whats the most random joke you have!!

grumpytrousers

What's got ninety balls and screws old ladies?













Bingo.

7thSeal

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?



Because they're ugly and they stink.

Catsmokinpot

whats the difference between a lump of cheese and a cat?

the chicken because he had no windscreen.

frodi

How do you make a swiss roll?









Push him down the hill.

7thSeal

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice

7thSeal the 2nd

Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?


A: Ripping it back off.

ambro25

Little lad in push chair at supermarket, mentally-impaired voice: "Mum, can I have some chocolate?"
Mum: "No"
Little lad: "Mum, can I have some chocolate, please?"
Mum: "No, I told you already"
Little lad: "Mum, pretty pretty please, can I have some chocolate?"
Mum: "Oh I've had enough! Look, you got no arms, you get no chocolates, period!"


Describe the perfect woman? 3 ft tall with a flat head.

iggy

Why are pirates called Pirates?



They just AAARRRRRRRRRR

scuba steve

1Q:Why did they girl not go on the swing?
A:There was no swing.

2Q:When is a door not a door?
A:When its ajar (a jar)

They just popped into my head there for some reason

joejoem

why do women float?


Cos there scum

Sam Vimes

did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker? he won the no-bell prize.

was in the paper at the weekend cos richard whitely said it

Plug

How do you get information and news across?
television,
telegraph,
telephone and
telewoman

GiuseppeConlon

what do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonkey!! :mad:

GiuseppeConlon

How do you tell a scotchman's clan?

Lift up his kilt and if he's got a quarter pounder with cheese he's a McDonald

lorindol

wats a wok?

sumding u throw at a wabbit!!!!

lorindol

joejoem wrote:

why do women float?


Cos there scum

i suggest you look at page two of d threads in humour and go to number six.:why women live longer!!!!!

^Im with Stupid

Why do elephant wear sandshoes?

-To keep from sinking into the sand

Why do Ostriches bury their heads?

-To look for elephants who didnt wear sandshoes


What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
-A wonkey

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A winky wonkey

What do you call a really small donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A dinky winky wonkey

What do you call a really small chinese donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A chinkey dinky winkey wonkey

What do you call a really small chinese donkey with a guitar, 3 legs and one eye?
-A honkey tonkey chinkey dinkey winkey wonkey

Im sure theres more then that but i can remember

BizzyC

Why did the plane crash?
-because the pilot was a slice of bread.....

roastie

what are the best type of bee's ???


BOOBIES ! ! !

Ishmael

What did the evil roast beef say when it was put in the oven?








"Damn, foiled again!"

amazingemmet

What's black and white and red all over?


A penguin chewing a chainsaw

Pugsley

^Im with Stupid wrote:

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
-A wonkey

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A winky wonkey

What do you call a really small donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A dinky winky wonkey

What do you call a really small chinese donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
-A chinkey dinky winkey wonkey

What do you call a really small chinese donkey with a guitar, 3 legs and one eye?
-A honkey tonkey chinkey dinkey winkey wonkey

What do you call a really small chinese donkey with a guitar, 3 legs and one eye and driving a truck?

- F**king talented



Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff

Whats blue and fluffy?
pink fluff choking

Whats red and fluffy?
Pink fluff having a period

Whats green and fluffy?
Pink fluff with sea sickness

Whats yellow and fluffy?
Pink fluff in his cameo on the simpsons.

Baldie

Two elephants walk off a cliff..... BOOM BOOM!!

Two blondes walk into a bar, you'd think one of em would have seen it!

_____________________________________________

In the aftermatch of the tsunami disaster God text Osama Bin Laden.... "Top that you Arab C*nt"!

_____________________________________________

Babysitter available: Recently unemployed, 46 year old male, palatial home with fairground in back garden. Fond of kids, dancing, chimps and sleepovers.Contact Neverland...

_____________________________________________

On the morning of thier 50th wedding anniversary, joe and mary were thing back:
Joe: Imagine 50 years ago we were sitting naked in this kitchen. Fancy getting naked again?
They did and after a while Mary said "My hipples re as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago", "Im not surprised", said Joe,"One of them is in your coffee and the other is in your porridge"

______________________________________________

mjquinno

What has two legs and bleeds all day?

Half a dog.....

Mr.Nice Guy

What did the policeman say to his stomach?

You're under a vest.

_________________________________

What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A blonde electrician.

_________________________________

OLDYELLAR

Your brilliant mr niceguy!!!

Gone West

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

What did the policeman say to his stomach?

You're under a vest.

Oh god, I pissed my hole laughing at that one. I was laughing solidly for about 10 minutes!

NotMe

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

What did the policeman say to his stomach?

You're under a vest.

_________________________________

What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A blonde electrician.

_________________________________

Funniest joke evar!1111

sprinkles

Le Rack wrote:

how do you wash a mans clothes?
wash him!

No offense LeRack but your just posting for the sake of it. Tell a good joke but stop continuously commenting on the previous joke and stapling a similar but altogether unfunny joke to the end.

Keep up the good owrk 7thSeal

sprinkles

whats blue and white and sits in the corner?
a fridge in a denim jacket


why do businessmen carry umbrellas
cos umbrellas can't walk


An impression of a pig:
"Can you step out of the car please sir!"

What biscuit flies?
...............A plane biscuit!!


Q: What's red and invisible?
A: No tomatoes.


How do you catch a rabbit ???
Lie down in a feild and make carrot noises !!

What turns a fruit into a vegtable?
Aids

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs
Superman after his house burns down

Where does the General keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Q: Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
A: A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head,


Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

---

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not.