I cant get over her

LegacyUser

Its been nine months and the tears are still there for my ex girlfriend. I dont know WHY Im letting this get to me so much but I do know that the pain just wont go away. Ive tried drinking her away, shagging her away and, with mates, laughing her away but she's still there in my thoughts, first thing when I wake up and at least once every hour. Its f^cking torture and I dont know how much more I can take before I go insane.

I need practical ideas and some insight from men who have been there before like this. We both brought the reletionship to an end and said we'd stay friends, when friends didnt work we decided we both had to cut off all contact. It seemed to make sense at the time but now I have this huge gap in my life and I couldnt give a f^ck about most things lately. Please tell me it gets easier.

mad m

Sometimes it takes longer than nine months.Sometimes it never goes away but you learn to live with it.You will eventually move on and will still think of her and times you spent together,its the way it is so try to live with it.It does get easier as more time goes by.Just give yourself time alone,no more women to try and fill the void for now.Take time out for yourself.

Goodluck mate.

arkles

hiya
sorry to hear ur still suffering, been there done that, i though i was moved on after 3 mts, (i have met someone but we both are not ready for a relationship), but to be honest it can take years, how long were ye together, in my case it was 9 yrs

for your own sake dont contact her it will only put u back to day one

there is no real cure but time im afraid, did u get closure from her ?, this is very important for u to heal yourself, if you think that she may return some day u will never heal,

im now contradicting myself, if a couple do split on friendly terms (still love each other) and there was no hurt cheating etc, the odds are in favour of a reconcilation down the road when issues are resolved
take care, if its any help i know how you feel, and what ur going through

Bright Smile

maybe you should try again

Riamfada

Ive been thinking about a certain girl every hour for the past six years. Its still the same torture as it was when we broke up then . Call me sad and pathetic till the cows come home but i dont know why she wont f**k off out of my head. And I have tried everything.

Dizzyblabla

My ex and I broke up just over a year ago after almost 4 years together... I did pretty much the same as you, trying all sorts of methods to get him out of my head, I do sometimes think of him now, but not very often, what helped me is thinking of all the reasons why I wanted it to end, and remembering all the crappy things he did...
I know when it ends on good terms that it's harder, so I started to dwell on the bad things, may not be the best thing, but it sure as hell helped me!
Good luck, it will get better with time... but definately forget about keeping in contact or you'll only have to start again from scratch, which is not nice....

LegacyUser

Grimes wrote:

Ive been thinking about a certain girl every hour for the past six years. Its still the same torture as it was when we broke up then . Call me sad and pathetic till the cows come home but i dont know why she wont f**k off out of my head. And I have tried everything.

That sounds like hell on earth, Im going through it now but its been 9 months. I was with her for around 18 months Arkles, most of it happy but like any couple we had our ups and downs.

I think I need someone new but I keep comparing any potential girls to her. We're not on speaking or texting terms but I dont think its quite closure cos I still live in hope that we'll get back together down the line. Even when I try to fill up my day and night with things to do she's still there on my mind. With summer rolling around its turned to what her and her new BF might be upto on holidays etc.

Complete and utter f^cking torture

Riamfada

heartbroken2 wrote:

I think I need someone new but I keep comparing any potential girls to her.

There in lies the problem. If you idealise women to be like "the one" you will never meet somone who will get her out of your mind. Trick is to meet somone sent from God.

Grimes is still looking. And until Portia DeRossi turns Straight/Available and moves to Ireland there is no chance for me.

WhiteWashMan

you need to get some closure on this or you will be unhappy for a very long time.
i suggest getting in contact and perhaps meeting up to talk.

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

you need to get some closure on this or you will be unhappy for a very long time.
i suggest getting in contact and perhaps meeting up to talk.

Thats not an option unfortunately, we have completely cut each other out of our lives because the last 2 months of our reletionship was mainly fights and more fights over stupid trivial stuff. I thought at the time that a clean break was best but now Im in daily agony. A few have suggested travel to me but I dont think this is a long term answer.

Intox

heartbroken2 wrote:

Its been nine months and the tears are still there for my ex girlfriend. I dont know WHY Im letting this get to me so much but I do know that the pain just wont go away. Ive tried drinking her away, shagging her away and, with mates, laughing her away but she's still there in my thoughts, first thing when I wake up and at least once every hour. Its f^cking torture and I dont know how much more I can take before I go insane.

