Fear and Loathing and Concentrated Lemon Juice In CTYI

Chris IS Cool

this is a thread more or less dedicated to the glorious memory of Mr Ste, aka Stephen Gill Murphy. If you weren't in writing for life, you probably won't know anything about this, so read and marvel. otherwise i don't know, post anecdotes, homages or something.

Stephen was my roommate.
Seemed like a quiet enough guy at the start. Talked a fair bit, but mostly kept himself to himself. Said he’d been put in our Writing for Life class by accident, he’d wanted to do Theoretical Physics.

Some accident. He was an amazingly brilliant writer of outrageous tales of sex, drugs, violence and children’s storybooks. Comparable to Hunter S. Thompson, but while HST was famous for his mammoth drugs intake, Stephen Gill Murphy had but two addictions. One was concentrated lemon juice, the other was Mr T.

I remember the lemon juice well. It came in brightly coloured, lemon-shaped plastic cartons, and was bitter beyond belief. I tried a sip once; it was disgusting. Stephen just mocked me, called me a wuss.
“Watch how a real man drinks his lemons,” he said, downing an entire lemon in one gulp.

They filled the fridge, the lemons… Stephen said it was possible to drink too many, to overdose on them, said he was probably taking too many. I think he survived purely on those lemons and on salt and vinegar Hunky Dories from a vending machine. He never went to the canteen (a very smart move, that).

Now to his other obsession. Mr T. Stephen’s idol, his one true god. He knew all his catchphrases, could work him into any story, into any conversation. The tune of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire was cannibalised by Stephen to create his musical masterpiece, It’s T Time. It became our class’ anthem.
For the second, 80’s themed disco, Stephen transformed for the first time into his alter ego, an impossible cool character known only as Mr Ste. With slicked back hair, a pair of sunglasses he borrowed from me, a cardboard medallion and matching wrist bands decorated with rubber darts, Mr Ste discoed like no other. Cooler, funkier, crazier…

Mr Ste represented the other, even more unhinged side of Stephen’s personality. His wrath was ferocious. On one occasion, Mr Bumbles, the giant toy ladybird we kept begging outside our door (don’t ask) was kidnapped by a sex maniac living down the corridor from us. Stephen and I armed ourselves with his dart guns and, with the aid of the maniac’s roommate, located Mr Bumbles hidden in a cupboard… The horrible smell of the room drove me away, but Stephen stuck out, setting Mr Bumbles up in a compromising position in his kidnapper’s bed, then playing the waiting game… When the unfortunate cretin returned, he was ambushed by Mr Ste and his roommate who shot him repeatedly with little rubber bullets and scared him halfway to death.

Then there was the time Sean invaded Mr Ste’s room, and attacked him with water pistols. Mr Ste seized a full 2-litre water bottle, cornered Sean in the kitchen and beat him mercilessly to the ground for five horrifying minutes. A separate water bottle beating left the thieving, magpie-like Aidan paralysed on the floor by my bed, unable to move.

Mr Ste’s madness continued in full flight until that awful Thursday morning when he had to depart early. He left behind a gaping, Stephen-shaped hole in our class, as well as a pile of junk in his room, plus enough loose change for me to be able to afford a Lion bar for breakfast.

We missed him sorely. He gave life to our class. With his quick-talking jive (“Come back here again and I’ll staple your nuts to the floor!” he told anyone who dared offend him) and no nonsense personality (shooting the commuter Ian in the face during Zach’s birthday party, threatening the same Ian with death if he dared mention mythology or swastikas again) he was possibly, like, the greatest person ever. His two poems Wheee! and Rip Off mean more to everyone who’s read them than every other work in English literature combined.
He made us laugh, he made us cry, he made us run away and hide… Stephen Gill Murphy, gone but not forgotten. The mental scars will live forever.
I will finish by quoting in full his message to me in my little notebook:

Chris,
You evil cocksucker. If you come anywhere near me again I’ll rip your nuts off and put them in a microwave. I mean it, you mean little freak. Don’t. ****. With. Me. And leave Mr Bumbles alone too. He’s my bitch. Above all, remember: I know where you live.
Signed,
Dr Stephen and Mr Ste.

Hobotastic

When did all this happen? You write about him as if he's dead.

Chris IS Cool

Hobotastic wrote:

When did all this happen? You write about him as if he's dead.

It happened over the course of session one... and stephen left early, so he might as well be dead. he's on holiday in greece now. So, I'm probably overreacting. Or something.

*pities fool*

claire h

Still with the referring-to-him-as-though-he's-dead, I see...

Ah, Mr Ste. A true genius and just a teensy bit scary. Yay!

Crash

haha, your class were fecking nuts claire

and sean with his weird obsession with you and me :P

Chris IS Cool

crash_000 wrote:

haha, your class were fecking nuts claire

Thanks!

clare h wrote:

Still with the referring-to-him-as-though-he's-dead, I see...

Okay, I admit everything... He IS dead, i killed him brutally because he was taking toomuch cocaine/lemons and threatening me... then i made up some story about Stephen leaving early to cover up... I sold his remains to the canteen, so there's no proof! NO PROOF AT ALL! THE VOICES MADE ME DO IT!

*flees country to france*

Hobotastic

The funny part is that your story is completely believable. We've all eaten at that canteen, we all know the truth... that we don't know the truth. About what the food is, I mean. Yep. Wooza.

lemur option

Ah stephen gil murphy surley Ctyis greatest mistake turning a nice quite lad into that guy. A comedy legend who was solemly missed (that last day). My hat goes off to him for making me laugh so many times.
My best memories are of his cardboard mask and his shot of death at Ian

"go to hell commuter"

a true comedy legend in every sense of the word

dhanle-ctyi

Chris you forgot about the time that Steven Connor and I were Walking through the street and Stphen took a 2ltr bottle out of the bin and started randomly hitting connor(for some reason i can no longer remember). Then bertie walked by and didn't do any thing. Good Times

And also where do you get the nerve telling people that Chris is Cool.

Starbabe

Its T Time is like the coolest. Song. Ever.

I bet Claire's class were a lot more fun and interesting than your class are Neil!! Hahaha, we win! Le hoo zay her;)
Seans obsession was vaugely funny at the start but it grew thin.

claire h

Creative types win out over science geeks every time...