teenagers ,,,,

Ishindar

we have a nice cosy family life in dublin suburbs. its summer holidays now and My 2 kids aged 16 son and 14 daughter rarely go out of the house in search of teenagers their own age or adventure. They have a lot of distractions like computes games, x-box, game cube and TVs in their rooms etc. so they have a lot of easy entertainment. In my day i spent 95% of my summer hols out and about having fun with other kids or seeking adventure. Have times changed this much? do kids these days stay in mostly and play with gadgets? do kinds not go out and make their own fun anymore?
They also seem to have a big lack of initiative and dont seem to think for themselves much is this usual?

any suggestions appreciated.....

Baz_

If you want them to shift, you could try not paying the electricity bill. See how long they sit in when theres no computer games to be played, and plenty of housework to be doing.

Talliesin

I would have spent more time reading or watching films when I was that age than outside, it's just a matter of what stuff I was into doing.

The lack of initiative is a bigger worry. Maybe whenever they say something like "I wish I could..." or "I'd like to..." go out of your way to be encouraging but don't actually do a thing to help (except if they ask you for specific help to work out part of a plan of action they came up with). Also, turn it around to "That's a great idea, what are you going to do to make that happen?".

Beruthiel

well Ishindar
look on the bright side and console yourself with the fact that at least their not under a canal bridge somewhere drinking from a 2lt cider bottle.

in what way are they not able to think for themselves exactly?

Ishindar

i do know how to fix the problem(thks for the tips!), my question is, is this normal behaviour nowadays as the world is a different place to when i grew up ? i am judgeing the situation as if it was 20 years ago is this realistic? do teenagers stay in a lot more these days?

i sat under a canal bridge drinking cider when i was a teenager and I turned out fine :cool: that was normal teenage behaviour in my neighbourhood.

amacachi

Im a 17-year-old boy and i spend most of my day inside at the computer. I don't have initiative or the like, im even repeating 5th year to give myself more time to work out what i want to do. so yeah, it is typical behaviour for some teenagers.

about the not going out much thing, i didnt go out much or make friends til about a year ago after my mother going on at me to do so, once i did she complained that i go out too much and wants to know my every movement. just be careful what you wish for

Ishindar

amacachi wrote:

Im a 17-year-old boy and i spend most of my day inside at the computer. I don't have initiative or the like, im even repeating 5th year to give myself more time to work out what i want to do. so yeah, it is typical behaviour for some teenagers.

about the not going out much thing, i didnt go out much or make friends til about a year ago after my mother going on at me to do so, once i did she complained that i go out too much and wants to know my every movement. just be careful what you wish for

hehe nice response, i guess your mother just misses your company a little. I think your mother was just worried a little about your social development just as i am worried about that for my kids. good social skills are very important in life and in this case i think it is for the greater good, thks

solice

Am i the only one that thinks its wrong that kids have televisions in their room not to mind games consoles, dvd players etc etc

You want your kids to go out then take away away the "easy entertainment". God i sound old before my time (im 21). Grew up in the country so my teenage years were a bit different. When i was 16 i was working on a neighbours farm for the summer. When i was 14 i was cycling up and down to the local swimming pool every day. Get them out into the open, take away "the easy entertainment". They will find something else to entertain themselves with.

Ishindar

solice wrote:

Am i the only one that thinks its wrong that kids have televisions in their room not to mind games consoles, dvd players etc etc

You want your kids to go out then take away away the "easy entertainment". God i sound old before my time (im 21). Grew up in the country so my teenage years were a bit different. When i was 16 i was working on a neighbours farm for the summer. When i was 14 i was cycling up and down to the local swimming pool every day. Get them out into the open, take away "the easy entertainment". They will find something else to entertain themselves with.

thks for the tip but this is not the issue. the issue is if this is normal behaviour in the year 2005 for teenagers. 4/5 responses misunderstood the question.

it is easy to correct but im more worried about if its fair on my kids and i dont want to judge them too harshly. each generation has its unique challenges...

the_syco

Beruthiel wrote:

well Ishindar
look on the bright side and console yourself with the fact that at least their not under a canal bridge somewhere drinking from a 2lt cider bottle.

I agree. When I was 16, I was drinking in the fields, mixing with my friends.

=-=

As for the consoles, if its a PS2, get a Multitap, and get the son to invite a mate over for a multi-player game. This will eventually get him out of the house, but it'll mean that the friends will also come over alot. Or see if he's playing against his friends online?

