1 year, three months and 14 days later

Sam Vimes

a lot of people on this forum are telling people not to kill themselves because it'll hurt their parents. that will never work. from the perspective of the suicidal person you're asking them to endure 80 years of horrible life to please other people. by calling them selfish for feeling the way they do you'll only make them feel worse.

the fact is they are not selfish. they are depressed. their brain is telling them that they are worthless and their life is crap and always will be. calling them selfish will only reinforce their view that they are bad people when we know they are just misguided.

to all suicidal people i say this: the only life not worth living is the one in a hospital bed with a terminal, incurable, and i stress incurable, disease causing constant pain. if you are not in this situation and you feel your life is not worth living you are mistaken.
some suicidal people might say they are in this situation because they are in constant pain but the difference is that your disease is curable. all you have to do is realise you're no worse than anyone else.

ask yourself this question: why is it that my life is not worth living but everyone else's is? what do those 6 billion people have that i don't? why is it that people in much worse situations than me cling to life while i want to throw mine away?

there is no logical answer to those questions. that's because depression isn't logical. it convinces the average joe that they should end it all. a chemical imbalance in your brain is affecting serotonin* levels and making you feel bad. anyone on the outside can see this fact but inside your head all you have is the feelings of hopelessness. you can't see that its a lack of serotonin making you feel like that so you try to justify the feelings. the only way its possible to do this is by clinging to the bad in your life and sticking your fingers in your ears and saying "la la la la la la la" any time someone mentions the good. try inverting this for a month and see how you feel. cling to the good and dont let the bad thoughts in. worked for me
i assure you that you're no better or worse than anyone else. you have no more reason to kill yourself than tom cruise while the lucky bastard is doin katie holmes

*serotonin is the chemical that affects mood in your brain

Le Rack

okay thats it! I'm sick of people saying that suicide is selfish!

To all of you who have said so :

Have you ever been so depressed, that you dread the thought of having to go throuhg one more day of the sh!t people seem to call life?
Have you ever felt that you have noone? No friends, no family, that noone cres for you? that you are entirely alone in the world?
That everything you touch turns to sh!t? That you live is just one big ball of it, speeding down a hill, into the abyss, and that with everyday its gathering momentum and the sh!t just keeps on piling on?
Have you ever been so hopeless/helpless that you feel there is no way out and you would be doing the world a favour by getting rid of yourself?
Have you ever been 100% convinced that you are nothing, worthless, meaningless, the world would be a better place without you? That you are a waste of oxegen, of space, of time?
Have you broken down and cried with the sheer feeling of being alone and then become anrgy at the world for doing this to you, and wanted to wipeout the entire human race?

When you feel like that, feel that alone, that worthless, you don't think about anything but making it go away, and not by standing up and fighting your way out and making something of yourself, as far as your concerned there is NO way out your gonna die anyway so make it sooner rather than later, when you feel like that, you don't give a damn about your parents, your friends, because they don't give a damn about you.

Le Rack

what I've said gives you an idea of how it feels, but you have to give it just another few moments, time to realise there are people who love you, you do have friends, there is always something there to live for. Even if you cant, see or believe it, its there, they're there. The first time I became seriously depressed, I sat down and I wrote, just wrote, freescript anything that was in my mind went to the paper. I wrote six pages of bitter scary things, the final words are "loving him.." I came to the conclusion that no matter how bad the weather gets, no matter how tired you get you gotts keep up the fight to win the race and beat the bastards that are trying to beat you down, even if they are in your mind. I realised that I had at least one person who wasa there for me, my boyf at the time, it was a long distance relationship, we rarely saw eachother, but I knew he was there for me, that he cared for me, that I wasn't alone. It later turned out he was a cheating bastard but it didn't matter cuz I had faith in his love then when it mattered.
I still have those pages of scrawled writing and read over them from time to time, but anyone who is suicidal, find an outlet and then find your rock, your faith, it will be different for everyone and it may change with time, but there will always be something there to live for, no matter how grim the outlook, there Is Always something there for you.

Beruthiel

tirl wrote:

Hi un26
would you PM me or email. I am a Counselling Psychologist.

ok
I have received a PM from tirl (thanks T), she is who she claims to be,
so OP I suggest that you send her a PM and see if she can help you out, what have you got to loose?!
good luck
a

kelle

Le Rack wrote:

okay thats it! I'm sick of people saying that suicide is selfish!

