missing home

Ruu_Old

Ive been living in the US since April 23rd 05 with my wife whos American. I have many feelings that i miss home somedays stronger than the others. I am mostly haunted by the images of my Mam and Dad (thats the only time in my life ive seen him cry) crying when i left on the plane and i lay awake at night sometimes cant think of anything else. My wife and i talk about it all the time and it makes me feel good for a time but then things come up again.
Thing is i dont really feel like calling them, and i dont see myself returning home until at least 5-10 years, this is my home now, i guess i relate negative stuff to home. Anyone else away from home feel similar? what do you do to stop feeling down about it? thanks

Ruu

Selik

Well... I'm currently in Sydney right now 4 months into a year long round-the-world trip and although I miss certain things about home I'm loving being away at the same time and of course I know I'll be back next year. Slightly different scenario to yours I know.

All I can say is the best way to adapt and stuff would be to throw yourself into your new home and community and get involved with anything and everything. You'll make new friends this way guaranteed. Think of being where you are as a whole new world of opportunity that you can take advantage off. Who knows my friend, maybe you'll be calling where you are now your home in 10yrs and may not even want to return to Ireland (permanently that is).

WhiteWashMan

Ruu wrote:

Ive been living in the US since April 23rd 05 with my wife whos American. I have many feelings that i miss home somedays stronger than the others. I am mostly haunted by the images of my Mam and Dad (thats the only time in my life ive seen him cry) crying when i left on the plane and i lay awake at night sometimes cant think of anything else. My wife and i talk about it all the time and it makes me feel good for a time but then things come up again.
Thing is i dont really feel like calling them, and i dont see myself returning home until at least 5-10 years, this is my home now, i guess i relate negative stuff to home. Anyone else away from home feel similar? what do you do to stop feeling down about it? thanks

Ruu

are you missing home, or are you missing your family?

it sounds to me like you miss your family.

ive lived away from ireland for the last 4 years. do i miss it?>
yes.
there are many things i miss.

i miss my friends.
i miss the good times ive had.
i miss it when i hear about a really good drink up thats beenhad, or when theres a paddys day parade.
i miss the fact that there is little atmosphere during ireland matches,and i have to watch it with several strangers in a pub.
i miss not being there for my family when something has gone wrong, or there is a problem. it leaves me feeling frustrated and helpless.

i miss many things.

but i can invite my friends out, or go and visit them.
i can talkto my family on the phone and we can visit each other.
i can get a great atmosphere for football when i watch spurs play on the box, or go to white hart lane.
i have new friends i can drink with, have experiences with and enjoy life.
i have to accept that there are things outside of my control, and that i cannot help everyone with every problem they have. sometimes people have to learn to stand ontheir own two feet and deal with life.
i have to accept that sometimes, i am actualy not needed or wanted.
i have my own family to look after, and that fact gives me more joy than anything else in this world.

if you miss your family, then phone them. there is none of this 'i cant call them' bull. thats just stupid. you can always call them. i dont know what your excuse is, but try and put it aside and phone them and say hello.
and tell them you love them.

you will feel a whole lot better for it.

Ruu_Old

i guess i'll call them before i change my mind, thanks for the replies

BeardyGit

Man, I've been reading your blog - Bits and pieces anyway. You need to get on with things....Stop thinking and worrying so much. I'm not trying to be a w***** here and it's unfortunate that I feel I have to state that clearly at the start.....But....

1. Who cares if you can't donate blood? It's not your problem if the american authorities don't want to take a risk that you might be a CJD carrier. There are more important things to focus on right now....Like getting a job.....So give it a rest.

2. You should stop with the whole parents crying at you leaving thing. They love you, you love them. They're sorry to see you go I'm sure but equally happy that their son is getting on with his life and making a future for himself. At least that's probably what they're thinking. So make them proud and stop being a child.....Give it a rest.

3. You should call your parents. Plain and simple. Don't give any of us that whole "I don't think I can" S***. You're a married adult FFS.....So give it a rest.

4. You might have been held BACK a year? So F****** what!? I was held back a year. My kid brother had open heart surgery at 3 years of age and this lead to me missing almost an entire years schooling between travelling to and from the UK (1981/82) - He's 27 now and will need a pacemaker in the next 2-3 years. I was 19 when I got my leaving cert points as a result of the 'lost' year. I couldn't be arsed going to college at the time either. None of this has affected my ability to learn quickly and rapidly progress in my chosen career. I earn more than MANY of my old classmates who will take years to get where I'm at now. My brother, well, he's also a year older - That hasn't stopped him becoming incredibly successful in a management career too.....So who give two tosses if they've been kept back a year in school? It's all about what you choose to do with your life TODAY, in the here and now, that matters.....So give it a rest.