I need practical ideas and some insight from men who have been there before like this. We both brought the reletionship to an end and said we'd stay friends, when friends didnt work we decided we both had to cut off all contact. It seemed to make sense at the time but now I have this huge gap in my life and I couldnt give a f^ck about most things lately. Please tell me it gets easier.

i know exactly how you feel mate, its been about nine months for me also

i also tried similar methods but i found the best thing to do is get out and be around a close mate/mates who can give you support and a lend of thier ears

its so hard especially for the first 3 months, i got dumped by the girl after we had our first daughter (we were both 19) and we dont keep in contact because shes too guilty about it and turned into a stranger when my lovely daughter came along

confusion
love and hatred at the same time
low self esteem
nervous

its the worst thing ever, but i have noticed now around the 9 month mark i am feeling ready to commit to a new relationship instead of cheap flings to ease the pain (which can make it worse)

i will give her a few thoughts a day, well i cant help it shes my childs mother!
but im not as upset as i was, but one thing i do notice is when ive had a lot of alchohol i start to miss her and tell myself im not over her, maybe im not deep down beyond what i recognise for now

anyway stay strong, and if you have a passion for anythin, get your head into it! like music or whatever, study film!.....whatever it is stay active

hope i helped, sorry for the ramble

dent

heartbroken2 wrote:

Complete and utter f^cking torture

It get's better with time. Take some time out for yourself and avoid trying to find another girlfriend for a while. My best advice would be a change of scene for you. If you can take some time to travel. You will come back a new man.
If you can't travel find something new to focus your energy on.

If none of this works focus on something that she did that really annoyed you. When ever you think of her think of this and you will soon kill any old feelings you had for her. Last resort though.

po0k

heartbroken2 wrote:

A few have suggested travel to me but I dont think this is a long term answer.

Travel broadens the mind, it may well be a good idea. You'll develop more as a person when immersed in different cultures...and women.

LegacyUser

Intox wrote:

i

its so hard especially for the first 3 months, i got dumped by the girl after we had our first daughter (we were both 19) and we dont keep in contact because shes too guilty about it and turned into a stranger when my lovely daughter came along

Maybe she had severe post-natal?

I wait every day for a text or anything from the ex and it never comes. I dont think it ever will. I cant ring her text her as she more or less told me to piss off last time I did. I cant get over how she changed on me and how heartless she became. I went through an ok patch for awhile but lately all I do is think about her, her little quirks, the good times we had together and what she's probably upto now.

Is the new BF good looking? Is he better in bed than me? Is she falling in love with him? Have they booked holidays? Are they on holiday now? Does she do and say all those incredible things to him like she did for me?

Im seriously contimplating prozac or something similar.

Dub_Ster

Grimes wrote:

If you idealise women to be like "the one"

i have to say i agree with that you cant do that i did that for 5 years and it got me No were fast , the thing is yeah you still like this girl maybe even love .

think about it like this ....

u miss her but do you really miss her ?,or are your emotions what miss her ..
i meen dude you could be walkin down the street see a stuner and turn around and say hey wanna go for a coffee she says yes 5 yrs later you have a house and 2.1 kids a mondeo and a dog , life can happen that fast ...

my point is moaping over spilled milk never gets you any were , moping it up always get it sorted ,

Intox

i know you dont wanna hear it but its the truth.........theres plenty more fish in the sea, as time goes on your feelings for her will fade and turn to more hate than love, is she really worth if she cant even be civil after what yous had??

Altheus

Travelling is the short term solution, but what will happen you when you travel is the long term solution.

Every time you feel lost your reverting back to thoughts of her and dwelling there, and then that's what's making it hard to move on.

Dub_Ster

Intox wrote:

i know you dont wanna hear it but its the truth.........theres plenty more fish in the sea, as time goes on your feelings for her will fade and turn to more hate than love, is she really worth if she cant even be civil after what yous had??

actuly i had that experence two i beet my self to a pulp and now shes the one apoligiseng to me for being meen i just say excepted now leave me alone and get on with it ...

dude you can beet it just gota have positive vibes get your head stright find a girl whos cool and be her friend nothing else and ul find soon that we all go threw this and it always gets better ....

sprinkles

At least its comforting to know that there are more out there who have gone through what you've gone through, some worse off. I had a similar experience, except I pushed her away in the end and it's something I will always regret but i've accepted that it is something to learn from as opposed to dwell on. I still think about her alot, all the time in fact. You begin to think about her less but its not how much you think of her that changes with time, its the way you think about her.

