OMG what have I done?

xzanti

Ok... Here goes... Iv been with my bf for 2 and a half years now and he knows everything there is to know about my past (which is quite a bit) I have a friend who is single and so does my bf... so it made sence when his friend (who recently split from his long term gf) asked me if I had any nice friends (kind of half joking but kind of half not) to tell him about friend of about 12 years, who I am very fond of...

The problem is.. My friend has a tendency to open her mouth a bit too much and now Im thinking wtf have I done.. Im very fond of this girl but like I said she is not very discreat and she knows basically everything there is to know about my past.. Now dont get me wrong I havent murdered anyone or anything but I dont like the idea of my bfs mates (who are all very close) finding out things that I would not have told them of my own accord.. so now my head is wrecked so to speak... Im not expecting anyone to wave a magic wand but a little advice wouldnt go astray... My bf this evening told me that his friend was over in her house last night.. and she didnt tell me this, not that it matters but I would have thought that as her friend and as the person who set them up in the first place that she would keep me posted on the progress of the relationship?? maybe I was expecting too much.. Perhaps the best thing to do would be just to sit her down and explain to her that this is my life and these are my friends who I will tell anything I want them to know about me.. so zip it love.. ??? or is that too harsh?? Im not being paranoid here because a few other people we know have commented on her inability to keep her mouth shut Heeeeeelp

AARRRGH

I think you're being a bit paranoid!

But it would be a good idea to have a good chat with your friend and ask her not to say anything about your past.

However... I would say your boyfriend's friends already know about your past (as in, it's not unusual for boyfriends to tell their friends private information about their girlfriend...)

xzanti

However... I would say your boyfriend's friends already know about your past (as in, it's not unusual for boyfriends to tell their friends private information about their girlfriend...)[/QUOTE]
Nah... hate to sound naive and all that but I dont think my bf is into discussing his personal life with his mates... and I have had other bf's before who I was under no illusion about with regards to being discreat about me.. I know he is more mature than that... Its my friend Im worried about here... So maybe having a word in her ear wouldnt hurt under the circumstances.. cheers

AARRRGH

Cool. Just have a word with her. It's no big deal. I'm sure she'll understand (and I'm sure she has her own history...)

Ladypawpaw

xzanti wrote:

Im not expecting anyone to wave a magic wand but a little advice wouldnt go astray...

Here is my opinion. I used to be every bit as paranoid about what people were saying about me. People on the street walking by? I thought they knew everything mortifying about me. Don't start me on the people I was in school with.

Eventually I realised this - it makes sense for all those things I've done to be stuck in my head. But nobody else really cares that much. Everyone else is too busy with their own lives to be remembering the time I did (insert non-murderous thing here). And everyone else is probably too busy hoping you don't remember the time they did (insert whatever here).

Everything is magnified a million times in your own head. I think, on my part anyway, it was a touch self-obsessive to assume that everyone was talking about me all the time. I realised I'm not that important to everyone.

Your friend and this guy are too busy getting to know each other than talking about you all the time. And maybe didn't tell you he was over in her house so they could have some time alone, did you think of that?

xzanti

Your friend and this guy are too busy getting to know each other than talking about you all the time. And maybe didn't tell you he was over in her house so they could have some time alone, did you think of that?[/QUOTE]
I understand that, of course they want a bit of time together but she told him not to tell my bf that he'd been over there.. Im not jealous or anything like that but I know if it was me Id want to keep my friend posted at least until the 3rd date if it got that far... I dont know maybe Im just losin it

xzanti

As for them having other stuff to discuss... This had crossed my mind but also the only common denominator between them is myself and my bf.. So I suppose I just reckon when theres nothing else for them to talk about then a few stories about us mightn't go astray.. I just HOPE I am being paranoid here but sure thanks anyway for the comments

BizzyC

Relax, sit down with your friend and ask her to be descrete.
Just explain that you really dont want the bf's mate finding out, and you're not accusing her of doing it, or that you thought she would.

If she's really a mate, she wont have a problem.

LadyJ

OP,I may be totally off track here but have you cheated on your boyfriend or something?
It sounds to me like you're a little too worried about your friend getting close to his friend. However,if you have and your friend knows about it then I'm sure she'll keep it to herself.

I apologise for jumping to that conclusion but it just sounds like that kind of thing to me.

xzanti

LadyJ wrote:

OP,I may be totally off track here but have you cheated on your boyfriend or something?

