I cant get over her

LegacyUser

quad_red wrote:

What a colossal witch!!!

Thank god I'm past the stage of caring. Saying that, since we broke up, I've never seen her be with anyone else. Don't think I'd care that much though. A world away.

Imagine travelling all that distance under the pretence of sorting things out with him only to break his heart hundreds of miles away. And I thought I had it bad with women. This guy has my upmost respect for finally getting away from and over her.

Dontknowmuch ; have you spent time with and spoken to friends? You cant keep your emotions bottled up, you'll go crazy.

DontKnowMuch

Come to think about it, i haven´t been doing a determined effort to get over her. I am always thinking of the past, thinking about the way she broke my heart...well, i think it´s time I start fighting this feelings. I want to find my inner peace again. She won´t be the last woman that I will love. I will go through this. So help me God.

LegacyUser

DontKnowMuch wrote:

Come to think about it, i haven´t been doing a determined effort to get over her. I am always thinking of the past, thinking about the way she broke my heart...well, i think it´s time I start fighting this feelings. I want to find my inner peace again. She won´t be the last woman that I will love. I will go through this. So help me God.

what age are you can I ask? glad to hear you're not taking it lying down anymore If you're younger than 23 than you will love again. defininitely.

jimmidy_cricket

sean23 wrote:

tbh = to be honest

So you went travelling to Oz alone and then thought about getting back with him??? Wouldnt it have made sense to go to Oz together?

Yep of course that would've made sense but at the time I couldn't tell him the truth about why I broke up with him because I was trying to protect him and I honestly think he wouldn't have been able for the truth even though he deserved it (alot of things are clearer in retrospect) anyhow like I said, everything happens for a reason and maybe we're not actually meant for each other like the fairytale I (along with everyone else) had envisioned because his reasoning for doing lines of coke in my friends kitchen when no one else was doing any drugs, infact not even drinking was "well I stopped doing pills because of [me] and I've been off everything for four years, it got me no where, she's (me) f*cked off to oz, so really I can do what I want"...now in fairness I don't want to be around some one with that kind of mind set...those are the words of a waster so I'm glad I found that out now and not 10 or 15 years down the line married with children. It might seem selfish that I won't have anything to do with him for somthing as insignificant as a few pills and lines a coke but I have my reasons (past history with drugs, not me, some one close) and well quite frankly I deserve better.

Farls

DontKnowMuch wrote:

Come to think about it, i haven´t been doing a determined effort to get over her. I am always thinking of the past, thinking about the way she broke my heart...well, i think it´s time I start fighting this feelings. I want to find my inner peace again. She won´t be the last woman that I will love. I will go through this. So help me God.

Good man, thats the mind set to be in. I'm at the same now myself. Like last night/this morning spent ages thinking off her...tried not too but couldn't help it. But its gradually getting easier, I'm really trying to move on but its easier said than done.

Alpha why you say over 23? I can understand it a kinda but it dont matter what age you are...you can always love again I think.

DontKnowMuch

I found this text on the internet and I want to share it with all of you that have a broken heart. This my friends, represents a lesson in life that we all learn sooner or later:

"Observation 1: When a woman says 'We have to talk', it's not about you forgetting to pick up milk at the market on your way home. It means the end of the relationship.
Rule 1: When a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you any longer, no amount of crying, reasoning, talking, yelling, screaming, coaxing, promising you'll change, &c, will change her mind. You may cause her to delay the final break-up for a while, but that's it: the 'fix' is temporary until she stiffens her resolve to end it.
Rule 2: Don't waste your time with a woman who's decided to leave you. You're merely robbing yourself of time you could be spending finding another girlfriend.
Rule 3: Don't listen to her 'reasons why', 'excuses', claims she 'loves someone else', &c. All you'll get is a 'back and forth': you say, she says, you say, she says. Another waste of time. Most women concoct nice, soothing reasons why they're leaving you, and try to 'ease through the break-up', so as not to hurt your feelings, &c.
Observation 2: I've heard every excuse in the book from, 'My mother's stuck in the snow in Alaska and I have to go save her' to 'I need to fulfil myself as a woman, and I can't do that in a relationship'. It's all rubbish.
Rule 4: You'll seldom hear the real reason she's leaving you. It'll always be some reasons that sound 'stupid' to you. That's because they're false reasons, again, so as not to hurt your 'feelings'.
Observation 3: Women are most concerned with not hurting your 'feelings'.
When I hear 'We've got to talk', I reply with, 'You want to leave me?' That reply will normally startle women (they never anticipate you would say that!), but you'll eventually get a 'yes'. Which leads to Rule 5.
Rule 5: Show them the door right away. Cut them off if they try to explain. It's a waste of time, and you won't hear the real reason(s). Just say, 'I don't want to hear your reason(s)'.
Keep it simple, talk in 'computer-neutral' voice (don't get sarcastic, nasty, brutal, mean, &c), and get it over as fast as possible. Say, 'I love you, but I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me. You're a great girl, it's been great, and good luck. There's the door. Bye.'
This eliminates all the crying, shouting, and raw emotions of breaking up, as well as the need to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Why bother? Again, she's made up her mind, and you won't change it, so the faster you let it go, the sooner you can go forward with your life.
Rule 6: NEVER go back. Not ever! It's done, it's over. Get used to it.
Delete her phone number from your auto-dial, delete and block her screen name (like on AOL); don't call; don't send messages to her via friends. Just don't look back, and never take her back: it's doomed to fail, and it's a waste of your precious time. The faster you return to the 'dating pool' the faster you'll meet someone who wants to be with you.
Remember: you should only want to be with a woman who wants to be with you.
Observation 4: Don't dredge up things she's said in the past such as, 'I'll love you for ever' and fling it in her face. Either she never meant it, or she'll say, 'Things have changed since then'. Either way, you'll get nowhere with that.
Give it up. It's over, so make the break as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then get on with your life. "

This hurts as hell, but I believe this is the right thing to do.

