bash.org

Capt'n Midnight

#89997 +(732)- [X]
<cSk|Sperry> There were 2 people on a boat: /hop and /quit. /hop got off, who's still on the boat?
* nipple_frog has quit IRC

#147575 +(298)- [X]
<jd> i'm hung like planet pluto
<drew> hard to see with the naked eye?

#241623 +(543)- [X]
<MegaDeth> family pack of condoms
<MegaDeth> hehehe
<MegaDeth> that's amusing on so many levels

#30255 +(186)- [X]
<Yomanman> we're gonna have a southern wedding!
<PowerRad> Also known as a family reunion

#17984 +(81)- [X]
<RuTaLiA> i *know* im a receptionist, but it would make my job a lot easier if ppl wouldnt call up here


#38156 +(155)- [X]
<@Gibbon&gt; My cat had a better dinner than I did tonight. It has "sliced duck with olives" ... I had a couple of bits of toast
<@Gibbon&gt; there's something fundamentally wrong with that

#67938 +(321)- [X]
<viro|work> i remember my birth
<viro|work> it sucked
<regener8ed> i remember your conception
<regener8ed> it rocked


#429 +(264)- [X]
<thinkr> will the dvd have a special mode to remove jar jar?

#50966 +(75)- [X]
[4th]Tortu: i've never had a single STD...but i think it's cause you have to have sex to get em

#351717 +(220)- [X]
<special_guest> Whoever said that hell hath no fury like a women scorned never owned a cat.

#21309 +(103)- [X]
<ilde> Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


#105337 +(170)- [X]
<MpTaNk> today, somthing on TV was going in slow motion, and my first reaction was "Damnit, the tv is lagging"

#52603 +(677)- [X]
<Khaen> Oh boy, the sky is very #9966FF today!


#274388 +(1227)- [X]
<otto|sleep> 3. What is the longest river in Scotland?
<otto|sleep> Here's your 1st hint: t__
<rP^paveway> teh river
<otto|sleep> Here's your 2nd hint: ta_
<rP^paveway> tet
<rP^paveway> tat
<rP^paveway> taq
<rP^paveway> taw
<rP^paveway> tae
<rP^paveway> tas
<rP^paveway> tad
<rP^paveway> tag
<rP^paveway> tac
<rP^paveway> tah
<rP^paveway> taf
<rP^paveway> taj
<rP^paveway> tak
<rP^paveway> tab
<rP^paveway> tan
<rP^paveway> tam
<rP^paveway> cmon...
<otto|sleep> Time's up! The answer was: tay
<rP^paveway> mother of god

#333409 +(2586)- [X]
<Freezer_Burn> how do i removed a burned in image from my monitor
<seamuso> buy a new monitor
<Freezer_Burn> i cant
<Kornchild> how did you burn an image into yoru monitor?
<Freezer_Burn> i set it to full screen at high brightness and fell asleep
<Freezer_Burn> there is a faint outline of a naked lady with her legs wide open showing her privates
<Freezer_Burn> and i i have to remove it before my mom comes home tomorrow night
<trance`> Freezer_Burn LMFAO
<meanolthing`> lol

dawballz

A few funny ones there alright..

technobob

there is some greata quots on that site alright
i have read 301 pages of them now
nastier quotes with lower scores are the best though

dawballz

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some **** named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother ****er


excellent.

Naos

The greatest quote I have ever read from bash.org:

#41145 +(579)- [X]

<Bezzy> i mean scyence
<Jenna> Science
<Bezzy> i don't know how to speel it i am only 8
<Jenna> Your doing fine
<Bezzy> that's "you're"

garthv

Hehe yeh, theres also qdb.us but they let anybody post up there wherras bash has a screening process. Many a long night ive spent laughing my ass off at bash. It seems everytime you post a link to bash when you are on IRC the whole chan goes deadly quiet for about a half hour while everyone reads it

jimi_t

"<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers"


"<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free"

"<TRON> if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN"

TerrorFirmer

dawballz wrote:

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some **** named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother ****er


excellent.

