Ex has a new girlfriend.

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:02pm #1

Well my problem is, my ex has a new girlfriend and I'm obsessed with screwing it all up for them. They're only together about 6 weeks but I just want to ruin it for them. The guy in question broke up with me over a year ago, I've just broken up with someone else recently so I'm very bitter. I don't even know if I want my ex back, I'm just so bitter that I don't want him to be happy. I hate the thoughts of him being with someone else. He's been coming onto me a bit and telling me how fit I am etc but he mentions her in conversation so I know he must really like her. I'm a mess. I know his email password and have been going through his emails and everything.
What should I do?

Kevin_rc_ie · 10-06-2005 4:05pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm just so bitter that I don't want him to be happy..

well at least your honest.

i'd say snap yourself out of this and cop yourself on and leave him to his happiness.

or start sending him text messages thanking him "for the wonderful night we just had" and try and give his new gf the impression he's cheating on her so they break up.

but seriously option no1.

*Page* · 10-06-2005 4:05pm

Leave them alone.. he'll probably Fu£k it up himself at some point. Go out with your mates meet a few new people an forget about your ex.

loz · 10-06-2005 4:05pm

Sophie19 wrote:

Well my problem is, my ex has a new girlfriend and I'm obsessed with screwing it all up for them. They're only together about 6 weeks but I just want to ruin it for them. The guy in question broke up with me over a year ago, I've just broken up with someone else recently so I'm very bitter. I don't even know if I want my ex back, I'm just so bitter that I don't want him to be happy. I hate the thoughts of him being with someone else. He's been coming onto me a bit and telling me how fit I am etc but he mentions her in conversation so I know he must really like her. I'm a mess. I know his email password and have been going through his emails and everything.
What should I do?

Maybe its all the junior cert pressure your under ?

ClareBear · 10-06-2005 4:08pm

loz wrote:

Maybe its all the junior cert pressure your under ?

Ah now, no need for that! (Funny though)

Don't be bitter Sophie, you're just making things a million times worse. Try to get him out of your head. I know it's not easy but you'll be miserable if you keep the attitude you have at the moment.

Saruman · 10-06-2005 4:08pm

He told you how fit you are eh?? Wow you got a winner there

Leave him to it.. find someone who knows how to compliment better than that.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:10pm

trust me folks there is nothin worse than feelin like sophie does...it just kinda takes over your life...would u get back wit him if he wanted to... probably not...u don't have a fella now do ya... has this happened to ya before or just wit this guy

StandnDeliver · 10-06-2005 4:11pm

Girl,get a hobby if your that fecked in the head especilaay after breaking up with someone recently i suggest you stay well away from him,aybe go out with your girlfriends geta bit drunkand have a dance like younever danced get rid of the anger and frustration ,or equally join karate one way to let it out.
maybe you need a cry also
but leave him alone,its wrong,and youll hate yourself and ur not doing him any favours,how would you like it if you were his current gf

ClareBear · 10-06-2005 4:11pm

jcoote wrote:

trust me folks there is nothin worse than feelin like sophie does...it just kinda takes over your life...would u get back wit him if he wanted to... probably not...u don't have a fella now do ya... has this happened to ya before or just wit this guy

Believe me I know EXACTLY how she feels....I wish I'd take my own advice.

Time Sophie, unfortunately it's the only thing that will sort your head out.

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:11pm

He was my first boyfriend, so I've never been in this situation before. Last week, he was saying I am fit and that he was "tempted". I'm just so bitter.

spudington16 · 10-06-2005 4:11pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I know his email password and have been going through his emails and everything.
What should I do?

I'll probably get a number of complaints for this reply ( :rolleyes: ), but here goes nothing. Go into his e-mail account and sent his girlfriend an e-mail breaking up with her. Then make your move. You could just get over him, but this way is more fun!

Let us know how it goes!

ClareBear · 10-06-2005 4:12pm

spudington16 wrote:

I'll probably get a number of complaints for this reply ( :rolleyes: ), but here goes nothing. Go into his e-mail account and sent his girlfriend an e-mail breaking up with her. Then make your move. You could just get over him, but this way is more fun! Let us know how it goes!