L5

DontKnowMuch wrote:

I found this text on the internet and I want to share it with all of you that have a broken heart. This my friends, represents a lesson in life that we all learn sooner or later:

"Observation 1: When a woman says 'We have to talk', it's not about you forgetting to pick up milk at the market on your way home. It means the end of the relationship.
Rule 1: When a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you any longer, no amount of crying, reasoning, talking, yelling, screaming, coaxing, promising you'll change, &c, will change her mind. You may cause her to delay the final break-up for a while, but that's it: the 'fix' is temporary until she stiffens her resolve to end it.
Rule 2: Don't waste your time with a woman who's decided to leave you. You're merely robbing yourself of time you could be spending finding another girlfriend.
Rule 3: Don't listen to her 'reasons why', 'excuses', claims she 'loves someone else', &c. All you'll get is a 'back and forth': you say, she says, you say, she says. Another waste of time. Most women concoct nice, soothing reasons why they're leaving you, and try to 'ease through the break-up', so as not to hurt your feelings, &c.
Observation 2: I've heard every excuse in the book from, 'My mother's stuck in the snow in Alaska and I have to go save her' to 'I need to fulfil myself as a woman, and I can't do that in a relationship'. It's all rubbish.
Rule 4: You'll seldom hear the real reason she's leaving you. It'll always be some reasons that sound 'stupid' to you. That's because they're false reasons, again, so as not to hurt your 'feelings'.
Observation 3: Women are most concerned with not hurting your 'feelings'.
When I hear 'We've got to talk', I reply with, 'You want to leave me?' That reply will normally startle women (they never anticipate you would say that!), but you'll eventually get a 'yes'. Which leads to Rule 5.
Rule 5: Show them the door right away. Cut them off if they try to explain. It's a waste of time, and you won't hear the real reason(s). Just say, 'I don't want to hear your reason(s)'.
Keep it simple, talk in 'computer-neutral' voice (don't get sarcastic, nasty, brutal, mean, &c), and get it over as fast as possible. Say, 'I love you, but I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me. You're a great girl, it's been great, and good luck. There's the door. Bye.'
This eliminates all the crying, shouting, and raw emotions of breaking up, as well as the need to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Why bother? Again, she's made up her mind, and you won't change it, so the faster you let it go, the sooner you can go forward with your life.
Rule 6: NEVER go back. Not ever! It's done, it's over. Get used to it.
Delete her phone number from your auto-dial, delete and block her screen name (like on AOL); don't call; don't send messages to her via friends. Just don't look back, and never take her back: it's doomed to fail, and it's a waste of your precious time. The faster you return to the 'dating pool' the faster you'll meet someone who wants to be with you.
Remember: you should only want to be with a woman who wants to be with you.
Observation 4: Don't dredge up things she's said in the past such as, 'I'll love you for ever' and fling it in her face. Either she never meant it, or she'll say, 'Things have changed since then'. Either way, you'll get nowhere with that.
Give it up. It's over, so make the break as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then get on with your life. "

talk about being pessimistic ....

DontKnowMuch

L5 wrote:

talk about being pessimistic ....

Oh really ? And what´s being optimistic? Sitting and waiting for the person that said that no longer wants to be with you, to change her mind?
This is being realistic !
I don´t know about you, but if a woman looks in my eyes and tells me that she no longer wants to be with me, that´s it. I can´t be with somebody that doesn´t want to be with me. Believe me, I´ve been there.
But this is only me. Each case is a diferent case, just as everbody is different from each other. I respect your opinion.

Farls

And just as you think its getting better it comes back and hits you straight in the face! What is the story with women that they can just turn their backs on relationships like they never even happened?

Or is it that their just too good at fooling us men?...really...I cant just turn off my love, I want too...I wish I could. Women

DontKnowMuch

Farls wrote:

And just as you think its getting better it comes back and hits you straight in the face! What is the story with women that they can just turn their backs on relationships like they never even happened?

Or is it that their just too good at fooling us men?...really...I cant just turn off my love, I want too...I wish I could. Women

I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday was a good day or me. thought I was finally learning how to move on. Today, I wake up completely heartbroken.... Don´t know what to do anymore. This disease brings me to my knees. I need some help from up there.

LegacyUser

Farls, are you kidding me? Women cannot turn their back on a relationship like it never happened. All these women you guys are talking about are probably pining as much as you. And if they're not, then they are cold and why would you want them anyway. Even though I was the one to kinda break my last relationship up I 'morned' him for years. And even though I haven't spoken to him, he's still in my thoughts.

When something doesnt work out I think its best to try and put it behind you.... in whatever way you feel you can. If that means cutting contact, then fine. But it definitely doesnt mean that her heart has moved on. All you guys should give yourself a break. We feel just as much hurt as you guys do. Acknowledge the fact that you were probably an amazing boyfriend, and that you too are hard to get over. And if you think she's 'moved on' already, put it down to it being too difficult to see you cause it hurts.

By the sounds of your posts, you could all do with checking out what pretty cool guys you are, and looking forward to some amazing woman walking into your lives in the future.

