Other girls...

LegacyUser

I love my girlfriend to bits. We have been going out for a long time, and I couldnt be happier.
However, she is very very very experienced, and I basically am not at all. So recently I've been texting this girl, and shes hinting at a sexual meeting, no strings attached.
Its so tempting for me, not due to sexual want, but a desire to just be able to say "yeah, ive done this with 2 girls" for piece of mind. I want to marry my girlfriend, but yet I feel like I am not ready to commit to one girl if you understand. Yet I dont want to loose her.
My question is two things - firstly, most obviously - what do I do? And secondly - has this ever happened to others?
This problem wouldnt be here if I was more experienced - but I just dont want to be committed to one girl for the rest of my life without any prior experience

Thanks for any replies.

Kersh

You are quite normal I broke up with a girl I was seeing for ages, cos I was her first, and I knew at some stage she would go and sleep with someone. So I let her go. That said, if you have a gf, then you will be doing the dirt, and its not nice.

qz

Unregedusername wrote:

My question is two things - firstly, most obviously - what do I do? And secondly - has this ever happened to others?

No, you are an unique and indiviual snowflake. :rolleyes:

Einstein

WHy would you break up with her because she has more experience? Thats all the more reason not to do the dirt on her, you have a gf who knows stuff, dude take time to learn from her and enjoy every second of it!

D...

airetam_storm

She ****in freak if she found out and it might end something special you got going

Bad idea

amazingemmet

tell her what you want to do and why you want to do it and see if she's ok with it. Honesty the best policy

airetam_storm

amazingemmet wrote:

tell her what you want to do and why you want to do it and see if she's ok with it. Honesty the best policy

Could you see any girl being ok with their bf going away to sleep with some other girl cause he thinks he needs more experiance?

Le Rack

dont cheat! cheaters are the lowest lifeform! granted your not going to know anything first off but who does, if she loves you the way it seems she will understand that you are new to it and it'll be fine. Your gonna feel awkward the first time sure but who doesn't and hey practice makes perfect!

airetam_storm

Le Rack wrote:

dont cheat! cheaters are the lowest lifeform! granted your not going to know anything first off but who does, if she loves you the way it seems she will understand that you are new to it and it'll be fine. Your gonna feel awkward the first time sure but who doesn't and hey practice makes perfect!

He considering marrying her, theyre far beyond first times :rolleyes:

But sleeping with other girls in unessessary, youl get better anyway :cool:

amazingemmet

airetam_storm wrote:

Could you see any girl being ok with their bf going away to sleep with some other girl cause he thinks he needs more experiance?

Maybe not for more experience but if he did like her (the other girl) and his gf consented i see no prob with it. but doing it the sneaky way not too cool

airetam_storm

amazingemmet wrote:

Maybe not for more experience but if he did like her (the other girl) and his gf consented i see no prob with it. but doing it the sneaky way not too cool

WTF

If he likes her(the other girl) then sleeps with her wouldnt that be considered cheating?

Attol

You say you want to marry her yet you want to sleep with other girls. This says one thing to me: you aren't ready to commit. Marriage would be a bad idea if you had doubts like this. If you cheat on her and you're both as in love with each other it'll end in heartbreak. Being cheated on feels horrible. It can be really devastating if you love the person and aren't expecting it at all. If you need to have other sexual experiences go on a break with your girlfriend.

SingingCherry

If you want to be with other women, go be with other women- but you have to give up your girlfriend first. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's just cruel. Yes, breaking up with her will hurt her and have her in bits, but she'll be even more hurt if you decide to have no strings attached sex with this text-girl. Do you want to take the risk of her finding out about your infidelity and never trusting you again?

Another question: have you ever actually met this girl? If not, that's something else to think about. Is sex with a stange girl you know only through Motorola worth it? I'm guessing not.

One more point before I go- A lot of people, over the internet, and other anonymous means of communication tend to be a lot of talk, and no action. So, you might be giving up a great thing for nothing at all.

airetam_storm

SingingCherry wrote:

One more point before I go- A lot of people, over the internet, and other anonymous means of communication tend to be a lot of talk, and no action. So, you might be giving up a great thing for nothing at all.

