Why I hate my life

Irishstabber

Sorry in advance to everyone I depress from my sadness.

I'm 16. And I 'hang around' with 1 person. Its not like I dont have other friends. But the thing is they dont want to be with me. Either because they dont like me enough or because of the other friend I have. He drives away EVERYONE. And im stuck with him. I like him as a friend. Im prob the only person who does. He fights with every other person we talk to. Which in turn prevent us from joining any other 'group' of friends. And in turn prevents ME from being with anyone else.

And as long as im friends with him I'll be confined to ONE friend that I 'hang around' with. And to be honest I couldn't give a c*ap but there is absolutely FA to do in this kip of a place for a teenager.

The last girl I 'met' or was with was last week. And before that a few months back. And before that even more months back. And THEN before that 2 years ago. And that was the same girl I met last week.

He was away on holidays for 2 weeks and I got some freedom. I was with some other people. But they were only 1 day things. They never showed any interest with being with me the day after. I'm friends with them but not that way.

Now he is back and its back to walking around the streets doing nothing all day. Him asking me to drink everynight. And to add to it he looks soo young that anyone my age or older wouldnt like to be with him.

I will not meet any girls my age when with him because he scares them off. Either slagging them or some other stupid thing.
I could go on forever but I've already bored you enough.....sorry.

Obviosly no one can 'prescribe' a solution to this problem but telling someone really helps.

Sorry again. If this is confusing sorry again.

Gazza22

You should talk to your friend, tell him that you two walking around all day doing nothing is just not cutting it anymore.

Tell him that you think it would be a good idea if they tried to make more friends and get some variety into your life.

Let him know that you are happy being with him, but he needs an attitude change because he seems to driving people away with his actions.

Maybe this is a deliberate attempt to keep you's two together, basically he may want you all to himself and is not willing to allow "competition" to come in. This sounds terrible, but i have encountered people like this before.

And a final word, there is no need to say you are sorry for discussing your problem! It is what this forum is for and people are more than happy to listen!

Irishstabber

tbh I tried that tonight. I said he needs some social skills but he said he has social skills but that he doesnt use them. I agree with your opinion though it is the way to go. He does need to change attitude. I'm getting quite pi**ed with it being just the two of us. So boring. Thanks for your input

ARGINITE

he has social skills but that he doesnt use them.

Then help him use them, next time he drives off anyother would be friends tell him how ignorant/lazy (which ever one he is) he is being and give him some time to think about it by himself.

Gazza22

Irishstabber wrote:

I said he needs some social skills but he said he has social skills but that he doesnt use them

Well that kinda confirms my point that he just wants it to be you two, he is not interested in opening the relationship to include others. The only way to find out why, is to ask him why he is so closed to allowing others in.

This guy is making you unhappy, you must decide what you want more; his friendship or what you are craving for, a variety of friends. You should try and move on, get out and meet new people. If possible try and encourage him to open up more.

Larianne

I had a friend like this and in the end I had to finish our friendship. She just would try and pick fights with everyone and disagree with their point of view. And people would run away from me then because they thought I had the same attutide.

If you do like this guy as a friend, keep trying to encourage him to be, well, more mature! Suggest maybe to bite his tongue when certain issues come up and try seeing other peoples point of view. And also its a good thing to go out and meet new people etc.

But in the end, it may just keep annoying you and bringing you down which isn't healthy. Some times you just gotta let certain friends go. What happens if he finds a new best friend and then drops you and you don't have any mates?

Everybody picks their friends. If the situation is getting you down, take yourself out of the situation. You could meet him in a few years and he has matured and you could start the relationship again or he may never change..

Dizzyblabla

you'll be back to school soon, maybe you should try joining a club or something that he's not interested then? he doesn't have to come with you everywhere you go, you are entitled to have more than one group of friends...
Don't give into the pressure of drinking everynight either, it's not good for you, at 16, you shouldn't be drinking at all, but we've all done it!...