Lol!!!

JohnK

Those are brilliant I think the best is the Freezer_Burn one though.

Basq

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh ****!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

Squirrel

jimi_t wrote:

"<TRON> if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN"

Has to be tried

Yavvy

There was a guy who used to trick people into having Cyber sex with him and then rip the piss... making them pretend to be pirates and that sort of thing.

anyone know where that is

zAbbo

/me puts on wizards hat

tba

Alany wrote:

There was a guy who used to trick people into having Cyber sex with him and then rip the piss... making them pretend to be pirates and that sort of thing.

anyone know where that is

bloodninja was his nick

thats all I remember

Stace

#283847 +(928)- [X]

El Fry Guy: That reminds me. I was kicked out of history class for making a joke about the holocaust
El Fry Guy: The teacher puts in this after school special or some sh*t about the holocaust. Guess who hosted it?
JoseoftheWired: Who
El Fry Guy: I **** you not. Keanu F*cking Reeves.
JoseoftheWired: haha
El Fry Guy: As he's talking I burst out laughing then say "Then Hitler jumps out of the sky and says 'Dude. I have a most excellent solution.'"

Yavvy

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

Yavvy

http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

Oh jesus thats funny sutff

tba

Alany wrote:

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

i dont get it

Yavvy

not as often as you would like anyway/

vibe666

damn that was funny.

HARRRRR!!!!!

Capt'n Midnight

#184416 +(368)- [X]
<ped> man hotmail is so gay
<ped> ecspecially now
<JC_Omega> ped, I've told you before its hotmail not www.hotmale.com
<@SJr&gt; LOL


#14257 +(335)- [X]
<@ScuzleBut&gt; I was an athiest until I realized I was God.


#34776 +(718)- [X]
<www666> this is so cool I'm typing with Dragon NaturallySpeaking in mIrc
<www666> no more typing
<LameLLama> www: try "thlash exit"
*** www666 has quit IRC (Leaving)
*** www666 (baroca@spc-isp-ham-uas-05-11.sprint.ca) has joined #visualbasic
<www666> Hugh Masters
<www666> you basterdes


#6130 +(249)- [X]
<nail|away> Packaging systems are lame. Tarballs are lamer.
So is source. I install me software with personally magnetized
needles and a steady hand.


#7845 +(177)- [X]
.... I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner
that fish follow migrating caribou.
-- Paul Tomblin, alt.sysadmin.recovery


#51083 +(714)- [X]
<Duck> Gullible isn't in the dictionary
<Fred> Yeah it is dumbass.
<Fred> gul•li•ble - adj. ( P ) Pronunciation Key (gl-bl)
<Fred> Easily deceived or duped.
<Fred> ...
<Fred> god dammit...
<Duck> lol


#78858 +(135)- [X]
<Kaneda> im downloading furniture for my sims, they have more of life then I
do.


#55900 +(440)- [X]
<chris> i have a pad of paper in front of me that is a list of every single thing i own.
<matt> what's on it?
<Mephistol> '1 pad of paper'


#119969 +(1836)- [X]

<ruffkin2> HAHAHAH dat dude you sent me 127.0.0.1 iz enfected wit sub7 im f**kin with him now
<andrw> oh good, format his computer
<Testicular_One> format his computer
<TheGreaterZero> format him


#402726 +(1044)- [X]
<CookieMan> from slashdot: "InternetNews.com has a report of a new Internet2 land-speed record: '859 gigabytes of data in less than 17 minutes.' InternetNews goes on to say, 'This record speed of 6.63Gbps is equivalent to transferring a full-length DVD movie in four seconds.'"
<CookieMan> and i thought 56k was slow...
<@RuneB&gt; CookieMan: "and that great disturbance you just felt was a million RIAA and MPAA executives screaming out in terror all at once, and then nothing."