My bf knows that Im feeling stressed over the situation and he is of the same general opinion as most of the people who replied to this, that I should relax and/or have a word with her... Like I said he knows everything there is to know about me but that doesnt mean I or he wants his friends to know.. So the answer is no, I havent cheated on him... There is nothing that I am trying to keep from him, we are very close...

LadyJ

Well then just relax and sit tight. Have a word with your friend if it's really bothering you but other than that just chill out. If she's a good friend then you have nothing to worry about.

WhiteWashMan

xzanti wrote:

Ok... Here goes... Iv been with my bf for 2 and a half years now and he knows everything there is to know about my past (which is quite a bit) I have a friend who is single and so does my bf... so it made sence when his friend (who recently split from his long term gf) asked me if I had any nice friends (kind of half joking but kind of half not) to tell him about friend of about 12 years, who I am very fond of...

The problem is.. My friend has a tendency to open her mouth a bit too much and now Im thinking wtf have I done.. Im very fond of this girl but like I said she is not very discreat and she knows basically everything there is to know about my past.. Now dont get me wrong I havent murdered anyone or anything but I dont like the idea of my bfs mates (who are all very close) finding out things that I would not have told them of my own accord.. so now my head is wrecked so to speak... Im not expecting anyone to wave a magic wand but a little advice wouldnt go astray... My bf this evening told me that his friend was over in her house last night.. and she didnt tell me this, not that it matters but I would have thought that as her friend and as the person who set them up in the first place that she would keep me posted on the progress of the relationship?? maybe I was expecting too much.. Perhaps the best thing to do would be just to sit her down and explain to her that this is my life and these are my friends who I will tell anything I want them to know about me.. so zip it love.. ??? or is that too harsh?? Im not being paranoid here because a few other people we know have commented on her inability to keep her mouth shut Heeeeeelp

2 things

1. tell your friend to keep her mouth shut.

2. deal with the things you have done in your past, and realise that they are a part of you. if its in the past, its in the past, and there is no need to feel ashamed. i have done many many fúcked up things inthe past, but its all over now. move on.

Confuscious

Confucious believes WhiteWashMan is wise in his guidance. Take comfort in his experience and your own. People will believe what they want to believe and you can set them straight by using my three favourite words :"That's just bollocks".
Don't worry. You'll be all right.

Gazza22

Well...while you shouldn't hide from your past and be ashamed of it, i'm gathering from xzanti that she just doesn't want certain aspects of her private life broadcasted.

They may not be crimes or anything like that, but everyone has there own private experiences/thoughts that they just want to be kept to themselves and a select few they are comfortable with knowing.

Just explain to your friend, to put it bluntly, to keep her trap closed! A good friend would respect that.

Shellie13

I'm sure you know more than your fair share about her past too-i'm not suggesting getting even or blackmail here-just that it ought to form a mutual respect! If shes any kind of a friend she'll certainly show you some!

Gross Halfwit

Never set your close friends up with close friends of your partner. I learned this lesson the hard way. I lost my GF & my mate. Long story and Iaint in the mood to type.

You aint paranoid. Some things are best left secret. Tell your friend to put it in a zip lock bag. Its your life and your past is for you to tell. Put it in a nice way so she doesnt become bitchy and start blackmailing you and ****. Bit OTT I know but it has happened.

RopeDrink

Its my friend Im worried about here

A true friend wouldn't disclose your personal information to people who shouldn't hear it, so if your friend is worth their weight in salt, they should hopefully keep it zipped. A brief reminder in the ear should also guarantee safety for all involved.

However, as WWM said, you should also bury the 'past' that you obviously keep in mind, as having it lurking around in your memory would also be quite bad for you. In the end, it could be YOU who blurts it out if such thoughts are on your mind, not your friend.

As stated above, everything in your own mind is always just that little bit bigger in your own head than everyone elses, so it's not as big a deal as you make it out to be, so stop worrying and be happy.

tinkerbell

Is there something really major that you don't want her to tell your boyfriend's friend? If not, then relax. She can't be that sad that she'd have this conversation with her new boyfriend:
Girl: Oh my god, let me tell you this about xzanti!
New boyfriend: Yes?
Girl: She did this, and that, and this and that!

Following day,
Girl: Let me tell you another story about xzanti!

At this stage, new boyfriend is probably getting sick to death of hearing your life story and probably tells your friend to shut it, that he's dating her, not you, and wants to know all about her life, not yours.

Problem solved, before she has let anything big slip

xzanti

To Tinkerbell.... You havent met this girl..she has ways of disclosing ur business and making it sound like shes concerned about u at the same time, Iv seen her do it with other people... she has a gift I think, but cheers anyway...