I cant get over her

The Jackel

SyxPak wrote:

Travel broadens the mind, it may well be a good idea. You'll develop more as a person when immersed in different cultures...and women.

Imo traveling is the answer you'll get your mind of it faster than you'd think.

I'd say try and get closure too ..then again easier said than done.

well GL man

LegacyUser

I think we definitely have closure. I havent seen or heard from her since Xmas and the last time I text her she told me where to go. It didnt exactly end on great terms or even good feelings. The sunshine is making me think alot about our holidays last year and how good things were then, how can people go from been inseperable to blanking each other like this? Crazy.

LegacyUser

does anyone else have any stories to share or advice? It all helps, in a smal way, but it helps.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

Is this ex-girlfriend your daughter's mother? Do you get to see your daughter at all?

Have you talked about all this to anyone? Close friend, parent, sibling, counsellor?

No kids involved thankfully.

LilMsMelodrama wrote:

If you can change the thinking, the feelings will follow eventually. I'm not the best at explaining how this works, but this is the first thing google spat out on the subject, and it's not bad:
www.mindtools.com/stress/rt/CognitiveRestructuring.htm
All I reallly know is it worked for me

Is that a bit like brainwashing LilMs? I think Paul Mckenna uses the same methods.

Son_of_Belial

Um... I've been there. It's horrible but it does go away with time. Go meet other girls and don't start comparing them to her. See every girl by her own merits. It's the only way you'll get her out of your head. Plus if she "told you where to go" after you only texted her then you're well rid of a bitch like that.

LegacyUser

Whats most hurtful is that text and what followed it ......... her telling friends of friends about her new fella knowing it would get back to me etc. Was it because I was the one who finished it or has she issues? I think I need an extra job, it'd kill me but when Im working I feel ok, or better at least.

Dr Cox's Ego

Have you considered therapy? Alot of people shy from the thought of it but its more and more common these days.

PullMyFinger!

Been there, done that (twice), doing it again at the moment. Time really is the only thing that'll work.

Son_of_Belial

PullMyFinger! wrote:

Been there, done that (twice), doing it again at the moment. Time really is the only thing that'll work.

So many crude jokes I can come up with from that one PullMyFinger! But that wouldn't be very helpful... Heartbroken, seriously, she sounds like a right bitch. Making sure you knew about her new boyfriend? That's the lowest of the low. I was going out with this girl recently whose ex was pining after her. She made sure he knew about me and did stupid things like spreading about in his circle of friends that I was better in bed then him and all that sort of stuff... Which by the way I think is a really trashy thing to do. Seriously, leave that to tramps like Katie "Jordan" Price and Jodie Marsh. I loved it when Charlotte Church punched her ex-beau Kyle Johnson last February after he went and sold their sex-secrets to The News of the World. He was telling how she was mad for it and he

was only her second. But she knew all the tricks, all right. It was every day and every night in every room - even the bathroom. We loved doing it in the shower with the hot water pouring down. It was really horny. We wouldn't stop until we were totally knackered.

Let her do what she likes OP, she sounds like a right wagon altogether. Honestly dude, you're better off without a girl like that, plus you have the satisfaction (?) of having dumped her. Girls hate that and it's probably another reason why she's mad.

LegacyUser

Maybe thats why she went so over the top in the aftermath of our breakup, it was like a bad episode of Eastenders. Some sense there Belial but it still doesnt make me hate her enough and the past week has been torture as I had it off work. Did anyone ever take another job or 3 on in times like this?

Ive considered therapy but not for now, if Im still like this in 6 months then maybe. I'll have a look at that mindtools website and post my thoughts later today, maybe it really is all in head in times like this.

Or not in our heads but we certainly make things ten times worse by thinking too much, I analyse everything we did, what she said, what I did wrong, who she is with now, is she happy, was she unfaithful, what did I do wrong, what could I have done better, etc

LegacyUser

Son_of_Belial wrote:

Girls hate that and it's probably another reason why she's mad.

