Threesome? Dunno wot to do?

Motley Crue

Im 20 and have been going out with this attractive young women for the past 4 months, and we seem to have a good relationship. We laugh and joke about the same things, we make each other smile and our sex life is pretty healthy and active and I wouldnt say its in trouble by any stretch of the imagination. We met on a Internet dating site, and unlike the countless other women before me, this girl spoke to me over the phone, gave me her home and mobile numbers without me even asking and invited me to travel to her home (about 100 miles from where I am) and when I got there she put her arms around me and gave me a passionate kiss straight away. We ended up having sex within the first month, and I dont regret it, because we were (and still are) very much in love with each other.

You may at this point ask what the problem is? Well, the other night, we were in bed in her house. Shes 18, and her parents had no problem about letting me stay over in the spare room on the odd weekends every 2nd month, so that we can spend time together. she also travels down to me. Anywaiz, we were in bed when her parents were out and obviously we were having sex. She had just been talking to her best friend and she said she wanted to know if I'd be interested in having a threesome? Putting it down to the fact that I was inside her at this point, I figured she was a little excited and it had just come out, but afterwards, she said she was serious and asked what I taught about me sleeping in the same bed as the two girls (she shares her bed with her best friend when her friend comes to stay for house parties and nights out). I love this girl very much, and she loves me, so I asked if I could '**** her' (meaning her friend) and my girlfriend said she 'didnt mind, as long as she was in the bed beside me and as long as I changed condoms inbetween'

Now, im just wondering, since my girlfriend and her best friend seem to be up for it, is it ok to go ahead with this. Im not sure how to feel, as my girlfriend has insisted that she still loves me and just wants to do it as a once off for her friends birthday, cause her friend asked my girlfriend to ask me. I hope u understand my confusion lol and my perdiciment.

Wayne

Carpenter

Whats the hassle she wants it you want it and the friend wants it
It,s a hard life :eek:

WhiteWashMan

only do what you are comfortable with.
if you are not happy or comfortable with the idea deep down, then dont do it.

if your chick has asked you and she is really fine with it, and its a once off, then its an experience you should take.

although it appears to me that a lot of your relationship is based on sex (thats not a bad thing by the way), you need to be able to establish a limit, and be able to say no if things get a little weird

thatkindofgirl

Dangerous waters... make sure you're all signed up for the same event, if you know what I mean.

Seriously. Sit down and discuss with your girlfriend and her friend... What if her friend is better in bed, or kisses better, and your girlfriend notices you are more excited by her? Are you prepared for that? Is your girlfriend?

Are the two girls going to be together or are they simply going to sit and wait while you are with the other? If so, that's gonna suck, and somebody is always going to feel left out.

Is your girlfriend or her friend exploring bi-curious feelings? Is this why they want this?

Your relationship is still new. I'd tread lightly -- and if you really want to go ahead with this, you need to speak honestly about all possible complications with your girlfriend (at least) or with both girls (at best).

And, finally, if you can't all discuss it frankly, then it's possible none of you are ready for this.

Hope that helps.

Threesomes can work, but when there's a relationship involved, you have to be very careful.

Canis Lupus

I'd pay money to be in your position, unless the friend is a minger.

PiE

I've a funny feeling the friend is a minger. Why else would her 'best friend' offer to share her boyfriend for her birthday?

Get a picture first at the very least.

Pataman

Even if she is a minger, Imagine having a memory like that. Enjoy while you can you are young with no commitments. Go for it. The worst that can happen, apart from a STD, is you break up.

Nevyn

Canis Lupus
PiE
no spurious or unhelpful comments.
Please read the charter
Have a nice day.
Thaed

Duckjob

Ignore the usual laddish 'wheres the problem?' comments. Male social conditioning will probably make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you don't jump at this 'chance'. I mean, it's every red-blooded male's fantazy right? Only one problem: fantazies don't have consequences, reality does.

If your existing relationship was purely physical , I'd say go for it and enjoy, but where there are feelings involved you need to be a lot more careful as the consequences could be very damaging, even fatal to your relationship.