Farls

Thats true alright about them not wanting to see you because it hurts too much, my ex has told me this. But still women are a hell of a lot better at these breakups than lads are.

IMHO though I think that the main problem here is that were all the dumpee's not the dumper...the dumper can probably move on a lot easier, not that either is easy unless it was a really bad relationship. But women I think have a much better way of making it seem like they dont care than us lads do.

heartbroken00

could be right, but if they still feel that way...like u said even after years...then why not contact us?
i havent seen her in 2 months, or even heard her voice in 4 weeks...still texting every week or so though..its a killer
oh well we'll see what happens at college in 3 weeks.
ive decided not to let her see how much its hurting me from now on. she knows exactly how i feel. but i have to scrape some pride together , take it like a man etc etc. I wont be contacting her unless she contacts me, and ive been chatting to a few girls my age on some irish dating website...pathetic maybe but its making me feel a small bit better about myself...its true, there are more fish in the sea....doesnt help when u only have eyes for 1 fish though
take each day as it comes...some days will be hard
theres a lot of us in the same boat here apparantly. should all go out together and try take our minds off it

fischerspooner

well for starters mr. heartbroken00 you could do with changing that pathetic username you have!!!

sinus

i have been in this horrible situation.
I fell for my best friend! oh joy of joys nothing like being with someone who understands u the most and u understand them. Ended up moving from kerry to galway to be with her. Life was fantastic going out a year and a bit, then i went on holidays and find out she was seeing an ex for the week i was away...i couldnt hack it. Why was i let down like that? I was so far in love that nothin else mattered. Love is really truely blind.
For 2 years i cryed, got depressed, drank, too pain killers and yes twice attempted and forunatly twice failed with suicide. My friends was abandoning me because they couldnt sit looking at me moaning the same old story, "i love her blub blub" I was truly fathom deep. I tried going to a counselor, but found that to be a tad patronising, and well maybe it worked either, but cause more and more i found myself finding the situation stupid. I couldnt tell my parents what i was going through coz they had already lost a sibling. I didnt know where to go. I finially decided enough was enough i had to face realisty i had to confront those feelings inside me. It was tough but deleting her number was the first step. Locking up her pictures in a box and asking a friend to hid them was next (well pictures are memories after all, I was to be a dirty old man and recover those pictures and think, i didnt do half bad in my younger days :P)
Realise how life can be so much better not having to be depressed all the time. Think how much fun its gonna be going out and finding a girl and not having to sleep along again. I am not saying its just gonna magically happen as soon as you walk out the door. And that fantastic feeling of love inside will one day flourish again. I am living testament for that.Never give up on life, love and especially yourself.

There is no remedy for love but to love more.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

Aislinn

DontKnowMuch wrote:

I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday was a good day or me. thought I was finally learning how to move on. Today, I wake up completely heartbroken.... Don´t know what to do anymore. This disease brings me to my knees. I need some help from up there.

I know. Trust me. I know. I will pray for you. Really and truly I will. Even though I don't know your real name, God/The Universe/Master/Head Honcho in Charge, knows exactly who you are and I will ask him/her/it, to help you.

I am a (gasp!) girl, but I know that I am feeling all the same stuff and every day I wish I could just find the One Who Will Love Me Forever, so that I can forget The One Who Broke EVERY PROMISE HE EVER MADE AND BROKE MY HEART, INTO LITTLE TINY PIECES, DAMMIT!!!!!




I'm really sorry you're hurting. I promise I will pray for you. Pray for me too, will ya?

Aislinn

heartbroken00 wrote:

take each day as it comes...some days will be hard
theres a lot of us in the same boat here apparantly. should all go out together and try take our minds off it

Excellent...what time are you picking me up and what should I wear? I'll buy every other round....

There are alot of us around who know how this feels..and you might be onto something there....you said you're at college soon...why don't you hook up with some other guys and gals who are going thru this? Might help to ease the pain and you might meet a really nice girl???

Farls

That would be one depressing drinking session...with the girls outnumbered 20 to 1...

Sounds like a normal enough night out these days

jonny68

DontKnowMuch wrote:

I found this text on the internet and I want to share it with all of you that have a broken heart. This my friends, represents a lesson in life that we all learn sooner or later:

"Observation 1: When a woman says 'We have to talk', it's not about you forgetting to pick up milk at the market on your way home. It means the end of the relationship.
Rule 1: When a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you any longer, no amount of crying, reasoning, talking, yelling, screaming, coaxing, promising you'll change, &c, will change her mind. You may cause her to delay the final break-up for a while, but that's it: the 'fix' is temporary until she stiffens her resolve to end it.
Rule 2: Don't waste your time with a woman who's decided to leave you. You're merely robbing yourself of time you could be spending finding another girlfriend.
Rule 3: Don't listen to her 'reasons why', 'excuses', claims she 'loves someone else', &c. All you'll get is a 'back and forth': you say, she says, you say, she says. Another waste of time. Most women concoct nice, soothing reasons why they're leaving you, and try to 'ease through the break-up', so as not to hurt your feelings, &c.
Observation 2: I've heard every excuse in the book from, 'My mother's stuck in the snow in Alaska and I have to go save her' to 'I need to fulfil myself as a woman, and I can't do that in a relationship'. It's all rubbish.
Rule 4: You'll seldom hear the real reason she's leaving you. It'll always be some reasons that sound 'stupid' to you. That's because they're false reasons, again, so as not to hurt your 'feelings'.
Observation 3: Women are most concerned with not hurting your 'feelings'.
When I hear 'We've got to talk', I reply with, 'You want to leave me?' That reply will normally startle women (they never anticipate you would say that!), but you'll eventually get a 'yes'. Which leads to Rule 5.
Rule 5: Show them the door right away. Cut them off if they try to explain. It's a waste of time, and you won't hear the real reason(s). Just say, 'I don't want to hear your reason(s)'.
Keep it simple, talk in 'computer-neutral' voice (don't get sarcastic, nasty, brutal, mean, &c), and get it over as fast as possible. Say, 'I love you, but I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me. You're a great girl, it's been great, and good luck. There's the door. Bye.'
This eliminates all the crying, shouting, and raw emotions of breaking up, as well as the need to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Why bother? Again, she's made up her mind, and you won't change it, so the faster you let it go, the sooner you can go forward with your life.
Rule 6: NEVER go back. Not ever! It's done, it's over. Get used to it.
Delete her phone number from your auto-dial, delete and block her screen name (like on AOL); don't call; don't send messages to her via friends. Just don't look back, and never take her back: it's doomed to fail, and it's a waste of your precious time. The faster you return to the 'dating pool' the faster you'll meet someone who wants to be with you.
Remember: you should only want to be with a woman who wants to be with you.
Observation 4: Don't dredge up things she's said in the past such as, 'I'll love you for ever' and fling it in her face. Either she never meant it, or she'll say, 'Things have changed since then'. Either way, you'll get nowhere with that.
Give it up. It's over, so make the break as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then get on with your life. "

This hurts as hell, but I believe this is the right thing to do.

spot on there mate

_Turismo4

You've got it bad,
I’d get in contact, and see how she responds if it looks like she’s not interested then forget her- A good Text to her could work.
But don’t show her you’re missing her. That’s a NO NO. JUST BE COOL…

LegacyUser

My God! I’ve just discovered this thread. I’m blown away that all the feelings and conflicting emotions that have been part of my life for the last 8 months are understood and gently accepted by so many different people. It’s comforting and yet a little disconcerting to realise that. It’s disconcerting because I thought what ‘we’ had was so totally unique that no one else could possibly understand and comforting because a lot of the people who have been in this black hole have actually survived – not only that but survived with a tenderness that makes them, imo, rather special.

I realise that my experience is different but the emotions are the same. I wont go into too many details, but suffice it to say, I met someone and we became friends. (Loosing the friendship was the hardest part) He lit up my life, he understood me like no one had to that point. Unknown to myself nearly, I fell in love with this man and I believe he felt the same about me. (Love is such an inadequate word sometimes. It should be graded, like hurricanes. Force 1, Force 2 etc etc.) The one thing that differentiated our feelings for each other was that he, unlike me, kept in his focus that our relationship was short term - I’m married. Anyway to cut to the chase, I ended it after about 6 months of us becoming physical, we had been friends for a year previously to that. It was wrecking my head. I was married, had children and was so hopeless in love with this man that I either had to leave my family or end it. I love my children and, strange that may sound, I love my husband. I realized that I could not wreck their lives just so I could be happy. So I ended it. I had to get some control back in my life. I had to become honest and straight again. The deception and the unfeasibility (is that a word?) of what I was doing had to stop if I was ever again to feel honorable. That was probably the only honorable thing I did in the last 12 months! When I thought things couldn’t get worse they did, and all, to my shame, at my own hand.

To that point, I had only ever been with one man, my husband. I had no idea of the sense of loss and confusion that were ahead of me. I had lost my soul mate and there was little I could do about it. I couldn’t even share it. I couldn’t explain to anyone how absolutely empty I felt. I went thru the motions of every day life as a ghost. I drank myself into oblivion a lot of nights. I did the things that you all have recommended against. I texted him, I drunk dialed. I even wrote him to explain how I was feeling and when we spoke (just when he thought I was over him) I relapsed into a wailing scary desperate woman. I truly believe I frightened the life out of him. Even to me the metamorphosis from caring, loving, funny woman to the she-devil was terrifying. I have hurt this man, my friend, to the point where I could never again look at him in the eye. I feel so totally ashamed by this. I let what little dignity I had crumble. I have no faith in myself any more, I wish I could turn back time and be at the point where I said, ‘I love you but I can’t do this anymore, it could hurt too many people’. Unfortunately time is a bugger like that it only goes forward.

I have no answers for you heartbroken, and the rest of you who are suffering heartache, I can only say that I feel for what you are going thru. I think you are incredibly brave to open up and write down your feelings. I wish you sanity and peace as soon as possible. I’m sorry if I hijacked your thread but your bravery inspired me. For those of you who would like to judge me, its ok, you can’t say anything that I haven’t said to myself a 1000 times. One last thing, heartache is torture, nothing changes that but time, but you don’t need to add shame and loss of dignity to it. At some point, you will want to look back on your relationship and remember things in a good light. Allow yourself that space by being as strong as you can now. My thoughts are with you.

sinus

jonny68 wrote:

spot on there mate

sorry but i dont agree that this is spot on...it sounds like women are animals/aliens etc. Women are human beings and while we think that they do things for specific reasons, these are mere observations not truths. When you alienate the opposite sex like that, thats when you find fault. I am a man but i know that men are probably just as bad as you make women out the be here. We are just as conceietist, jealous, emotional as the next woman. While there are some valid points about how our friend here can get over him lost love, its a bit stupid to make immature generalisations about "how women work"

_Turismo4 wrote:

You've got it bad,
I’d get in contact, and see how she responds if it looks like she’s not interested then forget her- A good Text to her could work.
But don’t show her you’re missing her. That’s a NO NO. JUST BE COOL…

And what is he supposed to say? A good text isnt going to be the simple answer. People rely too much on just a few short lines anymore. It rarely comes out right and its not personal. While i dont agree he should get in contact with her, if you do, like _Turismo said "dont show her you're missing her"

LegacyUser

DontKnowMuch wrote:

"Observation 1: When a woman says 'We have to talk', it's not about you forgetting to pick up milk at the market on your way home. It means the end of the relationship


Rule 1: When a woman decides she doesn't want to be with you any longer, no amount of crying, reasoning, talking, yelling, screaming, coaxing, promising you'll change, &c, will change her mind. You may cause her to delay the final break-up for a while, but that's it: the 'fix' is temporary until she stiffens her resolve to end it.


Rule 2: Don't waste your time with a woman who's decided to leave you. You're merely robbing yourself of time you could be spending finding another girlfriend.


Rule 3: Don't listen to her 'reasons why', 'excuses', claims she 'loves someone else', &c. All you'll get is a 'back and forth': you say, she says, you say, she says. Another waste of time. Most women concoct nice, soothing reasons why they're leaving you, and try to 'ease through the break-up', so as not to hurt your feelings,


Observation 2: I've heard every excuse in the book from, 'My mother's stuck in the snow in Alaska and I have to go save her' to 'I need to fulfil myself as a woman, and I can't do that in a relationship'. It's all rubbish.


Rule 4: You'll seldom hear the real reason she's leaving you. It'll always be some reasons that sound 'stupid' to you. That's because they're false reasons, again, so as not to hurt your 'feelings'.


Observation 3: Women are most concerned with not hurting your 'feelings'.
When I hear 'We've got to talk', I reply with, 'You want to leave me?' That reply will normally startle women (they never anticipate you would say that!), but you'll eventually get a 'yes'. Which leads to Rule 5.


Rule 5: Show them the door right away. Cut them off if they try to explain. It's a waste of time, and you won't hear the real reason(s). Just say, 'I don't want to hear your reason(s)'.
Keep it simple, talk in 'computer-neutral' voice (don't get sarcastic, nasty, brutal, mean, &c), and get it over as fast as possible. Say, 'I love you, but I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me. You're a great girl, it's been great, and good luck. There's the door. Bye.'
This eliminates all the crying, shouting, and raw emotions of breaking up, as well as the need to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Why bother? Again, she's made up her mind, and you won't change it, so the faster you let it go, the sooner you can go forward with your life.


Rule 6: NEVER go back. Not ever! It's done, it's over. Get used to it.
Delete her phone number from your auto-dial, delete and block her screen name (like on AOL); don't call; don't send messages to her via friends. Just don't look back, and never take her back: it's doomed to fail, and it's a waste of your precious time. The faster you return to the 'dating pool' the faster you'll meet someone who wants to be with you.
Remember: you should only want to be with a woman who wants to be with you.


Observation 4: Don't dredge up things she's said in the past such as, 'I'll love you for ever' and fling it in her face. Either she never meant it, or she'll say, 'Things have changed since then'. Either way, you'll get nowhere with that.
Give it up. It's over, so make the break as quickly and efficiently as possible.




Then get on with your life. "

This hurts as hell, but I believe this is the right thing to do.

Some interesting methods there. Harsh but interesting.

The_B_Man

Interesting alright. most important is to delete her number. I find, as soon as drink gets involved, you become mister texty pants, textin her bout 10 times a night!! only problem is when u know her number off by heart!! its a disaster!! sometimes, even the old sayin "to get over someone, u need to get under someone else" doesnt even work!! women! wat can u do! i can defo think of someone who i'd love to be in the company of right now, only problem is there is a massive radioactive sea separatin us at the mo!!

im goin to bed.

LegacyUser

Well if its any help, i going through the same thing, i am gathering together every penny i have and moving to sydney for a while. Leaving a well paid/good job in the process.
Totally fresh start for a bit and i will be too busy freaking out about heading away to concentrate on being misreable.
Well that the plan, not totally working at the mo but ya have to try..

Farls

BallsToThemAll wrote:

Well if its any help, i going through the same thing, i am gathering together every penny i have and moving to sydney for a while. Leaving a well paid/good job in the process.
Totally fresh start for a bit and i will be too busy freaking out about heading away to concentrate on being misreable.
Well that the plan, not totally working at the mo but ya have to try..

I was having the same sort of ideas there for a while and still am, but before this i never really wanted to go away. And i'll be damned if i'm going to change what i want in my life just because she has hurt me. Live by your name mate...ballstothemall! do things because you want too...not because they have drove you too it!

LegacyUser

BallsToThemAll wrote:

Well if its any help, i going through the same thing, i am gathering together every penny i have and moving to sydney for a while

I wonder why everyonce chooses Oz to get away from them?

LegacyUser

hey all

going thru the same rubbish as the other guys here. Was a bit suffocating and overzealous with my ex (dumped last week). Nothing too harsh but she turned round and said she doesnt feel the same about me anymore-"it just doesn't feel right" as she said. Hmm thanks for that honey, really makes me feel great! We both cried as we split up so i know she sort of loves me still. we were'nt together long0it was only the week before we split that she told me she loved me for the first time and we booked our holiday away over xmas...! what went wrong in the space of 5 days!?!?!?
meeting her tomorrow for a "give eaxh others stuff back".
alot of advice here says to go away travelling. its not that easy you know!
as someone said earlier, lets all just pull each other-any birds after a cute blonde haired guy!
so where did heartbreak2 get to with his hangup?

