UPDATE!!! I Love This Girl

airetam_storm

Ah sh!tbuzz, we'll be needing more info on how involved she is with this lad then, and some info on him

Kingp35

Man I strongly recommend you do not give her that letter and the worst possible thing you can do is give her the letter just as she is getting on the plane. This will seriously mess her head up and you will have no time to talk about things. Plus giving her the letter is something a cowardly 15 year old would do and it just wont work out.

man you have to tell her face to face its the only way to do it but do it in a subtle way and explain how you feel without saying that you love her. In y opinion you have left this way too late. This is not some ramantic movie you need time to sit and talk with her so you both can say how you feel.

I think at this stage despite leaving it very late you still should tell her face to face before she goes. At least this way she will be able to tell you how she feels and you wont be left no knowing whats going on.

But for the love of god man burn that letter before you do something you regret!!

ADUB?

OP, DONT give her any letter.
Its Stupid. If you do you, will balls up any chance you have.
The world isnt ending in 6weeks. Whats the problem with telling her, on her return?
Tell her when she is back after S.A that you 'care' for her more then friends and then ask her on a date.
Dont say I LOVE YOU, that would freak her out.
Last thing someone wants is a person coming on too strong too soon.

Jesus Christ 'A letter' what the hell are you thinking! FFS.

Duckjob

As others have said, no big serious love letter. It's too full on.

My advice would be give her a going away card that's lightly flirtatious and pushes the friend/girlfriend boundaries just a little. Something that might set her mind thinking, but nothing heavy. If you still want to, you can then have a chat with her when she's back, but don't say you're in love with her!!

Khannie

Can't agree more with Mr nice guy (respect to you sir!). DO NOT GIVE HER THAT LETTER.

Is she going to SA to visit a bf? If so, you're just gonna have to suck it up for a while. Send her a few emails while she's over there. Tell her you miss her, etc. but DO NOT GIVE HER THAT LETTER.

MooShop

What happened??? Did you give her the letter or not??

tink~lvs~ptr

I think its a great idea. coming from a 20+ female, if i guy did that it would be great. ask her to read it later. try not make a big deal out of it.
you giving her 6 weeks to think it through!
its a really good idea go for it!

jcoote

come on we wanna know what hapened

MicraBoy

The thing is though that the one and only person she will have to discuss and show the letter to for 6 weeks is the bf. If she has committed to go to SA for 6 weeks and stay with her bf then I don't think you should really be interferring with the relationship.

~Rebel~

oh my god i didn't realise there was a bf! In that case don't do anything! At all! Moving in on another man's woman is the absolute worst thing any guy can do! Especially in a long distance relationship when its hard enough without having someone praying on you're lonliness. And she's actually going out to see him now? She's obviously going to have her thoughts totally filled with him and be so looking forward to having 6 weeks with him and then totally resent you ruining her buzz with this stuff. Just my opinion, but if she's with a guy she's off the market. End of story. You can cross you're fingers for them to break up but no more then that, just hope they do, be a good friend to her and maybe in a few months when she's recovered and over him, then maybe try.


p.s. I really hope that was a mistake and that someone's thinking of another thread or something and theres no boyfriend, in which case only tell her you like her a lot, i.e. dont mention love it would def freak her out if she's anything other then in love with you in which case it would still prob freak her out being too much too soon.

Teddi

hey man..

i hope you havent given her the letter....because i was in a similiar situation before and it all blew up in my face...the girl i was after had a b/f too...its just real dodgey ground to work on ,the feelings that she has for you i can only assume to be the ones of " a shoulder to cry on" type....

maybe im wrong...but man...if you havent given the letter, best for it!

she can come back saying she needs space....or just get really distant...then you'll have more problems than you had at the beginning, just being devils advocate!

good luck mate!

nesf

Letters...

I've had mixed experiences with them. For some purposes, okay, for others terrible.

My view on this...

The printed word brings with it, confusion and the chance for misinterpretation (or at least more than say regular conversation). What might seem like an innocent or well meaning line to you might be read completly differently by her.

