I cant get over her

Nalz

The solution is time...

but that time can be longer than others.

Once it gets closer to the year mark I think its time to force yourself as best as possible to move on, because its all a waste if you keep dwelling on it. I got hurt bout 6 or 7 months ago, yeah it was shiity and I reacted like a complete muppet for 6 or7 weeks but I copped on and got on with it...its hard but ya gotta look at big picture

Kell

heartbroken2 wrote:

I have imaginary conversations with her in my head if, say, Im watching a comedy I know she would have liked. This makes me feel temporarily better at the time. But its a bit scary no?

Yeah thats a bit messed up. Look, you are obviously in some insane way happy to be sad. Thats the reality. You are happy to wallow around in your self pity rather than take the difficult move and get her the fúck out of your head, becuase its easier to think of her and sniffle over the lost good times. Theres a bit of your brain locked into this idealised little image of how things were

First thing you do is say to yourself- "this isnt the past, and by constantly thinking of the past I doom myself to not moving forward".

Two- "Things werent that great anyways. If they were, we'd still be together"

Three- "Do I need to think about this right now?"

After three comes- "no I dont". Keep doing it and you'll forget about what it was that was upsetting you. I dont understand why people lock themselves into being unhappy by just not letting go of the past. It doesnt serve you any good so drop it. Would you repeatedly stick a fork in your eye knowing it would hurt? So why do you keep thinking about something thats gone knowing it will hurt you.

K-

py2006

Kell wrote:

I dont understand why people lock themselves into being unhappy by just not letting go of the past. It doesnt serve you any good so drop it. Would you repeatedly stick a fork in your eye knowing it would hurt? So why do you keep thinking about something thats gone knowing it will hurt you.

K-

Well, now in fairness that is a hell of alot easier to type here than to do in reality! It depends on how a situation effects an individual!

For some people ( I am not saying you) can get over a broken heart by having a shower! Some it takes a few weeks and other it takes an awful lot more than that.

You cant just flick a switch and "get over it". As it has already been said "Time" is a great healer! In time the OP will slowly but surely begin to move on.

Polski

here is a link for those interested ; "How to Mend a Broken Heart: Letting Go and Moving on" by Aleta Koman

Kell

py2006 wrote:

Well, now in fairness that is a hell of alot easier to type here than to do in reality! It depends on how a situation effects an individual!

Point taken. The only thing that really varies, actually, is how quickly your sense of self esteem kicks in. For some, it can take time. For others its just a case of thinking to themselves- "Hmmn. I actually do like myself better than a another" in which case the recovery period is quicker.

Thing to take away is to try and reduce the recovery period from pain to as short a time as possible. Its just a case of applying an actual "perspective" to things as opposed to walking around with the *white stick bumping into things.

Believe me- I would love to wallow around in self pity sometimes these days but I just cant. Reality has a tendency to get the better of me.

K-

*If only the braille forum could see this now; I'd be on the express elevator to hell.

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

For others its just a case of thinking to themselves- "Hmmn. I actually do like myself better than a another"

Thats a great POV on situations like this Kells. Many people let themselves go when they breakup with someone, their appearance, health, self esteem etc can go to the dogs. Look, its important to look in the mirror after a reletionship is over and look at who you should be caring more about. You have to love yourself more (not in an ego way) then the person you loved.

grahamo

heartbroken2 wrote:

Its been nine months and the tears are still there for my ex girlfriend. I dont know WHY Im letting this get to me so much but I do know that the pain just wont go away. Ive tried drinking her away, shagging her away and, with mates, laughing her away but she's still there in my thoughts, first thing when I wake up and at least once every hour. Its f^cking torture and I dont know how much more I can take before I go insane.

I need practical ideas and some insight from men who have been there before like this. We both brought the reletionship to an end and said we'd stay friends, when friends didnt work we decided we both had to cut off all contact. It seemed to make sense at the time but now I have this huge gap in my life and I couldnt give a f^ck about most things lately. Please tell me it gets easier.[/QUOTE

It certainly does get easier! The only one who can make it easier is YOU! Snap out of it! No woman is worth tearing yourself up for. Get her out of your head. Do something to take your mind off her every time she comes into your head....If you carry on acting like a little boy lost....you'll lose your friends as well, they will get sick of hearing about you and your EX. Yes, She's Now your ex! However much you might think she might be coming back SHE WON'T BE! EVER! Move on and enjoy YOUR life! You've wasted enough of YOUR life on someone else! In a couple of year's time you'll be embarrassed by the way you've been acting! And ****ing SMILE even when you don't feel like it!