Seconed

Know what your getting into before you do anything, dont just go on impulses

amazingemmet

airetam_storm wrote:

WTF

If he likes her(the other girl) then sleeps with her wouldnt that be considered cheating?

not if he's get permission from his gf

airetam_storm

amazingemmet wrote:

not if he's get permission from his gf

But who would permit that? :eek:

amazingemmet

You'd be surprised not all people have monogamous views.

Le Rack

airetam_storm wrote:

He considering marrying her, theyre far beyond first times :rolleyes:

But sleeping with other girls in unessessary, youl get better anyway :cool:

he said he has NO, well little to no experience. You dont need to have had sex or not to think about marraige, and despite that the first time with different people is always different.

Sleepy

What age are you OP?

Mr.Nice Guy

Unregedusername wrote:

I love my girlfriend to bits. We have been going out for a long time, and I couldnt be happier.
However, she is very very very experienced, and I basically am not at all. So recently I've been texting this girl, and shes hinting at a sexual meeting, no strings attached.
Its so tempting for me, not due to sexual want, but a desire to just be able to say "yeah, ive done this with 2 girls" for piece of mind. I want to marry my girlfriend, but yet I feel like I am not ready to commit to one girl if you understand. Yet I dont want to loose her.
My question is two things - firstly, most obviously - what do I do? And secondly - has this ever happened to others?
This problem wouldnt be here if I was more experienced - but I just dont want to be committed to one girl for the rest of my life without any prior experience

Thanks for any replies.

Seems to me you're using the idea that you need another sexual encounter as a way of overlooking the main issue - you're afraid of commitment. Think about it - what will having sex with another girl accomplish for you in the long run? You will feel like sh*t afterwards. Your girlfriend's experience is irrelevant. You can't change her past. Having sex with another girl could screw up your current relationship? Is this something you might want subconsciously?

Here's what you have to ask yourself - are you content with being with and sleeping with the girl you're with for the rest of your life? It's a significant question and if the answer is no, it's nothing to be ashamed about.

Figure this out first before you do something you might regret.

cuppa

just do it ,whos gona know (but they all find out in the end) get it outa ur system,do it more do it again just dont get caught.

Talliesin

amazingemmet wrote:

You'd be surprised not all people have monogamous views.

True. But open relationships, swinging, polyamoury et al are great for those that can handle them, but disasterous when one person really wants to be monogamous goes along with it because they feel they will lose their partner if they don't, or if people see how well polyamoury can work sometimes and want to emulate that without really being okay with it.

So, it's not something to just ask straight out as you finish breakfast and prepare to head out the door for the rest of the day.

Also, if the OP seeks an experience purely for experience's sake he may not learn much beyond the fact that sex can be crappy. A valuable lesson perhaps, but hardly worth the potential price. Sex doesn't always have to be the expression of a lifelong commitment, but it really should have something behind it other than insecurity and fear.

Dr.Feelgood

Once the eyes chase the rest will follow.

I also would like to add that you are more than likely going to go ahead and leave her by the sound of it. Technically you shouldnt be entertaining the thought if you love her. Having said that i am no expert on this. But a friend of mine recently slept with a few people and he regrets it and will twice as much when she finds out-

They always find out- Karma baby

LundiMardi

Le Rack wrote:

he said he has NO, well little to no experience. You dont need to have had sex or not to think about marraige, and despite that the first time with different people is always different.

He meant no experience with OTHER women, not sex in general.

Dr.Feelgood

Get some Kama Sutra on the go. Read up on Tantric sex & impress her. That Le Rack fellar/fellette is correct- Cheaters are the lowest lifeform!!

Big long frantic Noooooooo......

MooShop

yeah i agree dont cheat, its can really hurt someone, if you did really love her and were contemplating marrying her then the thought of cheating on her shouldnt cross your mind. you will get better, just experiment different ways in the bedroom and stuff, dont let her experience come between ye, you should learn from her instead of seeing it as an obstacle in the relationship

Femelade

oohhh!! your a horrible boyfriend!

amazingemmet

Talliesin wrote:

True. But open relationships, swinging, polyamoury et al are great for those that can handle them, but disasterous when one person really wants to be monogamous goes along with it because they feel they will lose their partner if they don't, or if people see how well polyamoury can work sometimes and want to emulate that without really being okay with it.
.