LegacyUser

fatboyslick wrote:

so where did heartbreak2 get to with his hangup?

Im still around, have been reading all the posts but am making some changes to my life in the next few weeks (Ive made some already) so I'll give my thoughts then.

Some very moving stories there, its alleviating knowing that others are going through similar situations. Thank you all for your thoughts so far, I never thought there'd be so many in the same boat.

The sun *will* shine again for us all some day ;>)

LegacyUser

Farls wrote:

I was having the same sort of ideas there for a while and still am, but before this i never really wanted to go away. And i'll be damned if i'm going to change what i want in my life just because she has hurt me. Live by your name mate...ballstothemall! do things because you want too...not because they have drove you too it!

Think my position is a bit different. I have wanted to go travelling for years. But due to a problem I get with panic attacks brought on by flying mainly ( ever since I was over beside the twin towers and they fell on me ), I never had the guts to do it. I also am really nervous about change and have been in the same rut for yrs. Just working, going out at wkends and generally complaining about Dublin and being bored.
I was meant to be heading with my gf end of Oct. But thats no longer an option. So I thought, right i need to do this for myself, if i don't i will just be in a rut for rest of my days.
Also from experience, its always better if you can move on quicker in these types of situation. If you are the one doing the leaving for a total change and fresh start, it helps you get some perspective on things.
Anyhow everyone is different. I have a couple of my best mates out there and they are having the best time of their lifes.

Not sure why everyone picks OZ but i am hoping getting there on my own will give me the confidence to head anywhere i want...

good luck to everyone else...

oh yeah, i think i am going to feel like puking everyday till i arrive in oz.. biggest test of my life.. /

LegacyUser

goodluck to youmate. me and my ex had planned to travel thailand together (she went on her own earlier in the year and i waited 2months for her).it pains me that its not happening now!

crazymike

I was in your position three years ago and I know exactly how you feel. It may be hard at the moment but time will heal......believe me!!

When my long-term girlfriend broke up with me a few years ago I was in bits, to say the least. I was heart-broken, felt sick, couldn't listen to certain songs on the radio, broke out in tears a lot and just couldn't get her out of my head. I did the same thing as yourself, went out drinking a lot and got absolutely wasted which was stupid.

I even tried to get back with her but she told me that it was never going to happen. You know yourself the bog standard sentence: ''You are very special to me and I love you, however I am not in love with you.'' That is true, but at the time it was a right kick in the goolies.

As I mentioned above: Time will heal. Try to be amongst people. Do lots of stuff to get your mind of her. Put your feelings down on a piece of paper. Talk to people. You will get over her at some stage so be patient....

Hope things go well for you....

Good luck

Leila122

Hi there,

Just let her go and enjoy your own life!!!

Carpe diem.

Leila122

Wake up and smell the coffee...

LegacyUser

Hi, iv posted this on somewhere else on this site but putting it on here too to see what other advice i get

Met up with the ex on friday night to give each others things back and have a chat. We talked about "us" and that she feels like she just does not want a boyfriend at the moment. she's been with people constantly for the last 5years and feels she needs to be independent with noone to fall back on. Well i thought, sod it, ill just show her a good time and show what she's missing.
So we both got drunk and had a fantastic laugh. We went to a club and just had a funny time. At the end of the night we ended up together in bed because i was locked out with nowhere to go! we did nothing...until the next day when lying in bed and having a chat and a laugh again i made the move to kiss her and we made love. we then acted like a couple again but she said it didnt mean we were back together.
so not back together but she said it was more than sex what we just did and that she's confused, she just knows that she feels she needs to be single.
so what do i do next???

LegacyUser

crazymike wrote:

I was in your position three years ago and I know exactly how you feel. It may be hard at the moment but time will heal......believe me!!

When my long-term girlfriend broke up with me a few years ago I was in bits, to say the least. I was heart-broken, felt sick, couldn't listen to certain songs on the radio, broke out in tears a lot and just couldn't get her out of my head. I did the same thing as yourself, went out drinking a lot and got absolutely wasted which was stupid.

I even tried to get back with her but she told me that it was never going to happen. You know yourself the bog standard sentence: ''You are very special to me and I love you, however I am not in love with you.'' That is true, but at the time it was a right kick in the goolies.

As I mentioned above: Time will heal. Try to be amongst people. Do lots of stuff to get your mind of her. Put your feelings down on a piece of paper. Talk to people. You will get over her at some stage so be patient....

Hope things go well for you....

Good luck

How long did it take you to recover?

jimmidy_cricket

BallsToThemAll wrote:

Well if its any help, i going through the same thing, i am gathering together every penny i have and moving to sydney for a while. Leaving a well paid/good job in the process.
Totally fresh start for a bit and i will be too busy freaking out about heading away to concentrate on being misreable.
Well that the plan, not totally working at the mo but ya have to try..

Please don't go to live Sydney. Sydney is fast becoming the new Ibiza, full of druken teenage Irish. Don't go to the other side of the world to live in a sh!t ass city full of Paddy's, Mick's and Monica's. I got stuck there trying to sell my van for 3 months, and while its a great city compared to anything I've seen in Ireland/Europe, it is so dissapointing when compared to (in order of preferenc) Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide, infact I ended up donating my van to house the homeless just to get the hell out of there. Now its only one opinion but what most likely will happen is you'll get there, love it (because as I said it is great compared to anything you've ever seen before), spend 9 months there and 3 travelling up to cairns and will be so broke cuz you spent all your money in the 24hour bars(Sydney never closes) and you'll come home and wonder how the f*ck you could've wasted such a once in a life time experience like that. So when booking your flights get a flight into 1 city and a flight out of a different city so if nothing else you see 2 citys.

sean23 wrote:

I wonder why everyonce chooses Oz to get away from them?