I could probably go on, and on, and on here. And I'm sure there are plenty of others who could do the same. It all comes down to this - Cut the apron strings, stop being a wimpy little crybaby and get on with doing what you have to do to make a real life for you and the missus. All anyone, parents, siblings and friends, will ever want from you is that you succeed in life and be honest while you're getting there. You're living in the states now and if you can't build some confidence, rapidly, and show that you are determined to succeed, you'll end up getting nowhere. That's the way it works buddy. You don't have to be an ass**** to get where you want to be in a couple of years time - You just have to stop thinking so much about the past and how your actions may or may not have affected people. Think about yourself, your wife and what you need to do right now.

Ah, I give up.

Gil

Selik

Gil_Dub wrote:

Man, I've been reading your blog - Bits and pieces anyway. You need to get on with things....Stop thinking and worrying so much. I'm not trying to be a w***** here and it's unfortunate that I feel I have to state that clearly at the start.....But....

1. Who cares if you can't donate blood? It's not your problem if the american authorities don't want to take a risk that you might be a CJD carrier. There are more important things to focus on right now....Like getting a job.....So give it a rest.

2. You should stop with the whole parents crying at you leaving thing. They love you, you love them. They're sorry to see you go I'm sure but equally happy that their son is getting on with his life and making a future for himself. At least that's probably what they're thinking. So make them proud and stop being a child.....Give it a rest.

3. You should call your parents. Plain and simple. Don't give any of us that whole "I don't think I can" S***. You're a married adult FFS.....So give it a rest.

4. You might have been held BACK a year? So F****** what!? I was held back a year. My kid brother had open heart surgery at 3 years of age and this lead to me missing almost an entire years schooling between travelling to and from the UK (1981/82) - He's 27 now and will need a pacemaker in the next 2-3 years. I was 19 when I got my leaving cert points as a result of the 'lost' year. I couldn't be arsed going to college at the time either. None of this has affected my ability to learn quickly and rapidly progress in my chosen career. I earn more than MANY of my old classmates who will take years to get where I'm at now. My brother, well, he's also a year older - That hasn't stopped him becoming incredibly successful in a management career too.....So who give two tosses if they've been kept back a year in school? It's all about what you choose to do with your life TODAY, in the here and now, that matters.....So give it a rest.

I could probably go on, and on, and on here. And I'm sure there are plenty of others who could do the same. It all comes down to this - Cut the apron strings, stop being a wimpy little crybaby and get on with doing what you have to do to make a real life for you and the missus. All anyone, parents, siblings and friends, will ever want from you is that you succeed in life and be honest while you're getting there. You're living in the states now and if you can't build some confidence, rapidly, and show that you are determined to succeed, you'll end up getting nowhere. That's the way it works buddy. You don't have to be an ass**** to get where you want to be in a couple of years time - You just have to stop thinking so much about the past and how your actions may or may not have affected people. Think about yourself, your wife and what you need to do right now.

Ah, I give up.

Gil

I was taking a completely different angle but well said dude.

WhiteWashMan

WhiteWashMan wrote:

are you missing home, or are you missing your family?

it sounds to me like you miss your family.

ive lived away from ireland for the last 4 years. do i miss it?>
yes.
there are many things i miss.

i miss my friends.
i miss the good times ive had.
i miss it when i hear about a really good drink up thats beenhad, or when theres a paddys day parade.
i miss the fact that there is little atmosphere during ireland matches,and i have to watch it with several strangers in a pub.
i miss not being there for my family when something has gone wrong, or there is a problem. it leaves me feeling frustrated and helpless.

i miss many things.

but i can invite my friends out, or go and visit them.
i can talkto my family on the phone and we can visit each other.
i can get a great atmosphere for football when i watch spurs play on the box, or go to white hart lane.
i have new friends i can drink with, have experiences with and enjoy life.
i have to accept that there are things outside of my control, and that i cannot help everyone with every problem they have. sometimes people have to learn to stand ontheir own two feet and deal with life.
i have to accept that sometimes, i am actualy not needed or wanted.
i have my own family to look after, and that fact gives me more joy than anything else in this world.

if you miss your family, then phone them. there is none of this 'i cant call them' bull. thats just stupid. you can always call them. i dont know what your excuse is, but try and put it aside and phone them and say hello.
and tell them you love them.

you will feel a whole lot better for it.

Excelent post

Nevyn

Gil I am not happy with you addressing issues in the OP blog here like that.
considered you self warned I will be having a discussion with the other mods
about this issue and amending the charter if needs be.

Ruu_Old

thanks for all the replies, im not too bothered about my issues being broadcast over the net but anyway. I called the 'rents today and feel like a new man, i was always putting it off but bought a prepaid card today and will be using it more often now! i have been getting better. a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders today.time to focus on the good things!

you may lock this topic if you wish mods, thanks

BeardyGit

Thaed: Sent you a PM regarding your comments above - If the mods reckon it's out of order commenting on someone's blog I'll abide by such a directive of course.

Ruu: Don't take offense - I'm a terrible procrastinator at heart and often get caught up on minor worries. I know as well as anyone how much such worries can delay getting on with the business of the day. It's a friendly kick in the arse - Not just having a go at you. I often have to stop and take stock to keep myself on track.

And I hope you didn't mind me mentioning your Blog entries in this thread either. Apologies are of course extended if you're unhappy with my actions.