Thats why honesty on both parties account is key.

lacuna

If you want to marry her then why is it important to have experience satisfying other women? Surely to be able to satisfy and be satisfied by her is all you need to concenrate on. I would think that having experience with other women is inconsequential. Even if you don't intend to marry her, for the duration of your relationship you should be concerned with the sexual relationship between the two of you rather than any sexual relations with other people. She's not going to care whether you have satisfied twenty others before her, but will probably only be interested in whether you can satisfy her.

chuci

Unregedusername wrote:

I love my girlfriend to bits. We have been going out for a long time, and I couldnt be happier.
Its so tempting for me, not due to sexual want, but a desire to just Yet I dont want to loose her.
My question is two things - firstly, most obviously - what do I do? And secondly - has this ever happened to others?

how can you say you love her to bits and want to marry her when you want to go away and have no strings attached sex. in my opinion you sould be thanking your lucky stars that your first time was with someone special and who you knew respected you and loved you and were feeling all the same emotions you were at that time. you can look back and be proud of the first girl you slept with. not like being 16 drunk in a back alley with some girl true???

LoneGunM@n

I'm in the same situation [with a partner with more experience], but I honestly believe that I would never consider sleeping with someone else just to gain more experience!!

My finacee has stated in the past that if I ever felt the need to get more experience, she'd accept that & let me do it ... but the problem with that is although she may conceed to me doing it, she may not get over it!!

Plus one further thing, what's to say that once you've done it, you may not do it more often ... like taking a p!ss whilst on the beer, once the seal is broken, it's very hard to stop

tinkerbell

Okay ... so you love your girlfriend "to bits", but you want to sleep with other people, and you are setting yourself up already, so as to get sexual experience?

Pardon me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you're just using any old excuse just so you can sleep around.

If you loved your girlfriend, it wouldn't matter if she was more or less experienced than you. Trying to fob off sleeping with another woman as an excuse to get experience is just lame.

To be extremely blunt about it, why can't you just practice on your girlfriend?! What's the crime in that? Practice makes perfect, after all.

But it sounds like you are just using it as an excuse to hide something else.

rideordie

if you love someone you shouldn't want to fuk around..but if you do then go ahead and dump her and fuk around..easy

Talliesin

amazingemmet wrote:

Thats why honesty on both parties account is key.

True. But then it doesn't look like he's at a stage where he's considering a polyamourous or open relationship, he's just feeling insecure in what he's bringing to a monogamous one.

So, if he can bring up that insecurity and they can deal with it great.

If he goes straight into "I think I should sleep with someone else"? Well, take a look at the majority opinion on this thread. You and I may not agree with it as the only way to live ones life, but it is the relationship roadmap laid down in our society, and the odds are his partner isn't going to be okay with hearing that.

Yeah, if monogamy isn't something that would work for him (and then, there are some people who could do monogamy and who could do another lifestyle as well, and be honestly happy either way) then he needs to be upfront about that, but I don't think that's what he's saying.

athena 2000

Talliesin wrote:

True. But then it doesn't look like he's at a stage where he's considering a polyamourous or open relationship, he's just feeling insecure in what he's bringing to a monogamous one.

It's a bit sad that he's got a great girlfriend and he could explore his relationship with her and yet he thinks that his experience isn't good enough. What is it? A test? Everyone has to be a tantric sex god/dess before they've even begun?

OP, sleeping around isn't going to get you the experience you think you should have. That's just an external solution. I think you'll make yourself feel worse in the long run. It would be better to look at why you have this insecurity. A great girlfriend isn't going to ridicule you. Hopefully, she loves you to bits too. I imagine she appreciates the fact that you haven't slept with 10,000 virgins and she gets you to herself.

amazingemmet

Talliesin wrote:

True. But then it doesn't look like he's at a stage where he's considering a polyamourous or open relationship, he's just feeling insecure in what he's bringing to a monogamous one.

So, if he can bring up that insecurity and they can deal with it great.

here, here

vibe666

its not abnormal to think about being with someone else from time to time, but actually doing it may well change your current relationship to a point where it's not the thing you are experiencing now.

you and your other half have a connection that's just between the two of you, and that's a special thing. if you go and sleep with someone else now, that bond will be broken, even if only subconsciously on your side of things, and you won't have the same relationship any more.

if you feel like you really need to do this then you really aren't mready for marriage, and you should break up with her now before you do anything with this opther girl.

few things hurt more on a deeply personal level than the person you have given yourself to cheating on you and betraying your trust.