Ex has a new girlfriend.

Seraphina

Sophie19 wrote:

I don't know if I'd want to see a counsellor or not. I can't afford one anyway. I tried talking to my mother a few weeks ago and she was a help so I might try that again.

i wouldn't bother with a counsellor. in your situation i'd say your best bet is another chat with your mother. you dont sound like you really trust your friends, so tell your mother how you feel - she wont go blabbing to anyone. mothers are great for getting things off your chest, with a cup of tea and a sympathetic ear. i'd say even just talking about it and explaining how you feel will make you feel better, and if you rub in the self esteem issue you might get a shopping trip out of her
best of luck girlie

sceptre

Sophie19 wrote:

What should I do?

Recognise that the problem is with you, learn to let go, stop taking bitterness of your last relationship out on the other party from your previous one and just grow up a bit. You don't need to consider karma, life balance or the all-encompassing overbearing nature of The Force (sorry cordelia, I'm a cynic at times - all your advice is good nonetheless). You can attempt to justify it all you like by saying that he's been coming on to you but the fact is that at the moment (and presumably for the past while) you're a pretty angry person and you're not being all that mature about it. Mostly because it's difficult to be mature while you're angry so you're not the first to have that problem.

Get out, kick some doors, kiss some cats, do whatever you think you should do to get over your plain jealousy but don't be taking your own bitterness about the potential happiness of a former mate and your current situation out on that former mate and most importantly get the hell out of the manger. With anger like you currently have you could well make a balls of any relationship you have in the near future.

And obviously it's a pisser that your friend (the one you confided in) turned out to be a back-stabbing bitch. As Seraphina said, another try with your mother might be an idea, in the absence of a counsellor, but this internet thing is nice and anonymous if you don't mind the odd plonker telling you to get over yourself.

I'm not trying to indulge in bad armchair psychology but at least part of you is defining yourself in terms of your two failed relationships (heck, maybe more, I've had a pile of them). And that's bad for you. Probably affects how you present yourself and all that pulaver as well. Get away from this first guy at least (mentally more than anything else). That relationship is long dead and you don't care (you don't, do you?). If you don't, why would you care about whatever slapper he shacks up with? Mightn't be much of a help but almost everyone older than you has been through a crappy time like you've been having at one time or another. That's not meant to make you feel like you shouldn't be hurt or that what you're feeling is insignificant but it will pass. 19 is a crappy age to be anyway. Like every other age really (they all have their downsides) but people in their late teens are trying to find their way in the world, trying to define themselves, their beliefs, their desires and a whole load of terrible stuff, some of which generally gets sorted in a few years. A relationship that was taken seriously that fails can really throw someone to the kerb when they're in the middle of that. Deal with it on your own terms and don't waste your time throwing yourself back a year to spoil some other idiots fun. They're quite capable of spoiling it all by themselves.

Son_of_Belial

Sophie19 wrote:

He was my first boyfriend, so I've never been in this situation before. Last week, he was saying I am fit and that he was "tempted". I'm just so bitter.

Clearly he thinks this is all one big joke. trust me, I'm a guy, I know what he's thinking. To be honest, he's not sure which to go for, he's secretly hoping he can find some way to play you both. If you want my advice, I suggest you cut all contact with this guy, because it's obviously causing you some heartache. Seriously, you don't want to become a bunny-boiler do you? Also, hacking onto his email account is some sort of offence, I'm not sure what sort, but you don't want to get caught all the same. Don't yell at me or anything, but you are only 19 (I take it that's correct as per your handle) and the first ones are the hardest to get rid of. get out there and start having some fun. Get some of the girls together and hit the town. Try d|two or Copperface Jack's. You're bound to pull someone there and it'll help to take your mind off things. The Down Under on South King's St. is a good spot too. Seriously, forget this guy and try and have some respect for yourself. My girlfriend and I broke up just yesterday and I'm fine. Forget him.

jcoote

yeah your man is a muppet altogether but its not that easy just to cut someone off when you feel insecure...actually its impossible and where sophies head is at the minute she wouldn't benefit from startin somethinnew even somethin really casual cos she has that kinda desire to hold on to a boyfriend and keep him in her little world

Capt'n Midnight

Maybe you could track down her ex.
If you like what you see there is a chance he's on the rebound too. You could offer a shoulder to cry on or cry on that shoulder.

jcoote

u talkin to me

Capt'n Midnight

jcoote wrote:

u talkin to me

No, the original posters new girlfriend must have an ex..

