I cant get over her

Civilian_Target

Every time I think of her it makes me smile. I'd say thats a good thing. The trick is - thinks weren't meant to be, but there were lots of good times - plenty to smile about there!

murfie

why is it so hard? For me as time goes on its getting worse! You all say here that time will heal; well no, not for me! Time may allow you to forget but only maybe if you move to a diiferent planet! sorry but i just found out she is on a date tonight with a guy even though the line i got was "i want to be single and not in a relationship right now" bull****!

now being with a fella in a club is one thing but arranging a date with a guy is something totally different! wish i could rip his head off. :mad: im sorry if this offends anyone. but bear in mind 5 year relationship and its only off 3 months and she has been with guys in clubs and now has had a date! Am i justified to feel like i want to break something?

Farls

murfie wrote:

why is it so hard? For me as time goes on its getting worse! You all say here that time will heal; well no, not for me! Time may allow you to forget but only maybe if you move to a diiferent planet! sorry but i just found out she is on a date tonight with a guy even though the line i got was "i want to be single and not in a relationship right now" bull****!

now being with a fella in a club is one thing but arranging a date with a guy is something totally different! wish i could rip his head off. :mad: im sorry if this offends anyone. but bear in mind 5 year relationship and its only off 3 months and she has been with guys in clubs and now has had a date! Am i justified to feel like i want to break something?

Yes, of course you are...i was only broken up about 4 weeks and she text me to tell me she was at the cinema with a "friend"...i didnt even ask, i'll just presume the worst. If you do this then things won't be so bad if the worst is true, well thats my thinking anyway.

Look man...your still analysing the crash whilst she has her new car out for a test drive. This is the toughest thing to get through, the best defence is sometimes an offence...go out this weekend and make it your business to have a good time with your mates...these are the people who will get you through this, i'd still be in a mess in my room only for mine.

LegacyUser

that must really hurt mate. my ex has said the same to me - she wants to be single and have fun with friends. she's not yet gone with anyone else cos we've seen each other and are verging on fcuk buddies (i say verging becasue it's mroe than sex - we still love each other but she's confused). she goes to uni soon though and the thought of her meeting another lad is tearing me up. we wont be a couple while she's away so she's free to meet a lad but we are soooo good together - hence the reason we cant seem to splitup 100%. The way i see it if she's moved onto another lad then that is IT!!! no more coming back to you. thats the point where you should move on. it hurts so so so much-more than anything, but you have to face it - its happened and theres nothing you can do about it.
my situation is killing me. we are still like a couple but when she's at uni that will fade andi cry and am fearing she'll meet another lad.

Farls

fatboyslick wrote:

that must really hurt mate. my ex has said the same to me - she wants to be single and have fun with friends. she's not yet gone with anyone else cos we've seen each other and are verging on fcuk buddies (i say verging becasue it's mroe than sex - we still love each other but she's confused). she goes to uni soon though and the thought of her meeting another lad is tearing me up. we wont be a couple while she's away so she's free to meet a lad but we are soooo good together - hence the reason we cant seem to splitup 100%. The way i see it if she's moved onto another lad then that is IT!!! no more coming back to you. thats the point where you should move on. it hurts so so so much-more than anything, but you have to face it - its happened and theres nothing you can do about it.
my situation is killing me. we are still like a couple but when she's at uni that will fade andi cry and am fearing she'll meet another lad.

Offence mate....its a killer but dump her, your only prolonging the agony. This thing is going to drag out and get messy. You may get back together but down the line its going to be the same...if you love her...let her go. I know this is harder than anything else you can think off but i done it and i'm still here just like all the others that have.

DontKnowMuch

fatboyslick wrote:

The way i see it if she's moved onto another lad then that is IT!!! no more coming back to you. thats the point where you should move on. it hurts so so so much-more than anything, but you have to face it - its happened and theres nothing you can do about it.

Bingo ! I´ve been left for another guy. I still feel like ****, but there´s nothing I can do about it....I´m just trying to move on...

