Worried about lack of girlfriend

Jonny Arson

I had a conversation with a friend the other night which lead to a bit of a touchy subject for me which is relationships. I'm a 19 year old male and I haven't been in a proper relationship with anyone.

Basically my friend was saying that I'm better off not being in a relationship due to maintenance, lack of freedom etc. I can understand some of his points but the fact is that I'm REALLY bothered by the lack of someone special in my life. I would love to find soemone who I'm mad about.

I have fancied and like many girls but I have honestly never fallen for someone which worries me badly. I get on great with ladies, I'm relaxed around them but nothing ever leads to anything. I don't have many female friends which restricts me badly to meeting girls but I know people who have hardly socialised with any women and ended up in a relationship somehow. The only time I ever get close or intimate with a member of the opposite sex is usually when I'm drinking which TBH is never going to get me anywhere. I sometimes think that I'll never end up with someone and that by not having ''experience'' in a relationship will lead to breakups after a few weeks etc.

Basically I'm wondering am I a bit mad to be like this by means of REALLY wanting to find someone at my age? Will my lack of experience in relationships compromise any future relationships I may have in the future? I'm really bothered by this and feeling quite a bit down at the moment. Any guidance or thoughts on this would be very much appreciated.

WhiteWashMan

i didnt have my first real relationship until i was 20. it lasted 7 months. before that, all my relationships had been about 2 weeks (or 1 night stands in college)

since then, i have been in relationships that have lasted longer, and some that have lasted less.

dont get too worried about it. its not a race, there is no competition, it is just you putting pressure on yourself. when you meet a girl that you like, it will happen. dont sweat the small stuff.

as for your future relationships, hey, just figure out the first one. its all about learning. you will cock it up. dont worry about it. its all about leanring and getting experience, or you may meet someone next week, be perfect together, and live the rest of your life in bliss, who knows.

stop worrying!

stagolee

i know where your coming from there mate, im 27 and ive never really had a proper long term relationship with any girl that ive been really mad about. sure ive gone out with a few girls and ive been really crazy about a few girls but never the both at once.

all i can say to you is you cant force these things to happen , hopefully at some stage in your life you will fall absolutley in love with a girl who will fall absolutley in love with you and then any lack of experience in long term relationships wont matter.

untill then though you just have to take your mind off it and enjoy life. life's here for living and enjoying, maybe you'll never find true love , maybe you will ,the mystery element sort of adds to the adventure of it all in my opinion

Kermitt

Have to agree with las two posters.. I just ended a relationship and am much the happier for it.. in fact i think it happened too soon in my life ( I was 19 when we met) You don't need to get too serious too soon, But when the right girl comes along you'll know. You only get one shot at life, so enjoy yourself, and relax.. if its meant to happen, then it will, It will most likely sneak up on you before you even know it. Best of luck

The frog (no not the crazy one)

_blank_

Absolutely nothing to worry about. I was twenty when I had my first proper relationship, as opposed to two week lasting things here and there.

I had to get out of it. I felt trapped, too young to be doing with the whole relationship thing and I ended it, haven't seen the girl since, which I really regret because she was a genuinely lovely girl, just the type I'd go for now in fact. However it was not to be. I was way to young. I felt like you did now, all the lads had girlfriends, so I needed one too. Sure, I had feelings for her, as she did for me.

Now I'm not saying that 19 is too young to get into a relationship, I'm sure there are many, many lovely stories of couples who have met even before they were 19, but for me it was.

Don't beat yourself up about it, allow things to go their natural course. She is out there, half the fun is finding her.

Töpher

It ain't anything to worry about man I was with someone for a year when I was 17, looking back now, if I had a second chance no way in hell would I get into a relationship at that age again!

You don't need experience for relationships, as cliched as it sounds: being yourself and being open to the other person is all thats required. Basically once you're genuine its all good. All couples have things they need to sort out from time to time, but no amount of bickering with various ex's will help with any of it.

And don't think about this stuff when you're drinking, I'm with my gf 18 months or so now after about 12 weeks of being drunken fvck buddies, so if you're having fun on the night, don't let your brain stop you experiencing life.