Though if you had a suitable Ex (or two) you could spare/recommend it might take Sophie19's mind off vengence.

Dizzyblabla

Onwards and upwards.... Boys are Stupid, throw rocks at them.. plenty more fish in the sea blablablablablablabla
don't bother your ass, you'll only end up making a fool of yourself and regretting it.. he's going out with her that long, he likes her, do you really want to be the person that he looks back on as a psycho-b*tch or as a nice g/f? I know I'd rather be the latter...

Sophie19

Yeah I think there is a small chance he might have been trying to play us both...if we hadn't been in public at the time and I'd made a move on him he probably would have reciprocated...Sceptre your advice was pretty good.
I still feel pretty damn bad but I am taking comfort in the fact that I realise I have a problem because I'd be one hell of a lot worse off if I didn't. I'm just afraid I'm going to end up getting seriously depressed or something-I've been really depressed for months on end before, a couple of years ago, and it wasn't nice-least of all because I didn't tell a soul about it and when I finally took that leap of faith in my so-called best friend and told her, she blabbed it.

Chucky the tree

i hope the fella doesnt have any rabbits..

marshmallow

spudington16 wrote:

I'll probably get a number of complaints for this reply ( :rolleyes: ), but here goes nothing. Go into his e-mail account and sent his girlfriend an e-mail breaking up with her. Then make your move. You could just get over him, but this way is more fun! Let us know how it goes!

typical of you.. :rolleyes:

pookie pixie

Im not just saying this but from experiane the best revenge is to be successful and happy,oh and looking ****ing amazing.If you see them smile and just pretend for the love of god you're a bigger person.Twisted smiles can always unnerve as people dunno if its a sick smile or whats goin on....look there's a reason why it didnt work out so let them off...you can always make remarks about his manhood if it makes you feel any better,theres no comeback if you say he has a small lil baby penis :rolleyes:

Son_of_Belial

pookie pixie wrote:

Im not just saying this but from experiane the best revenge is to be successful and happy,oh and looking ****ing amazing.If you see them smile and just pretend for the love of god you're a bigger person.Twisted smiles can always unnerve as people dunno if its a sick smile or whats goin on....look there's a reason why it didnt work out so let them off...you can always make remarks about his manhood if it makes you feel any better,theres no comeback if you say he has a small lil baby penis :rolleyes:

See pookie, you're an example of why I distrust women so much! Remind me never to make an enemy of you! Living proof of the quote from the satires of Juvenal: "Vindicta nemo magis gaudet quam femina" - "No one delights in vengeance more than a woman." (Satire XIII.190) Why bother getting revenge? Don't pretend you're a bigger person, be a bigger person; and seriously,

Make remarks about his manhood

is simply childish. That's literally and metaphorically hitting below the belt!

Third_Echelon

Sophie19 wrote:

I loved when he was saying I was fit etc because it made me feel a bit better about myself. Of course, that doesn't last when he starts going on about her.
Man, I'm all over the place.

[edit] I'm from Cork.

Perhaps he was looking for another person for a threesome???

Seriously, you have to take a step back and think about how much you really liked him? He sounds like a right arsehole and not worth all this thought to be honest....

Forget about it, even though its hard, and move on...

Sophie19

Well a lot of my friends don't like him, they say he's a prick and really boring. Maybe I should ask them what they think of him. They might not be good at keeping my secrets but they sure know how to give their opinions of people. One or two of them have told me in the past that I was too good for him but they were drunk at the time and we all say things we don't mean when we're drunk.

I'm half-thinking of telling his new girlfriend all about how fit he thinks I am... any time I've met up with him, he hasn't told her... So it would look quite suspicious from her point of view because I can ask her where he was at X time on day Y.

I wish I'd recorded him saying I was fit!!! It would have made a lovely email attachment.

I'm turning evil...

It's very unlikely that I will tell her, because he'll probably **** up the relationship for himself soon enough. When she sees what a sulky git he is...

