"I'm not starting school"!

edengarden

My son is starting school in Sept. and has suddenly decided that he's not going. I don't know what to do - I try to bring up the conversation regularly and say how much fun it will be etc. and even bought a book on starting school - should I just leave it or continue to talk about what might be worrying him.

He has been at a creche and playschool and I thought he would have no problems at all and he knows some of the other children starting - the school didn't have an open day before the holidays so he doesn't know what to expect. He's one of these kids that when he gets something into his head thats it!

any tips?

dahamsta

Tell him he's going and that's that. If you need an excuse, and god help you if you do, tell him it's the law and there's nothing you can do about it. However you'll be leaving yourself wide open for the future if you take that route.

He's a child, not an adult. You're in charge. Assert your authority.

adam

Nevyn

When mine were started in primary school I was given a prechooling pack,
at the meeting about the upcoming term.

It had the rules for parents, guidelines,
stuff on acceptible behaviour in the school, school uniform listing ect.

It also had a arts and crafts pack for the kids.
Pages to colour in, a story about going to school, some playdough, a saftey
scissors, and crayons.

The idea being to that you can sit him down to arts and crafts time each day,
doing activites that build up motor skils and make it fun and tell him he will
get to do this in school.

Also tell him stories about the fun you had in school as a kid.
Read him stories at bed time and tell him of all the stories that his teacher
will tell him in school.

Go over his colours and counting with him and tell him about all the things
he will learn in school that how clever and smart he will be when he learns
all these things.

Make a big fuss over going shopping for his uniform and when your done take him for icecream.
When you are getting his school tracksuit tell him about the games in the
yard in the hall he will get to play with the teacher and new friends he will make.

Tell him how he is going to meet a wonderfull person who will be his teacher
and they will be minding him and that you are happy what they will
do a really good job of minding him like the ladies in the creche.

If in doubt BRIBE him, a going to school pressie does work, and a trip
to see extened family and grandparents to show off his uniform
the after the first day of school and a cake if needs be.

edengarden

Thaed - thank you for your ideas will use thme!

Birdie

Thaed has some really good ideas, but IF these don't work you always play the 'if you don't go mammy gets send to prison' I know it's harsh but i seen a tv programme (can't remember what it's called) that was about teens going on the hop and getting caught, and in one case it worked your man went back to school because he taught his mam would be fined. You could be luck it might just be a phase!

Hobbes

My nieces both said they were not going to school. Both were nightmares on the first day, after that they were fine. They made friends there.

McGinty

I had the same problem, however I did the law thing. Even now my son says he hates school, but he accepts that he has to go. I said to him that he has to go its the law, and if he didn't I would be sent to prison. Be warned, your child may pretend to be sick and try to bunk out of school that way, be loving and firm. Your the parent.

Debracd

My little man was saying the same. So I told him that he's finished preschool now..and if he doesn't want to go to big school he doesn't have to.. but it would mean he'll have to stay at home with me and be 4 forever(he's 5 in sept!). .and if that was ok with him it's ok with me! He asked could he try on his uniform about 10mins later

dahamsta

Debracd wrote:

if he doesn't want to go to big school he doesn't have to.. but it would mean he'll have to stay at home with me and be 4 forever

Nice!

Victor

Is there a reason he doesn't want to go? Is it possible he's been told things that are spooking him out?

Debracd wrote:

My little man was saying the same. So I told him that he's finished preschool now..and if he doesn't want to go to big school he doesn't have to.. but it would mean he'll have to stay at home with me and be 4 forever(he's 5 in sept!). .and if that was ok with him it's ok with me! He asked could he try on his uniform about 10mins later

That could backfire.

edengarden

I don't know what it is - he is a great kid but can be a little 'odd' in new situations - he doesn't like change - we went to get the uniform and I was trying to make a great day of it and he freaked out - he doesn't want to wear it - I kinda have sorted it out - I've started to put on the navy trousers and tracksuit bottoms on around the house so he won't notice they are new when it comes to school.

And I've decided to encourage him a little about telling him how big he will be when he starts school and he might be even big enough to get his own pet to look after! So fingers crossed it might do the trick!

I do like the one about staying four for ever!

Victor

edengarden wrote:

I don't know what it is - he is a great kid but can be a little 'odd' in new situations - he doesn't like change

Pack him off to a change management course for the week.

Nevyn

It will be a big change in his life,
and most likely he will be attending that school for the next 8 years to come.
So it is wise to ease him in gradually and try make it as pleasant as possible.

ArthurDent

On the day, even though I'm sure you want to, try and make it not too big a deal, don't do the big photo ops. Or maybe take an unposed one before he leaves the house.
Try not to look stressed about leaving him, settle him into class, show him where he will sit, ask the name of the kid next to him, make sure he knows his teachers name, where the toilet is, give him a kiss/hug and leave. Even if he is upset for is few minutes most kids settle down very quickly.Make sure the secretary has your mobile number and most schools will ring you if your kid can't be settled down, in fact insist that they do.

My DS is starting in Sept, this is a school I've been involved with for the past 4 years and he has been in and out of it nearly every day and even he has been saying that he doesn't want to go !- he loves his montessori teacher and doesn't want to leave, kids are creatures of habit and some find newness difficult, So stick with it and he'll be fine

best of luck

goin'_to_the_PS

sorry to all mods involved, but try this

"yes you fuc'king are"*

Its the way my parents did it and its the right way. Trying to explain to a 4 year old how fun something they know is not fun is impossable, I sure you have already been hit with many disagreements with your child and until he/she matures, I think, you have to force it upon them.

*:please use slightly less vulgar speech

Nevyn

That type of approach only starts confilct and a battle of wills.
This is not good for parent or child.
Children need to feel they have some control over themselves and thier lives.
We teach them how to walk so that they may become independant and
walk way to thier own lives.

You can only pull the 'because I say so ' crap for so long with a child,
better to teach them to make smart decisions young and they will hopefully
make the 'smart' decisions about the harder stuff as they grow up.

edengarden

Hi all

The 'big day' went grand - took many of the tips on board - I even went as far as bringing him into the school yard a couple of times and showing him where I used to play and to let him see into his classroom - so he was great when it came to the day.