Q_Ball

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

#34776 +(718)- [X]
<www666> this is so cool I'm typing with Dragon NaturallySpeaking in mIrc
<www666> no more typing
<LameLLama> www: try "thlash exit"
*** www666 has quit IRC (Leaving)
*** www666 (baroca@spc-isp-ham-uas-05-11.sprint.ca) has joined #visualbasic
<www666> Hugh Masters
<www666> you basterdes

My favourite!!!

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

#402726 +(1044)- [X]
<CookieMan> from slashdot: "InternetNews.com has a report of a new Internet2 land-speed record: '859 gigabytes of data in less than 17 minutes.' InternetNews goes on to say, 'This record speed of 6.63Gbps is equivalent to transferring a full-length DVD movie in four seconds.'"
<CookieMan> and i thought 56k was slow...
<@RuneB&gt; CookieMan: "and that great disturbance you just felt was a million RIAA and MPAA executives screaming out in terror all at once, and then nothing."

ROFL

Agent Smith

theres is one or two #boards.ie quotes on bash....



brownie points for anyone who can Find them

Basq

agent smith wrote:

theres is one or two #boards.ie quotes on bash....



brownie points for anyone who can Find them

Yeah... like i'm gonna browse 361 pages of quotes to get your respect...

....

....

.... am currently on page 134!....

Capt'n Midnight

#30606 +(192)- [X]
<`Syntax> iListen to pink floyd: wall.modify(numBricks++);


#33702 +(667)- [X]
<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
nothing to put in it.
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?


#1497 +(248)- [X]
<MrP-> i have pillows shipped UPS so when i get them they are already pre pounded and fluffy


#242755 +(884)- [X]
<jshock221> a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you're really thinking about a mother.

#31564 +(105)- [X]
<meenk> and when you get to the point
<meenk> fold it up and tuck it?
<ophie> +-----------------*
<ophie> |  roll with this |\_    when you get to the flap
<ophie> |  flap --->      |  \_   tuck this little pointed
<ophie> |  to the outside |    \_  end into the flap
<ophie> |                 |      \_
<ophie> +-----------------+---------*
<etr1gan> how odd, an ascii diagram for rolling a dollar for snorting

#33883 +(350)- [X]
<hitman666> I just use norton. love that proggy... systemworks
<eqnix> wastes too much resources for stuff i can do by hand
<Aristotles> isnt that your philosophy on dating?


#369 +(4913)- [X]
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P


#5301 +(3806)- [X]
<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?

entropi

Some of my favourites from that site :

#115 +(3522)- [X]

<BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta
<BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
<BlackDeth> and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house
<BlackDeth> and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?
#4680 +(3630)- [X]


#12318 +(3339)- [X]

* @Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> ...
<@Lan&gt; I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan&gt; They are really neat


#2456 +(2758)- [X]

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free


#30626 +(145)- [X]

<ArkCOM> Hey man, to get rid of that virus, add the line "echo y| format c:" to the end of your autoexec.bat
<ArkCOM> Without the quotes
<devbp> Okay.
Quits: devbp (Quit: Getting rid of a virus.)


#245718 +(3261)- [X]

<+mOrphz> damn it
<@Lego&gt; damn it
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego&gt; stop that
<+mOrphz>
<@Lego&gt;
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego&gt; Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)

Capt'n Midnight

#428535 +(486)- [X]
<Asmodai> I spy with my little eye something beginning with ([a-zA-Z0-9].*)


#74526 +(357)- [X]
<[ccp]Gib_Omelet|work> i know one mac user. he says if i keep teasing him, he's gonna call the other 6 and beat me up


#37645 +(130)- [X]
<drdink> drwiii: pipe it, assmonkey.
<drwiii> |


#340338 +(1194)- [X]
<trigga>ow
<trigga>i just stapled the roof of my mouth
<trigga>i was holding the stapler in my mouth and it started slipping so i bit down