Victor

Sophie19 wrote:

we all say things we don't mean when we're drunk.

In vino veritas.

Son_of_Belial

Victor wrote:

In vino veritas.

Veritatem loqueris Victor

The Corinthian

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur...

Son_of_Belial

The Corinthian wrote:

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur...

Um... Gratias ago ut iudicem... Quid res tui est?

arbeitsscheuer

Eh.. Salve moriturum es.


Sorry, I have no idea what you guys are saying, so I just thought I'd put in a random Latin phrase that I do know!

Son_of_Belial

Ah, nunc intellego; sed Latina tui rudis est, Corinthiane. Nescio causas. Victorem roga. Ille qui rem incipuit cum "In vino veritas" scripsit. Aliquid Corinthiane, "videtur" dicendum est tibi. "Viditur" verbum non est, caudex!

Son_of_Belial

Salve, Seb. Moriturus sum? Certe, sed nondum spero...

arbeitsscheuer

Son_of_Belial wrote:

Salve, Seb. Moriturus sum? Certe, sed nondum spero...

Etiam , vos vadum forsit magis vicis inter victus.

That probably makes no sense, but I eagerly await your reply nonetheless.

Gordon

Quitius withum the Latinium speakest pleasum.

Son_of_Belial

SebtheBum wrote:

Etiam , vos vadum forsit magis vicis inter victus.

That probably makes no sense, but I eagerly await your reply nonetheless.

Quinam?! Quid dicere vis? Non intellego....
OK we should probably "quitius withum the Latinum speakest"

sutty

Agggg.... the Romans are invading boards.ie... maybe we should build a wall or something? Or paint our faces Blue..


Anyway back on topic. Truly, just forget about him and move on. You are making your-self out to be some wacko' nut job. If this is what he is doing to you. By not doing anything. Then you had best stear clear.

Son_of_Belial

sutty wrote:

Truly, just forget about him and move on. You are making your-self out to be some wacko' nut job. If this is what he is doing to you. By not doing anything. Then you had best stear clear.

I agree....

Ruhan

OP: nice to see you're the trusting sort.

Here's what you do:

Lose his phone number
Lose his email password (this is a very serious breach right there..)
Forget your ex or you're gonna end up with a lot more of them.

Build a bridge, and get over it.

Beruthiel

Sophie19 wrote:

I'm half-thinking of telling his new girlfriend all about how fit he thinks I am... any time I've met up with him, he hasn't told her... So it would look quite suspicious from her point of view because I can ask her where he was at X time on day Y...

seriously
get over it and move on
you are coming across as a bunny boiler and that is far from an attractive quality in anyone.
I also suggest you cut all contact with him and get on with your own life.

the_syco

Sophie19 wrote:

I know his email password and have been going through his emails and everything.

Ask is his password still "x" (or whatever it is). Once he changes it, you won't be able to be tempted to read up on his life. After a while, you may become less hung up about the relationship (as, without the email, you won't know so much), and get on with getting someone for yourself.

Sophie19

I think I might, though I can't think how I could bring it up in conversation.

marktsang

maybe you could bring it into the conversation by telling him that you were reading in a magazine about this ex girlfriend that was reading her ex's email and trying to ruin his currrent relationship

Sophie19

I don't know, he might cop on...I could always just say, God I thought someone knew my password so I changed it, is your password still x".

Nevyn

Send to yourself from his account a snotty email then forward it back asking what the hell that was for and he will then take steps to secure his account.

jcoote

still gettin told to get over it i see sophie..i wouldn't say anything to his girlfriend cos its up to her to find out that he is a prick and it wouldn't do u any favours in the bunny boiler stakes...u don't want to help his girlfriend do u,u just wanna hurt him cos he hurt u...

i'd tell him nothin aout the email thing cos its givin a glimpse into his life (which u obviously wanna be in) and its lettin your mind rest a bit... i know sounds like the craziest and most ridiculous advice ever but without it sophie would go nuts (hard to see unless you've been there)...your gonna have to go so low to realise u need to get **** sorted and seeing an email u don't wanna see could be that final straw u so badly need... remember sophie its all about what u need cos ur the one havin a hard time