I'm so sick of people who say that, too. They're pure ignorant.
I lost my parents to cancer recently. I'm so lost without them and they fought a very difficult battle between them. What I can't stand though is lots of people think it's okay to refer to suicide victims as selfish when talking to me, wanting to end their lives while my parents were desperate to live. I always point out to them these poor people die from a very serious illness, too, only it's not as much understood as my parents' illnessses were, and therefore they don't seem to get the help or treatment they desperately need.
un26, I cried my eyes out reading your extracts. You come across as such a good person. I don't know you from Adam, I really hope you overcome this.

shellby

Beruthiel wrote:

you can both also PM me with your real nicknames if ye wish to get in contact with each other
be assured, it will be in total confidence.
anna

the same applies to myself
perhaps what you need to do is ask how to save yourself not kill yourself
please talk to someone

shellby

Le Rack wrote:

okay thats it! I'm sick of people saying that suicide is selfish!

no it can come across a selfish
but it is cowardly taking the easier option instead of making your life worth living
i'm not some ignorant bestander with no experience of suicide or severe depression i know what i'm talking about from first hand experience

Le Rack

shellby wrote:

no it can come across a selfish
but it is cowardly taking the easier option instead of making your life worth living
i'm not some ignorant bestander with no experience of suicide or severe depression i know what i'm talking about from first hand experience

but when in a statre like that you see it as the one and only option that the world is better off without you, so its only the easy option to outsiders, you say you have first hand experience then you should know this, hindsight is a great thing and all but if yyou've been there you know.

Matamoros

Rather than tell you that many other people including myself feel as you do, I will try to say something that you may find helpful as trying to stay alive is a daily challenge for all of us.
Of all the self help material that I have read, two stand out in particular. Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and Viktor E. Frankl's "Mans Search for Meaning". Please don't feel that I am some advanced thinker, I am not particularly intelligent and I don't want to lose you because the ideas in this books may provide you with at least some comfort at least and total liberation from your pains at best.
The first one speaks about freeing ourselves from obsessive mind and the other one talks about the responsibilty that life bestows on us and asks what should we do with it. I sincerely hope that I have been of some service to you as the only way that we will answer these questions is to stay alive to ask them.

up for anything

Been there, done it and lived to tell the tale. However before you do anything (and I advise you to rethink and take up some of the offers of help you have received here) just think about the feelings of the person who will find your body in whatever state it ends up in due to whatever method of ending your life that you might be thinking of choosing.

In all but a few of the cases I have heard of through friends, the bodies were found by close family members. Picture the 13yr old boy coming in from school, one hand on the front door to push it open, school bag in other hand ready to fling on the floor of the front hall, smile on his face calling out hello to his father and then picture him 30 seconds later standing in the open door and seeing his father hanging from the bannistairs in front of him. Picture the face of the mother finding one of her twin sons dead by his own hand and picture it eighteen months later on finding his twin also dead by his own hand. Picture the face of the 10 year old boy finding his father hanging in the barn. All the people who comitted suicide in these cases knew who the person would be who would be most likely to find their bodies. A life changing experience indeed for them.

The one thing you've left out about planning your own suicide is the "that'll teach them", "they'll be sorry when I'm dead" or "serves them right" feelings. Be honest, admit that you've had them.

Realise that no matter how your death impacts on family etc. someone has to be the one to find your body (unless you go the ferry suicide route and then it'll only usually be your clean picked skull - lucky, shell seeking child on a beach in Wales) and whether it will be a family member or a stranger it will change their lives totally and probably not for the better. A lot of people who find the body of a suicide often go on to commit themselves. Do you want to be responsible for their miserable life or their suicide?

Matamoros

Some of the people hoping to help our friend whose problem we are addressing, have chosen, as Up for Anything has, to appeal to the potential suicide victim's feeling for his/her family or friends reaction to finding them and dealing with the subsequent emotions. I feel that this may not be of much help, to me the people including myself who contemplate such an action have moved on in their conscoiusness to an altogether different place. Myself, I felt quite liberated when I thought of the prospect of no more suffering in this life, thinking of hurting one's loved ones only brings more pain, the depressed person already has enough of that and desperately needs something to lighten the load.
In my humble opinion, I imagine the depressed person as someone in a hole that is getting deeper every day, some things make it deeper even the recent events in London etc., but the question remains, how do we get out of it? This question
I feel, applies to all of us, how will I live my life? There are things in this world worth doing and finding these things is our responsibility, we all have to follow our own path and neither destiny nor luck or fate has anything to do with it. We can change our own course and the satisfaction of being alive on that day when you realise that you are a survivor is immense.