Well the reasons I went were Because its an english speaking country there fore easier to adapt. Its predomenantley 20-30 year olds travelling there, I'm 24 so smack bang in the middle of the category so can hook up with back packers 5 years my junior or senior and its no biggy..and its Oz! Full of aussies who are so much more laid back than yanks (the states were my other option but I don't really like americans) Also its far enough away that you kind of have to stick it out when you get homesick, where as if your in the states and get lonely its only an 8 to 10 hour flight home, family could visit, etc. Many a time when I was having a very bad day I told myself its some thousand euro for a flight home, get a grip, maybe if I was stateside I would've gone home. Well tahts why I went to oz, it was also something I wanted to do since I was about six and used to sing Rolf Harris's mad songs, can't even remember them now! Sorry for getting a bit off topic

LegacyUser

athough its all well and good going away, is it not running away abit? what do you do if you cant get away like me

Farls

As I was told at the weekend "A broken heart is a lot worse than a broken bone"....makes a lot of sense to me now.

LegacyUser

damn right. a broken bone doesnt make you feel sick all the time, puts you off food, work, socialising, living. It doesn't make you think - what if my bone runs off with someone else!
anyone got advice for my current situation as posted above

Farls

fatboyslick wrote:

Hi, iv posted this on somewhere else on this site but putting it on here too to see what other advice i get

Met up with the ex on friday night to give each others things back and have a chat. We talked about "us" and that she feels like she just does not want a boyfriend at the moment. she's been with people constantly for the last 5years and feels she needs to be independent with noone to fall back on. Well i thought, sod it, ill just show her a good time and show what she's missing.
So we both got drunk and had a fantastic laugh. We went to a club and just had a funny time. At the end of the night we ended up together in bed because i was locked out with nowhere to go! we did nothing...until the next day when lying in bed and having a chat and a laugh again i made the move to kiss her and we made love. we then acted like a couple again but she said it didnt mean we were back together.
so not back together but she said it was more than sex what we just did and that she's confused, she just knows that she feels she needs to be single.
so what do i do next???

Your playing by her rules here...this leads to one thing IMHO and thats you ending up back here hurt. I think your best plan of attack here is to be single...let her do what she wants and you can do what you want. Don't text/call her...it only hurts you more in the long run...if she contacts you then ok but don't go out of your way, at the end of the day its her that has put you here. What ever you do don't keep annoying with getting back together and all that jazz...i done that for a while and it really gets you no where fast. Try being friends maybe....to do this you really have to let go, its the toughest thing you can do...its what i'm doing at the moment and its not something i'm enjoying to be honest. But i like the contact with her...we were best friends long before we went out and whilst i've lost a girl friend i dont want to loose a best friend.

Leave her be and she'll soon figure out what she wants...if its you then great, be friends again and start from scratch dont jump back into it head on. If she still wants to be single then yes it will hurt again, but not as bad and you'll be moving on anyway.

Trust me mate, time is a healer....i'm no where near right yet but last weekend really showed me theres life after her.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't say i was playing by her rules, although i am open to influence from her. I tried to make everything on the night we met up go according to me. I'm thinking about the friends thig but i honestly fear it will just keep me in the place of wanting her back. At the same time though i know we got on amazingly and would be great friends. Again, saying that, do i want to be friends because it will keep the flame of love inside me partially lit still?Will me being friends with her be an unconscious excuse to spend time with her, hear her voice, make each other laugh and get close?
This is so hard. I just wait and hope she texts or calls. i'm desperate to do it to her and i pray she is thinking of me right now. Do you think she is? After what's happend since the split, do any girls who've been through similar think about the ex they dumped - what cxan i do to get her back apart from wait for her to sort herself out?

LegacyUser

Hello heartbroken2, I just finished reading this thread. Man you sound pretty bad alright!

I'm currently suffering from some terrible depression myself and have been for quite a while (I've posted about it here a few times). I'm going through a similar thing with a girl who doesn't want to get back with me which is a problem 'cause she's the most amazing person I've ever met (or ever will meet) in the world.

One thing I've found that seems to help me with the depression is exercise. I never really got any exercise in my life before but now I've started jogging regularly. Basically after work a few times a week I jog until I'm completely wrecked, this makes me so tired for the rest of the day that I practically zone out and can't really think of anything. Also when I'm not jogging one part of my brain remembers that I did do some exercise and I feel slightly better about myself.

Exercise releases endorphins which make you feel better, if you're going crazy (and believe me, I feel like I'm going crazy on a daily basis, I'm on the second draft of my suicide note) then try working out a bit, just enough to make you tired. You'll find you sleep better too which will probably be a good thing.

It's a short term solution that might help a bit. Also you're doing your body some good, positive stuff like that can cancel out some negative feelings.

LegacyUser

well my ex and i got it on again on saturday. We're not becoming fcuk buddies cos there's more to it than that. she clearly wants me but at the same time is confused because she wants to do a few things in her life (shes only 19) it's really annoying knowing she loves me but feels like she's stuck in a rut with her life (not with me!)