This is already a situation where you don't want to be misinterpreted. ie sound stalkerish or obsessed.

A letter then is probably not the best idea.


However if you are a young teen. Then meh, do what you feel like mate. The teen years are the ones where you need to learn stuff first hand. No amount of advice can replace experience.

Imho.

DawnMc

Sweet jesus! Did he give her the letter? I'm dying to know!!!!!!!!!!

cregser

Well the optmist in me says he's in the airport toilet with her expressing his love in new physical ways. But the pesimist in me says his letter is in the airplane toilet and he's in the airport toilet expressing his love in physical ways.

I'm so romantic

jrey1981

Just because she's with some other guy doesn't mean he shouldn't tell her how he feels. Life is a competition. If she means that much to the guy then he's going to have to go one better than the current bf, in which case try and tell her in person, remembering my advice...

Am also curious to know what happens...! The suspense!

cregser

jrey1981 wrote:

Just because she's with some other guy doesn't mean he shouldn't tell her how he feels. Life is a competition. If she means that much to the guy then he's going to have to go one better than the current bf, in which case try and tell her in person, remembering my advice...

Heh, male sperm didn't evolve to fight other sperm for no reason!

Son_of_Belial

Never ever put anything in writing.

Kevin_rc_ie

cregser wrote:

Well the optmist in me says he's in the airport toilet with her expressing his love in new physical ways. But the pesimist in me says his letter is in the airplane toilet and he's in the airport toilet expressing his love in physical ways.

I'm so romantic

i found this funny.

cregser

Kevin_rc_ie wrote:

i found this funny.

well at least it wasn't lost on everyone

Tar.Aldarion

if shes going to see a boyf wait till she comes back and hope they had a fight
i would say it was somewhere between cregsers optimistic and pessimistic choices but who am i to say

~Rebel~

jrey1981 wrote:

Just because she's with some other guy doesn't mean he shouldn't tell her how he feels. Life is a competition. If she means that much to the guy then he's going to have to go one better than the current bf, in which case try and tell her in person, remembering my advice...

Are you telling me you would encourage guys to try it on with your girlfriend? If someone's in a relationship its cause they want to be. If you can see its bad for them, then you can tell them, as a friend, not for your own selfish gains. There are only 2 outcomes to this. 1. A friendship is ruined or 2. a relationship is ruined. Causing these doesn't sound like something a "friend" does.
If you really are her friend and genuinely feel this long distance relationship is bad for her and this guy is no good (obviously something must be right with them if shes going over to him for 6 weeks) then tell her as a friend. Then give her lots of time to get over it, being a supportive friend. Then after shes over him if you feel the same go for it.

Just cant condone people trying to break up relationships out of selfishness.

planck2

I think the guys being a total tool. He had a thread that lasted at least 10 pages and got locked out once, debating whether or not he should even ask her out. Eventually they went to the cinema. You knew that she was going to Africa for a few weeks ages ago. You should have said something.

Mannfan

Okay VN, after thee last saga, you went to the cinema, then you drop off the face of the earth. You last left us with going to give her a letter and now nothing. I think this is turning into a bit of a joke, or at least some psychological experiment to see how impatient you can make us. Did you tell her? You should stop dithering. Life is short, make a decision and go with it.

Tobias Greeshman

Dear God man what happened, you tell her, give her the letter, or what!!

Ruhan

First point: a letter is just stupid.

Second point: If she leaves a boyfriend for someone that gives them a letter, you won't be with her long. Someone else may have the courage to actually talk to her, and then you're very well fúcked.

Third point: Tell us what happened.

Son_of_Belial

~Rebel~ wrote:

Just cant condone people trying to break up relationships out of selfishness.

All's fair in Love and War ~Rebel~.... Survival of the fittest and all that. I've been chasing this girl who has a boyfriend over in England for a while now and it's moving along nicely. Come on, if you saw/met the girl... What sort of an idiot leaves a girl like that to her own devices abroad?! Tbh the twat deserves to be cuckolded. As for VN, I think he probably did give her the letter (I hope not for his sake), now he just looks like a coward for doing that. if he indeed did so.

