I'm not here to cuddle someone like you. I'm hear to tell you to cop on to yourself, and snap out of this self pettying trip you're on. I don't hate you, I don't dislike you, I don't "anything" you.

I don't in any part of this post mean to have an argument with you, or to judge you, I am only reflecting on how his words impacted, and then your words. From my limited experience I would find the words underlined unhelpful,and even potentially unhealthy. We don't know this guy, but he does hint at difficulties; too often I've seen a similar words said to people in a place so "dark" that these words drove them further into themselves and further away from the help they might need.

I apologise if I am myself reading too much into his post; all i can say is it resonates with what I have heard from other people. I "half" opologise if I am over concerned with how some one might harm themselves; again its from experience of people who I've discovered to be in more trouble than could easily be recognised.

Freaky Angelo: Some things you say suggest you have a distorted view of what gay men are like in general, or relationships can be. You might benefit from trying to look at things from outside your own experience/situation. There are any number of people who would provide the love or care you have found lacking to date.

Boston

You talk about my words being unhealthy. I care not. I’m concerned about the user that comes on here and reads his male bashing exercise, and see no one challenging it. If he had been pissed off with women and came on here to say he only goes with guys cause women are bitches sluts and whores, (all of which he implies about men) he would have had his head taken clean off. Why are so willing to give him a miss on this? I don’t like it when someone’s response to their own short comings is to lash out at the world. Even after my first reply he continued to post drivel. Lets go through the misperceptions he’s posted which are completely unfair and untrue and why they annoyed me.


Guys are tools none of them ever want more then a quickie, none of them ever want to have a relationship and they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves when they're getting off.

Implies that women are immune to acting in this way, and that men can’t have loving, faithful relationships, with either sex.



I respect women which is why I go for guys more lately.

Who ever you’re with deserve your respect. To be with someone you don’t respect does you a disservice.



The thing is that I believe most straight guys who call gay people faggots and fudge-packers and stuff like that are INSECURE about their OWN sexuality.

It’s a stereotype and one I’ve encountered, however it’s one perpetuated by myth and American media. I do not see how it matters if the guy knocking the **** out of you and hassling you is a closet homo. It’s very deluded to believe most of them are. You don’t get people saying most racists wish they where black do you?



Gay men have a different understanding of their preferred partners then in comparison to the straight m.

Based on the rest of the posts implied gay guys just want to fuk, whereas straight guys want more in their relationship.


Men are sexually active for longer that's a LOT to factor into their behaviour

Completely made up. Men reach their sexual peak sooner then women, however they are not active for longer in general.





I get on better with girls because they accepted me more readily then the male friends who found out ("Uh - I have to catch a bus")

When it comes to gay men, yea women can be far more accepting then guys. However you should really see how they react to lesbian or Bi women if you want to gauge how homophobic they are.

damien

I almost fully agree with Hmm_Messiah on this. LiouVille you have come on here acting like you are some kind of world authority on relationships and sexuality.

My Irony detector blew up when you stated:

I don’t like it when someone’s response to their own short comings is to lash out at the world.

While I may be a hypocrite when I say this, it matters not since it's true: You don't come on here and engage people, instead you attack and bully them and close the conversation down until it's a personal fight time and time again. You "arguments" turn into a petty game of semantics so that you can have micro-wins instead of what this forum was creating for.

Boston

damien.m wrote:

I almost fully agree with Hmm_Messiah on this. LiouVille you have come on here acting like you are some kind of world authority on relationships and sexuality.

My Irony detector blew up when you stated:



While I may be a hypocrite when I say this, it matters not since it's true: You don't come on here and engage people, instead you attack and bully them and close the conversation down until it's a personal fight time and time again. You "arguments" turn into a petty game of semantics so that you can have micro-wins instead of what this forum was creating for.

Bang on damien, you are a hypocrite. It was very predictable you would play the knight in white satin to this guy. At least you're consistant. For someone who claims to believe in what you believe you, you have a twisted way of showing. You have attacked me but nothing I have said. yes I'm not an authority on relationships or sexuality, but I don't need to be one to point out how wrong this guys is. To paraphase you

Be a good little queer and know your a tool. I'm obviously right because I'm gay.

If it was a straight guy coming in here, spouting the stuff he just spouted about gay men, you would have been the first in line to show him the error of his way.

Annasopra

I've been debating with myself whether or not to reply but decided I will. I can see where Damien and Hmmm-Messiah are coming from. The guy came on and had some opinions which were a bit odd but instead of disagreeing and pointing out why,some people almost started shouting MYSANDRIST - I read his posts several times and did not pick up any mysandry myself just strange ideas/opinions. He then came on and apologised and pointed out that he is young etc, so I think perhaps some of the reactions were just a little OTT

In conclusion Liouville I think you should practise what you preach

if you disagree with someone disagree with them don't attack them

Boston

Well I think damien and Hmm_Massiah are coming from too didn't directions. Hmm believes i shouldn't have said what I said in the way I said it, fair enough, I probably shouldn't have, and if i where to post it again i wouldn't have. Damien on the other hand would appear to agree with the guys take on relationships and sexuality by criticisting me for disagreeing with him.

The guy came on and had some opinions which were a bit odd

odd? Backwards and Wrong more like. I attacked his opinions not the user. some people cant make that distinction.

Freaky Angelo

Liouville: You don't get it I dated my ex AND HER BROTHER they tag teamed me but I deserved it because so many of the males I've met have been total scum to women and men depending on their preference. Attack me all you want I know my opinions are odd and I am young but I am NOT naive. If I put enough thought into it I could dissect human nature.

But that could damage my sanity. Things push me over the edge easily but not like they used to. I still owe my friend (the only girl I may actually truly love who's gone far away) for bursting into the men's bathrooms at our summer camp and stopping me slashing my face open with a pen knife.

I've come a long way I don't "hate mirrors" anymore. If you don't stop and just THINK about this attack you'll only make people sneer at you.

damien.m: thank you for the shining armour jobbie - handy to have a man like you around.

It's unfortunate I get trashed by people because I engage mouth before brain but I'm trying to vent here. I'm an "Agony Uncle" and I give good advice I think, especially to girls...but I've made mistakes in my life (my ex and her brother for instance) and I guess I have no where to get advice for.

So lets end it here. This is a forum about casual homophobia.

My point of insecurity still stands. Many straight men think it weird for the gay male to like -well - men. A little part has a curiosity and that frightens them so they react by going to fear and hate or asseritng their macho-ness.

As for Black people: The amount of coloured people in a country has many paranoid racists insecure about Jobs and the numbers if a country has more people of "colour" many people feel threatened.

That's my opionion so nobody can take that from me. I'm calmed down now.

Messiah: Just so you know. I don't bother looking for "love" the girl I loved didn't reciprecate, it hurt me so much...so instead I don't form attachments and maybe that's the disrespecting myself playing out - I don't respect myself so I go after people I don't respect. I get crushes...but I just let them burn out I have this horrible feeling I'll die alone...see? Depressing aren't I?

damien

Liouville/Boston/Skanger/Joe19/Gladiator/NoTsOb: Play the ball, not the man.

Boston

damien.m wrote:

Liouville/Boston/Skanger/Joe19/Gladiator/NoTsOb: Play the ball, not the man.

Joe would have surviced.