But why do women hate been dumped and why do they react so harshly?




Avy: How did you fund returning back to Ireland? Was it not strange?

Pdunno: how long were you with her and how long did you take to heal?

Jonny 68: same question





Thanks all. Tough time for me at the moment but this is helping a bit.

LegacyUser

heartbroken2 wrote:

Avy: How did you fund returning back to Ireland? Was it not strange?

Pdunno: how long were you with her and how long did you take to heal?

Jonny 68: same question

Are the above 3 posters still out there?

LegacyUser

Sorry for all this ranting. Is there any more practical ideas I could try?

LegacyUser

Ok, I take it thats it advice wise, thanks to all who replied. Now all I need is a time machine to fast forward a year or so ;O)

cheers

jsr

Man you sound ruined,
but you must remember one very important thing through this; while it is good to know that others have gone through similar things and recovered (and lets face it everyone has been heartbroken at some stage) their advice will prob. not work for you. We all react differently to things, so while travel or womanising works for others you need to find something which works for you. If you are creative or have a passion perhaps you could plough yourself into it, it is a great distraction and gives your live a new focus.
I will not suggest what this should be as you surly have better taste than me…….and if not you are one sick puppy!

DublinWriter

heartbroken2 wrote:

Please tell me it gets easier.

It gets easier dude. Have a pint on me.

LegacyUser

jsr wrote:

Man you sound ruined,

"ruined" is an interesting way of putting it. I let it affect my health by drinking so much that it in turn started to effect my job, then friends, then been snappy with everyone from work collegues to family. Its mad that Im letting this get to me so much, considering I must have felt like finishing the reletionship at the time. Its complicated and I cant see myself figuring it or her anytime soon.

The lack of daily contact with her or even weekly makes me feel sad in a way I cant really describe, when we went out with each other it would be hourly texts, hour long chats and loads of laughs. I suppose I just miss the friendship most, I know deep down that the bridge to be a couple again is gone, I think I burned that one very foolishly, but I just want to know she's ok and talk to her and be there if she needs anything, NOT get "f**k off and leave me alone" texts, that gets to me so much, I dont deserve it.

Im not looking looking for sympathy with this thread, its good to share and get advice, some of it here has been great, realistic and practical so thanks again.



Is it better to have love and lost then have not loved at all?

Im not sure anymore.

LegacyUser

Hi,
I've been going through the samething as you for the last year and a half now. Its been rough and there is no way I'm close to the same person I was before the break up, but I like to think I'm getting better. For me I think a large part of my sadness for this girl so long after the break up had to do with location and memories. Right now I'm living somewhere completely new and although I do think about her a lot still, pretty much automatically at this stage I don't feel that huge void of sadness so much. Where I am right now is temperary and I know in september I'll be back in college and I might go back to the same place I was only a few months ago.
I've tried about a million things to get her out of my head and its not easy so I decided a while back to stop thinking about thinking about her if that makes any sense. Just taking life one day at a time I buried my resentment and bitterness a while back and its been easier to deal with memories, which are a ****. I don't think there is a practical way of getting over someone who ment the world and practical solutions are just temperary. Try and lose the emotional baggage is the best advice I can give you. Next time something pops into your head that makes you mad or sad or whatever rationalise it from both your and her point of view. I think I've achieved that and although I do not want her back in my life I think if I meet someone now I could give it a shot and not run a million miles from something that even smells like a relationship, which I've done once or twice.
Best of luck.

jsr

Ruined is the only way I can describe it.
I (and I know im not alone here) have lost love in the past. Sympathy will not help so I wont offer it but I know it will dull in time, it will never go. You will replace her in your affections but the loss will still be there since we feel differently to all people we are close to. It is something you will get over but never forget. To be honest the heart ache of past love reminds me how much the person meant to me and after a while I treasure it. Passion should not be forgotten. You will smile on your experience with this person even if it takes years…………………God I sound old!!!
Hang in there man.