Its hard to accept but its all just memories, there to be cherished (as you said they where mostly good times) not there to haunt you. I still have problems committing to girls, I ususally come up with some excuse early on and I do still compare them to my ex which is ridiculuous but I can't manage to get around that yet. I know I will eventually though.

Hope it works out for you sooner rather than later.

Take care

Dan

LegacyUser

Altheus wrote:

Travelling is the short term solution, but what will happen you when you travel is the long term solution.

Every time you feel lost your reverting back to thoughts of her and dwelling there, and then that's what's making it hard to move on.

I know, but what am I to do?

I have a good well paid job over here that Im afraid to walk away from if I travel longterm.

There must be practical ways of getting a girl out of your head.

Dub_Ster

simple man maybe you should actuly go away you sound like uve been worki to hard go to bali and chill out four two weeks i can promise you it will do you the world of good ,, ule come back chilled relaxed ... it would be the best thing for you ......your life sound menotimise and that why your thinkin about the same thing all the tme you gotta brake the habbit

derek27

Original poster...

i was in the exact same situation as you. i was with a girl for circa 18 months. we met in college and very shortly after meeting we got together. everything between us was great. we even moved in together after about 2 months while we both attended college together. i fell completely in love with her and she reported the same feelings for me. i even got feedback from friends that she spoke so fondly of me in my absence, and i did the same for her. as far as i was concerned, i never wanted to be on the singles market again. we did a lot together, and spent most of our time together. things couldn't be much better. anyway, lots of people have relationships like that, may even last a very long time. but things change over time and unfortunately the most robust relationships break down. when you have all those feelings of love and togetherness at the height of your relationship, you dont necessarily project your visions into the future, and see yourselves as old people sitting on a park bench reflecting on your life together. the relationship may be wonderful, but as you get older, you start to want new things in your life. even relationships! to continue anyway... my relationship broke down. we remained friends. but i was so devastated with the change that i spent no less than about 3 months crying and becoming a recluse in my house. i didn't bother going to college for a long time and lost interest in everything. i just couldn't handle the situation. the feeling in me was that i had lost a feeling that could never be replaced in my life. love. its been 16 months since we split up now, and, tbh i still think about her from time to time, but it was incessantly for almost 9 months.

i decided i had to take control of my thoughts and feelings and to repair the emotional damage that had been done. the starting point for doing this was to accept that it was not going to happen again between us, and that it was over. secondly, i needed to start returning to college and getting on with things and socialising with mates and that again (which i did after 3 months). my good friends were always there to listen if i got down about my ex, and talking to them was a great help. things improved over time, i had managed to put thinking about her as something i only did in my alone time. you thinking about what she is doing with her new bf and all that is really putting you into a position. i did that for a while too. what does it matter to you what she's doing with him. thats none of your business. remember, she's not with you anymore. leave her to get on with things. your portraying a very weak character by doing that to yourself. would you take out a nail and hammer it through your hand? well by having thoughts of what she is doing with her new bf is causing the same magnitude of emotional pain as that would cause physical pain. dont be doing that to yourself. get on with fixing your own thoughts. she's obviously done quite well fixing hers if she has a new bf. why should you be left suffering? if you think that if she see's you still cry about her she will feel sorry for you or something and come back to you, you have another thing coming. and even if she did, that kind of sympathy relationshi is gauranteed to fail too. in fact i think that she might even think that you are pathetic and resent you for trying to upset her emotional state towards you. what i found after a while in my case was that i truly believed that she was the 'one'. i also used to compare other girls i had met to her and looking for someone that had a lot in common with her. i eventually decided to stop that, and started to look at girls i was meeting for who they were without doing any cross referencing. suddenly enough i realised that the cliché 'the one', is really very stupid. in fact i believe that there are millions of girls that, if you give yourself a chance, are perfectly good candidates for 'the NEW/NEXT one'. its as simple as this... its all too easy to get so hung up on a person that you find yourself in your current state of mind when you break up. but remember, you are the one holding yourself in that emotional state. if you choose to be happy, you will be. you are currently choosing to be in a state of emotional unrest and unhappiness. just look fondly back on the times you had with your ex, and leave it at that. then change your thread of thought and look into the future and see what you have ahead of you. it's your choice... future happiness or retrospective sadness. sensu lato, i myself have chosen to be happy. and i am, although it took some time.