Loving your evilness spudington!

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:12pm

spudington16 wrote:

I'll probably get a number of complaints for this reply ( :rolleyes: ), but here goes nothing. Go into his e-mail account and sent his girlfriend an e-mail breaking up with her. Then make your move. You could just get over him, but this way is more fun! Let us know how it goes!

I don't think that would work...

I'm also incredibly sexually frustrated right now which doesn't help!
It was fine when I had a boyfriend of my own, but since I broke up with him (he wasn't treating me right) I've been so bitter about my ex. The guy I've just broken up with barely ever acted like he fancied me so my self esteem is crap right now. I'm all over the place.

spudington16 · 10-06-2005 4:13pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I don't think that would work...

That's a quitter's attitude! :mad: Are you a quitter, Sophie?

Just do it!

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:15pm

spudington16 wrote:

That's a quitter's attitude! :mad: Are you a quitter, Sophie? Just do it!

I'm no quitter! I like your sig.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:16pm

your obviously just afraid to let him go because that means the security within yourself that he gives u will go wit him

spudington16 · 10-06-2005 4:17pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm no quitter! I like your sig.

Good! Then get into that e-mail account and fudge up his life! Where are you from, anyway?

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:17pm

jcoote wrote:

your obviously just afraid to let him go because that means the security within yourself that he gives u will go wit him

I loved when he was saying I was fit etc because it made me feel a bit better about myself. Of course, that doesn't last when he starts going on about her.
Man, I'm all over the place.

[edit] I'm from Cork.

loz · 10-06-2005 4:17pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm also incredibly sexually frustrated right now which doesn't help!

I can help you with that !

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:23pm

i'll tell ya sophie i wasin the exact same position as u (well except i have a willy

) and its really hard to stop cos it carrys on to your next relationship and the one after that and so on...the best thing is definatly distance from him but that probably wouldn't happen without a big fight which u don't want that either

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:26pm

jcoote wrote:

i'll tell ya sophie i wasin the exact same position as u (well except i have a willy ) and its really hard to stop cos it carrys on to your next relationship and the one after that and so on...the best thing is definatly distance from him but that probably wouldn't happen without a big fight which u don't want that either

True. I think I've enough stuff going on right now without fighting with him. I've really got to try and not talk to him.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:28pm

its not him anyway i wouldn't say like your head is just melted he's not really doin anything wrong...or is he??? have ya ever been like this before??

*Page* · 10-06-2005 4:28pm

deleting his number from your phone is always a good start!

crazymonkey · 10-06-2005 4:29pm

Listen to jcoote, stop looking at his mails ur only upsetting urself, distance urself from him and move on with ur life,,,

AARRRGH · 10-06-2005 4:31pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm also incredibly sexually frustrated right now which doesn't help!

What pub will you be drinking in tonight?
Also, roughly, what do you think you'll be wearing?

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:32pm

she's gonna know his number off by heart

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:32pm

Unfortunately I know his number off by heart. No I've never been like this before, then again I've never been in this situation before either.

crazymonkey · 10-06-2005 4:33pm

dublindude wrote:

What pub will you be drinking in tonight?
Also, roughly, what do you think you'll be wearing?

Ur not wasting any time, are ya, go my son

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:38pm

i'd say if u got thru this fairly easily it might just pop up with your next boyfriend...its not him thats wreckin your head its somethin else...any idea what it is???

Tobias Greeshman · 10-06-2005 4:39pm

I wouldn't go deleting his number from your phone, but I would stop reading his emails, having a full blown conversation with him (if he does talk to you, keep it short and sweet) and most importantly keep the hell away from him as much as possible.

As suggested go out with your friends and just enjoy being with your friends and having a laugh!

[Edit]
And as for the thoughts about ruining his relationship, forget about them! If my ex tried to interfere in my current relationship, Id fecking kill her (not literally) but Id be really really pi**ed off! He's your ex now, his personal relationships are his business, and really not yours! As hard as it is, you've just got to leave it be!
[/Edit]

The Corinthian · 10-06-2005 4:42pm

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm also incredibly sexually frustrated right now which doesn't help!

