GENERAL/SPECIAL KNOWLEDGE QUIZ Time Allocated: 40 minutes

Capt'n Midnight

Marking: Each question is worth equal marks

1. HISTORY : Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the
present date, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social,
political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia,
America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

2. MEDICINE :You are provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a
bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture your work unit it has
been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

3 PUBLIC SPEAKING : 2500 riot-crazed immigrants are storming the local
Citizens Advice Bureau, Clam them. You may use any ancient language except
Greek or Latin.

4 BIOLOGY : Create Life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years later with
special attention to its probable effects on the British Parliamentary
party system. Prove your thesis.

5. MUSIC : Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute
and drum. Your will find a piano under your seat.

6. SOCIOLOGY : Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Show how the boy meets girl theory developed. Construct and experiment to test
your theory.

7. ENGINEERING : The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual,
printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to
the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify
your decision.

8. POLITICAL SCIENCE : There is a red telephone on the desk behind
you. Start World War III. Report at length on its sociological aspects, if
any.

Extra credit: For the Noble Peace Prize, stop the war before all life as we
know it is ended. Provide an in depth report on how this was achieved. Do
not forget to mention fluctuations in the price of pork bellies.

Extra extra credit: For the CIA's Excellence in Covert Relocation Award
(sometimes referred to as the Elvis award), let the evidence that you
started World War III get into the hands of whatever agencies of authority
still exist. Then, disappear. (Please note, though the requirements to
claim the Elvis may actually be achieved, arriving, in person, to receive
it will automatically invalidate your claim. Should you be awarded the
Elvis, we expect it, like you, to simply disappear without a trace.)

9. PHILOSOPHY : Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

10 GENERAL KNOWLEDGE : Define the universe. Describe in detail. Give three
examples.

11. PHYSICS : Describe the workings of the universe at the molecular level
(see question 10). Pay particular attention to Chaos theory, and using
these two answers, predict the weather in Abu Dhabi (atlas provided) for
the 23rd of October, 2463.

12. CHEMISTRY : Synthesise a prostaglandin, a steroid and at least one
heterocyclic compound using Phosphorous. Starting materials include a ball
point pen, a bar of soap and a sandwich (hint - a video of McGyver is
provided. Watch closely as he produces a bomb from the aforesaid items -
it may give you vital clues).


13. AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE:
Outline the steps involved in breeding your own super high yield, all weather
hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical and physical properties and
estimate its impact on world food supplies. Construct a model for dealing with
world-wide surpluses. Write your Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

14. ANIMAL HUSBANDRY:
In three minutes, a stupid gorilla with a negative I.Q. will be admitted to the
room. Teach him to calculate cube roots. You may not use any form of
communication.

15. ARCHITECTURE:
Build an exact 1:1 model of the Great Wall Of China by the end of the
examination period. You have been provided with 5 bricks and a piece of Scotch
tape. Extra credit: Build a 1:1 model of the Berlin Wall using 5000 pounds of
sauerkraut and then build Larry Wall using 5000 lines of Perl.

16. ART:
Explain Mona Lisa's smile.

17. CHEMISTRY:
Transform lead into gold. You will find a tripod and three logs under your seat.
Show all work including Feynman diagrams and quantum functions for all steps.
You have fifteen minutes.

18. COMPREHENSION:
Three minute time test. Read everything before doing anything. Put your name
in the upper right hand corner of this page. Circle the word name in sentence
three. Sign your name under the title of this paper, after the title write yes,
yes, yes. Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this paper. Draw a triangle
around the X you just put down. On the back of this paper multiply 703x668.
Loudly call out your name when you get to this point. If you think you have
followed directions carefully to this point call out "I have." Punch three small
holes in the top of this paper. If you are the first person to get this far,
call out "I am the first person to this point, I am leading in following
directions." On the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and 9850. Put a circle
around your answer and put a square around the circle. Now that you have
finished reading carefully, do only sentence two.

19. COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Define computer. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a
generalized algorithm to optimize all computer decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU
supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm, design the
communications to interface and all the necessary control programs.

20. ECONOMICS:
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible
effects of you plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy,
the wave theory of light. Outline a method from all points of view. Point out
deficiencies in your argument as demonstrated in your answer to the last
question.