Fat_Tony

hey man i know how u feel July 13th 2004 i finished with my then gf of 6.5 years (mutual) and within 6 weeks i was in another relationship thats my problem i get to involved too quick.but this new girl i actually fancied the pants off so much great pert ass animal in bed etc i was with her 6 months then i bough a house with younger brother and she moved in with me sex was mind blowing but then she changed wouldnt let me out with my mates but was ok for her etc we broke up withing 3 weeks she had moved in with some other bloke but she insisted she never did dirt i believe her but while i was with her all college male friends texting asking to go cinema as mates (bull****) so she says this new man was a friend b4 i met her which isint that bad but it hurt me so bad and to be honest i think i just miss the sex as no women had ever been able to satisfy me,just think of bad things about her thats what i do im convinced she living with this bloke as she works in IFSC and is from Balbriggan so cheaper on rent,she told me she wanted to marry me etc we got engaged between ourselves after 3 months may sound stupid to people but we were so in love and to jump into another blokes bed after 3 weeks makes me think im well better off without her she's a money grabber as my family have money,ironically her cousin is engaged to my older brother but i never met her though them met her on a night out small world.

just keep chin up u'll soon meet mrs right and laught about this

lazylad

Fat_Tony wrote:

hey man i know how u feel July 13th 2004 i finished with my then gf of 6.5 years (mutual) and within 6 weeks i was in another relationship thats my problem i get to involved too quick.but this new girl i actually fancied the pants off so much great pert ass animal in bed etc i was with her 6 months then i bough a house with younger brother and she moved in with me sex was mind blowing but then she changed wouldnt let me out with my mates but was ok for her etc we broke up withing 3 weeks she had moved in with some other bloke but she insisted she never did dirt i believe her but while i was with her all college male friends texting asking to go cinema as mates (bull****) so she says this new man was a friend b4 i met her which isint that bad but it hurt me so bad and to be honest i think i just miss the sex as no women had ever been able to satisfy me,just think of bad things about her thats what i do im convinced she living with this bloke as she works in IFSC and is from Balbriggan so cheaper on rent,she told me she wanted to marry me etc we got engaged between ourselves after 3 months may sound stupid to people but we were so in love and to jump into another blokes bed after 3 weeks makes me think im well better off without her she's a money grabber as my family have money,ironically her cousin is engaged to my older brother but i never met her though them met her on a night out small world.

just keep chin up u'll soon meet mrs right and laught about this

When you have money you gotta be careful. A lot of gold diggers out there. I saw a film a while back and this woman was goin out with this lad for his money, she killed him in his swimming pool with an iron bar. I never forgot it. And always am weary of gold diggers. A lot out there. If you marry someone purely for money you gotta be a little cold hearted at least. Coz you are deceiving the husband/wife, and depleting yourself of a real marriage.

Victor

lazylad wrote:

I saw a film a while back and this woman was goin out with this lad for his money, she killed him in his swimming pool with an iron bar. I never forgot it. And always am weary of gold diggers.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

It has to be said.

http://www.computing.dcu.ie/computety/2005/fmarro-cty/Father%20Ted/dougal+cows.gif

Rolotomassie

heartbroken2 wrote:

does anyone else have any stories to share or advice? It all helps, in a smal way, but it helps.

I have the same story as u and by the sounds of it the same as alot of people. We were together only 16 months but we were joined at the hip. She was 23 and im 33, but whats age got to do with it!!! We are finishe a little over 2months now, but I talk to her everyday by e-amil and have seen her 3 or 4 time at her flat, I know its a bad idea but i cant let her go and im thinking about her as i write this. I cant get away to travel as I have a daughter whos nearley 3 and I know she should be my world and she is but u cant talk to a 3 yr old about this sort of stuff and I dont want to annoy my friends over it either, buy the way shes not the mother of my child, 23 yr old, its from a previous relationship from which I also lost everything, my house that I built and even my daughter who I had to go to court over to be able to see.

I thought it was getting better but in the last couple of weeks it seem to have gotten bad again. I know she dosent want me back and I know I should stop talking to her and def stop calling to see her but she put a huge hole in my heart, and this heart has been broken twice in 5 years and cant take anymore and im not looking for sympathy, just need to talk thats all. But I hope u find some one special because u sound like a good soul, takecare mate I cant give u any advice because I dont know the answers myself, I hope we both find them some day.

jonny68

heartbroken2 wrote:

Im still around, have been reading all the posts but am making some changes to my life in the next few weeks (Ive made some already) so I'll give my thoughts then.

Some very moving stories there, its alleviating knowing that others are going through similar situations. Thank you all for your thoughts so far, I never thought there'd be so many in the same boat.

The sun *will* shine again for us all some day ;>)

Jaysus man i thought i was bad when i split with my ex a few months ago but this seems to have a serious effect on you,anyway it's good to see you are somehow getting over it,it's extremly difficult but trust me you will get over it in time,the best of luck mate

Farls

Hey all just dropping in to see how its going since. This and another thread on here has really helped to get me through this sh1t. I'm not saying i'm over it (about 8 weeks now) far from it, but i'm a long way on since those first few weeks of hell.

Just wanna say thanks for all the stories on here and the encouragement we've all given each other. So hows everyone else getting on? In my mind i'm really moving on...i've came to terms with it and i'm looking forward to life once again, physically i'm finding it not so easy...i've turned down some very good offers (I know i'll regret this) and when i have said "ah too hell with it" i'm getting it very hard to stop with comparisons!.

Anyone else doing good/bad? What good things have come out of the break up?