It's not uncommon to think about it, everybody does at some stage, just try to remember its not the be all and end all, and don't allow it to inhibit your behaviour around women. You will find someone thats perfect for you one day, and as Seansouth said, half the fun is in trying to find her!

AARRRGH

WhiteWashMan wrote:

its not a race, there is no competition, it is just you putting pressure on yourself.

Exactly as he said. Stop worrying about it. It will happen. And when you least expect it too.

kittenkiller

Truth is that you probably haven't been bothered by this very much until that conversation you had with your friend, which means that most of the time you're perfectly happy going out on the pull after a few pints & allowing what happens to happen!
So chillax buddy, everything's fine!

You have no problem relating & conversing to girls which is an awful lot more than most men of any age. So you're a step ahead already!

My advice for meeting girls in a sober-ish & less noisey envirnoment would be to go to every house party around & get chatting to as many girls as you can.
You'll make TONS of female friends (cuz you're lovely) & you may even fancy one or two of them as well!!!

Don't worry about the age thing it's better to meet the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with when you've already *lived* a bit & enjoyed being single!

Relax & enjoy the way you are right now petal.
You're great & the way you are is great & don't forget it!
X

Chucky the tree

girls are ewwww.

stay away.

Alana

Time, patience, being social and not seeming like a smothering blanket, are usually good qualities, and also lack of emotional blackmail on a side note (broken me...never)

...Anyway, as a previous poster said, it-she, will come along in time, and tbh having not been single since for the past 5 years due to 2 rather long relationships, sometimes I think I'm a hell of a lot better off being single....But I understand your view point, hugs and kisses are missed, along with other stuff...just be patient, and enjoy your nights in with the lads and farting competitions etc for the minute

Don't stress over it, it will come along when you least expect it, like buses-when your not in a rush they always come along, but when u really really really need one, where the fu(k are they...? So just be patient, and enjoy being u. (On a side note (again) yay for staying with UCD, woo Joey

BizzyC

I was 19 (over a year ago) when I started going out with my gf.

It's the first proper relationship I've had, haven't had any problems so far...

planck2

I haven't had one either and I'm 23. Don't let it worry you mate.

shakaman

Zane my man chill, believe me if you force yourself in to a relationship for the sake of being in one, you'll only look back on singledom and wish you were there. You should only enter a relationship when things feel really right between you and your lady....

I'm 24 yrs old and have had three or four relationships ranging from 6 months to 1.5 yrs, the only one I can truly say was a worthwhile one was the one which lasted 1.5 yrs as the others were either entered because 'I felt I needed a girlfriend' or 'she seems to have feelings for me so I'll go with the flow and see if I have them for her'. These relationships ended up in tears as I ended up doing the dirt because my feelings weren't strong enough the girl. (I was nearly gonna type I did the dirt because I felt trapped but that's a load of bullsh't!!!)

Now go forth and spread the love!

joejoem

I was 20 getting into my first proper relationship, it lasted a year. I wouldnt worry about it, relax and it will happen, usually when you least expect it!

lordgoat

please. is it really a worry? i didn't have a girlfriend til i was 24, and it was worth waiting for and something i'm really gald about and wouldn't change, but on the other hand i am a sad bastard...

In_the_sea

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

I had a conversation with a friend the other night which lead to a bit of a touchy subject for me which is relationships. I'm a 19 year old male and I haven't been in a proper relationship with anyone.

Basically my friend was saying that I'm better off not being in a relationship due to maintenance, lack of freedom etc. I can understand some of his points but the fact is that I'm REALLY bothered by the lack of someone special in my life. I would love to find soemone who I'm mad about.

I have fancied and like many girls but I have honestly never fallen for someone which worries me badly. I get on great with ladies, I'm relaxed around them but nothing ever leads to anything. I don't have many female friends which restricts me badly to meeting girls but I know people who have hardly socialised with any women and ended up in a relationship somehow. The only time I ever get close or intimate with a member of the opposite sex is usually when I'm drinking which TBH is never going to get me anywhere. I sometimes think that I'll never end up with someone and that by not having ''experience'' in a relationship will lead to breakups after a few weeks etc.