Looks like my cue to enter the discussion...

You know that what you’re currently feeling is irrational and probably involves a lot of transference combined with, as you suggested, frustration. So let me suggest the following options:

Sabotage his relationship and move in there while he’s on the rebound, bearing in mind he'll probably figure it out (then again, you did mention Cork).
Bite your lip and wait until these feelings subside with time.
Go out and get yourself boned by a few strange men. That should make you feel wanted again.

Bare in mind, this scenario is likely to reoccur for you, so by your actions you should consider that you might well be beginning a pattern that you will repeat for many years to come.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:42pm

its almost impossible to do when your in that frame of mind (enjoy yourself that is)..alcohol brings ya down and u think that ur ex is gonna help pick u up...u txt get on really well and then u can't seperate the friend feelings from the relationship feelins and hey presto back to square one...its poxy

loz · 10-06-2005 4:44pm

ClareBear wrote:

Ah now, no need for that! (Funny though)

Well does sound like a teen issue sweetness - Nice pix by the way CB

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 4:54pm

Yeah, I think drinking would only make things worse. I just want to settle down with someone nice. Not only have I all this crap in my head over Ex#1, but I've a load of stuff on my mind because of Ex#2 (the guy I broke up with recently) as well. I'd love to ruin his relationship but he'll get another girlfriend and I might well have this problem all over again then as well...

jcoote · 10-06-2005 4:57pm

ha ha u really sound like me this time a year ago...i know how ya feel..but i think there is somethin that happened before the 1st fella that made u insecure...its like u have a need for security...don't say anything if u don't want to jesus i wouldn't

loz · 10-06-2005 4:57pm

Sophie19 wrote:

Yeah, I think drinking would only make things worse. I just want to settle down with someone nice. Not only have I all this crap in my head over Ex#1, but I've a load of stuff on my mind because of Ex#2 (the guy I broke up with recently) as well. I'd love to ruin his relationship but he'll get another girlfriend and I might well have this problem all over again then as well...

You selfish cow !

You have a real problem - and i think you need a break - book a holiday with the girls and go abroad for a few weeks and forget it all !

Or get some counciling !

jcoote · 10-06-2005 5:00pm

its not selfish its impossible to think any other way i'm tellin ya

sutty · 10-06-2005 5:04pm

The Corinthian wrote:

Looks like my cue to enter the discussion...

Tehehe... classic

Anyway, I think you need to stop and take a look at your-self. From what you said.. your stalking the guy and being a bunny boiler. Just take a step back and look. see if this is the person you want to be.

kensutz · 10-06-2005 5:21pm

How old are you 19 as your name suggests? You're way too young to even think about settling down. I'm 24 broke up with the ex last year and I've more freedom to do more now than I did before. I've been travelling to England week in week out for football, it gave me a new lease of life. I was a little bitter because she did the dirt with a fella in work but then again I said "fúck it" life's too short, enjoy yourself at your age and don't even think about settling down until you hit in around the 27 mark.

CathyMoran · 10-06-2005 6:00pm

To the OP - every time you think of doing anything to sabotage the relationship remember that if you loved him you would want to see him happy. I know that it hurts when ex's date again but hurting a person that you care/cared about will only make you feel worse.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 6:03pm

but love is not caring about someone or not wantin to hurt them its acceptin someone for who they are and not wanting them to change at all... and especially respecting their wishes and decisions and standing by them...to me sophie seems have a clouded vision of what love is because there are some mental road blocks in her way

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 6:18pm

jcoote wrote:

ha ha u really sound like me this time a year ago...i know how ya feel..but i think there is somethin that happened before the 1st fella that made u insecure...its like u have a need for security...don't say anything if u don't want to jesus i wouldn't

Well I was bullied mercilessly in school, and fell out with my so-called friends for spreading lies about me and laughing at me for being depressed. And telling everyone my secrets, some of which were very personal. As a result I find it hard to trust people and am very insecure. I don't know how much of an effect that's had on my relationships but I do know it's all had quite an effect on me in general.

cordelia · 10-06-2005 6:21pm

The Corinthian wrote:

Looks like my cue to enter the discussion...

