friend with depression

snorlax

hey everyone,

very recently(last few days or so) i found out one of my good friends has depression, they just blurted it out to me and said they had been on antidepressants for the past 6 years. i know the person invoved has difficulties with their family, dosnt get along with them etc etc but i was completely blind to this fact, which is ironic because im am a mental health worker (a student one) and i never picked up on any of the warning signals because i never expected anyone so close to me to get affected by such an illness.

just wondering if theyr's anyhting i can do to help them (they'v already got a GP and a pyschologist).
when they told me this i have to say it made me fell very worried about them and i haven't been able to think about much since (they spent about 4hours telling me all this/ their problems etc kinda makes me feel like some kinda lifeline for them although i am certainely no mother teresa).
im just wondering how i can go about helping them if the traditional roots to tackle the symptoms eg via medicine aren't actaully working for them at the moment. also the medicine dosn't tackle issues that are aggravating the problem. the person in question is stable but i still don;t like to see one of my friends feeling like this.
i know they'rs only so much i can do but i don't feel like hidding behind the nearest stone for this one even though iv got to admit talking to them for even a few hour was very tiring/ energy draining for me although id say i helped them just by listening. anyone any ideas?

sorry for long post by the way!

kittenkiller

Just continue being a friend to her.
Don't treat her any differently than you did before, the last thing she needs is to feel 'different' in your eyes.
Be sensitive to the fact that she'll have up days & down days & just go along with them.
I doubt that there's anything you can do to solve the problem, just be as encouraging as you can.
If she wants to talk, listen, ask questions if you want to, just don't turn her into her illness.
Most likely she'll get through this & be so so glad that she's had good friends who stuck by her.
She's confided in you, which means she must trust you an awful lot.
Be sure not to break that trust.

arbeitsscheuer

I suffer from depression intermittently, haven't been on anti-depressants for about 2 years or so now tho. Found out a few months back from a mate that he also gets really depressed as well, and its kind of a humbling experience - you're pretty powerless in that sort of situation.

All you can really do is be there for your friend, listen to her if she wants to talk about it, just have a laugh with her and get on with things if she doesn't. She obviously trusts you a great deal to have said this, so I'm guessing you've been friends for a long time. Therefore, she probably just felt like she should be honest about it, given that you have such a good friendship - she doesn't want it to change anything, or how you act towards her or around her.

I hope this rambling post has helped, it made more sense in my head.

Good luck

nesf

SebtheBum wrote:

All you can really do is be there for your friend, listen to her if she wants to talk about it, just have a laugh with her and get on with things if she doesn't. She obviously trusts you a great deal to have said this, so I'm guessing you've been friends for a long time. Therefore, she probably just felt like she should be honest about it, given that you have such a good friendship - she doesn't want it to change anything, or how you act towards her or around her.

My thoughts exactly.


If she suffers from depression there isn't a whole lot you can do to help her actively. The best you can do is to offer support and a friendly ear when she needs to talk.

Beyond that, it's in her hands pretty much.


Anti-depressents don't work like antibiotics and the like. At best all they can do is give a helping hand to the person and help them help themselves. This can be a very hard thing to accept. I'd stay well clear of giving her any advice regarding drugs, it's a very complex subject and it is something best left to the professionals.

It helps a lot if you stop thinking of anti-d's as "medicine" in the traditional sense, but as different thing entirely. There is no cure for depression that is available in pill form. There are pills that can help a person to some extent but nearly all of the healing must come from the person themselves. A pill won't deal with your issues nor can it deal with the way you approach life.

However, "talking therapies" can do this to some extent. And since she's already seeing a psychologist, she's already helping herself in that regard.


She's already done the hard part, admitting she has a problem and going for help about it. All you can do is support her as best you can. Try to understand but if you don't, say it and ask her to explain it to help you understand.

But whatever you do, don't treat it like a normal illness where the drugs are the answer. That's not a healthy viewpoint and it could potentially put a lot of strain on your friendship.

My 2c.

Dreamer 7

I also suffer from depression, kick started by PND after my son was born. How you feel/think and what you want can change on a hourly basis, so be patient. Be prepared for outbursts etc but it is a good sign that they have told you. I told noone for 2 yrs and put on my "HAPPY!" face until i couldnt take it any more. Wait until the talking comes from him/her dont ask to many questions and keep reactions to what they do say as neutral as poss. Its awful to open up to someone who is shocked at how u think and feel.
Just hope for more good days than bad.
I have stopped my meds about a yr back as i wanted to help myself and so far Im ok
Good Luck!!

snorlax

well the person in question is male and iv only known him for about a year but for some reason he seems to trust me (im not his girlfriend or anything btw)

i honestly know that the suituation he's in at present at home is probably not the best / most supportive environment for him and probably the best thing he could do for himself is to move out entirely away from the people who are helping to aggravate his depression, but i guess that's a decision he must take himself.
you are right in that listening certainly seems to help him alot, problem is it's quite difficult to concentrate for long periods and it's hard not to take it home it with you when you'v finished talking with him, also i'v not been able to talk about it to the people i normally would because it's confidential information.

thank you for all the responses by the way:).

nesf

Dreamer 7 wrote:

I also suffer from depression, kick started by PND after my son was born.

First off, I'm glad to see you're doing well now. But just a few things I'd like to "correct" you on.

How you feel/think and what you want can change on a hourly basis, so be patient.

Not necessarily. Some depressives can have be trapped in a mood for days without end. It's a very individual thing. Most of us are lucky to not be like this. But be careful in assuming everyone is like this. It can cause frustration in people trying to help them if they are assuming that the person's mood is going to change in the short term when it doesn't.

I have stopped my meds about a yr back as i wanted to help myself and so far Im ok

Medication is helping yourself. You take them to help you help yourself with dealing with your condition. Please don't talk negatively about medication, some of us need it. We don't have a choice in the matter.

If you went off meds because you wanted to help yourself then you misinterpreted what meds were. If however you went off drugs because they weren't worth taking because the small improvement was hugely outweighed by the side-effects then I can completely respect that. But looking at drugs as "not helping yourself" is a very negative and false viewpoint and is something that bugs me to see tbh.

Apologies for going off topic but I thought this was worth saying.