Transsexualism really getting to me...

Rozie

I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. My parents won't let me go on hormones, or anything. I'm in college right now, but on co-op, so I'm putting some money aside for that and hair removal. I can't stand having fuzz on my face.

I don't know what to do. I'm so alone in this, and it's so hard. I wish there was somewhere I could go to meet people of my kind, or those accepting of my kind. I doubt i'll ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend while I live here, somehow.

I really have no idea. I'm on a transsexual mailing list but most of those people are quite a bit older... I really don't know.

newgrange

Have you tried contacting Belong to?
http://www.belongto.org/
They deal with Transgendered Youth as well as Lesbian and Gay.

Boston

I've absolutely no advice worth giving and no insight which might help. All I can say is I go to trinity, and if you go there and want a friendly face around campus or someone to talk to, drop me a PM.

LegacyUser

Rozie, there's a group that meets in outhouse in dublin, ask Aoife on that mailing list about it.

And once you're over 18 you're parents have no say in the matter.

Rozie

I was just in the #boards.ie IRC room, and I posted pictures of a TS friend to test the waters.
They insisted, once I "Dropped the bomb" she was infact male. Not a matter of an opinion, total fact. They then proceeded to pound on me like vultures and take anything I said and say how *I* was the one forcing opinions on them, as if being courteous to a transsxual is something that hurts more than the whole world telling you you're not what you believe yourself to be.

It was terrible. It was disgusting. It's put me off Ireland if people here are really like that. I'm pretty set on moving now.

damien

I just read the logs of that. First you have to realise there an awful lot of **** in that channel who love nothing better than upsetting people. But secondly you posted pics of someone, then asked people to comment on that person's looks and then told them the person was a transexual. Reading it the way you did it looked like you were trying to trick people. It looked like you carried out a deception.

Rozie

They weren't getting on me for the deception, though. They got on me for "forcing" an opinion.

And I only did that because I wanted to know if I could be open about my sexuality. Apparently not. At some point, I stopped caring about anything but defending myself.

tallus

Try posting/chatting in a gay channel ? Or better still start your own chat room?. I know it's not solving anything but at least you will be in contact with like minded people.

Hmm_Messiah

For how you describe it , if I was in the room I would of seen what you did as deception and manipulation, I would in no way of understood your intent as you describe it here.

Regarding your first post, I can only suympathise with your pain and frustration. I would guess in many ways your in a situation where only people with the same experience could empathise in any really helpful way.

Rereading the feelings expressed though I have one question:
Have you received therapy/counselling?
if not then this should be what you set about doing, it will be many more times helpful than anything you find on a thread.
And I don't suggest therapy because there is something "wrong" with you, but the truth is obviously that there is MAJOR conflict between your internal "you" and who you can be at present on the outside. Therapy will give you the tools to handle the frustration, the opportunity to speak to another as totally yourself, and any guidance needed towards next steps, support groups etc.

From the little knowledge I have of such things: if facial hair etc is really upsetting you then I can only suggest you find some small discreet way to re affirm your sexual identity to yourself. HIdden clothing, discreet jewellery, a scent. I know its unfair that such things need be hidden, but it times of frustration you can use them to re assure yourself of who you real are, until there is a practical window to be more radical. take care

Rozie

I really need to get hormones... but my parents won't let me. They won't let me do anything until I leave college, even if I use my own money. And they'll probably reject me even then.

I can't wait that long... too much suffering. I'm meant to enjoy college.

PhantomBeaker

This is just a quickie - Um, I'm on hormones and living with my parents (edit: on hormones without their consent - I don't think they know). I've been on them for two years now.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd advise against this. I live with my heart in my mouth that somehow they will find out. I mean I'm surprised they haven't asked questions by now.

Best thing I can advise is get a good bloody shrink... forget hormones, they are the best thing around to sort your head out. They help put things in perspective.

Also Hmmm_Messiah's post actually has a lot of good ideas. I used them to survive until I could take pills.

There are ways to cope - really there are, I've used some of them, and some work better than others. Try them.

Victor

A lot of people (including me) don't fully understand transexualism / transgenderism. I know someone, who well, I'm not sure if she was always a she, but I generally treat her as a human being.

I do however find it difficult to have an interest in her.

---

It sounds like you pulled a stunt.

Karl Hungus

In all fairness Rozie, people the world out are assholes, so don't think that you can move to some magical land where everyone is tolerant. You will come into contact with people who are ignorant, abusive, and downright ****ing jerks. This world revolves around being hostile to people who are different, eg, you wear a different football shirt to someone, you can get into a fight, or if you listen to different music, or anything. It's part of what makes us human, so accept it and move onto more pressing matters.

It might be a little blunt, but don't try looking for acceptance, validation or vindication. It won't happen. What you should do is just be concerned about yourself, and do what you feel is right for you reguardless. Go take the pills on the sly if you have to, or whatever else, and honestly don't bother about whether or not your parents will let you. Seriously, who here hasn't done something their parents didn't want them to do?

Rozie

It hurts when an entire IRC channel act like total ignorant pricks and don't let me get a word in edgeways.
Gang of ****ing jackals.

This is a much more serious matter than liking different music, whatever. It's something that's made it obviously Irish people are still living in the stone age. What happened in that place has made me want to leave altogether, if young people nowadays are really such stupid assheads who genuinely don't WANT to understand.

rsynnott

Rozie wrote:

It was terrible. It was disgusting. It's put me off Ireland if people here are really like that. I'm pretty set on moving now.

Sadly, you'll get stupid people everywhere in the world. You managed to find some of the local supply there; don't let them get you down. People who aren't willing to accept you prob'ly aren't really worth the trouble.

