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whats the most random joke you have!!

245

Comments

  • #32
    oddlyaromatic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 96 ✭✭oddlyaromatic


    Incidentally, she had no arms, legs or friends because she had leprosy.

    What did she find under her tree the next year?

    Landmine!

    Couldn't hold it in.


  • #33
    corblimey
    Registered Users Posts: 4,475 ✭✭✭corblimey


    Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"


  • #34
    Steveire
    Registered Users Posts: 1,421 ✭✭✭Steveire


    Why did the elephant paint his balls red?



    So he could hide in the cherry tree.
    What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

    Giraffes eating cherries.


  • #35
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    What's blue and fcuks old people










    Me and my lucky blue overcoat


  • #36
    rugbug86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,335 ✭✭✭rugbug86


    7thSeal wrote:
    What's blue and fcuks old people










    Me and my lucky blue overcoat
    hypothermia


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  • #37
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    theres nothing to get its just plain stupid!


  • #38
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    why did the water cross the road?

    Because it wanted to get killed...

    Give me 24hours and I will have a collection of terrible random jokes! My four year old brother has taken to telling them and they are sooo incredibly bad, they're beyond funny they're beyond stupid they're horrendous!


  • #39
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    Bloke is having sex with a prostitute when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful.
    He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!"
    She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."


  • #40
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    7thSeal wrote:
    Bloke is having sex with a prostitute when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful.
    He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!"
    She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."
    excuse me while I throw up!


  • #41
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    woman goes to the doctor's and she says 'doctor i'm having serious abdominal pains.'
    Doctor says 'well i'll have to run some tests and i'll see you again on wednesday' Wednesday, woman goes to the doctors, doctor asks her to take a seat...
    Doctor: well mrs Green i'm afraid your going to have to start buying a lot of nappies in the near future.
    mrs G: oh i'm not pregnant again am I doctor?
    DR: no, it's bowel cancer


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  • #42
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    you are so mean! cancer isn't funny.


  • #43
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    It was X-mas day, and Billy and Johnny were in hospital.
    Billy says to Johnny: "What did you get for X-mas Johnny?"
    Johnny replies: " A pair of shoes, and a book token. What about you?"
    Billy answers: "A bike, a trip to florida, and a hi-fi system."
    Johnny says: " Oh your so lucky Billy, I wish I had Cancer."


  • #44
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    damn naggit!


  • #45
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-four year olds











    There's twenty of them


  • #46
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    ha! old but good!


  • #47
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes




















    Nothing, you've already told her twice


  • #48
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    hey now!

    Why did the man become less manly?
    Because he told her twice!


  • #49
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    What's long, pink, stiff and makes a woman scream in the morning ?






































    cot death.


  • #50
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    that is so horrible!


  • #51
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


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  • #52
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    how many men does it take to iron a shirt?
    none. They're lazy gits!


  • #53
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    A guy's wife goes into hospital to have a baby... and when the guy finally shows up he says "How is she doctor?"
    He says "She's fine and it's a healthy baby boy, in you go and see her."
    So the guy goes in and there's nobody there. "Doc," the guy asks. And in come the nurse and the doctor shouting "April fool - your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!"


  • #54
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    drop jaw!
    true story -
    A few years ago my mam went into hospital on my brother, she had a private rom, as did the woman beside her. She was in for longer than usual cuz my brother had feeding problems and glucose levels and stuff but anyway the woman next door went in in labour and came out pregnant again!


  • #55
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    Why do women have smaller feet than men?




    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer the sink.


  • #56
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    why do mens voices really break?
    One too many kicks in the nuts!


  • #57
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?


    When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."


  • #58
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    how do you know when a man is looking for something?
    When he says "Honey, you look lovely today"


  • #59
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    How do you fix a woman's watch?





    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.


  • #60
    Le Rack
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,846 ✭✭✭Le Rack


    how do you wash a mans clothes?
    wash him!


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  • #61
    7thSeal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭7thSeal


    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
    at the front door, who do you let in first?


    The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


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