Irishstabber

Yes. Thanks for all the input. All good ideas really. I will try get him to change, will be hard though I just dont see the type of friends I'm interested in at the moment to 'accept' him. I'll always be friends with this chap, we've been through a lot, but im sick of just the two of us. Hopefully somethin beneficial to all will arise..but we all know that doesn't happen :mad:

Thanks again.

bp

i had a friend like that except that she just hated every other friend that i had for no reason, if i would even talk about another friend she would start bitching about them, even if she had only met them once for a minute or two, in the end i just distanced myself from her. it happened to my sister too years ago and now she has no friends at all and is in her 30s. tell him to cop on or else you make different friends and just spend less time with him

nobodythere

If he was on holiday why is it that those people would only hang around with you for one day and didn't want to see you the next? Maybe you're partly to blame for the lack of socialising...

If not, he's obviously trying to push everyone else away from you and maybe is the jealous type when it comes to friends or something... Or in your case, friend (singular). You need to not be in a place where you feel obligated to constantly hang out with him and feel guilty when you're not in constant contact..... ahem.... it's gay :P

Shellie13

You don't have to put up with this childish beheaviour! Sure ye might've been through alot but if anything that should make him MORE understanding and less likely to hold you back. He's just being immature and selfish and a friend like this dosn't have your best interests at heart!

L.W

would it be possible to hang around with this guy and your other friends seperately? like having 2 groups of friends?

Irishstabber

ahem.... it's gay :P

No need AT ALL to tell me that. I know it already. I ger really homophobic when im with him cause hes always walking right beside me and standing practically at my feet. Its annoying. He isnt gay(or so im led to believe). I think its more of a protection thing. He seems to be a bit of a 'victim'. A 'target' for trouble makers(And sometimes he brings it on himself).

would it be possible to hang around with this guy and your other friends seperately? like having 2 groups of friends?

It is possible but I have to find those people first. And some wont go near me either because of me or that they dont want to fall into the prospect of being with him.

Sh!t Happens eh?

BeardyGit

I had a mate like this (I'm quite a bit older now - 28) and he really got on my nerves at times. I didn't want to turn my back on him as he was so awkward I didn't really think he'd have/make any friends if I didn't hang around with him.

The way I dealt with it was to get the two of us involved in scouts (I'd been in it for years already at that stage) - Hear me out here! If you're 16 you can join venture scouts. They're all mixed so you get a chance to meet girls. You get to do something every week usually, either at meetings (very informal in most cases) or at camps, bowling, cinema - Whatever you'd decide to do together as a group, away from school and the regular gang around your area. Groups go camping, hiking and take part in the whole range of outdoor sports and more relaxed activities too - The venturers decide on their own meetings, when they take place and where you go and what you do....The 'leader' is only there to make sure nobody really gets themselves in the sh!ts...

Most venturers don't wear uniforms....No teenager wants to look like a pratt getting a bus to meetings and the scout association has really changed recently so they're not run by oul lads anymore. You can either check out www.scouts.ie for some general information or PM me and I'll get you the details for the venturer groups around your area....You don't have to join a local group either - Anywhere you can get to each week on a bus would be happy to have you as a member.

It might not suit you at all....or your mate....But at least you would have somewhere sort of neutral for both of you to start with a clean slate. I made friends that I'm close to now - My mate made friends with other people too....Now we don't see each other much any more, but both of us benefitted in the long run I guess. It'd be up to you to lay down the law with him about how you want him to just be himself and stop acting up - There's no need as the group should always look out for each other....The venturer group would give you both some responsibilities through planning activities and various training and this could certainly help your mate learn to respect himself and others too....

I could write lots about the benefits of scouts - Even if you've joined in the past and been kicked out/left - It's worth thinking about it anyway. I'm sure others here have been in scouts/venturers in the past (or still are!) so maybe they'd comment too?

PM me if you want a few contact numbers and names....