21. ELECTRONICS:
Build a particle accelerator. You have been provided with a wire cutter, ten
feet of wire, and a piece of bubble gum.

22. EPISTEMOLOGY:
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

23. FOREIGN AFFAIRS:
It has recently been suggested (especially after Black Monday) that only a
foreign war can restore America's lost national consensus. Propose the ideal
opponent(s) for the US in such a war, and how the conflict might be engineered
so that US would seem not to be the aggressor in the situation. Discuss the
pros and cons.

24. JURIS PRUDENCE:
In Part 2 of Shakespeare's "Henry VI", Jack Cade, the leader of the Populist
revolt, proposes that the first order of business following a successful coup
d'e'tat could be to "kill all the lawyers". In light of the present populist
mood in the United States, assess the utility and any potential impact of such
a policy today.

Capt'n Midnight

28 .LITERATURE:
Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in which you see and
footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and
the Marx brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics.

29. LOGIC:
Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following: That the universe is
infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is not a little person who turns off
the light in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the
person taking this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific; show all
work.

30. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE:
Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a
generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130
CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design
the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

31. MATHEMATICS:
Give today's date, in metric. Extra credit: Prove that (0/0)=1. You are
expected to show at least 234 formulas. You may only use the following
variables: S=the speed of turkeys, F=the amount of snot in your nose, G=the day
of the week, and T=the number of pencils in your backpack.

32. METAPHYSICS:
Prove that you do not exist.

33. PHYSICS:
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the
impact of the development of mathematics on science.

34. MODERN PHYSICS:
Disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Construct an experiment to prove your
position.

35. POLITICAL SCIENCE:
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report
at length on its socio-political effects this may have.

36. PSYCHOLOGY:
Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic thought,
successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality changes,
bill yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do the same to the
person seated to your immediate left. Also, based on your degree of knowledge
of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and
repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias,
Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with
quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not
necessary to translate.

Extra credit: Translate the aforementioned works into Ancient Hebrew and
provide a concordance of all their works, also in Ancient Hebrew.

Extra extra credit: Jeffrey Dahmer will be admitted to this room. He has
one chainsaw and a kitchen knife. Calm him. You may use any ancient
language except Latin.

Extra Extra Extra Credit: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate
the political stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramsesall, Gregory of
Nicoa, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each
man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.

37 RELIGION:
Assuming the Judeo-Christian moral structure, take the stand for Adam and Eve,
and the eating of the forbidden fruit. Explain your position fully to a
Chassidic Rabbi, and answer his arguments. An Anglican bishop will moderate
this debate.

Extra credit: Memorize the entire bible backwards in Swahili. Be prepared
to answer specific questions.

Extra extra credit: Describe the history of all religions from their
earliest origins to the present day. Prove which is best in a manner that
will convince all other religions.

38 XENOLOGY:
Create Aliens. Provide them with a working ecosystem, technological and medical
bases, culture(s), systems of entertainment/traditions/belief and communication.
Document the manner in which you envision they would interact with humanity.
Test your theory, paying particular attention to unforseen consequences.

39 ZOOLOGY:
Use gene-splicing technology to create the ultimate carnivore. Provide an
environmental impact study on this creature and estimate the chances of
survival of the Human species. Be prepared with visual aids to
substantiate your estimate.


NOTE: A pass mark of 85 % is set.

newgrange

I don't want to work in Centra anyway.

1huge1

holy **** now i feel stupid (im 15 so i have an excuse)

Naos

(snore)

rugbug86

Mear wrote:

(snore)

was thinking the same, thought i clicked on the humour forum

mad m

Meh!

Holy non-humourous.

oddlyaromatic

3 PUBLIC SPEAKING : 2500 riot-crazed immigrants are storming the local
Citizens Advice Bureau, Clam them

How great would it be if "clam" was a typo of "clamp" and not "calm"?

That would be kind of funny.

Remember that robot Clamps from Futurama? Man, he was funny.

Mad m made me wonder exactly how you do spell "wholely". I guess that's how. Looks sorta funny though.

So that's exactly two funny things in this thread. This very long thread.

newgrange

Wholly.

MooShop

thats too long to even think about reading, read the first one it wasnt funny so i stopped

HerrBob

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

10 GENERAL KNOWLEDGE : Define the universe. Describe in detail. Give three
examples.

Hehe.