Basically I'm wondering am I a bit mad to be like this by means of REALLY wanting to find someone at my age? Will my lack of experience in relationships compromise any future relationships I may have in the future? I'm really bothered by this and feeling quite a bit down at the moment. Any guidance or thoughts on this would be very much appreciated.

Hey mate, dont worry so much about it. Guaranteed how we feel and think does change and the way you feel at the moment will change in some time. You want a relationship, thats perfectly fine. You obviously have a bit of internal security which is what some women like but 2 b honest relationships can be a hungdown. I have been in what were suppost to be relationships twice and they only lasted for 1 or 2 weeks. I was mad after a relationship for ages and when i got them i wanted some more freedom to explore my other potential partners. The people I was with werent for me. They werent really my type and I guess I was with them for a bit of temporary fun and love(dont think this is the right word though).
If you have a bit of fun like flings etc that normally is healthy but a relationship if for someone a little more specific.
You want a relationship today but when you get one you might say I prefer to be single and have casual no strings fun again. It doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you or your gf it just means you are not mentally ready to commit "just yet".
I really wanted a relationship, then I didnt, now Im happy being on my own. My attitude will change soon Im sure. Its all about the moment.
If you meet someone who you cant stop thinking about and they cant stop thinking about you; that is a good grounds for a relationship and you cant decide to feel that way. What Im saying is to find a proper true love, you really gotta forget about it and let it happen naturally. Go with the flow.
If you decide to have a relationship because you just "want" a relationship, with a person who you choose randomly because they are "ok" to go out with, its not the proper grounds for a relationship and it will end leaving both of you with low self esteem. No strings fun is just that. No strings attached. After youve had enuf of that you say to youself I want better for me. Not someone who just comes and goes, someone with a bit of deeper qualities to them; someone decent.
For now just live for now. Relationships are for people who are able to understand love, and appreciate you for who you are. Its very specific you cant just choose a random person to become a close mate to you! It happens by itself! No one can choose "lets be bf and gf?" "ok then, i love you" It doesnt work that way believe me ive been there twice. It ended in misery and left me feelin like sh*t. Choose wisely, have fun safely and be HAPPY! You will find the "right person for a relationship in days, weeks months years whatever. But wait until then! You will just live your youth while you have it. Enjoy your freedom. There's a lot of time wasters out there and a lot of freedom wasters, dnt waste your time on any of them!
Your time cant be got back so take care!

RopeDrink

I've been single since I split up with my previous partner about two years ago, and confess that I do think about this subject from time to time. Despite the fact that the split up was due to my partner having cheated on me, and causing a wide range of emotional problems that mounted themselves onto negative baggage that I had looming over me at the time, it was natural for me to be wary or cautious of being in another relationship. Two years later, due to my lack of confidence in myself, I still get the images of impending loneliness and lack of another half in my life, but I certainly wouldn't let it rule my thoughts all the time.

It's a natural way of thinking. I'm sure the majority of people would like to think that there's somebody out there for everyone, but it's the people that go looking that generally never find out, or let desperation get in the way to the point where you'll go out with anyone to quench the thought of never being lonely, which most likely will result in you getting hurt. So far, everyone has told you all that you need to do.

For one, stop worrying. There is no 'set time' in peoples lives where they end up with 'the one' (or 'anybody' for that matter) and you'll certainly do yourself no favours by worrying about finding a proper relationship.

To be honest, I don't think there is such a thing. Relationships either work, or they don't, basically because of the fact that two people make up the equation, not just you. Take it as a learning curve. When you do end up within a good / bad relationship, you will learn a lot that will benefit you in the next one, if you are willing to try again (If, of course, it doesn't happen to be 'The One').

I know people whos lives have been made into hell via relationships, people who have turned good or bad because of them, people who have never been in a relationship, others who don't want to be in relationships... Wide ranges of people with various views on the subject, mainly because very few relationships end up the same, and all have different effects on the participants.