LegacyUser

Civilian_Target wrote:

Every time I think of her it makes me smile. I'd say thats a good thing. The trick is - thinks weren't meant to be, but there were lots of good times - plenty to smile about there!

Thats a problem right there. Think of the BAD times.

LegacyUser

un26 wrote:

(and believe me, I feel like I'm going crazy on a daily basis, I'm on the second draft of my suicide note)

No girl is worth that bollix, rip up that note!

LegacyUser

Im in a similar situation myself but I agree with those who say concentrate on the bad times in your mind otherwise we look back on only the great memories and thats a killer.

LegacyUser

i cant focus on the bad tinmes cos there are none and there was nothing about her i dont like.
we are still acting like a couple now but not going out - it's weird. we see each otehr, kiss and cuddle etc. we have sex but it's not just fcuk buddies-she often does not want to do it but rather to snuggle up. she's off to uni on sat and she feels she needs to be single still. do you think this is a case of wanting to have some independence but at the same time she loves me and wants to be with me?

LegacyUser

I hate to say it Fatboyslick but she is using you.

Rolotomassie

She did a bit but I cant blame her, like u said age had a good bit to do with it, when I was her age I had traveled around the world twice and I mean had been to every country u could think of. There is no chance of us getting back together. I think she only keeps in contact with me so as to try and make it easier on me, I will just have to pull my boots up and get on with it, shes moving away further now and leaving her current job so I wont be able to e-mail her as much which might not be a bad thing, she want to spread her wings and I have to understand that, at her age I didnt want to settle down. Thanks for showing an interest believe me all advice is welcome.

chuci

wow apprentally girlos are the worst things ever. iv been through a few breakups and i am a girl so how bout it from a girls sort of perspective??it is hard yo forget just some girls find it easier to move on by perhaps finding a new guy bto star a fresh with and others like myself dont allow enough time for healing and start a new relationship when not quite ready and fluff up that one too. my ladt boyfriend asnt exactly much to get over anyway but it swtill hurt lots. i think the main thing is not to think about them esp not the bad times cause if there is any chance of a reconcilliation you will end up having all these neg vibes towards her and anger which wont help things. also if there is no chance of either of you wanting to get back together and its just the hurt and the pain thats holding you back from finding someone new talk about it to someone more then likely a best friend who knew the person quite well and will be able to help you. i know my friends were a blessing during these times. try to see if you are just missing her emotionally like having someone to hold, their smell,the way they touched you and how ye made love. the thing is you prob dont miss them pnhysically at all you are emotionally attached and they are the hardest ties to break but maybe since most of the exs are doing that after a couple of months after that maybe its your time to move on too???and dont go looking for someone who you thinks looks acts or dresses like her because you will be bitterly disappointed and ye were not meant to be so why not look for someone totally different and move on???well thats my two cents neway. as for fatboyslick get out of that scene as hard as it is you will only get yourself more hurt than you already are. this is from someone whois been there. it gets really messy.

LegacyUser

Rolotomassie wrote:

She did a bit but I cant blame her, like u said age had a good bit to do with it, when I was her age I had traveled around the world twice and I mean had been to every country u could think of. There is no chance of us getting back together. I think she only keeps in contact with me so as to try and make it easier on me, I will just have to pull my boots up and get on with it, shes moving away further now and leaving her current job so I wont be able to e-mail her as much which might not be a bad thing, she want to spread her wings and I have to understand that, at her age I didnt want to settle down. Thanks for showing an interest believe me all advice is welcome.

I think you need about a year of no text/email/anything with this girl, then maybe try the friends thing. Can I ask why it finished?

LegacyUser

You still there Rolo?

Rolotomassie

alpha5055 wrote:

You still there Rolo?

Sorry Alpha for just getting back now, we broke up caus ewe both wanted different things in life, and we were having a few rows 2, u know ur self. Its her last week in her current job now and like I said wont be able to e-mail her as much so that will help a good bit. But will miss not talking to her every day but I guess we will eventualy loose all contact.