CathyMoran

The best way that I have found to deal with the heartbreak of loosing someone that you really love is to become friends with them - yes, it goes against a lot of logic and common sense but for the relationships where I really cared for the person becoming friends has been the only way to deal with the emotions. I should add that I have only ever dated friends, so when the relationship failed I felt totally lost without my best friends.

My logic behind staying friends is that you do not have the terrible sense of loss and you get to know the person better and with time realise that being friends was another valid option.

LegacyUser

CathyMoran wrote:

My logic behind staying friends is that you do not have the terrible sense of loss and you get to know the person better and with time realise that being friends was another valid option.

I wish it was an option but I think we've reached the worst kind of stalemate with each other. How can someone change into what she is? My mates have put it down to her age, she's 20 and Im 27, maybe she has alot of living to do to realise you cant treat people or be as heartless as this.

A year and a half together and yet she'd probably walk past me on the street. Sad, shocking and maybe waste of the words "I love you" on my behalf. I try to keep them for someone who wouldnt turn nasty on me like this.

WhiteWashMan

replace her already, and try someone this time who is more mature and has finished growing up.

you sound like some person who bought a tiger cub coz they were cute and then got upset when it turned into a man eating tiger!

ADUB?

OP,
You arent channelling your thoughts correctly.
You are never going to get what you seek from looking back and pining etc.
Try not think about her! every time you do think of a bad time with her and why u broke, turn her into a negative in your mind.
Stop putting her on a pedestal, and looking back with rose coloured glasses on your past. remember why u broke up and that she is a bitch etc those are the thoughts you should be focusing on to get over her and under someone else!
And dish out some medicine to her -- as wwm says replace her already!

Nickibaby*

I came out of a long term relationship about a year and a half ago (we were together 4 years) things didn't turn bitter he asked me back a good few times but I knew it was best that we broke up because I knew that we wern't good for each other and wanted different things out of life. But even though it was me that broke it off and I knew it was the right thing to do, it didn't make it any less hard.

When he contacted me I wouldn't reply or the odd time I did I would just say that I had to go in the message after that. It just turned into general 'how are you' 'how are you keeping' 'that's great your doing so well take care' bull****. The way I looked at it was I would always go back to him if I kept in contact, I needed to make a clean break and make a new life for myself. What I missed mainly was our routine of seeing each other and it is lonely without the constant text messages, phone calls ect.

It is a shame and a bit strange after everything that we shared that I think that we would both just walk past each other on the street if we met up.

Don't just keep yourself busy with work, that is just blocking out your emotions which is never a good thing. You have to open up to your friends and family let them know how bad you are feeling. Get new interests like going to the gym, take up a sport - something that you enjoy.

I got new interests, new friends and totally changed things around for myself. But what really made things better was when I started dating again (about 6 months after we broke up). The thing you have to remember is that it wont be the same as you had with your ex. It takes time to get used to being with a new partner, getting to know them, getting used to being comfortable with them, it also takes time to build up memories and love for somebody - it's not something that happens straight away.

I am alot happier now than I ever was with my ex - I have lot more interests, more friends, i'm more outgoing. I still think about him alot and on our anniversaire, his birthday, christmas ect. But that is just something thatyou do - thinking about people you care about is totally natural. That lost feeling and emptiness that you have will gradually go away it takes time but you will be fine and get over this.

Good luck with everything.

PS- I never tried counselling myself but some people find it very good to let out their emotions to a stranger if they can't talk to friends and family about it.

ClareBear

heartbroken2 wrote:

I wish it was an option but I think we've reached the worst kind of stalemate with each other. How can someone change into what she is? My mates have put it down to her age, she's 20 and Im 27, maybe she has alot of living to do to realise you cant treat people or be as heartless as this.

