Men....

LegacyUser

What is it with men, that they feel they have the right to walk over a girls heart. I dont think anyone has the right to treat someone badly, however i keep finding myself in a situation that im allowing men to hurt me.

I suppose im not the slimest girl going, however i have come across to believe that men, feel that because im not that slim, that they feel they can get away with hurting me as i should count myself lucky for the attention. Personally i sometimes believe this, however i dont always, as i think there is something attractive about everyone, be it a text book beauty or something else.....

I got my heart totally broken about a month or so ago, and its something im still trying to get over. It was a strange situation as it was very intence from the get go, saying that, i was not 100% intrested at the start, however i had suddenly found myself totally falling for him. it actually totally caught me off guard. as i said, we went are seperate way and last week i bumped into him, i had had this horrible feeling in my stomach before i went out that i would bump into him, and when i did i was v shocked. He had asked me why he had nt seen me, and i was just staight to the point, that i didnt deserve to be ignored... granted its silly, but i know him and i know what he ;s like.... however it still suprises me how much this guy got to me....

Then recently i met up with a friend of a friend, and we got on, but now im begining to think he is only trying to get his leg over..

I just dont seem to have any luck with men, the ones i really like, turn out to be bas****s and the ones that show some sort of intrest, im not remotely intrested in at all..

Im just really sick of been rejected and hurt so much by men, im sure your reading this and think, my god what a loon, but im just letting off steam, im sure im not the only women that thinks this or has gone through this...

PullMyFinger!

How long were you with him? I doubt it has anything to do with you weight. When we break up with people we look at our weak points and amplify them out of insecurity.

LegacyUser

I know it feels really bad, but remember he would have not gone out wiht you if there wasn't something he liked about you. I bumped into my ex about a year ago, he started calling me fat n stuff, i knew i wasnt cos i was a size 12, n 5ft7 so i carried it well but it made me feel so bad. I used to be bulimic before i was with him n he knew about my insecurities, i think men jus play on womens emotions. Anyway i went on this HUGE diet and went to a size 6, so basically looked anorexic, it was really that moment that set it up, then i went 2 a councellor 8 months ago, and you realise theres so much more important things than little pricks who are so pathetic not even their blind dog would s*** them. My weight back to normal now.

There are nice guys, believe me, i've been seeing this guy 4 the past 3 months and he really knows how 2 treat a girl well, his friends are the same, i think it depends on their upbringing and attitude to life.

This new guy, the one you got on well with, do NOT sleep with him until you are sure he will treat you well. I know this might sound like a cliché but guys who sleep with a girl fast have NO respect for them, I havent slept with my boyfriend yet.
Guys who are genuine do not want you for your looks and sex, its your personality and the others are just a bonus.

Remember you are better than any guy who would make u feel so bad, and u WILL meet someone who likes you for you...stop looking n he'll turn up!

Try not to feel down! It'll get better.
Hope I've been of some help! :-)

LegacyUser

we didnt part ways because of my weight... that had absolutaly nothing to do with it, its just thats a perseption i seem to be picking up on. Just think men can be v cruel sometimes, and it really is nt v fair......

Victor

Im just really sick of been rejected and hurt so much by people, im sure your reading this and think, my god what a loon, but im just letting off steam, im sure im not the only person that thinks this or has gone through this...

Slight changes.

secret_squirrel

hurtgirl wrote:

He had asked me why he had nt seen me, and i was just staight to the point, that i didnt deserve to be ignored..

Im confused - you havent said what the issue is. I presume you felt he wasnt paying you enough attention? Was this the only problem? If not why did you break up??

How else have you been rejected?? The tone of you post sounds upset, but its not exactly coherent. If you can give us examples of whats up you might get some better advice.

Just one thought from your post is that you sound quite needy. Im sure you arent but it might help if you clarify things a bit.