=-=

Oh, and there is no "normal" group. There's the stay-at-home's, the local-mob, the teenage-drinkers... Best way to see if this is normal is to ask what their friends are doing. Sometimes their friends are on holidays, thus they stay at home. Teenagers aren't as easy to class these days.

solice

Ishindar wrote:

thks for the tip but this is not the issue. the issue is if this is normal behaviour in the year 2005 for teenagers. 4/5 responses misunderstood the question.

Just because its normal doesnt mean its healthy! Is it something like 4/5 kids are obese (maybe a slight exageration but if people leave it go the way it is then 4/5 will be obese)

You dont want to judge them or be too harsh on them? You are their parent....best interest surely must apply irrespective of how much they dont appreciate it.

arrietty

Ishindar wrote:

thks for the tip but this is not the issue. the issue is if this is normal behaviour in the year 2005 for teenagers. 4/5 responses misunderstood the question.

it is easy to correct but im more worried about if its fair on my kids and i dont want to judge them too harshly. each generation has its unique challenges...

Well, I don't know if it's normal. But it's definitely not abnormal. Some teenagers are just introverted, some are lazy, some have strict parents who won't let them leave the house. I'd estimate (and that's all) that the kids in the 14-16 age group who spend most of their time at home are in the minority. But not a tiny minority.

katiegordon

Ive two sisters 14 and 12 and theyre both pretty introverted and quite immature.thay spend a lot of time watching tv.i go out quite a lot which is wierd as i probably started out the most quiet and shy of all 3 of us.I suppose maybe it depends on the friends youre with???
Also do you think maybe you could have unknowingly put some pressure on them to be overly loyal to you.ie not wanting to spend too much time with friends, putting family first, complaining about gangs hanging around??
Sometimes i feel this is whats up with my sisters as in the past ive felt a bit like that when i would go out. I think maybe they just want to protect us so much!

Hugh Hefner

Gotta say I would never go out on school days unless it was just popping into town (very close to me) after school to get/do something. After a day at bloody school sometimes you just don't feel up to going out and doing stuff.

If and when I go out on weekends I'd meet friends in town. Which brings me to my next point. The main reason why I don't go out is cos' there's nobody living near me who is my age and approachable. I mean, nobody in my school lives near me. I can only meet my friends in town and big scheduled meets. I live in the inner city suburbs. Drumcondra to be exact.

I mean, there's not much adventure to be had in a suburb. If I were to go out with friends around my area we'd end up doing nothing becasue there's simply nothing to do. We may just go to someone's house in which case we'd again be indoors. Makes it kinda apparent why people would sit, “under a canal bridge somewhere drinking from a 2lt cider bottle."

I'd say it's normal for a large portion of city dwellers but not the majority. I wouldn't worry though. Just because they don't go out much doesn't mean they're becoming socially inept trolls who fear direct sunlight. They go to school right? That's something.

katiegordon

im not sure id agree its nothingto worry about.I mean my sis is 14 andahes no idea how to talk to a guy.Its kinda funny.
And school isnt always a way of socialising, if they dont meet up wit friends then its likely they havnt got any.?Sorry to sound harsh.Do they treat school seriously ie. always do homework, not nessecarily as soon as they come in but on time and notget into any trouble at all???

Hugh Hefner

Nice how you equate doing all right in school with being a social dumbass.

andrew163

I'm 17, just finished my leaving cert (did quite well in it tbh... 485..). For the first three and a half years of school (up until about halfway through 5th year) I had friends, but I virtually never went out with them. It was just that kind of group. They had a band which I wasn't in but other then that they didn't do much. And I was too eejit-like to try and organise stuff.

It all just came together in the space of a few months though. I was bored stupid nearly 100% of the time (spent most of my time learning to program this computer :rolleyes: ) but it did work out in the end. Since then my life has pretty much exploded (in comparison to what it used to be... it's still a little less erh... exciting.. then average but I'm happy the way it is).

My debs was the other night and no matter what direction I looked in there was not only "somebody I knew", but really good friends I knew/trusted/could have a laugh with...

Anyway, I'm rambling.. the point is I wouldn't become TOO worried about it. If they're in their rooms crying from loneliness then you have a problem, but if they even mention friends from school in a good way, etc, it's probably nothing to worry about.

And if you do decide to take action, be passive about it...

my sis is 14 andahes no idea how to talk to a guy.

I'm 17 and only learned in the last six months how to talk to girls...

katiegordon

Hugh Hefner wrote:

Nice how you equate doing all right in school with being a social dumbass.

I didnt mean it in that way i do quite well in school myself.
What i meant was are they too obliging torwards authority, not wiling to take a risk???

Ishindar

some really good replys thks! It seems that their behaviour is normal enuf and they will blossom in their own time