A year and a half together and yet she'd probably walk past me on the street. Sad, shocking and maybe waste of the words "I love you" on my behalf. I try to keep them for someone who wouldnt turn nasty on me like this.

The more I read your posts the more I think we're going through almost the exact same thing....I still can't get my head around how my ex changed practically overnight on me. 4 and a half months on and I still think about it constantly. How can he suddenly be so heartless after all we've been through - we were best friends for a few years before this, what I haven't done for that guy....I won't get in to it but I'll never make that mistake with anyone ever again. If time is such a good healer I wish it would hurry up.

spacetweek

heartbroken2 wrote:

Is it better to have love and lost then have not loved at all?
Im not sure anymore.

I used to wonder that myself. I think in the long run, it is better to love and lose. That way at least you learn something. If you've never loved, I think you're less of a person.

dazednconfused

hey,
I know exactly what your going through,I went out with a guy for nearly 5years and were broken up a couple of months now.I was completely heartbroken when we broke up,I couldnt go 5minutes without thinking about him and how much i missed everything we did together but as time went by I realised that we were not meant to be and I started to concentrate on a future which didnt invole him.I havent seen him or contacted him in months and thats whats really helped me,complete closure and realising that the world is not going to end just because he's not part of my life anymore.I do think about him a lot but then I think about how unhappy he made me sometimes and he's just not worth crying over anymore.I'm a completely different person now and after what I've been through I think I could face anything.My advice to you is to just take every day as it comes,you only have one life so live it,have fun and beleive me,some day you'l find the right girl and you'l never look back,
best of luck.

LegacyUser

Nickibaby* wrote:

I came out of a long term relationship about a year and a half ago (we were together 4 years) things didn't turn bitter he asked me back a good few times but I knew it was best that we broke up because I knew that we wern't good for each other and wanted different things out of life. But even though it was me that broke it off and I knew it was the right thing to do, it didn't make it any less hard.

When he contacted me I wouldn't reply or the odd time I did I would just say that I had to go in the message after that. It just turned into general 'how are you' 'how are you keeping' 'that's great your doing so well take care' bull****. The way I looked at it was I would always go back to him if I kept in contact, I needed to make a clean break and make a new life for myself. What I missed mainly was our routine of seeing each other and it is lonely without the constant text messages, phone calls ect.

It is a shame and a bit strange after everything that we shared that I think that we would both just walk past each other on the street if we met up.

Don't just keep yourself busy with work, that is just blocking out your emotions which is never a good thing. You have to open up to your friends and family let them know how bad you are feeling. Get new interests like going to the gym, take up a sport - something that you enjoy.

I got new interests, new friends and totally changed things around for myself. But what really made things better was when I started dating again (about 6 months after we broke up). The thing you have to remember is that it wont be the same as you had with your ex. It takes time to get used to being with a new partner, getting to know them, getting used to being comfortable with them, it also takes time to build up memories and love for somebody - it's not something that happens straight away.

I am alot happier now than I ever was with my ex - I have lot more interests, more friends, i'm more outgoing. I still think about him alot and on our anniversaire, his birthday, christmas ect. But that is just something thatyou do - thinking about people you care about is totally natural. That lost feeling and emptiness that you have will gradually go away it takes time but you will be fine and get over this.

Good luck with everything.

PS- I never tried counselling myself but some people find it very good to let out their emotions to a stranger if they can't talk to friends and family about it.

Maybe not normal counselling but I was looking at Paul McKenna last night on Sky One and I think I need something that radical, my brain "re-wired" to get her out of my head and Id happily spend a few thousand quid with him or someone similar to get it achieved. Im just after re-reading that and it looks a bit crazy but Im willing to do anything to get rid of this pain and these thoughts.

Re: friends and interests. Ive tried to widen my circle of friends since the breakup but I keep going back to the same 3 or 4 good mates to pour my heart out when Im drunk and I know they're growing bored of me not getting over it. I was thinking about joining a gym to stay more active and to focus on something new that needs alot of concentration.