LegacyUser

I have imaginary conversations with her in my head if, say, Im watching a comedy I know she would have liked. This makes me feel temporarily better at the time. But its a bit scary no?

LegacyUser

derek27 wrote:

its been 16 months since we split up now, and, tbh i still think about her from time to time, but it was incessantly for almost 9 months.

Im glad Im not the only one. Good post Derek, thanks. Maybe I need a book to change my mindset. There seems to be a few like that out there although none really pecific to a breakup situation.

angel?

oh i feel for you............i so know the feeling................i promise u it will get better..........u need to get out with friends and have fun.........get up every morning and tell urself that u will be happy within urself.........its time for you to find out what makes u tick..........dont feel that u can only be happy when u are in ''love''..........

Your a ''me'' now instead of a ''we''..............Enjoy it explore how u look at life and what u really want from it............above all just try and see a future without her..........try to smile again..........

Boggles

heartbroken2 wrote:

I know, but what am I to do?

I have a good well paid job over here that Im afraid to walk away from if I travel longterm.

There must be practical ways of getting a girl out of your head.

You have alot more going for you than alot of people. Time heals all, but it's the wait thats the killer. Feck time and her, get on with your life, as a previous poster said there is no such thing as the one, there millions of women out there.

If it is a very quick fix you need, take a couple of weeks off work and visit an aids orphanage in Africa, drastic!! But I guarantee you'll come back with perspective.

C Fodder

There must be practical ways of getting a girl out of your head.

Get another one into your bed / head.

I know stupid comment but it's the only one that really works.

The_B_Man

True C_Fodder, as they say "The only way to got over someone is to get under someone else".

in my case, i was the one that ended it, but even I stayed awake thinkin that I made a mistake. i still think about her all the time even tho we broke up around 9 months ago too. the problem with us was that we were together thru the years that you should be out on the rip, when your too young to settle down.if i met her after college instead of before, i easily would have married her. it was just bad timing!

The whole thing with thinkin your gonna get back together, unless you have a very special relationship, it wont happen. apparently shes over me now but im not so sure im ovver her yet.

to the OP, in your case i would recommend you just say to yourself "Ah **** it!" and just go mad for a week. its only a matter of time before something comes into your like (or someone) that will keep you occupied and ur mind of the ex. if u sit at home 24/7 you will just depress yourself. get ur mates and go into town every saturday nite. as soon as you get your first telephone number, you'll be grand!

LegacyUser

Thanks for more insights.

I was the one who finished it moreso than her but in the end we both did, if that makes sense. I realise that another girl will get her out of my head but it was only temporarily last time I tried it. The last few girls have nearly been called her name by accident and when I wake up beside someone else I feel like crying there and then once the reality and hangover sets in.

Should I be worried about the imaginary conversations or fantasys of us getting back together in my head or is this part of the break-up process? I wouldnt mind but Ive been here before twice after long term reletionships came to an end but for some reason I got over them much quicker. This is hell on earth.

Dr Cox's Ego

C Fodder wrote:

Get another one into your bed / head.

I know stupid comment but it's the only one that really works.

But its only temporary. I know how badly the OP feels, we've all been there and if you havent you will be. Its worse than a death sometimes. Get a time machine and fast foward 2 years.

LegacyUser

angel? wrote:

Your a ''me'' now instead of a ''we''...

but am I? I cant stop thinking about us getting back together and how good it would be. A horrible thing to have to go through several times a day.


Quote ;

"to the OP, in your case i would recommend you just say to yourself "Ah **** it!" and just go mad for a week. its only a matter of time before something comes into your like (or someone) that will keep you occupied and ur mind of the ex. if u sit at home 24/7 you will just depress yourself. get ur mates and go into town every saturday nite. as soon as you get your first telephone number, you'll be grand!"


Have gotten a few numbers and drank like mad for 2 months straight but it only made things worse. I dont mean to come across as a saddo here, I just want her back.

justincase

can i suggest you something?
wait some time and write her a letter...you know...you can write you miss her around and that you think it's sad that 2 persons that had so many good moments togheter now don't even speak to each other...apologise if you did something wrong...things like that
but don't tell her you still love her and stuff...it might scare her

even if she has a new boyfriend...if you think that just getting to talk her again will make you feel better, then do it.

bohsboy

Some very good posts there, good idea about the letter, would be a final cut on things and probably make you feel a bit better. Derek made some very good points. I know and understand how hard it feels, believe me I do, but it's just yourself who is keeping yourself caged in.