As others have said earlier, think it over long and hard before you agree to anything.

Tuesday_Girl

Duckjob wrote:

Ignore the usual laddish 'wheres the problem?' comments. Male social conditioning will probably make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you don't jump at this 'chance'. I mean, it's every red-blooded male's fantazy right? Only one problem: fantazies don't have consequences, reality does.

If your existing relationship was purely physical , I'd say go for it and enjoy, but where there are feelings involved you need to be a lot more careful as the consequences could be very damaging, even fatal to your relationship.

As others have said earlier, think it over long and hard before you agree to anything.

Yeah, have a good think about the possible consequences it could have both on your relationship with your girlfriend, and on her relationship with her best friend.

Canis Lupus

The lads 20 for gods sake, I'm not much older but I jump at any chance to be a sexual deviant. He has plenty of time to settle down later on in life.

Just for Thaed I'll rephrase my first post.

I beleive wholeheartedly the OP should involve himself in the participation of a threesome on the sole condition that the 3rd party is an attractive person to the op in question. If not, in my personal opinion it detracts from the entire situation greatly and the op should put some serious thought towards the matter.

Boston

Remember, if you get to have sex with her friend, so does she. how would that make you feel. Where does that leave your role in the relationship afterwards.

masteroftherealm

Yah yu should really comnsider the long term effects of this dude. While it might make for a nice nioght the future of your relationship may hang in the balance. Go with what feels right in your heart and not what society or anyone else for tyhat matter deems to be right or just. Do what your heart tells you and you will regret nothing.

Nuttzz

I read this and think of Mel Gibsons speech in braveheart

"And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance...."

Motley Crue

Thanks for the advice, im just going to wait and see what happens. Shes going out this evening with her friends up North, and im going up to see her next Wed so im gonna see what she says.

More than likely, I wont go through with it.

And i felt Pie's comments were hilarious! But seriously, thanks for all your advice. Id be apprichative of any more and ill let u no wot happens. Just not in explicit detail

Chucky the tree

take the chance. YOur only 20, the chance of this relationship being the "one" are very very very slim.


YOus will probaly break up soon enough anyway, so take the chance while you can. You will probaly regret if you dont. If she isnt the may west, you can always turn out off the lights.

NotMe

The fact that she shares a bed with her friend and they both want this threesome lead me to believe that *stuff* has happened between them in the past and probably still is. Have you considered that?

the_syco

Couple of things:

• make sure the "friend" is nice lookig. IE: ask for a pic. The friend may not be happy if your little man can't salut her...
• make sure your gf is not just "testing" you. IE: testing the commitment (women be weird sometimes).
• make sure the friend ain't better looking than your gf, as you may (subconciously) give the friend more attention, and the gf won't be too happy with this.
• if you say yes, the next 3-some may be with a guy. You want a random guy in the same bed as you, shagging your gf? The "you had 2 women, now I have 2 men" arguement may pop up.

Id be apprichative of any more and ill let u no wot happens. Just not in explicit detail

Pictures will do :cool:

djmarkus

You only live once, jump at the chance if she's ne way good looking.

littlejukka

go for it. and if you decide not to, pass on my number to those ladies. it's 085 *** ****

bushy...

i've been there before n just dont kiss your g/fs mate ,after that have yourself a very good night in .......cos ur g/f is ur g/f

jcoote

meeting the sexual expectations of 2 girls can be a daunting task and i can see why your afraid but at the end of the day it is a threesome with one girl your very attracted and another (it dosn't matter what she looks like)...the only thing i would bring into question is the leniency of her parents with u sleeping there and her riend sleeping there...but seriously its an amazing experience and u are gonna do it not matter what us boarders say...let us know how u get on

Pigman II

Are you sure your g/f isn't actually setting all this up just because she's looking for a bit of girl on girl action with this burd and is automatically passing the guilt-buck onto you by getting you to jump at the idea of a 3some as tho she was doing you a favour?

Don't be surprised if you're left choking your chicken on the night whilst those two are more interested in going at each other.

Personally I think you shouldn't do it. If you're gonna have a menage-a-'triúr ' then at least do it with someone who isn't your g/f's best friend. Too many post-complications.