I think you were right to take a break from men for 6 months, thats what I wanted her to do and Id be ok except I heard back (and she made sure it got back to me) that she started seeing another fella after 6-8 weeks, that killed me.


"It is a shame and a bit strange after everything that we shared that I think that we would both just walk past each other on the street if we met up"

I think there is something wrong with human nature. How can people be like this after sharing amazing memories, holidays, love, close friendship etc and then blank each other? We havent seen each other in ages but I fear the same thing would happen. Im a strong enough person but I dont know how Id react to that one after all I did for her.

Re: texting, we tried it for awhile after we broke up but naturally one of us wanted more. As it turned out it was me. I regretted finishing it and text her constantly, it was foolish and came across as too needy. It definitely pushed her away even more. To any guy just broke up with his GF reading this: Dont text her at all, let her text you or each text you send will be more desperate than the last.

LegacyUser

ClareBear wrote:

The more I read your posts the more I think we're going through almost the exact same thing....I still can't get my head around how my ex changed practically overnight on me. 4 and a half months on and I still think about it constantly. How can he suddenly be so heartless after all we've been through - we were best friends for a few years before this, what I haven't done for that guy....I won't get in to it but I'll never make that mistake with anyone ever again. If time is such a good healer I wish it would hurry up.

I laughed at that last line so at least it cheered me up

I thought Id never make this mistake with someone again but I have done it before and Im starting to doubt if Im a good judge of character anymore. I was friends with her for ages before we kissed too cos I liked her so much I wanted to make sure. Any half decent bloke/girl can get laid on a Saturday night, I wanted more from this girl so I took my time. Didnt matter in the end as our freindship counted for nothing and she got nasty.

Do you see him around or even get the odd text?

LegacyUser

ADUB? wrote:

OP,
You arent channelling your thoughts correctly.
You are never going to get what you seek from looking back and pining etc.
Try not think about her! every time you do think of a bad time with her and why u broke, turn her into a negative in your mind.
Stop putting her on a pedestal, and looking back with rose coloured glasses on your past. remember why u broke up and that she is a bitch etc those are the thoughts you should be focusing on to get over her and under someone else!
And dish out some medicine to her -- as wwm says replace her already!

Thats close to the methods Paul McKenna used I spoke of above, a few weeks ago he "cured" a woman who had been going through something similar for 2 years.

Apparently what you need to do is get 3 or 4 times when you fighting with your ex and/or you couldnt stand them at the time and keep running them through you head over and over and faster and faster again. While she was doing that he gave her thoughts a "theme" and played the theme from Benny Hill on his Hi Fi to "compound" her ex as a joke. If that makes sense.

AllMessedUp

im goin tru exact same thing...getting over her now. good luck to ya Heartbroken2

Nickibaby*

heartbroken2 wrote:

I think you were right to take a break from men for 6 months, thats what I wanted her to do and Id be ok except I heard back (and she made sure it got back to me) that she started seeing another fella after 6-8 weeks, that killed me.


"

The same thing happened to me, even though it was me who broke it off my ex started seeing people almost straight away. He stalked my family and told them he was going out with others, saying that it wasn't the same as he had with me ect. He emailed me telling me he thought he got some girl pregnant on a one night stand then emailed me to say he made it up to make me jealous.(the split made him crack up a bit) but he is fine now and is seeing a girl for a few months now.

His mind games did hurt me but when you break up with somebody you just have to do what is best for you and taking a break from dating for awhile done me the world of good. It wouldn't have been fair to start a relationship with anybody until I worked out who I was again and learn to love myself again (i know it does sound funny but you can't expect anyone else to love you until you love yourself)

What you always have to remember is that you can only be held responsible for your own actions what she does is none of your business now. You might still care about her but she is entitled to do as she pleases and won't appreciate it if you try to interfere. What you want her to do doesn't count anymore you just have to work on yourself and what makes you happy.