Chong

First off your not loon, not all us men are bad but there is a lot bastards outta there. People like that dont deserve the time of day, its like the the song you gotta pick yourself up and try again. Also dont let your belief that you may be not as slim as others bring down because thats what sets us apart from others. Chin up girl and move on.

jcoote

i think the weight thing is total bull...if someone u go out wit is shallow enough to dump u or mistreat u because u are heavier than a supermodel then they aren't worth the hassle imo... maybe u are too aware that u have a bit of meat on your bones and are comparing yourself to slimmer girls who are treated well by their bf..

koneko

Vicious cycle. Imagine, you have low self esteem and don't think you deserve anyone good, so you attract the wrong kind of guys and only go out with the wrong kind of guys. Then you get dumped, and it's back to "all men are evil, i'm going to be alone forever, i'm so horrible".

You're going to have to start working on yourself, and working on caring about yourself. If you don't, it's likely you'll just keep going round in the same cycle and picking the wrong kind of guys. Dating people in the state of mind you're in right now is a bad bad idea. Guys aren't bastards. You're just managing to find the bastards that are out there because you think you're not worthy of attention of nice guys.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

Slight changes.

victor im not too sure what you are getting at ?

Squirel - im not needy at all actually. Just been hurt too many times, he did nt dump me, he just treated me v badly, my weight was never an issue with him, what i ment when i said weight was that a lot of men will take the piss or consider you ugly is your not a size 8.. which i just find so stupid... its a hang up a lot of us girls have to put up with, its not just me.

jcoote

in a nutshell misery loves company...for some reason we choose people who will make us feel worse when we feel bad..its like the mind just wants to prove that all men are scum and there maybe some weird satisfaction in that...still makes u feel crap tho

Pink Bunny

hurtgirl wrote:

Then recently i met up with a friend of a friend, and we got on, but now im begining to think he is only trying to get his leg over..


I just dont seem to have any luck with men, the ones i really like, turn out to be bas****s and the ones that show some sort of intrest, im not remotely intrested in at all..

..

In response to the first part of the above quote, let me ask why is it that you feel that way? Is it your low selfconfidence that has you thinking that he only is showing you attention for sex? Because if that's the case it's hardly fair for him. Or if he is really starting to put the pressure on, and you aren't ready for that, then tell him and if he reacts badly, move on. Some men are like that, it has nothing to do with your size, and everything to do with different wants/needs and expectations.
And about the 2nd part quoted above, it sounds like it's your taste in men that is causign you grief. Maybe you need to reflect on why you seek out the type of men you do. I think that because you have mentioned your weight a couple of different times in your post that you must have issues with your looks. I might get beat up for this advice, but if your weight is causing you this much self doubt, then maybe you should change what you eat and start exercising more and once you start to feel you look better you will feel better about yourself and get some much needed self confidence.

Bottle_of_Smoke

hurtgirl wrote:

victor im not too sure what you are getting at ?

He's saying women hurt men just as much men hurt women. Which is ****ing true.

My advice, stop focusing on your weight, lots of men find bigger women more attractive than slim ones. Tbh I'd imagine it's something in your personality that's letting men walk all over you, maybe you're not confident enough so guys feel they can take you for granted

Victor

hurtgirl wrote:

victor im not too sure what you are getting at ?

Girls hurt boys, boys hurt girls, boys hurt boys, girls hurt girls. There is no monopoly of pain-giving or receiving.

jcoote

i have known people who look in the mirror don't like what they see and expect everyone to treat them the way they feel...like ****...thats aother way of lookin at it...to be intimate and conmfortable with someone when u are not able to feel happy within yourself is close to impossible

The Corinthian

I’m sorry, but are you looking for advice here or validation?

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote:

I’m sorry, but are you looking for advice here or validation?

i dont know, to be honast im kinda just letting off steam, as its an issue that has gotten to me.

The Corinthian

hurtgirl wrote:

i dont know, to be honast im kinda just letting off steam, as its an issue that has gotten to me.