Mannfan

Lets have the details on this matter. Its like the whole Charlie and Shelley thing in Corrie, too dragged out!! Cmooooooooooon!

ando

The girl rejected him, he couldn't take it and jumped off a tall building, that could explain the lack of responce

Mannfan

Son_of_Belial wrote:

All's fair in Love and War ~Rebel~.... Survival of the fittest and all that.

Im with the Son on this one, you have to go for it, Take no prisoners!

Mannfan

ando wrote:

The girl rejected him, he couldn't take it and jumped off a tall building, that could explain the lack of responce

Heehee! Here Lies Virtual Nemesis, who found out the pen is in fact mightier than the sword. I tell ya, if he hasnt jumped off that building, there will be a lot of angry board heads that might happily give him the push,... if he doesnt REPLY!!!!!

jrey1981

Son_of_Belial wrote:

All's fair in Love and War ~Rebel~.... Survival of the fittest and all that. I've been chasing this girl who has a boyfriend over in England for a while now and it's moving along nicely. Come on, if you saw/met the girl... What sort of an idiot leaves a girl like that to her own devices abroad?! Tbh the twat deserves to be cuckolded. As for VN, I think he probably did give her the letter (I hope not for his sake), now he just looks like a coward for doing that. if he indeed did so.

Well said sir

~Rebel~

~Rebel~ wrote:

Just cant condone people trying to break up relationships out of selfishness.

i agree with what you are saying but what if there was a situation where a girl was being treated like **** and a guy who was absolutely mad about her nipped in and 'rescued' her from that relationship????

Son_of_Belial

jrey1981 wrote:

Well said sir

Thank you. I know it's what most of you other lads were thinking. Sure it sucks if it happens to you (why do I get the feeling that ~Rebel~ is speaking from experience here) but it happens because a) you weren't treating her right, b) she's a slut and you're well rid anyway and safe in the knowledge she'll muck about behind the new guy's back c) you simply weren't around (i.e. overseas etc.) and she got bored/lonely. In any of the above circumstances (though be cautious with scenario b if it's a relationship you're after) the girl is fair game, and I've gone after my fair share of girls who have boyfriends already to know that they generally love the attention and novelty, and if you're in the happy situation that you're around/more availeable than her boyfriend is, then he's invariably going to lose out in the end. Like I said. All's fair in Love and War. And this is war. Also, if anyone out there is getting hassle from a luckless now ex-boyfriend who wants to break your legs, I for one have got your back my friend

tipp_gunner wrote:

i agree with what you are saying but what if there was a situation where a girl was being treated like shít and a guy who was absolutely mad about her nipped in and 'rescued' her from that relationship????

This is precisely what I'm talking about. This situation even has moral motives other than "you don't deserve her 'cos you're not around etc." To echo Mannfan, take no prisoners. Life's a game. Play it. OK rant over

Kennington

I really think giving a letter is a really chicken way of doing things, i mean if it comes down to it if this girl thinks Virtual Nemesis has trouble gettin his feelings across to her its not gonna look good in a relationship when it really becomes important, I really hope he told her face to face

Dreamcatcher

Virtual, assuming that you haven't given her that letter, or - figuratively speaking - made an ass of yourself running and waving after a departing train, like they did in those b&w wartime movies:

Then, seriously these are my thoughts on how you should now proceed:

Wait till she comes home, and when she gets back, ask her how the trip was, did she enjoy herself, did she miss home... leave your lustful feelings aside for the time being, and be interested, genuinely, in her as a person, a friend.
If you feel that the two of you are fairly close as friends, then feel free to casually inquire as to how her boyfriend is or ask some sort of question about his work(or whatever she has told you about him). Guage her reaction to this. If you sense that there's not a lot of chemistry/depth with the boyfriend, then use that opportunity to stare into her eyes, for like 2 seconds longer than normal! (Then either kiss her, or seamlessly change the subject, depending on her reaction). It's highly likely that she will pick up on the prolonged eye-contact, and realise that you are interested in something more, and she will either respond to it at the time, or let it sink in till the next time you see her. You see, Virtual__ there's usually no need to really say anything, in words, let alone in writing. You break the ice with body language, eye contact etc. then you will just know, and at that precise point in time you can put into words that you'd like to see more of her etc... knowing that she is of the same frame of mind. If she, at that point rejects you and reacts by hurting you, then she is not only not a potential gf, but she is not your friend.