Freedomfighter

heartbroken2 wrote:

I know, but what am I to do?

I have a good well paid job over here that Im afraid to walk away from if I travel longterm.

There must be practical ways of getting a girl out of your head.

Again i was in the same boat. Four years together a son. Out of the blue she dumped me. It took me over a year to get some sort of grip on myself. But a tip for you. Join a gym start taking classes. I joined a gym and started taking classes in martial arts.
1: all this takes your mind from her
2: you get fit and feel the feel good factor
3: you start looking better

Only a short while into this i started to feel better. I put on some muscle i was finally getting over her
The worst thing you can do is sleep around it makes you feel worse and stay away from the drink again it makes you worse
be around your mates as much as possible and you will soon come around
my advice is though join the gym get fit take some classes meet more people life is for living pal get out and do just that

LegacyUser

Freedomfighter wrote:

Again i was in the same boat. Four years together a son. Out of the blue she dumped me. It took me over a year to get some sort of grip on myself. But a tip for you. Join a gym start taking classes.

Alot of people suggest joining a gym after a breakup but this is just a short term solution imho as excercise releases endophins which make you feel good even if your life is in the crapper. When they wear off you're back to square one. Do it to feel better about yourself or to look healthier but I wouldnt expect to be cured from it.

Polski

moi123 wrote:

yeh, it's been 7 months for me now after a three year relationship. it's still really hard.

i got sympathy from my mates for about 5 minutes as well. i'm not someone who's sympathy-seeking in the first place, but if i ever want to vent about it i know i'd just get a 'get over it by now' attitude. thinking of going to a counsellor but i'm unsure as to whether that would just be a massive waste of time.

There's a fear its a waste of time as well as money but the rule I gave myself with it was to give it 3 sessions and then decide. Try it for 2 or 3 sessions and see how you get on. These people are used to everyone asking them to decide on what went wrong but they'll get you quicker towards the why it went wrong.

LegacyUser

All I can offer is the same advice, time will heal and you will be left with the good memories, our head/hearts seem to block out the bad stuff once time has passed. Just keep the head high, and take the moral ground! Its very easy to lose face and dignity during a breakup or even a breakup period, regardless of how long it takes. Been there done that and I feel alot wiser for it.

Fill yer life with other things for a bit until you can think about it without pulling yer hair out. Be active, get out there and have a few pints is a great cure ......... just stay active and occupied, but please dont listen to David Gray and sh*t like that, sure, great music but just not now, stick on a bit of hip hop, get an attitude, take up a cool hobby ....... your friends are the most important thing in your life right now whether you know it or not.

Is your ex a local girl or does she live fairly far from you, if she's local yeah its tough but if shes gonna be out of your life it makes the healing process quicker.

Remember, it aint all that bad bein single, I gave up on relationships a year ago, never looked back, feck them all! (no offence ladies).

Cinamon Girl

I have to say that it's much the same for women as for men, bloody awful.
I didn't forget about my first boyfriend until I was married for ten years!!
I split with my husband after 13 years, no love lost there but the guilt and torment wrecked my head. In the end I did go to a counsellor. Talking to friends is OK but they don't have the skills to help you make sense of your feelings and learn how to deal with them.

It has taken me almost two years to feel normal again but the lonliness still hurts (even after getting out of a bad relationship) and weekends are especially tough. I don't know the answer, who does. A counsellor will teach you how to deal with your emotions but ultimately I think it's up to you to decide to move on. After all what's the point in wasting time and energy on someone who is not giving you the love and caring that you need. You have to keep telling yourself this. You have to start believing this. But most of all it's OK to be like the way you are now.

Find something to concentrate on and remember time heals most wounds!

LegacyUser

Any of this sound familiar?


10 Ways to Blow a relationship
From MSN:

1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your lives.

2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?

3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if he or she is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.

4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, might as well get started on the fun part right away.

5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.

6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family and other life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test if you are meant to be together.

7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.

8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's OK.

9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?

10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be, and your soul mate owes you that.