LegacyUser

After 6 weeks of travelling with mates around Europe I feel a little better, at least I did untill I got home yesterday. Im thinking of doing the whole trailfinders round the world thing if the sensation doesnt go.

When I was travelling I felt much better for most of the time and met some amazing people and saw some things I never would have had I still been with her, so I suppose thats something. She did pop into my head but only when Id hear a certain song of ours or I was alone looking at something Id known she'd have loved.

Ive heard since I got back that she's been asking for me but I dont know what I should do, her numbers long been deleted and I feel that she's only been asking about me in a friends capacity.

I dont think I can do friends ;'(

Farls

heartbroken2 wrote:

After 6 weeks of travelling with mates around Europe I feel a little better, at least I did untill I got home yesterday. Im thinking of doing the whole trailfinders round the world thing if the sensation doesnt go.

When I was travelling I felt much better for most of the time and met some amazing people and saw some things I never would have had I still been with her, so I suppose thats something. She did pop into my head but only when Id hear a certain song of ours or I was alone looking at something Id known she'd have loved.

Ive heard since I got back that she's been asking for me but I dont know what I should do, her numbers long been deleted and I feel that she's only been asking about me in a friends capacity.

I dont think I can do friends ;'(

Good man, i've been keeping up with this thread since it started as it tied into my own situation a bit. You have just shown how time and change can make all the difference, whilst haven't went travelling (yet ) your really moving on.

As for contacting her, honestly i wouldn't bother not for a while yet anyway. Wait until you know in your own head that you can stand her being with someone else, and you can be happy for her. This i think will take longest, if you can ever reach it. If you meet up by accident whatever though, be nice and just be happy on the outside at least.

LegacyUser

Meeting her face to face is something I havent done in over a yaer yet I think its something I better do soon as its eating away at me day by day. Maybe seeing her will put things in perspective, for better or worse. Hope things are better for others in this thread.

Im never taking the risk again.

Farls

Over a year? and your still letting her do this to you? :eek:

I've been broken up now about 3 months...met the ex for the first time at my grad the other week, where she paraded her new b/f around infront of me dragging him about by the hand. Sure it annoyed me at first but i'm just laughing now at her, she jumped from my bed to his and is no further on than she would be with me. Also she made herself look very childish/nieve infront of all our friends in doing this, most of whom had a lot to say about it to me, so i came out smelling of roses and she might have a new b/f but her mind is still as fúcked up as it was when we were breaking up.

I've been single since that and it took near 2 months to get my mind sorted out, now its sorted i'm having the time of my life. I'm honestly happy, and thanks to her show at the grad i know now im not in love with her, nor am i angry with her, if anything i feel sorry for her.

I was afraid of "hurting her feelings" when i was out there in case she seen me with other girls etc, so kept everything to a minimum and behind closed doors . But she just waved the green flag there for me to go have fun so i'm currently working on scoring the one girl i always wanted but thought i could never have and the one she used to cry about she was so jealous of...life is good . And it will be for everyone else if you just let go and get on with things after your mourning period.

DontKnowMuch

Hi there ! It has been 3 months for me now....We are in the same college, so I see her often. When we meet, it´s so strange....I am there, looking at talking to her, trying to be nice, and at the same time, i cannot believe that we are not together anymore... Things should be much more easier if she was some kind of bitch....but she is not. She is an amazing woman. And that´s why I keep dwelling on the past. To be able to see her almost everyday, it´s a torture.
And she was moved on. I know she is dating someone else...I am stuck, people.
Why can´t I just forget someone who doesn´t want to be with me anymore?
..............:(

Farls

DontKnowMuch wrote:

Hi there ! It has been 3 months for me now....We are in the same college, so I see her often. When we meet, it´s so strange....I am there, looking at talking to her, trying to be nice, and at the same time, i cannot believe that we are not together anymore... Things should be much more easier if she was some kind of bitch....but she is not. She is an amazing woman. And that´s why I keep dwelling on the past. To be able to see her almost everyday, it´s a torture.
And she was moved on. I know she is dating someone else...I am stuck, people.
Why can´t I just forget someone who doesn´t want to be with me anymore?