Meantime, while she's away, you just forget as much as possible that you miss her, and keep yourself as occupied as possible - go see lotsa movies, gigs or whatever you're into; go out and enjoy yourself, engage yourself in a hobby, start a new hobby... That way, when she gets home with lots to tell, you can balance the conversation by telling her all the interesting things that you've been doing, as opposed to just putting your life on hold for 6 weeks, missing her, agonizing over whether ya should've said something to her and having little to say about your own life at the end of 6 weeks. Use the 6 weeks away from her to your own advantage, is what I'm saying.

Otherwise, just take things gradually, have patience, relax. If the body-language thing doesn't register with her, then you'll just have to come out with it, sooner or later. But take your time. Do not plan the exact day to let her know of your feelings.
Choose the appropriate moment when for example she has gestured to hold your hand, is lying on your lap... whatever. Say something like "(I think I'm falling for you). How would you feel about seeing a bit more of each other..." and choose your moment if the time is right in an appropriate moment, - That way she can't accuse you of coming on strong, or thinking of it as "out of the blue".
If she is a true friend, she will remain a friend, even if she rejects your suggestion.

As a last resort, if you have not much confidence, and she's a mystery to you, but you have to know one way or the other, then say your piece when you've both had a few drinks. Do not, however - if she reacts positively - sleep with her there and then. You respect her and are interested in a relationship with her and not a quick shag.
If she brushes it off, then in regard to remaining friends with her, the alcohol serves as damage limitation. You can ring her up the next day and say "Sorry, I was a bit drunk last night. Sorry that I put you on the spot.... I'm lonely since the split with my previous gf. I'm really embarrassed now, just barely remembering it....

Let us know how it goes.
If it did happen that you gave her the letter, or otherwise told her your feelings that evening, and if she did react with shock/bewilderment, then all is not necessarily lost.... Start a new thread entitled "UPDATE II - I love her" - the second sequel... and I and others, I'm sure ,will give you sound advice on how to proceed from there.

Good luck with it, and I hope above words help.

LegacyUser

Dreamcatcher wrote:

Then use that opportunity to stare into her eyes, for like 2 seconds longer than normal! (Then either kiss her, or seamlessly change the subject, depending on her reaction). It's highly likely that she will pick up on the prolonged eye-contact, and realise that you are interested in something more, and she will either respond to it at the time, or let it sink in till the next time you see her. You see, Virtual__ there's usually no need to really say anything, in words, let alone in writing. You break the ice with body language, eye contact etc. then you will just know, and at that precise point in time you can put into words that you'd like to see more of her etc... knowing that she is of the same frame of mind. If she, at that point rejects you and reacts by hurting you, then she is not only not a potential gf, but she is not your friend.

omg so you are of the belief, eye contact is potentially important when there is potential attraction between a male and female???? interesting.

Mannfan

Im not going to give an essay on the matter, (see two doors up). But I will say this, the only reason you wont tell her is you are afraid of rejection and that it will ruin the friendship. However, you have to get over or under this person. If you dont tell her how you feel you will harbour these feelings forever, thwarting your chances of happiness with someone else (in the future), as you wont have closure.

Get closure, you will feel better for it, and do it face to face!

Son_of_Belial

Mannfan wrote:

However, you have to get over or under this person.

I think the latter is the idea mannfan. Assuming you prefer to have her on top that is...

Mannfan

Son_of_Belial wrote:

I think the latter is the idea mannfan. Assuming you prefer to have her on top that is...