Asok

If your not comfortable with it then there is alot of thinking ahead of you. At the end of the day it's you who will have to do this, follow your brain not your heart in this case.


That or do a Jim Henson

*Whistles the muppet show theme tune*
ELBOWS DEEP ME LADDO!

Khannie

If you think the relationship's gonna last then I'd suggest you don't do it. The reason: It's her best friend. Too close for comfort. If you're going to do a threesome, it should be with someone that neither party is going to see on a regular basis afterwards IMO. Like the others have pointed out, the number of questions it raises afterwards would be huge and having those questions raised when it's your best friend and your boyfriend would add to it (negatively) IMO.

Was offered one myself before (the good kind). I was going out with a girl who was openly bi. I declined on the grounds that I thought the relationship was gonna last and didn't want to jeopardise it. Should have taken the opportunity though with hindsight. She did the dirt on me a few weeks later (with a fella ).

jcoote

TBH i would prefer to have a 3some with someone me or my gf felt comfortable with rather than a total stranger or a distant friend or something

JohnnyMobile

rip into them both. Ive had an ex ask me for the same thing. Best thing to do is get them going at each other first, great craic/crack.

Get loads of drink into them too so they aint got no inhibitions.
Get them both to wear nylons too... nice to see ladies legs wrapped around each other in nylons.

take some pictures and post them up here.

jcoote

did your ex only ask u...did u not do it :eek:

Beruthiel

JohnnyMobile wrote:

take some pictures and post them up here.

another comment like that one will get you banned from this forum.
read the charter
B

JohnnyMobile

jcoote wrote:

did your ex only ask u...did u not do it :eek:

she asked and then I kinda dragged it out a bit to make her think I wasnt that interested. I was actually having her mate on the side anyway but she didnt know and I didnt want to kind of "jump at the chance" if you know what I mean because she would have known I was into her mate.

We did it after a month or so of her asking me. Its really not all its cracked up to be... just means you have two people to throw out of the bed when your finished rather than one
the bit above in red was only meant to be light hearted also.

JohnnyMobile

Beruthiel wrote:

another comment like that one will get you banned from this forum.
read the charter
B

apologies I was only messing like.. hardly expect the lad to stick pics up. A light monday morning joke.

ven0m

Duckjob wrote:

Ignore the usual laddish 'wheres the problem?' comments. Male social conditioning will probably make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you don't jump at this 'chance'. I mean, it's every red-blooded male's fantazy right? Only one problem: fantazies don't have consequences, reality does.

If your existing relationship was purely physical , I'd say go for it and enjoy, but where there are feelings involved you need to be a lot more careful as the consequences could be very damaging, even fatal to your relationship.

As others have said earlier, think it over long and hard before you agree to anything.

The reality killed the fantasy in my case...... two women sounds all cool on paper..... sucked humongously in reality...... fantasys are best of staying fantasys in my book :-\


::: ven0mous :::

skywalker

ven0m wrote:

sucked humongously in reality...

Wait, do you mean that in a good way?

to the OP. Definitely go for it. Your young & it will provide you with a good tale to tell. In 5 years when your not with this bird anymore you will regret it if you dont.

Cactus Col

set up some rules with your gf, and make sure she's okay with it, and make sure everyone know's it's cool to back out if they feel uncomfortable at any point.

The Corinthian

ven0m wrote:

The reality killed the fantasy in my case...... two women sounds all cool on paper..... sucked humongously in reality...... fantasys are best of staying fantasys in my book :-\

It's always a bit of a bit of a disaster the first time or two. It's largely a question of learning to recognise different sexual cues.

Nevyn

Why not put it on paper ?

Honestly write down all your fear and expectations, pros and cons.
What you would like to do,
what you will not do,
what you would not want your gf to do ect.
Sit and have a reall good pratical think about it.

Then take all your conculsions and questions and terms and show them
to your gf, get her to answer the questions and to ask some of her own.
If you cant do this and talk about it openly and negoitate terms and talk about
the possible repcussions then you may not be able/ready for this.