Try and take one day at a time at the moment, set short goals like getting through the week, weekend, month, etc. I CAN guarantee you one thing, you WILL look back at this within a year and think how did I let myself get so upset. Time is indeed a healer and I know it's still maybe raw for you now but the mind moves on to newer and more interesting things.

I'm not suggesting join clubs, meet new friends or drink yourself happy but try and concentrate on the basic things in life. Spend more time with your family and friends. Treat yourself to something nice? Clothes, holiday...?

And I can guarantee you if you ever bump into her again she'll see a bright happy individual who's getting on with things instead of a broken worried guy who's still holding a torch for her.

One day at a time buddy.

ClareBear

heartbroken2 wrote:

I cant get over how she changed on me and how heartless she became. I went through an ok patch for awhile but lately all I do is think about her, her little quirks, the good times we had together and what she's probably upto now.

Is the new BF good looking? Is he better in bed than me? Is she falling in love with him? Have they booked holidays? Are they on holiday now? Does she do and say all those incredible things to him like she did for me?

I might aswell have written that. 3 months down the line (though to be fair we were on/off for a LONG time) and those words sum up exactly what I'm thinking 24/7. It's torture. I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to be happy again.

This won't help you heartbroken2 but it's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Good luck, I hope you find happiness again soon x

Maynooth

I reckon about half the population are like you mate. Walk down any street in Dublin, you'll see it on their faces. You're not alone. It doesn't make it much easier but things will get better eventually.

4Xcut

Bright Smile wrote:

maybe you should try again

I agree. if she is still in your head after this long maybe you should be together. Breaking off all contact was a bad idea because you obviously still care for her a great deal. You really should try again

airetam_storm

Find another girl who is really what you like and 'make' her your new person

conjon

4Xcut wrote:

I agree. if she is still in your head after this long maybe you should be together. Breaking off all contact was a bad idea because you obviously still care for her a great deal. You really should try again

to be honest i would disagreed with this. i went out with my ex for over 4 years, bought the houose etc....it was only when she moved abroad with a new job that things got better.....as the other posts say, time is a great healer snd it is good to talk about these things rather than keep them bottled up, like i did for a long time. you've gotts keep getting out and doing things which will give you less time to dwell on things. anyway best wishes with things.

Bottle_of_Smoke

heartbroken2 wrote:

Should I be worried about the imaginary conversations or fantasys of us getting back together in my head or is this part of the break-up process? I wouldnt mind but Ive been here before twice after long term reletionships came to an end but for some reason I got over them much quicker. This is hell on earth.

No not at all, didn't you ever do this with other girls or even with THE girl before you were heartbroken? I do it all the ****|n time! I'm fairly sure roleplaying is normal.

People have been suggesting "get someone else", definitely a good idea . . . BUT do it with caution, don't start going for crap versions of your ex, just be patient for someone you genuinely like, whether she's a replica\reciprocal or somewhere in between of your ex.

One other piece of advice - talk to a therapist, could serve as an unbiased ear where you can get everything out, won't just be friends telling you you can do better. At least then you'll know you have some proper perspective.

The_B_Man

ClareBear wrote:

....3 months down the line....

how long were u goin out, if u dont mind me askin? mine is similar to yours time-wise.

i personally do think about my ex most days though, but for some reason I always end up stayin friends with ex gf's, so i never really had it as bad as the original poster.

Dr Cox's Ego

Maybe try some traveling where you'll be keeping your mind on strange new cultures? Eg ; Vietnam or Japan, somewhere very different.

PullMyFinger!

1- Take her off that pedestal

Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2- Get closure...

It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of it crystal clear. She needs to tell you: "I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together." After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call "closure." And you can begin to heal.

3- ...then don't contact her

After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Get the picture? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4- Get negative feelings out on paper

Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5- Avoid her friends & the places she hangs

Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.

6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her

You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can save your sanity.

7- Don't try to get your stuff back

Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8- Hang out with your friends

Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn't all that to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will likely get detonated again.

9- Exercise your newfound freedom

Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your "other half" didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10- Remember the bad times

If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a bitch to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your posse? Nobody wants that back.