Well S.o.B he sounds like the kinda guy who would be happy with either arrangement

Dreamcatcher

Mannfan wrote:

Im not going to give an essay on the matter, (see two doors up). But I will say this, the only reason you wont tell her is you are afraid of rejection and that it will ruin the friendship. However, you have to get over or under this person. If you dont tell her how you feel you will harbour these feelings forever, thwarting your chances of happiness with someone else (in the future), as you wont have closure.

Wow, what an incisive and bowl-me-over piece of analysis and a sterling nugget of advice.... I am truly wowed by such wisdom.

As for my long post Manna, which you object to, which your short attention-span obviously baulked at, I was responding to the OP only, who seems quite shy and young and apprehensive about life, and I feel that some basic advice would've been beneficial to his situation.
My reply was in an effort to help, in keeping with the character of a PI thread.

Yours was for what......?

Mannfan

Dreamcatcher wrote:

Wow, what an incisive and bowl-me-over piece of analysis and a sterling nugget of advice.... I am truly wowed by such wisdom.

As for my long post Manna, which you object to, which your short attention-span obviously baulked at, I was responding to the OP only, who seems quite shy and young and apprehensive about life, and I feel that some basic advice would've been beneficial to his situation.
My reply was in an effort to help, in keeping with the character of a PI thread.

Yours was for what......?

Ok DC, the original post "I love this girl" was basically started with the should I tell her I love her question, which began with a poll and this is the essence of the thread. VN is not apprehensive about life, as he knows this person a long time and doesnt need a blow by blow guide on body language but advice on finding a resolution this personal crisis....hence the advice above.

shellby

ok i have been all for telling this girl from the very beginning but you have now left it far too late wait until she comes back
imo i would be p*ssed off with you something fierce if you told me just before i left or worse i found out from a letter on a plane going to s.a. to see my bf with no body to talk to about it therefore ruining my time with my bf which would make me increasingly more angry at you until i came home and irregardless of my feelings for you before hand i would have lost respect for you because of the manner in which you told me, i would be hurt because you felt you couldn't tell me face to face i had 6 weeks to work on the what ifs and given that i'm angry at you whether i had similar feelings or not the what ifs would not be positive therefore damaging the friendship and as a result seriously damaging any chance of a relationship

but then that's just my opinion

let us know how you got on

WhiteWashMan

~Rebel~ wrote:

Just cant condone people trying to break up relationships out of selfishness.

why does anyone break up?

give me one reason that isnt 'selfish' why people break up?

that is possibly the most silly and immature and stupid thing i have ever read.
you hold that belief because youa re afraid someone may break up with you for a 'selfish' belief.

its the same as fat people thinking that 'personality' is the the thing that everyone should base their love on, and anything else is just being shallow.

logic

Well VN in 6 weeks you will probably feel different or not as strongly for her, unless you sit around dreaming about her till she gets back.

shellby

logic wrote:

Well VN in 6 weeks you will probably feel different or not as strongly for her, unless you sit around dreaming about her till she gets back.

i agree if you still feel the same way then tell her it will work out better all round

chump

WhiteWashMan wrote:

why does anyone break up?

give me one reason that isnt 'selfish' why people break up?

My friends willy fell off. Because of this he was both embarassed but moreso heartbroken that he wouldn't be able to provide the children his lovely girlfriend wanted so much, so he broke up with her. That's selfless in my eyes...

WhiteWashMan wrote:

its the same as fat people thinking that 'personality' is the the thing that everyone should base their love on, and anything else is just being shallow.

I'm with you on the fat people thing! :eek:

WhiteWashMan

ok, apart from the willy falling off selfless thing....

on the other hand, what is she breaks it off because he is williless, and cant satisfy her.
is that selfish?

chump

That's very selfish...

I do believe though that any act of apparent selflessness can cynically (or not) be viewed as selfishness.

Even the willy falling off example, you could say he was being selfish in that he knew she'd be devastaded and he didn't want to go out with a moaner, so he was doing it to save his bacon.

Mr.Nice Guy

chump's law:

A discussion on selfishness and selflessness in relationships will invariably lead to an analogy of a willy falling off.

MooShop

We havent heard anything from Virtual Nemesis in a while. WHAT HAPPENED???? we are all dying to know......