Naos

Did you really find that funny Captain Midnight, wait crap, I mean Herrbob?

someone make the pain stop..

(as for futurama funny robots, the crazy robot who robbed the same bank 3 times
in a row, then wanted to practise his stabbing.. now THAT was funny)

oddlyaromatic

As in Where's Wholly?

I'll just be going.

mad m

oddlyaromatic wrote:

Mad m made me wonder exactly how you do spell "wholely". I guess that's how. Looks sorta funny though.

Its spelt right,I forgot to put in a comma.Like Holy God!

I just put Holy.

Whatever_fools

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

28 .LITERATURE:
Compose an epic poem based on the events of your own life in which you see and
footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and
the Marx brothers. Critique your poem with a full discussion of its metrics.

29. LOGIC:
Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following: That the universe is
infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is not a little person who turns off
the light in the refrigerator when you close the door, and that you are the
person taking this exam. Now disprove all of the above. Be specific; show all
work.

30. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE:
Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a
generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130
CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design
the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

31. MATHEMATICS:
Give today's date, in metric. Extra credit: Prove that (0/0)=1. You are
expected to show at least 234 formulas. You may only use the following
variables: S=the speed of turkeys, F=the amount of snot in your nose, G=the day
of the week, and T=the number of pencils in your backpack.

32. METAPHYSICS:
Prove that you do not exist.

33. PHYSICS:
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the
impact of the development of mathematics on science.

34. MODERN PHYSICS:
Disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Construct an experiment to prove your
position.

35. POLITICAL SCIENCE:
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report
at length on its socio-political effects this may have.

36. PSYCHOLOGY:
Employing principles from the major schools of psychoanalytic thought,
successfully subject yourself to analysis. Make appropriate personality changes,
bill yourself and fill out all medical insurance forms. Now do the same to the
person seated to your immediate left. Also, based on your degree of knowledge
of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and
repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias,
Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with
quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not
necessary to translate.

Extra credit: Translate the aforementioned works into Ancient Hebrew and
provide a concordance of all their works, also in Ancient Hebrew.

Extra extra credit: Jeffrey Dahmer will be admitted to this room. He has
one chainsaw and a kitchen knife. Calm him. You may use any ancient
language except Latin.

Extra Extra Extra Credit: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate
the political stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramsesall, Gregory of
Nicoa, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each
man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.

37 RELIGION:
Assuming the Judeo-Christian moral structure, take the stand for Adam and Eve,
and the eating of the forbidden fruit. Explain your position fully to a
Chassidic Rabbi, and answer his arguments. An Anglican bishop will moderate
this debate.

Extra credit: Memorize the entire bible backwards in Swahili. Be prepared
to answer specific questions.

Extra extra credit: Describe the history of all religions from their
earliest origins to the present day. Prove which is best in a manner that
will convince all other religions.

38 XENOLOGY:
Create Aliens. Provide them with a working ecosystem, technological and medical
bases, culture(s), systems of entertainment/traditions/belief and communication.
Document the manner in which you envision they would interact with humanity.
Test your theory, paying particular attention to unforseen consequences.

39 ZOOLOGY:
Use gene-splicing technology to create the ultimate carnivore. Provide an
environmental impact study on this creature and estimate the chances of
survival of the Human species. Be prepared with visual aids to
substantiate your estimate.


NOTE: A pass mark of 85 % is set.

WHAT THE F~CK IS THAT?

Jeez how long did that take to type?

Some ppl have way too much time on their hands!

(Above questions are rhetorical)

Dizzyblabla

The funny part is this:

18. COMPREHENSION:
Three minute time test. Read everything before doing anything. Put your name
in the upper right hand corner of this page. Circle the word name in sentence
three. Sign your name under the title of this paper, after the title write yes,
yes, yes. Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this paper. Draw a triangle
around the X you just put down. On the back of this paper multiply 703x668.
Loudly call out your name when you get to this point. If you think you have
followed directions carefully to this point call out "I have." Punch three small
holes in the top of this paper. If you are the first person to get this far,
call out "I am the first person to this point, I am leading in following
directions." On the reverse side of this paper add 8950 and 9850. Put a circle
around your answer and put a square around the circle. Now that you have
finished reading carefully, do only sentence two.

The idea is, you read all the questions and only do a tiny part of it.... ha ha ha!!