They are weird and wonderful things that you can't time, you just need to let it happen. I'msure you'll discover this someday.

Jonny Arson

Hey cheers guys for your helpful replies.

I do very much know I spend too much time analysing over something like this. I wish that I wasn't so beat up over it (I do know I'm VERY sensitive). When so many people you know have been in so many relationships or are in one and you haven't experienced it, you do naturally question why. I suppose life isn't really fair sometimes.

Just to clear something up. I'm not saying that I'm looking for ''the one'' or anything like that, I'm just basically wondering am I a bit OTT at my age to say i would like to be in a relationship not something that is marriage or ludacris talk :eek: . I know lots of blokes are only with girls for the ''one thing'' and I'm just questioning whether I'm odd for wanting to be in a relationship for emotional reasons and not other reasons. Also I wouldn't just go out with anyone for the sake of it.

I suppose i've just gotta live the way I am, single and enjoying life without being too bothered by women.

kittenkiller wrote:

Truth is that you probably haven't been bothered by this very much until that conversation you had with your friend

It actually has bothered me on and off for over a year.

kittenkiller wrote:

You're great & the way you are is great & don't forget it!
X

Yes boss!

Alana wrote:

(On a side note (again) yay for staying with UCD, woo Joey

Oh yeah Joey B is only a month away...... er providing I pass my exams......er which is doubtful

WhiteWashMan wrote:

as for your future relationships, hey, just figure out the first one. its all about learning. you will cock it up. dont worry about it. its all about leanring and getting experience, or you may meet someone next week, be perfect together, and live the rest of your life in bliss, who knows.

That response (and everyone elses of course) is the attitude I need.

RopeDrink

I'm just basically wondering am I a bit OTT at my age to say i would like to be in a relationship

Don't be silly, people of all ages feel this way. It's something that happens to everyone, some earlier than others. I, personally, would love to be in another relationship despite the bitter ending to my previous one. Infact, I always prefered the chance to be in a relationship over one night stands, mainly because I didn't have the confidence to put myself out there and, also, because I watched my friends morph into the typical "Whaddya think of that bird over there?" types that spent most of their energy messing around. This is normal to some, but the majority of my friends are females, and the general attitude my old male friends adopted didn't agree with me for that same reason.

Everybody is different, but that doesn't mean the feelings are wrong.

In_the_sea

How cud u b ludicrous thinkin about it? every1 is like that enjoy ur freedom while u have it. I have too much baggage, a kid who i never see!! u got it easy enjoy it!!

arbeitsscheuer

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

I know lots of blokes are only with girls for the ''one thing'' and I'm just questioning whether I'm odd for wanting to be in a relationship for emotional reasons and not other reasons. Also I wouldn't just go out with anyone for the sake of it.

What?! You are truly nuts mate! I'm calling the white-coats right now, stay exactly where you are and soon your torment shall be at an end... :rolleyes:

Just kiddin' mate. I'm just like you. I've never been one to go after girls purely for sex, but I would like a decent relationship with someone I care about and who cares about me. Besides, what's the point of sex without even a pretence of emotional connection? I've never understood this, but anyway...

I've had one serious relationship, and that only lasted 3 months (it was my first, and that was when I was 18!). Since then all my 'relationships', if you can even call them that, have lasted on average about a week.

So IMO you're the kind of person who, when you find someone, will be with that person for ages. Unlike me. No, I'll be attracting and repelling women with disappointing regularity and predictability til the day I die. Meh.

Laguna

Zane, i'm 22 and not with anyone. Being pissed off about is not gonna make the slightest bit of difference. Maybe if you start acting like an asshole girls will notice and think "I must try and change him" then *Shazzam* instant girlfriend

Sparky

zane i know how ya feel, ive been in a few over the years, the last one ended 2 weeks ago but for the better, and im in no rush for another relationship, ill let it come naturally, some people may have lengthy relationships starting from 18 but from my cousins experience people change once they hit their 20's. im 19 at the moment like yourself and the odd time i worry that ill never get a girl but people tell me im mad since most people find the right person after 21 or so.
but tbh is better to have loved than have never loved at all.
the last two relationships didnt feel right and thats why its breaks up, so dont worry the right person will come one day.
So take things easy and enjoy life.