ClareBear

heartbroken2 wrote:

I laughed at that last line so at least it cheered me up

I thought Id never make this mistake with someone again but I have done it before and Im starting to doubt if Im a good judge of character anymore. I was friends with her for ages before we kissed too cos I liked her so much I wanted to make sure. Any half decent bloke/girl can get laid on a Saturday night, I wanted more from this girl so I took my time. Didnt matter in the end as our freindship counted for nothing and she got nasty.

Do you see him around or even get the odd text?

I see him...rarely....maybe in the gym or in the pub or on the street but that's about it. Only seen him a couple of times since he stopped talking to me. No texts, no hello's when he sees me, no nothing.

Our problem is very similar, being friends with them before makes it a million times worse. I just know no matter what I would never treat him like that. Never.

DublinWriter

heartbroken2 wrote:

Maybe not normal counselling but I was looking at Paul McKenna last night on Sky One and I think I need something that radical, my brain "re-wired" to get her out of my head and Id happily spend a few thousand quid with him or someone similar to get it achieved.

Dude, I can empathaise with you, but there is no 'quick-fix'. The only healer that will work for you is time.

Unfortunately it make take a year or two.

I'm very suspicious of guys like Paul McKenna. He was a DJ in his mid-20's who bought a book on Hypnotism once and decided to have a crack at it for himself. Like most stage hypnotists, he's now gone down the road to become a 'healer' without any prior medical training whatsoever. I've like to see a two-year followup on some of the subjects I've seen him 'cure' on that show of his on Sky one.

I'm sure counselling with a trained professional will help you, but not totally cure you. Regarding spending thousands, a friend of mine is a certified councellor and he tells me that they charge around €60 a session.

If I were you, I really would not go spending thousands of your hard-earned looking for a magic pill or cure, or even mentioning it publically on a forum like this as there are loads of charlatans out there ready to prey on the vunerable.

LegacyUser

Nickibaby* wrote:

The same thing happened to me, even though it was me who broke it off my ex started seeing people almost straight away. He stalked my family and told them he was going out with others, saying that it wasn't the same as he had with me ect. He emailed me telling me he thought he got some girl pregnant on a one night stand then emailed me to say he made it up to make me jealous.(the split made him crack up a bit) but he is fine now and is seeing a girl for a few months now.

When she made sure news of her new BF got to me I went be crazy in the head too and made sure similar stories got back to her (some were true, some were made up cos I knew she hated certain girls we both knew and who always used to flirt we me on front of her, it was the best retaliation I could come up with at the time. Evil and so childish on both our parts, its scary how people think when they're heartbroken and want (what they think is) revenge.

LegacyUser

Nickibaby* wrote:

His mind games did hurt me but when you break up with somebody you just have to do what is best for you and taking a break from dating for awhile done me the world of good. It wouldn't have been fair to start a relationship with anybody until I worked out who I was again and learn to love myself again (i know it does sound funny but you can't expect anyone else to love you until you love yourself)

I felt like ringing everyone Ive ever loved or slept with in the weeks after the breakup cos I just wanted to fill the huge gap in my life after the breakup. One ex got in touch with me and we still hook up every few weeks but when I wake up beside her it just makes me realise how much more I want to be with ****her****

Ive done alot of thinking about what this new fella might be like and if she's happy and if it was going on behind my back cos of how quick she fell into a reletionship, and then another side thinks that she was just playing me all along OR this fella is a fragment of her imagination and she wants revenge for me finishing it like I did. Drunk and incoherent.

Nickibaby* wrote:

What you always have to remember is that you can only be held responsible for your own actions what she does is none of your business now. You might still care about her but she is entitled to do as she pleases and won't appreciate it if you try to interfere. What you want her to do doesn't count anymore you just have to work on yourself and what makes you happy.