You know that what you’re currently feeling is irrational and probably involves a lot of transference combined with, as you suggested, frustration. So let me suggest the following options:
Sabotage his relationship and move in there while he’s on the rebound, bearing in mind he'll probably figure it out (then again, you did mention Cork).

Bite your lip and wait until these feelings subside with time.

Go out and get yourself boned by a few strange men. That should make you feel wanted again.

Bare in mind, this scenario is likely to reoccur for you, so by your actions you should consider that you might well be beginning a pattern that you will repeat for many years to come.

Ah, The Corinthian. A man among men. :cool:
Too bad I'm not twenty with a father complex...

Heed his advice. There is karma: what you put out there will come back on your @ss later. It's good that you are being honest regarding your feelings towards ex #1 and the possible reasons why. Acting on them is another thing altogether. He's not really done anything to you which warrents this kind of venom. Could you live with yourself for having acted in such a fashion? Some serious self examination, combined with good counseling from sound friends and a couple rounds of shagging ought to do wonders towards clearing out your head.

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 6:25pm

cordelia wrote:

Ah, The Corinthian. A man among men. :cool:
Too bad I'm not twenty with a father complex...

Heed his advice. There is karma: what you put out there will come back on your @ss later. It's good that you are being honest regarding your feelings towards ex #1 and the possible reasons why. Acting on them is another thing altogether. He's not really done anything to you which warrents this kind of venom. Could you live with yourself for having acted in such a fashion? Some serious self examination, combined with good counseling from sound friends and a couple rounds of shagging ought to do wonders towards clearing out your head.

I was thinking about the karma side of things myself.

jcoote · 10-06-2005 6:28pm

well there ya go thats your white whale..until u get over that u are gonna struggle to tell people stuff in confidence and trust them on an intimate level...thank god for anonymous internet chat

cordelia · 10-06-2005 6:33pm

Sophie,
Our first real relationship is always special. It's not unusual for there to be a bit of comparison, a bit of posessiveness, even occasional jealousy. We all feel it. You are seeing him with a new relationship that is going well while you are alone. It's happened to all of us and if we deny it we're lying.

Remember that feelings subside. Things are being dredged up for you in this vulnerable state. Distance yourself from him for now and for goodness sake find a way to let him know that his password is public knowledge. You'll be fine. Put on your glad rags, grab a couple of mates and locate a pub filled with some fine young things ASAP. Away with you then! Your next post should be after an exhausting weekend filled with craic and some dashing young man who took your breath away - literally! And talk to your friends. Let them help you get through this. Sometimes we are less apt to act on impulses once we share them with others. Something about getting them out of your head and into the open which does wonders for airing out the soul. Best of luck.

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 6:48pm

See the thing is, I tried to talk to one of my friends about the same guy before. I told her about how upset I was that we were broken up and that he'd moved on and said he didn't want me back. I then overheard the same friend talking about me with one of my other friends, saying I was stupid and an idiot. So I don't really trust my friends anymore. I've seen them blabbing other people's secrets to people they don't know very well, they're a gossippy sort of bunch!

jcoote · 10-06-2005 6:49pm

yeah ur gettin a raw deal there sister!!!!

would u consider talkin to someone about your stuff

crazymonkey · 10-06-2005 6:49pm

Sophie, dont go messing with other ppls lives, enjoy being young, free and single, and put these ex's behind u,

Sophie19 · 10-06-2005 6:57pm

I don't know if I'd want to see a counsellor or not. I can't afford one anyway. I tried talking to my mother a few weeks ago and she was a help so I might try that again. At the moment I am relying on escapism, in the form of music, films etc, but that isn't exactly the best way of dealing with reality. For a start, music and films aren't real!

jcoote · 10-06-2005 7:02pm

some counsellors ask u to give what u can afford...like 10 euro a session...u should get an assesment done anyway...thats not dear...might get the ball rollin for ya

Ex has a new girlfriend.

Comments