Your getting there man, the ultimate is seeing her with someone else, i've done this and its not nice but once you get that into your system you know its definitley over for good. Don't bother with the hating her...not worth the hassle.

My advice is go out and have some fun...the best way to get over one is get under another...plan a holiday with some friends, go out regularly and get some confidence with the dating game again...chat up complete strangers, chat up girls you've fancied for ages but couldn't before.

Just enjoy life, its what i'm doing now and i'm more happy now than i was ever in the relationship over the past year or two. You'll soon see that she's not the be all and end all, that no matter how much you think you've lost there is always hundreds more out there a million miles better. Just take the next step.

DontKnowMuch

Farls wrote:

Your getting there man, the ultimate is seeing her with someone else, i've done this and its not nice but once you get that into your system you know its definitley over for good. Don't bother with the hating her...not worth the hassle.

My advice is go out and have some fun...the best way to get over one is get under another...plan a holiday with some friends, go out regularly and get some confidence with the dating game again...chat up complete strangers, chat up girls you've fancied for ages but couldn't before.

Just enjoy life, its what i'm doing now and i'm more happy now than i was ever in the relationship over the past year or two. You'll soon see that she's not the be all and end all, that no matter how much you think you've lost there is always hundreds more out there a million miles better. Just take the next step.

Thanks for your kind words, Farls. And the day has arrived. I saw her with her new guy. I have to confess that I went into shock. Of course i knew she was with somebody else.But it still was awfull.
But now I know that it´s over. She´s not coming back. EVER. I hope that now i can begin to heal completely. So help me God.

LegacyUser

heartbroken2 wrote:

Meeting her face to face is something I havent done in over a yaer yet I think its something I better do soon as its eating away at me day by day. Maybe seeing her will put things in perspective, for better or worse. Hope things are better for others in this thread.

Im never taking the risk again.

You're never taking what risk again?

Glad to hear that you did some travelling. Clears out the head like a breath of fresh air doesn't it. Well, as I told you before I finally got over my ex with travel and have now, only recently, met someone more incredible, more engaging and more loving than my last boyfriend. Its taken me two years to even think about getting into another relationship, but im glad i didnt rush it. I hope you're not swearing off women for life or anything, cause by the sounds of it.. the world could do with more guys like you. : )

LegacyUser

Avy wrote:

You're never taking what risk again?

Glad to hear that you did some travelling. Clears out the head like a breath of fresh air doesn't it. Well, as I told you before I finally got over my ex with travel and have now, only recently, met someone more incredible, more engaging and more loving than my last boyfriend. Its taken me two years to even think about getting into another relationship, but im glad i didnt rush it. I hope you're not swearing off women for life or anything, cause by the sounds of it.. the world could do with more guys like you. : )

Aw thanks, I wish I could say the karma has come back to me so far this year. What I meant was Im not risking my heart again, am not taking that chance for at least another year. Im sat in on Halloween night, hungover to bits and thinking about her in her usual Playboy Bunny fancy dress, not a great state of affairs really but I hadnt the will to face another night out and another sore head tomorrow.

Yup Farls its still getting to me, I wish it wasnt. More travelling maybe or I should make contact with her and try been friends. I just miss her in any shape or form in my life. Her perfume smell came to me out of nowhere the other day and I nearly broke down in tears there and then. I hate not been in control of my emotions like this, its just not fúcking fair.

Red Kooga

Time.

Its the only real healer.