One thing Ive learned out of all of this is never chase after a woman, even if you are the one who brings things to an end. From what Ive read and from what mates have said women HATE this. If and when and if ever they want to contact you they will. Maybe she never will.

What a waste.

LegacyUser

ps; clairebear and dublinwriter: I'll reply to you tomorrow, thanks

LegacyUser

heartbroken2, sorry been sooo busy, just checked in again... can't believe how long this thread has gotten. Just goes to show how many people have been in the same place and not had a clue what the hell to do. With the disparity in the answers it also shows that everyone deals with things in different ways. As for my resolution, the travelling and all, coming back to Ireland was an incredible thing for me.

The story goes like this...
Around the same time that I started with my ex, I started to get depressed. About a million things... mid-twenties crap. Dissillusionment etc. Until I landed on the tarmac after my stint in Oz, I was still in that state. Something happened while I was away, which was sealed by the time I got home. I resolved so much stuff in my head, part of which included getting over my ex (a huge part). People keep commenting now on how well I look and I don't know why: apart from a hair cut there aint that much different... but one thing... Im happy! My friends all say that my face looks different. Im not scowling anymore... which I didnt realise I did, but sure if it aint broke now..
(Sorry very big on the dot dot dots at the moment!)

Anyway, to answer your question directly. Coming home did not feel strange at all, in fact it was like a warm fuzzy feeling came over me. Before I left, I had so much anger and anxiety towards my ex, my folks and others, that I couldn't see the woods from the trees. Now I know what I have here and the people I have in my life are bloody brilliant, and no guy is gonna mess with that. Im not saying Im staying single; just whomever he may be will be an addition to the already pretty cool life Ive got going right now!

I really hope you start to figure this all out. Maybe clearing all decks would be a start? Throw out everything that reminds you of her... including deleting her number from your phone. I didn't do it for the long-term ex, but I did for others and it seemed to work. Maybe thats why it took me so long to let him go... because I point blank refused to?

LegacyUser

ClareBear wrote:

I see him...rarely....maybe in the gym or in the pub or on the street but that's about it. Only seen him a couple of times since he stopped talking to me. No texts, no hello's when he sees me, no nothing.

Our problem is very similar, being friends with them before makes it a million times worse. I just know no matter what I would never treat him like that. Never.

4 years and not even a hello? Have you tried nodding your head at him first to see if you get a reaction? I feel Im after wasting a year plus of my life with this girl and the emotional drain its had on my life, you must be incredibly strong to cope with his ignorance after 4.

Its also showing on my face as well I think, I used to get chatted up a fair bit but now its as if I have "damaged goods" tattooed across my forehead.

LegacyUser

Avy wrote:

Maybe clearing all decks would be a start? Throw out everything that reminds you of her... including deleting her number from your phone. I didn't do it for the long-term ex, but I did for others and it seemed to work. Maybe thats why it took me so long to let him go... because I point blank refused to?

I still have a lingering hope that we'll get back together but as a friend said to me last night when had a few beers ; maybe I just want to get back with her so I can finish it again, and get my own back for how she went on after the breakup. I dunno. I dont want to come across as childish, it just seems that its the way some reletionships go when they come to an end.

Her number went a long time ago, the temptation to drunk text was too much. I threw out a few of her things I had over the past few weeks and all thats really left is our holiday pics, thats going to be tough.

I think one more look at them all and a really good whinge and then I'll bin them.

LegacyUser

DublinWriter wrote:

Dude, I can empathaise with you, but there is no 'quick-fix'. The only healer that will work for you is time.

Unfortunately it make take a year or two.

I'm very suspicious of guys like Paul McKenna. He was a DJ in his mid-20's who bought a book on Hypnotism once and decided to have a crack at it for himself. Like most stage hypnotists, he's now gone down the road to become a 'healer' without any prior medical training whatsoever. I've like to see a two-year followup on some of the subjects I've seen him 'cure' on that show of his on Sky one.