Exar Khun

nevermind

LegacyUser

Im 3 years on from a messy breakup and I can still say it can be tough at times as we were together for 11 years and childhood sweethearts. Although we learn from the past, it influences our future by making us weary of taking risks. I'm sure most of us have had our share of bad experiences and have sworn that we would never get hurt again. Yet men seem to move on alot slower then women for some reason. Women rip photographs of their exs when they breakup and move onto another man, or "randomers" as irish girls like to call them. You don't need to be told that men and women react differently to heartache, but one thing should never change: the ultimate vow that this will never happen again to you. Learn from it.

No one can undermine the pain and frustration felt when a lover breaks your heart. Heartache is the worst and shouldn't be put upon even your worst enemy. While getting back into the "game" of dating and relationships after a past relationship seems frightening, it also serves the purpose of meeting new people to get your mind off the past, even if this means lowering your standards to shag some oul dear you met in Leeson St its still getting your mind off "her"

But for some the "past" never seems to leave for good and creeps up from the woodwork once you decide to become close with someone new. Ive seen many a potential great reletionship ruined by this. Do you really want to give all the women who have hurt you the satisfaction of f*cking up your love life for good? Absolutely not! So what can you do? You move on. Move on!

LegacyUser

Having been hurt in the past opens your eyes to the girls who have the potential to hurt you again. Be wary of these types, but do not jump to conclusions if you do happen to see the warning signs, no 2 girls or men are the exact same. By recognizing that it is possible to get hurt and knowing how to avoid this from happening, the women who have hurt you have almost done you a favour.

LegacyUser

The sheer mass of replies to this post and the similar ones I see in PI would suggest that there's thousands in the same position in Dublin alone every day. Some breakups are a horrible drawn out processes, some are out of the blue and some are simply not meant to be but Im convinced its how the couple in question deal with the parting of ways in the initial first month that sets the level of heartache that will follow. Some things are said in the heat of the moment that are unforgivable. To answer the op's question ; In my experience the only thing to put things in the past for good are meeting someone new and forming new feelings for them.

LegacyUser

The ABC's of ex-girlfriends...

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out
because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money
and could have given a **** about you.

B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work
out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and
her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they
get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.

D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm
not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were
able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than
your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she
wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand
to look at her.

G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me
and offers me favors.

J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ?
Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could
do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K stands for Kill.

L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people
and is shared upon by both parties.

L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that
actually believe in love.

M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a
few hundred bucks a month.

Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S stands for Stab. Stabbing would be fun.

S is also for Steve. Steve was the guy that was sleeping with her. Steve is a
bad person. Perhaps you should stab Steve.

T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth.
She also tortured you with lies. She even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs.

U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that ****ing bitch is an understatement.

V is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the
first place.

W stands for Wine. Wine is expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk awfully
slow though. After too much wine she liked to ****. But after too much of it
she puked; that is, from the wine. Not the activity.

X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

. stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you
about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

(I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO Z)

Victor

Cynic!

LegacyUser

There's girlfriends and then there's Girlfriends. I lived with mine for a year and a half deeply in love. Really thought she was The One. Put up with all her ****. Then I went through a bad patch (details are personal) and she left. Complaints included not spending enough money on her. (I was saving for a holiday.) Ten months later I still miss her. Moving on is hard, but it can be done. There's no easy tricks though. Whatever else you do; don't rebound. Never forget though... Learn.

LegacyUser

OP, you have to learn the art of "not giving a ****". I guarantee that once you master this little known art you will be a much happier camper. Took me a while but now I glide through life without a care in the world. No WAY is a woman going to dictate how I'm feeling and NO WAY is any woman going to make me cry....... I've said it to friends before and I'll say it again... you have to remember at the end of the day that she's only a woman and there's a LOT of them about!

(Yes I know it sounds cynical guys and girls but guess who made me that way??????? WOMEN)

LegacyUser

There seems to be alot of men posting on this thread but Id like to give the opinion of a woman.

I broke off my engagement five or six years ago. There were lots of reasons for doing it; I didn't feel the same about him any more, sex was virtually non-existent and I couldn't stand his family. And he had no manners at all, for which I blame his horrible parents. The catalyst was an evening out. We'd gone out for a pub meal with one of his friends, and when they'd finished eating the boys got up, left their plates and started playing the fruit machine, leaving me still eating and alone. After I'd sat there shocked for a minute, I took his car keys out of his coat pocket and left I eventually got home in the small hours of the following morning, having driven around the countryside for hours. He was sat up waiting for me absolutely fuming because I'd taken his car and made him walk the half-mile from the pub. I just said, 'I think we should break up'. After he'd cried for a bit, I asked him if he really loved me and if he'd genuinely wanted to marry me. He couldn't answer either question, so I just said that that was it as far as I was concerned, and I'd find him a blanket as he'd be sleeping on the sofa that night.