LegacyUser

hey,

I really sympathise with what your going through and the fact that you posted on this means your ready to take a step in the direction if doing something about it. Have you tried writing a list of her faults/things she did that made u angry? It seems harsh but it can put things in a clearer light for u. What about things you used to be into before she came along in the first place?Maybe you could try getting back into a hobby or meet up with an old friend,it will seem hard to motivate yourself but it will bring you back to a time before she was there,a time when you were yourself and you could be selfish and enjoy it! When we have a relationship sometimes it changes us,our ideas,opinions and things we did as an individual before that person came along,9 months is actually a relatively short time,it hasnt even been a year but everyday it slowly gets easier. When my boyfriend broke up with me I was full of regrets,blaming myself for who I was and what I could of did to make things better but slowly I came to the realisation that I was just being me,I was the best person I could be and if the relationship wasnt right then it never would be. I got back into things I loved doing and felt finally I was back to the person I was before he came along,I never needed him and you dont need her.Its hard to believe but very true. I hope this helps you in some little way and you will feel happier as time goes by until before you know it you'l have found someone else,someone much better for u but for the moment try to enjoy urself without girls and just enjoy being selfish and make no excuses for who u are!

LegacyUser

Orla2 wrote:

hey,

I really sympathise with what your going through and the fact that you posted on this means your ready to take a step in the direction if doing something about it. Have you tried writing a list of her faults/things she did that made u angry? It seems harsh but it can put things in a clearer light for u. What about things you used to be into before she came along in the first place?Maybe you could try getting back into a hobby or meet up with an old friend,it will seem hard to motivate yourself but it will bring you back to a time before she was there,a time when you were yourself and you could be selfish and enjoy it! When we have a relationship sometimes it changes us,our ideas,opinions and things we did as an individual before that person came along,9 months is actually a relatively short time,it hasnt even been a year but everyday it slowly gets easier. When my boyfriend broke up with me I was full of regrets,blaming myself for who I was and what I could of did to make things better but slowly I came to the realisation that I was just being me,I was the best person I could be and if the relationship wasnt right then it never would be. I got back into things I loved doing and felt finally I was back to the person I was before he came along,I never needed him and you dont need her.Its hard to believe but very true. I hope this helps you in some little way and you will feel happier as time goes by until before you know it you'l have found someone else,someone much better for u but for the moment try to enjoy urself without girls and just enjoy being selfish and make no excuses for who u are!

Thats one of the most encouraging posts Ive read on the subject on this or any similar thread, thanks Orla. Im somewhere between mild depression and not caring over the past couple of weeks. Self pity? No, its not my style. Im going to try harder to forget her, to hate her even.

LegacyUser

I havent read PI in awhile but I see that theres loads of people in the same boat as me and I can only empathise as some of them are going through the initial breakup months which are a living hell.

An update on my own situation is that Ive been sleeping around a bit more the past few weeks albeit with the same girl. I dont think its long or even mid term material however as she has just come out of a 7 year reletionship and I still think of my ex at least once an hour if Im not busy. Maybe Im her "rebound guy", I dunno. What I do know is that its just a fling to me and she knows its not serious either. Im still avoiding the Ex as seeing her will be a killer and Id probably feel sick on the spot.

Thanks all again, a new year is approaching and maybe a new start.

Dax Wax

heartbroken2 wrote:

Thanks all again, a new year is approaching and maybe a new start.

hope so - in the same boat here

Setun

Can't believe this thread is still going, crazyness!

do you still feel the same way as you did all that time ago?

DontKnowMuch

Daddio wrote:

Can't believe this thread is still going, crazyness!

do you still feel the same way as you did all that time ago?

This thread will go on for as long as there are people who have a broken heart and like to talk about it, ask for advice.

mr biazzi

Wow,

Well written man!!

DontKnowMuch

I finally saw " The Swingers" (1996). My God, i can relate to so many things....
It shows us that there's a light at the end of the tunnel...but it is indeed a difficult journey.
If you get the chance, you should see this movie.

sideFX

heartbroken2 wrote:

Please tell me it gets easier.

Time is the only healer I know when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Somebody told me to take the term of the relationship and triple it and thats how long it will take.