I'm sure counselling with a trained professional will help you, but not totally cure you. Regarding spending thousands, a friend of mine is a certified councellor and he tells me that they charge around €60 a session.

If I were you, I really would not go spending thousands of your hard-earned looking for a magic pill or cure, or even mentioning it publically on a forum like this as there are loads of charlatans out there ready to prey on the vunerable.

He's on Sky One tonight, he seems to use the same method of "cognitive" (?) therapy that Ive read about before .......... its a "re-wiring" of the way you think and seems to be controversial enough. I cant go through another year of this, not a chance, so I might need something like that or take the travel option (and lose my 40k plus job, that not a boast, Im just trying to put things in perspective even for myself as Im typing this)

Talking to a councellor would be the equavilent of me moaning to my mates about her after Ive had a few too many drinks. I dont think it'll do anytihng for me in the long term.

Farls

Just read this thread...tough on ya man...i'm in a similar situation its only been days though but the empty feeling can't be explained. Its the worst ever... best of luck...

Besprechen

same situation after over 5 years without a single day apart, 6 months on and i still have to be pleasant though it kills still trying to sell the bleedin house, though i had to move out before i cracked up.
anyone fancy doing me a favour and bagging a nice house into the bargain?

LegacyUser

why did you breakup with her Besprechen?

Alpha505

Im in a similar situation mate, you'll have your bad days and good days but I think it takes a long time if it was strong love on both sides. They say it takes twice as long as the reletionship lasted to get over someone.

In_the_sea

I've been there. Its torture. No short term relief other than going out with mates and thinking about things that make u feel great and of course optimism! Think of someone more suited to you out there!! Thats important. Keep the faith!
If you feel really low, guaranteed ul eventually lift! Keep in there. Its like withdrawal, you gotta get through it and you'll be stronger coming out, but learn from the experience. Next time be weary of who you get a deep involvement with before you get deeply emotionally involved! Its a must! And it will come natural coz you will be subconsciously more careful!

LegacyUser

In_the_sea wrote:

I've been there. Its torture. No short term relief other than going out with mates and thinking about things that make u feel great and of course optimism! Think of someone more suited to you out there!! Thats important. Keep the faith!
/QUOTE]

Im the king of optimism but somehow I let this get the better of me and Im going to start fighting back in my head.

Phuck her!

I cant believe I just typed that but Im hungover, its been too long without a holiday and Ive let her consume my thoughts too much. The sun used to rise and shine with her but I have to start getting back to *me* before I lose the plot completely.

At the risk of working my bolllix off Im looking into starting up my own business in the next week with a mate as well as keeping on my job, its something Ive always wanted to do and I think if I pour all my energies into that it'll help hugely. (I hope)

Alpha505 wrote:

They say it takes twice as long as the reletionship lasted to get over someone/QUOTE]

Ive heard it also takes "half". It very much depends on where the heart and head is I think.

Sleepy

How did you ever let yourself get so dependent on one person? Learn from your mistake. You should love someone, want them but never, ever, let yourself need anyone.

Zulu

Sleepy wrote:

How did you ever let yourself get so dependent on one person? Learn from your mistake. You should love someone, want them but never, ever, let yourself need anyone.

That can be a lot easier that said old boy! Relationships (or certain people) can be like a bad drug addiction. The highs aren't quite as high; the lows get lower, and you just can't help yourself!

LegacyUser

Alpha 505, it takes HALF the time of the relationship. My god man, you'd have people taking drastic measures nationwide if it was double the time of the relationship. And at that, half is far too long.

And being dependent on someone is kinda what a relationship is all about. Really the only person you can depend on is your partner...isn't it right?

heartbroken2... fair play to ya... with the new company and all. But word of warning. Do it cause you love it and want it to succeed. And dont let it be the way to get over her, cause you might end up resenting it. You will get over her if you have something else to concentrate on, but getting back to what 'you' want to do is whats important now.

Fingers-crossed for ya