It’s just that if all you do is let off steam and make no move to deal with why you keep on finding yourself in this situation, then you’ll inevitably find yourself in the same situation again. And so if you do not feel the need to deal with the issue, chances are that you are happy enough with it, for whatever reason.

gom

This is a purely sexist thread and the OP has no right to generalise about the other half of the human race. The tread should be binned and the OP cautioned.

Imagine what would happen if someone posted the exact same post but replaced the word MEN with that of WOMEN.

The Corinthian

gom wrote:

This is a purely sexist thread and the OP has no right to generalise about the other half of the human race. The tread should be binned and the OP cautioned.

Imagine what would happen if someone posted the exact same post but replaced the word MEN with that of WOMEN.

Strictly speaking you’re correct, in that this thread is based upon a gender-based generalisation. However, had the genders been reversed, I suspect that the reaction would not have differed.

Nevyn

That may be your opinion gom but do a search and see.

Tobias Greeshman

The Corinthian wrote:

Strictly speaking you’re correct, in that this thread is based upon a gender-based generalisation. However, had the genders been reversed, I suspect that the reaction would not have differed.

Most definately, typical situation boy/girl meets member of opposite sex, after boy/girl is either cheated on or treated like crap and they break up, then suddenly every member of the opposite sex is tarred with the same brush. "All Women/Men are bástards/bítches". It aint the first thread that PI has seen on this topic and Im sure it wont be the last either.

Pigman II

Unreggirl2005 wrote:

do NOT sleep with him until you are sure he will treat you well ... guys who sleep with a girl fast have NO respect for them

Correction. Guys have no respect for women who say things like 'i'm not going to do x until I get y'.

Sleepy

Unreggirl2005 wrote:

do NOT sleep with him until you are sure he will treat you well ... guys who sleep with a girl fast have NO respect for them

I'm with Pigman_II here. That's a complete nonsense. I've had girlfriends I've slept with on the second date and girlfriends I've only slept with after 3 months of being together. Sex isn't some gift that a woman presents to a man, that's a ridiculously backward and childish notion. It's something that two people do together for mutual pleasure.

Zulu

Sleepy wrote:

Sex isn't some gift that a woman presents to a man, that's a ridiculously backward and childish notion. It's something that two people do together for mutual pleasure.

I third that.

b3t4

umm, why is there a need to generalise a personal issue?? The girl is dating men not women.

As regard the OP, I'd have to second what koneko said. You have to work on you before you can work on being an "us".

A.

A.

WhiteWashMan

gom wrote:

This is a purely sexist thread and the OP has no right to generalise about the other half of the human race. The tread should be binned and the OP cautioned.

Imagine what would happen if someone posted the exact same post but replaced the word MEN with that of WOMEN.

unless you have something to add to this thread, then i suggest you dont post again.
childish.

The Corinthian

Pigman II wrote:

Correction. Guys have no respect for women who say things like 'i'm not going to do x until I get y'.

In fairness she didn’t actually say that. She argued that it is unwise to have an intimate relationship with a man until you’re sure that he’s not simply there for the sex and that women who go to bed too quickly tend not to be respected by men. The exchange of x for y was never really suggested.

Of course, her argument is admittedly juvenile, but that’s another discussion.

DawnMc

My god, you're saying exactly what I feel about myself. I only attract fuked up bastards

pickarooney

What exactly is the question/problem in the original post.
You go out with a bloke, fall for him despite yourself, then start ignoring him and break up. And then there's something about him and men being cruel and you being overweight.
Did you edit the post and remove any sense out it or what am I missing? Why did you break up and what has it got to do with your weight?

LegacyUser

DawnMc wrote:

My god, you're saying exactly what I feel about myself. I only attract fuked up bastards

unfortunately us girls tend to push the good guys to one side, and go with the guys that we know will break our heart, hence leaving us with a generalisation about blokes even though we do know there are good guys.... its finding them that is the hard bit.