Sorry to hear your news. It's toture!

Hope your feeling better soon

Setun

Heartbroken all I can say is, if it's meant to be it'll happen. Don't wait for it, I know it's been said many times already. If you wait time passes slowly. Get out there and enjoy yourself, and it might happen who knows. But chillax, and have fun. Try to do new things as I've already said before and open your life out onto new things and new experiences. Then you'll realise that there's more to you than this girl. Bonne Chance

IvaBigWun

People are "ex's" for very good reason! Stop looking to replace her, you dont need somebody in your life to be happy. Surround yourself with your mates and concentrate on having fun. Life is too short to waste pining over someone who doesnt give you a backward glance.

Chin up!

LegacyUser

sideFX wrote:

Somebody told me to take the term of the relationship and triple it and thats how long it will take.

So if you spend 3 years with someone it will take the best part of a decade to get over her??!

LegacyUser

Are you still there SideFX?

IvaBigWun

Ive just read the entire thread, thats some harsh stuff to go through OP. I'd say that unless you put your experience behind you, instead of in front of you, then you're going to be very unhappy for awhile yet. Somewhere in the back of her mind she still cares for you I think but its not "love" anymore.

riptide

You know, one of the guys at work (31 married couple of years to "L", 29) went to bed one saturday night beside his wife who had the 'flu'. He woke up Sunday morning to realise she was dead. So when I think i have troubles, I just try and put myself in his situation and i soon realise that my issues pale in comparison.
That same guy has nothing left in him. He's in bits. So count yourselves lucky. Brings a knew meaning to the word heartbroken

LegacyUser

riptide wrote:

You know, one of the guys at work (31 married couple of years to "L", 29) went to bed one saturday night beside his wife who had the 'flu'. He woke up Sunday morning to realise she was dead. So when I think i have troubles, I just try and put myself in his situation and i soon realise that my issues pale in comparison.
That same guy has nothing left in him. He's in bits. So count yourselves lucky. Brings a knew meaning to the word heartbroken

I havent been online in awhile to read any replies to this but that puts things in some perspective. A very sad story and I couldnt start to think what Id do in his situation.

My hope of some sort of contact by text on new years eve or christmas day never happened so I guess there goes any chance of friendship for now. I want to let go, I need to let go, I have to let go of her otherwise its going to engulf my life and head this year the way it did last.

I see a few other similar stories on personal issues and I hope we all have a better 2006 than last year.

Lets try to be happier in ourselves.

Nickibaby*

Best of luck heartbroken you do sound to have had your spirits lifted while you have been away

Shortnose

Ah, heartbroken2.... I feel for ya.

I was head over heels in love with someone I met just over a year after my fiance died (and he and I had lived together for 4 years!). So, I was barely over my crushing grief from that, when I met this man. We grew really close very quickly and he was the medicine I needed. He treated me like a queen. Unfortunately, for reasons only beknownst to him, he dumped me without warning (!?!) What's odd is, he'd been dumped by text message by someone he had been in love with 3 years prior & it crushed him, even though they were only together 2 months. He talked a lot about her to me, but then I'd talked a lot about my late fiance to him....

The point is, 3 years later I am only now just getting over him! Three years! So, I fully understand what you are going through.

He and I are still friends, however, and even went on to form a little indie record label (he creates electronic music). Still, I just could not get over how close we used to be and how it'd changed so drastically....

That kind of loss coming on the heels of losing my fiance was too too much for me.

Now, the irony of all this is - I'm no longer suffering over the death of my fiance (time does heal all wounds, I have found) and I've come to realize what a complete and total a**hole this man is that I was so in love with! What a revelation! What a hoot!!! Now, I keep saying to myself, "I can't believe I wasted THREE YEARS of my life in misery over this man who has been an a** hole all along, but I just didn't want to see it!" LOL!!!!

The moral to this story is:

Move on. Give up on her. She ain't comin' back and she's probably not worth it - only in your mind where you've turned her into the woman of your (dying) dreams!