11- Sleep with another girl, stat

Nothing reminds you that you are a man quite like having a new woman in your bed. So take solace in the arms of another. Call it a rebound if you wish. Plenty of heartbroken guys go this route and for a very good reason -- it makes you feel better, even if it's only temporary. So go out there and feel better about yourself!









From http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/139b_dating_advice.html



a bit american in places but still some good advice there

Victor

Is this ex-girlfriend your daughter's mother? Do you get to see your daughter at all?

Have you talked about all this to anyone? Close friend, parent, sibling, counsellor?

LegacyUser

Heartbroken2 I think travel really is the answer. I was with a guy for 3 years. Thought he was the 'one', we set a date and everything. When it ended, it was a mutual thing and we both agreed that we were pretty cool people who just didn't belong together.

That was 2 years ago this week, and only now can I say I'm really over him. I've just gotten back from Oz, where I only spent 6 months. I left a job in Dublin, where I was earning €40k, because I needed to get out of the mindset that I'd trapped myself into. You can sit here and give us every reason why you can't leave, but if you have no commitments (ie kids, house?) you should just go. Its not worth being miserable a day longer.

Its not the travel itself that takes the pain away, its the distance from your life. Everything is so removed that you just stop thinking about them. You never walked down that street with them, or went for a drink in that pub.

Even though the Oz Experience itself wasn't the most amazing thing Ive ever done, the benefits Ive gotten from it are incredible. Im so happy now and Ive finally returned to the chick I was before I met him 5 years ago. Long time I know, but its not a matter of time, its a matter of mindset. Time to change yours!

Intox

i make sure of that

Maynooth

Avy wrote:

Heartbroken2 I think travel really is the answer. I was with a guy for 3 years. Thought he was the 'one', we set a date and everything. When it ended, it was a mutual thing and we both agreed that we were pretty cool people who just didn't belong together.

That was 2 years ago this week, and only now can I say I'm really over him. I've just gotten back from Oz, where I only spent 6 months. I left a job in Dublin, where I was earning €40k, because I needed to get out of the mindset that I'd trapped myself into. You can sit here and give us every reason why you can't leave, but if you have no commitments (ie kids, house?) you should just go. Its not worth being miserable a day longer.

Its not the travel itself that takes the pain away, its the distance from your life. Everything is so removed that you just stop thinking about them. You never walked down that street with them, or went for a drink in that pub.

Even though the Oz Experience itself wasn't the most amazing thing Ive ever done, the benefits Ive gotten from it are incredible. Im so happy now and Ive finally returned to the chick I was before I met him 5 years ago. Long time I know, but its not a matter of time, its a matter of mindset. Time to change yours!

Brilliant way of putting it.

jonny68

The best of luck mate,some good advice offered here,we've all been there and it's tough.very tough but you will get over it eventully..all the best yeah

pdunno

hey, there's a lot of good advice posted here. Getting on with things isn't always easy but like has been said many times in this thread, the best way to deal with it is to just get out there and start living life. Try new things, get active and get on with your life. I believe time is the only real healer (been through this before) but living life as much as much as I could certainly helped. I didn't notice the pain going away or getting easier, I was too busy trying to enjoy everything that I did. One day I just realised that I didn't hurt anymore.

There are always hurdles in life, we just have to get back up no matter how hard we fall.

LegacyUser

Some great replies there and I'll do up a proper reply when I get more time later this week. This hasnt been a great week, today in particular is tough due to maybe lack of sleep and too much time on my hands with a fews days off. However I think if I can conquer this I can do **anything**

LegacyUser

Avy: did you travel on your own to Oz?

LegacyUser

Yup. Went on my tod. Packed my bags up and headed off solo. I've never done that before and heading to the other side of the world on my own was certainly a major mission.

Best thing I ever did. I made heaps of friends... and a couple of enemies... but at the end of the day I decided where I went/lived/hung out. Most of the close friends I made while away were also travelling solo. And others who had been travelling with friends normally ended up falling out with them... so most people were living the independent life.

Might seem hard to leave the comfort of your friends and family, but its also a good chance to see who you really are as a person and prove to yourself that youre an individual... not half of a couple.

I very rarely felt lonely, because I chose to be there on my own. Perhaps if I had gone with someone else I would have felt the gap when they weren't around. If youre seriously thinking about it I could give you a few tips, Im all on for 'spreading the freedom'!!!