Help me put him off his food.

crang

Could anyone out there please help me. Ecerytime i go to eat something in the canteen at work there is this one guy who makes it his mission to put me offf my food. While this is all done in fun it is quite sickening and i often feel hungry by the end of the day. Could you please help me to get this guy back by giving me some one liners that i can use to really make him sick while eating. Much appreciated.

Blisterman

Try putting some pubes in his mashed potato.

petes

Blisterman wrote:

Try putting some pubes in his mashed potato.

Yes. But this would no doubt put everyone off their dinner. Whose pubes?

jaggeh

the trick is to so disgust yourself that anything he says seems watered down in comparison, you really need a stomach of steel and the only way to get there is practice.

nothing can gross me out when im eating, i may laugh and choke but ive seen far worse.

then again if you want an easy option get a print out of tubgirl or goatse and have it ready to show him as he takes a bite out of something

Mr. CooL ICE

Nothing has put me off food in a long time. I thought i was impervious to gross-outs, but one time i was eating beef curry with rice, and my parents were talking about maggots in the composter out the back, and i couldnt finish my dinner then.

jaggeh

mmmmm maggots pop when you bite them

petes

LordChessington wrote:

Nothing has put me off food in a long time. I thought i was impervious to gross-outs, but one time i was eating beef curry with rice, and my parents were talking about maggots in the composter out the back, and i couldnt finish my dinner then.

try eating that curry with a picture of the aforementioned tub girl in front of you. Would do the trick for me.

c - 13

OP - If he's the sort of guy who can put others of their food easily without affecting himself then its going to be very hard, if not impossible, to put him off his food.
I do this to the guys in college sometimes, sure they try to get their revenge but between 35 guys over the course of 4 years they have never managed once.
Some people are just naturally strong-stomached.

One of the ones they really hate when they're eating is -

Whats the most disgusting experience in the world ?
Putting 12 oysters up your grandmothers pussy and sucking back down 13.

(Am i allowed post that ? If not someone let me know and ill edit it.)

Yavvy

Just tell him, the chef told you hes leaving and as a gift he has scraped 2weeks of "Cheese" from under his foreskin and mixed it in with your food cause of what you have been saying.... if that doesnt effect him your in trouble. but make sure he get a good mental picture...bring visual aids if you can.

and Im gald i have already eaten today...

Töpher

c - 13 wrote:

OP - If he's the sort of guy who can put others of their food easily without affecting himself then its going to be very hard, if not impossible, to put him off his food.
I do this to the guys in college sometimes, sure they try to get their revenge but between 35 guys over the course of 4 years they have never managed once.
Some people are just naturally strong-stomached.

One of the ones they really hate when they're eating is -

Whats the most disgusting experience in the world ?
Putting 12 oysters up your grandmothers pussy and sucking back down 13.

(Am i allowed post that ? If not someone let me know and ill edit it.)

Hahahahahahaha!

Tobias Greeshman

I was just about to go for lunch and I clicked on this thread, dear god why

Eoin

petes wrote:

try eating that curry with a picture of the aforementioned tub girl in front of you. Would do the trick for me.

Just googled "tubgirl" and would pretty much give anything not to have done so.

Oh. Dear. God.

c - 13

petes wrote:

try eating that curry with a picture of the aforementioned tub girl in front of you. Would do the trick for me.

And the reply to that should be to lick the fork and say "mmm ... I love the taste of tubgirl" then stop, look around a bit lean across the table and whisper "Y'know its really hard to eat dinner with a hard-on isnt it ?"

jaggeh

pmpl

excretions are funny

c - 13

jaggeh wrote:

pmpl

excretions are funny

Not only that but certain types of excretion make a FINE substitute for nuttella and bovril - you simply cant taste the difference !! (and it spreads easier on bread than nuttella too - Yum).

crang

c - 13 wrote:

OP - If he's the sort of guy who can put others of their food easily without affecting himself then its going to be very hard, if not impossible, to put him off his food.
I do this to the guys in college sometimes, sure they try to get their revenge but between 35 guys over the course of 4 years they have never managed once.
Some people are just naturally strong-stomached.

One of the ones they really hate when they're eating is -

Whats the most disgusting experience in the world ?
Putting 12 oysters up your grandmothers pussy and sucking back down 13.

(Am i allowed post that ? If not someone let me know and ill edit it.)

Oh man that is bad. Think i will use this one. Good going guys and gals. Keep them coming.

fintan

Trying to put him off his food isnt going to work, the only thing that will end this is if you dont allow him to put you off your food.

maybe try skipping breakfast so at lunch time you are starving, could help to make it easier to ignore what he is saying / doing.

Bring some headphones so you cant hear what he says.

But seriously you need to not think about what he says, just laugh, agree and try and one up him.... he will soon get bored when it doesnt work

Goodshape

eoin_s wrote:

Just googled "tubgirl" and would pretty much give anything not to have done so.

Oh. Dear. God.

lol. Beautiful, isn't she?

qz

Sneeze on his food in front of him, or keep knocking the knife/spoon/fork/spork out of his hand when he's trying to eat.

Squirrel

Tell him it's really cream of mushroom soup

JimboPope

Punch him in the gut as he swallows.

Flashling

Just found tubgirl. Saw it while eating. Didn't affect me! (Am I.....odd?)

petes

Flashling wrote:

Just found tubgirl. Saw it while eating. Didn't affect me! (Am I.....odd?)

Yes you are a sick bastard.

jezza

qz wrote:

, or keep knocking the knife/spoon/fork/spork out of his hand when he's trying to eat.

hahaha! i remember doin that before to my sister

CJhaughey

Make up some vege soup with loads of chunks in it, put it in your mouth and walk near him pretend to vomit into your hands and eat it again.

sprinkles

jaggeh wrote:

if you want an easy option get a print out of tubgirl or goatse and have it ready to show him as he takes a bite out of something

OMG, never saw that before. How utterly disgisting. i think I nedd to.....


*pukes all over the screen*

Ah that did it.