Advise needed

LegacyUser

Will try to keep this short, i was in a relationship for 6 years that towards the end went very nasty and I got out. At the time of break up i was far away from Ireland and had to leave for visa reasons soon after we broke up. Before I left (about 2 months after the break-up) I met a REALLY nice guy and we clicked instantly,cant explain it but the attraction was huge and we had lots in common.He knew I had to leave but still wanted to see me for the short time i had left. We stayed in touch,emailing,texting and the odd phone call and he always remained in my thoughts..."what if".

I met a lovely guy quite some time after i got back to Ireland and we have been going out together since(18 months),he is amazing and so so good to me I am blessed. I am very much in love with him and we recently moved in together.
Last year the guy i have stayed in contact with came to ireland as he was touring Europe. He came to ireland and we met up and despite my love for my boyfriend I was still hugely attracted to him and he (after a few beers) told me he thought about us all the time and would do anything to be with me...if I was single. He left and remained in my thoughts and we have stayed in contact but now he is coming to ireland again v soon and we will be meeting up.
As soon as i found out...i started thinking about him/us again...I dont know why as I am so happy with my BF.
Is it that when i ended my 6 yr relationship he was there for me and was so kind and thats what i associate him with...i am so confused as I feel like im betraying my boyfriend by thinking this way....any advise appreciated.(sorry i couldnt keep it short!)

WhiteWashMan

a lot of what ifs and day dreaming.
think about what you have, and if its worth risking.

by the way, you had a rebound affair with this guy. that doesnt mean it couldnt work out in the future, but it doesnt mean that he really meant that much to you wither.

what is it that you really want advice on?

your current relationship, your old relationship or this guy in the middle?

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar predicament,

met a wonderful girl, but her living in scotland meant it couldnt happen -- now we're both in year+ relationships, but i would give it all up for her in a second.

If i had a solution I would tell you. I know my current relatonship suffers as a result of my feelings for this other girl, and i also know that if we did get together there's no guarantee that it would work out (i think its the fact that we never got to find out that keeps her in my mind)

Maybe its a case of the grass is always greener... ?

As an outsider looking in, i would say follow your heart, if you don't find out now, you will always wonder. In saying that, I havn't been able to take my own advice!

Good Luck!

LegacyUser

I guess the advise i needed is to "Cop the hell on and stop day dreaming"...i know i have a great thing with my boyfriend but if its that great why am i so attracted to someone else...just wondering has that happened to anyone else in a happy relationship??

shellby

WhiteWashMan wrote:

what is it that you really want advice on?

your current relationship, your old relationship or this guy in the middle?

have to ask the asame question its a bit broad

meditraitor

Confusionreigns wrote:

I met a lovely guy quite some time after i got back to Ireland and we have been going out together since(18 months),he is amazing and so so good to me I am blessed. I am very much in love with him and we recently moved in together.
!)

There's your answer, stay with that guy! no harm in having daydreams about the guy who helped you through all the shit after the breakup, but you have moved on to a good place now,
If you take the long distance thing further you could well have a life time of regrets,
Just a thought, when you meet up with this other guy, bring your new fella, it might help in stopping you making any rash decisions

m

Son_of_Belial

meditraitor wrote:

when you meet up with this other guy, bring your new fella, it might help in stopping you making any rash decisions

Lol, yeah! That'd be kind of funny! It's always good to watch an American wriggle like a worm on a hook! "Thoughts" about this other chap are OK, but is some guy who lives half-way across the world really worth it? Think about this for a minute... See, it's girls like you that make me really distrust women.

LegacyUser

Personally I would go with your heart and go out with the guy that you met 2 months after your split if you think that he is serious about being in a relationship with you. I met someone shortly after a similar split and dated them for a while - we broke up, but I still think about him and would probably get back with him if there was the slightest chance - at the time I did think that he might be a rebound even though my heart was telling me that I was in love with him (thus the eventual split, I loved him too much to hurt him on the offchance). Go with your heart...

Son_of_Belial

But she said she was in love with her present boyfriend. So that's where her heart seems to lie. She's just asking "what if." Plus this new guy lives thousands of miles away! That's just stupid Allyn.

Altheus

I defy leaving sleeping dogs lie. I find talking about my real feelings and emotions with my girlfriend ensures that they don't bite me. I love her, and every time a "what if" comes up, I'm able to let her know. Without the guilt attached to those feelings, they all of sudden don't seem so attractive.

I'd say follow your heart, but sometimes it's the persistence of false memory that gets in the way. Rebounds and rejections, holiday romances, they all make us feel in need, and when someone fills that spot they often are held in a higher place regardless of the realities.