Just consider the divorce rate in the world. All those people were in love and thought they'd be together forever and ever! Even Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston couldn't stay together. Sh*t happens, you poor guy!

If you need meds, take 'em by all means. I wish I had! It might have made my life easier. I really and truly gave up on my life and now it's in the crapper because of it! It just is not worth it!

There will be another woman, just as soon as you turn your energy away from this one. And of course, no one wants to be left out in the cold when their former flame is courting another.

I sure wouldn't contact her, I agree with you there. Not worth it.

She's just a person, same as you. You've just 'glorified' her.

One of my favorite cards ever showed an illustration of a someone's bare feet standing on top of a classic Greek pedestle with some grass around the base of it. On the front was the caption: I Put You On A Pedestle When you opened it up it said: Now Let Me Help You Down!

Hang in there. Put your mind on something else - anything engaging. Learn a language. You don't have to run away from home to get over her. Learn a new trade. Anything. But use this time wisely or you will live to regret the loss of your good days, while she is romping around with what's-his-face!

Massive success is the best revenge!

Cheers!

LegacyUser

Hi Shortnose,

That was a brave post, thanks for sharing.

At this stage Im "getting there" regarding my ex and considering the circumstances that went with it (some that ive posted here, some I didnt), Im fairly proud at coming out the other end and still working, socialising (telling anyone to drop the mention of her name when she comes up), having a laugh and the odd shag and most importantly keeping as busy as possible.

This is the most important part of a breakup I think, the "keeping busy". The more I dont think about her the more I dont have to make her out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Something I cant really judge till Im on my death bed to be fair.

To Shortnose: Can I be fair and honest and say that this second guy that dumped you by text was just your "rebound guy"? It seems to be common in both sexes that we want to be loved, craved and sexually distracted following a breakup.

This thread has given me strength and wisdom I never thought possible of the internet and something I hope has benefited others. The first year really is the worst. After that its a case on getting on with it and distraction.

Polski

After a divorce a few years ago I went to counselling and read a couple of helpfull books which helped me get through it, "How to Mend a Broken Heart: Letting Go and Moving on" by Aleta Koman was one which was invaluable. Id recommend it to anyone in this kind of a situation.

cupsoftea

Being dumped by someone is emotionally just as bad as your partner dying. You still get to live every day by yourself and be lonely, except in the knowledge that the person you loved with all your heart no longer loves you. So on top of the lonliness you are left with no precious memories to mind, they are all tarnished. Also you get loads of sympathy from friends for about 2 minutes, but if your partner dies everyone will rally around for years, and there will be no pressure to look good, to act like life is perfect, to get out and meet someone new- to get over it.
Studies with divorced people show that it is much harder to cope with relationship break up than loss of a partner to death. There is no community support at all really.
It is in places like this thread that those suffering from the very real trauma of heartbreak can find support.

Polski

cupsoftea wrote:

Also you get loads of sympathy from friends for about 2 minutes

Well I was mopey and moany around friends for a few months and then was told the typically Irish "jaysus get over it, get a drink into ya" , so I went to counselling where Id be listened to and found it very beneficial.

Id like to see the statistics of Americans Vs Irish and their open-mindness to therapy and counselling, Id say they're very eye opening.

LegacyUser

yeh, it's been 7 months for me now after a three year relationship. it's still really hard.

i got sympathy from my mates for about 5 minutes as well. i'm not someone who's sympathy-seeking in the first place, but if i ever want to vent about it i know i'd just get a 'get over it by now' attitude. thinking of going to a counsellor but i'm unsure as to whether that would just be a massive waste of time.

face-the-phase

Spent the last year with a guy n i thought we were so right for each other... he didn't think so. Broke up a month ago. feeling better everyday but i think about him all time, what hes doing, who he's seeing, do his friends ask about me/ miss me. He was my boyfriend and my best mate so hard loosing both