My reason for posting is that after all these years I still have a fond place in my heart for him. Love is a very strange and very heartbreaking thing. I should have given it a better chance but he is now living in Australia so I'll guess I'll just have to mope over him and hope prince charming comes along.

kittenkiller

The problem was posted a year ago!
Won't people just let it die already!

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote:

That can be a lot easier that said old boy! Relationships (or certain people) can be like a bad drug addiction. The highs aren't quite as high; the lows get lower, and you just can't help yourself!

That's a very good description, comparing it to a bad drug addiction.

LegacyUser

Antichav wrote:

That's a very good description, comparing it to a bad drug addiction.

Except some relationships (or certain people) are like Ecstacy and some are like Heroin!! ;o)

LegacyUser

Grimes wrote:

Ive been thinking about a certain girl every hour for the past six years. Its still the same torture as it was when we broke up then . Call me sad and pathetic till the cows come home but i dont know why she wont f**k off out of my head. And I have tried everything.

Ive just read the entire thread but that really stands out. Six years is a crazy time not to be over someone. What methods did you try?

LegacyUser

1579 wrote:

Ive just read the entire thread but that really stands out. Six years is a crazy time not to be over someone. What methods did you try?

LegacyUser

i'm right there with you i've been rejected by her so many f**king times. i want to let her go but i can't. she hates me but i still acn't let her go she has every 1 hating me. and i still love her. i need to let go and move on i have a whole life to live im only 15 and yet i don't think i'll ever for get her. i want to but i can't every waking moment of my life is Kira. i need to let go i need help. im always asking if there is any 1 who can help me to let go. so if any 1 knos just tell me.

Metacortex

Im 2 days out of a 6 year relationship.
Heartbroken with no idea what to do with myself.

dazftw

WOW its taken me almost 5 hours to read this whole thread but its been worth it !

Im in the same position now, Going out with a girl for 6 months(1st real relationship and I was her first love and im convinced now she was my first love) shes 15 and im 17(I know were young but anyway) Its been a month since she finished with me and it aint getting any better.. It has been hell on earth for me, Ive cried almost daily, I dont go out, I dont eat, I couldnt care less about anything ! Like someone said and its true for me ! I miss the friendship the most ! I was really myself with her and no one else maybe my family and some very close friends but thats it.

But this thread has helped me in alot of ways ! She met someone after a week so that was very hard but in spite of it all I knew she loved me , its just things deteriated fighting and what not towards maybe the last month and she just basically wasn't happy anymore which is a shame !

As us guys(I know alot of us do) try to get them back and believe me Ive tried with letters, texts, email, calls and through her friends ! I doubt its ever going to work and it makes you look pathetic and it annoys the crap outa her ! (so dont do it if you really love her ! If she wants you back she'll come back to you) !

I know if I keep going this way with her the friendship is going to end and I dont want that ! We have no reason to hate each other and I would like to keep it that way ! (even though I know there would be alot of people who disagree being friends if you feel that strongly) !

After reading it all it has made me feel alot better but I dont know how long for I only think it will be short term i.e next week ill be going through hell again with all the crying and what not... But I just have to get on with it I suppose !

I will probably never forget her aslong as I live and I honestly think it will be the same for her.. I truly believe she was my first true love now that I think about it..(even though I loved someone before but never was going out with this girl) I dont think that was love anymore cause we werent never going out !

Just it wont bother me anymore sooner or later !

I dont think meeting someone else helps(have already tried it and got turned down lol) its just a temporary solution wait till your ready !

The best advice like everyone has stated ! Time ! and to keep busy !

And best of luck to all of those in the same position or just struggling with love as everybody does and will continue to till the world explodes lol ! :rolleyes:

dazftw

*bump

Beruthiel

Dragging up old threads in this forum is a big No No.

Bumping them is even worse.
I catch you doing it again, I'll ban you.

If you have a personal issue to discuss, start a thread on it.
B