Jonny Arson

Laguna wrote:

Maybe if you start acting like an asshole girls will notice and think "I must try and change him" then *Shazzam* instant girlfriend

I will admit the assholes get the girls alright but I'm not asshole and could never be an asshole even if I tried.

arbeitsscheuer

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

I will admit the assholes get the girls alright but I'm not asshole and could never be an asshole even if I tried.

I've done this. It's f**king easy, and what is distressing is that it's true.
But it's not worth it in the end, it's just not me. I like the idea (even if it is bull) of a girl gettin wit me because of who I am, not because of who I've made her think I am i.e. a bast*rd.

Meh.

tinka

i have this problem too, except i'm a girl. i've been with guys but not many of them have shown any interest in anything more than one night events (for lack of a better word). of course i haven't wanted anything more from the guys who have shown an interest... oh the irony. i don't want to go out with someone just for the sake of going out with someone, i want them to mean something more than that. i'm 17 so i know i will find someone but i'm tired of waiting!

TheDoc

Maybe if you all didnt cry about problems on the ****ing itnernet and went out to clubs instead of reading boards you might get sme action, I actually cant beleive there is such a board as this and you all post ehre, and worse of all your serious =/

RopeDrink

Maybe if you all didnt cry about problems on the ****ing itnernet and went out to clubs instead of reading boards you might get sme action, I actually cant beleive there is such a board as this and you all post ehre, and worse of all your serious =/

Well let's adopt your attidude and see how long we last, shall we?
**** all our problems, let's just go to a nightclub and be healed!

Look, there are some people out there who may find it hard to communicate their problems, which makes things a little easier when they can vent here and be offered useful information that could help them out outside of the internet.
If you think there's something wrong with that, then don't come on here bitching about it. Thats about as useful as a wet tissue to someone with the squits.

Grow up.

Sparky

[DM]-TheDOC- wrote:

Maybe if you all didnt cry about problems on the ****ing itnernet and went out to clubs instead of reading boards you might get sme action, I actually cant beleive there is such a board as this and you all post ehre, and worse of all your serious =/

im just waiting till Beruthiel takes out her banning stick to you, and btw your sig doesnt help either
you have a problem mate, people have problems and posting them here is one way they can get advise, id recommend you get advise also for your attitude, im sure you must of grown up as one of those school yard bullies.

KdjaCL

[DM]-TheDOC- wrote:

The "Personal issues board" is the gayest board ever and are jsut fags that post there =(

Ummm your gay says so in your sig!!!!!!!!!!!!!


kdjac

Sparky

KdjaC wrote:

Ummm your gay says so in your sig!!!!!!!!!!!!!


kdjac

well said

Jonny Arson

[DM]-TheDOC- wrote:

Maybe if you all didnt cry about problems on the ****ing itnernet and went out to clubs instead of reading boards you might get sme action, I actually cant beleive there is such a board as this and you all post ehre, and worse of all your serious =/

Yeah really good constructive point.............. :rolleyes:

Enjoy BANville!

AngelofFire

I will admit the assholes get the girls alright but I'm not asshole and could never be an asshole even if I tried

.


I`ve felt the exact same way at times, but it doesnt have to be that way, you can act frivulous without being an asshole, that tends to attract the girls. Trust me it works.

airetam_storm

[DM]-TheDOC- wrote:

Maybe if you all didnt cry about problems on the ****ing itnernet and went out to clubs instead of reading boards you might get sme action, I actually cant beleive there is such a board as this and you all post ehre, and worse of all your serious =/

Im ashamed to have a similarly themed avater to you :mad:

arbeitsscheuer

Don't worry airetam, we won't hold it against you.

You actually have some class, whereas this goon wouldn't know the meaning of the word.

Nevyn

Please keep to the topic,
Do read the charter,
have a nice day.
Thaed