Victor

jcoote wrote:

TBH i would prefer to have a 3some with someone me or my gf felt comfortable with rather than a total stranger or a distant friend or something

Fair point, but I get the impression it becomes an emotional mess afterwards.

Jonny Arson

TBH if the OP is only with his g/f for a few months, having a threesome is only to going to do more harm than good. Since he used to ''love'' word about his g/f he's obviously mad about her and if he wants the relationship to go from strength to strength cop on says a massive NO!

BTW I knew a bloke who was in a similar situation, he went with it........ relationship ended 4 weeks later.

nesf

Personally, I'd steer well clear.

Threesomes can be (very) messy and weird sometimes and the reality of them can be very different to the fantasy. The media image of them versus the reality are quite different.

The problem in my eyes is that the third person is her best friend. If it was someone who you wouldn't necessarily have to keep in touch with if things got a bit weird then it would be a different situation.

The issue of things possibly getting weird and her being still around could potentially make things very complicated.

I'd definitely get to know the best friend first and not make any decisions until I had done so.

Regardless, do what you're comfortable with and what will make you happy.

ven0m

The Corinthian wrote:

It's always a bit of a bit of a disaster the first time or two. It's largely a question of learning to recognise different sexual cues.

And what if it's still crap the third or fourth time?????


::: ven0mous :::

skywalker

Thaed wrote:

Why not put it on paper ?

Honestly write down all your fear and expectations, pros and cons.
What you would like to do,
what you will not do,
what you would not want your gf to do ect.
Sit and have a reall good pratical think about it.

Then take all your conculsions and questions and terms and show them
to your gf, get her to answer the questions and to ask some of her own.
If you cant do this and talk about it openly and negoitate terms and talk about
the possible repcussions then you may not be able/ready for this.

Its hardly going to make for a very romantic situation if he hands her a shopping list of dos/donts.

The Corinthian

ven0m wrote:

And what if it's still crap the third or fourth time?????

Then you really are not paying attention...

Rubens

Thaed wrote:

Why not put it on paper ?

Sounds messy,sore and unhygenic - best to keep it in the bed...

Kingp35

skywalker wrote:

Its hardly going to make for a very romantic situation if he hands her a shopping list of dos/donts.

Somehow I dont think its romance they are going for!!

Stay away from it it will only cause problems for you and your g/f especially since it his her best friend you will be doing it with. It will only cause weirdness between all parties and I cant see your relationship lasting unless all parties really want to do this. Obviously you dont really want to do this since you posted it up here so myadvice is to not do it

Darren

The solution seems simple to me -

If you like your g/f and think your relationship will go a long way then it's a no-no.

If you view your relationship as a bit of a casual thing that won't last then go for it.

BTW. One of my mates asked his girlfriend if she was up for a 3some, she said, 'Sure, which of your mates do you want to ask?'. He never mentioned it again.

Töpher

Go out on the town with her, and try it with a stranger/non-close firend first. Best way of seeing the reactions, and having a good time. The best friend situation could well be a bit of emotional chaos afterwards. But, as has been suggested, there may have been somethign between them before.

A threesome cannot singlehandly, IMO, destroy a relationship. Partners need to be open towards each other in reagrds to everything, particaularily sexual activities. A threesome can be a great excuse for ending it, but there's a very very very slim chance that it is the sole/main reason - its a good exucse though.

Just one word of warning for if you do go ahead: Do not EVER kiss the other woman on the lips. Ever. Ever. EVER.

Nevyn

skywalker wrote:

Its hardly going to make for a very romantic situation if he hands her a shopping list of dos/donts.

you that that at least a week beforehand.
That way if they were to go ahead they will have figured out boundaries and limits and nonos.
rather then having some one freak out, flee the room, break down crying,
get hurt/stroppy/angry during or afterwards.

'I never siad you could DO That'. 'You never said I could NOT'

county

if your gf is marriage material i would not go there,this came up in a relationship i was in,not to go into to much detail we do not keep in contact with the third party anymore and my gf and i went through a very rocky and unstable period with lasted about 6 months,be careful!