However reading what other s say, i know it is not just men treating girls bad, it goes the other way aswell, one of my friends, said to me that he is not going to be the nice guy that he is in anymore, cause he is sick of not getting the girl or loosing out.............

koneko

hurtgirl wrote:

unfortunately us girls tend to push the good guys to one side, and go with the guys that we know will break our heart, hence leaving us with a generalisation about blokes even though we do know there are good guys.... its finding them that is the hard bit.

No... SOME girls do that. If you do that, and recognise you do it, do something about it. Otherwise you're going to end up in the same situation again in a few months crying about it here and about how awful men are, when the root of the problem is the men YOU are choosing. Do something about it. Stop blaming men and the world for what's going wrong, it's completely in your own hands. YOU are the one that's making you unhappy.

The Corinthian

koneko wrote:

Stop blaming men and the world for what's going wrong, it's completely in your own hands. YOU are the one that's making you unhappy.

Shush... Leave her be. We've already established that she's not looking for solutions, just venting - which, of course, some might call wallowing in self pity. It’s who she is and she’s not really interested in changing just because we say so.

TBH, if she couldn’t be unhappy she’d be miserable.

koneko

Good point. I await the inevitable "It's not me it's THEM, you're all so mean" reply.

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote:

Shush... Leave her be. We've already established that she's not looking for solutions, just venting - which, of course, some might call wallowing in self pity. It’s who she is and she’s not really interested in changing just because we say so.

TBH, if she couldn’t be unhappy she’d be miserable.

tbh think thats a bit harsh.. im no wallowing in self pity, and i am intrested in changing..im fully aware i tend to pick the bad guys....i was only letting off steam, i think thats aloud without people coming back to you telling you to stop feeling sorry for yourself ?!... thanks for your input anyway.. ?!

and before you say anything koneko, i know i shoudnt let myself be treated badly, so inturn it is my problem... so you will be wrong by your statement of ""I await the inevitable "It's not me it's THEM, you're all so mean" reply.""

Nidge

Once again there's no way in feck i am reading all those replies. But anyway i refuse to believe that it's just men who are "bastards" and whatever. Girls are equally capable of crushing a guy for no apparent reason, based on looks or whatever it might be. It often seems the majority of people have their devious motives but obviously the nicer ones are out there. I think the reason that women and men feel they can treat people like this is because so many partners will let them do so, so then they don't need to change for the next bf/gf who may indeed be shocked by this treatment.

I'd say just don't let it get to you, you can't possibly be unattractive if you are getting that amount of attention so i wouldn't worry and learn how to command respect from your future prospects.

The Corinthian

hurtgirl wrote:

tbh think thats a bit harsh.. im no wallowing in self pity, and i am intrested in changing..im fully aware i tend to pick the bad guys....i was only letting off steam, i think thats aloud without people coming back to you telling you to stop feeling sorry for yourself ?!... thanks for your input anyway.. ?!

I never suggested you should stop feeling sorry for yourself. That’s entirely your own business. But no, I don’t think you really intend changing.

Dizzyblabla

DawnMc wrote:

My god, you're saying exactly what I feel about myself. I only attract fuked up bastards

Why oh why do so many women say this?? I've even said this myself, "I only attract the guys who will treat me like crap" - it's not that we attract them, or even that they are the typical guy who will treat girls like crap (I'm sure there are some out there!), but there are different things that we do (I think anyway) that let a guy think that it is ok, they have no idea they are treating us badly, because we only tell people online as unregistered guests so noone knows who we are.
I'm probably going to get alot of cross replies, but I have thought about this, and I will stand by my opinion that the person who did the heart breaking (be it male or female) is never 100% to blame (unless they do something terrible like sleeping with someone else or abuse or something), but when people come online or talk to friends, saying that their partner treats them badly, how are they to really know what they are doing is wrong unless you tell them?
Break up's are hard, and it's great to see that so soon into it that guys can take advantage (being vulnerable and insecure can lead to women making rash decisions when out drinking) and I applaud you for being sensible. One thing though... remember that life is short, and if you spend your life wondering if he only wants to be with you to get his "leg over", you may let the right one pass you by....