Rozie

Yeah, but I've never been to an irc channel where *not a single person* spoke up. There's no point being a woman if everyone thinks you're a man, I may as well just kill myself. It's better to live somewhere that's not beyond help.

damien

Mordeth did if I recall. Perhaps I should post that whole sorry episode in here. I think I have the logs. I think most people in the channel couldn't give a rats arse and the usual bully boys had their usual fun. They'd be just as harsh if the subject was about wearing y-fronts.

rsynnott

Really, if you're looking for intelligent, sensible people, IRC prob'ly isn't your first port of call....

r3boot

there's a difference between people thinking you're a man and people being hostile towards you once they find out that you are a transexual. Either way it should reflect badly on them and not on you.

As for hormone supplemenation/replacememnt therapy, your best bet is to confront your parents (if/when you are over 18) and explain why it's important to you and that they legally have no say in the matter. Also consult a doctor (preferably a specialist in the field) regardingthe whole thing.

If you opt for counselling (which might be a wise decision depending on your situation) then it should probably be aimed at planning and organising your thoughts as well as stress relief and building of coping strategies.


good luck !

Karl Hungus

Rozie wrote:

This is a much more serious matter than liking different music

Me and some friends of mine were jumped by a gang of skangers in Dublin coming from a gig for being "A bunch of smell rockers." We knocked some sense into them, but my point here is that it was a very serious matter indeed, especially if one of them had a knife.

Anything can be serious, and anything can be an excuse for dumb assholes to have a go. Damien.M is 100% correct that whatever jerks on irc would've been just as much a pack of vultures if the topic had been underwear.

Accept that it was just assholes being assholes and move on. The problem is with them, not you. Remember that. Also remember that this is the internet, and that whoever these arseholes are probably wouldn't have the stones to talk up in person.

rsynnott

r3boot wrote:

As for hormone supplemenation/replacememnt therapy, your best bet is to confront your parents (if/when you are over 18) and explain why it's important to you and that they legally have no say in the matter. Also consult a doctor (preferably a specialist in the field) regardingthe whole thing.

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

r3boot

rsynnott wrote:

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

I agree. GP's should send you to the right person. What I meant was an endocrinologist as most GP's tend to go the cosmetic surgeon route.

Tiffany

Rozie wrote:

Yeah, but I've never been to an irc channel where *not a single person* spoke up. There's no point being a woman if everyone thinks you're a man, I may as well just kill myself. It's better to live somewhere that's not beyond help.

Well you can't base opinions on those of an IRC channel, which is probably filled with pathetic lonely internet nerds anyway. You have to face that there are people who won't accept you, but there are also people who will. Just ignore those who don't and try not to let them get to you because at the end of the day you're a better person than them and your life is worth living more than theirs. I can't really give much help, but good luck with everything.

Karl Hungus

Tiffany wrote:

Well you can't base opinions on those of an IRC channel, which is probably filled with pathetic lonely internet nerds anyway.

I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE! :mad:

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

I'm telling you, the amount of intolerance you'll find on boards is disgusting.

rsynnott

Mordeth wrote:

I'm telling you, the amount of intolerance you'll find on boards is disgusting.

To trangendered people or IRC users?

Seriously though, this isn't a problem with boards; it's a problem with society. A lot of people are VERY unwilling to accept that those who are different from them have any rights at all...

Karl Hungus

rsynnott wrote:

To trangendered people or IRC users?

Seriously though, this isn't a problem with boards; it's a problem with society. A lot of people are VERY unwilling to accept that those who are different from them have any rights at all...

I agree. As an IRC user, I am sickened at the lack of respect shown towards my lifestyle. :mad:

Annasopra

Hi Rozie

There is a group that meets in Outhouse called Trans support Ireland

They may be of help

http://www.outhouse.ie/groups.asp?id=123

PhantomBeaker

rsynnott wrote:

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

Definately.

Just for general information:

The common route in Ireland (assuming you don't take to ordering off the internet, and doing it unsupervised - which is a Bad Thing (tm)/REALLY F***ing DANGEROUS THING TO DO(tm) )

is:

Shrink, who deals with Gender Issues.

Who then refers you to

An endocrinologist willing to deal with trans patients (currently one of them, as far as I know)

Who will

Take some blood tests, Prescribe hormones and give you correspondence to forward to your GP. Any minor things, like renewal of prescriptions, are handled by the GP while he deals with the bigger issues.

Rozie

I'd rather go the Russell Reid route. What's the best way of doing that?

swiss

I confess, transexualism bothers me.

I know it might sound hypocritical for someone who is gay, who faces this same attitude from certain sections of society to come out and say this. But the simple fact is that while I have accepted my sexual preference as part of my identity, so too have I embraced my masculinity. Masculinity for me is not necessarily about revelling in quintessentially male traits, since such traits are hard to define. But I am male, I know I am male and I have always felt comfortable being a male, despite also happening to be a homosexual male.

The question I always pose myself when facing the concept of transexualism is why exactly someone would have a problem with such a deep and ingrained facet of their being. I ask this question not because I find transexualism offensive, but out of genuine ignorance. If someone feels uncomfortable with their very sex, is it indicative of a deeper malaise? Is it an emotional or psychological issue, that can be mediated through councilling? I don't feel comfortable labelling transexualism as 'wrong', and I certainly acknowledge the right the original poster and others have to undergo therapies (and I use the word loosely) in order to alter their sex, be those changes cosmetic or otherwise.

But the question still remains. Why transexualism? Answers such as "because it feels right" aren't illuminating, despite the fact that I field questions about my sexuality in a similar manner.

Perhaps I will never understand it, and perhaps it doesn't matter whether I do or not, but for what it is worth, I would really like to know.