Cheers,

Gil

Prior Of Taize

did relatively the same for 2 years. the guy is being an asshat. he will grow out of it. but its ****ing you up royally at the moment. so i suggest not seeing him as much.

nobodythere

To be perfectly honest I have done this to a friend, consciously said I wouldn't and then still done it again. I know how your friend feels (gay or otherwise ), it's over-protectiveness (of his friendship, not you). If you could ever ask him if he thought he'd lose you and have nobody if you got another friend and he answered perfectly honestly he'd say yes - I'm SURE of that.

This could **** up your friendship royally. You need to take a step back NOW, not be so close to him but not lose him either. I have DESTROYED a friendship with my best friend over this, acted like a total dick and tried to keep her away from other people purely because I was insecure about our friendship and felt that I would lose her. Done anything for her attention not even thinking how much it would hurt her (won't go into detail) and when genuine compassion failed resorted to looking for a friendship of sympathy and pity despite my conscious efforts of knowing it's wrong. It's at the stage where she thinks that all of the stuff I've done wasn't for her pity (although I know that's a bad offence anyway) but that I was trying to make sure that if I couldn't have her then nobody else could (which most certainly isn't true).

You could end up like this if you don't do something about it now. You have to explain to him (NICELY!) that as much as you love the guy (in a not so gay way ) that you need other friends and that he can't be insecure about losing you as a friend. This insecurity means that it is NOT a healthy friendship anyway. He's acting like a dick and he knows it, but he can't really fully understand why. You need to stamp it out and explain to him what exactly he's doing, how he's doing it and most importantly that it's hurting your friendship, although in his eyes he's trying to help it.

Please god don't go through the same **** I went through and I put her through...

Edit: If I didn't make it clear, you will come to resent him for what he's doing. Then it's too late.

Prior Of Taize

Prior Of Taize wrote:

its ****ing you up royally at the moment. so i suggest not seeing him as much.

grasshopa wrote:

This could **** up your friendship royally.

word stealing b*stard

nobodythere

Subconscious, I swear

LegacyUser

Hey man - you're young. If you decide to go to college in 2 years, you will be thrown into a class full of new faces, new people, and have a load of different clubs and societies to join. Join one or two of them - it's well worth it. College definitely helps you to develop. I'm out of school 10 years, and I have regular contact with 1 guy that was in my class back then... I used to hang around with 2 more lads, but haven't seen them since I left after the Leaving Cert! I couldn't stand the vast majority of the guys in my class and to be honest they couldn't stand me either. Suited us all fine. So I wouldn't let the fact that you have only 1 "mate" bother you too much right now... College is when you really develop and college mates last a lot longer - believe me.

Sport was my outlet in my teens and to this day it still is and keeps me sane... so if you're remotely interested in anything, take it up, be it chess, running, athletics, cycling, rowing, football, rugby or ping pong... it doesn't matter. Sport opens so many doors and definitely keeps you on the straight and narrow [e.g. Jan Ullrich was in and out of the local Cop-Shop before a cycling coach gave him a kick in the backside and made him train properly... he went on win the World Cycling Amateur champs at the age of 19 and went on to win Tour de France at 23!... just an example!] As for your mate, maybe if you get involved in something and stick at it, he'll get fed up and take up something too - that might help him get into gear too... just a thought.

bombidol

Just dont buy trenchcoats. You are young, it will all fall into place. Take up pool or some kinda activity. its the best way of meeting people, including women.

Maynooth

I hated life at 16. Things will get better. Just sort out what you can and let life do the rest. Best of luck to you.

chump

Maynooth wrote:

I hated life at 16. Things will get better. Just sort out what you can and let life do the rest. Best of luck to you.

Good advice

By the way Maynooth where you from?

Maynooth

chump wrote:

Good advice

By the way Maynooth where you from?

Chump! Didn't you ask me that before??? Are you trying to be smart? I don't see why it's even remotely funny....

Anyway back on topic best of luck Irishstabber (not so sure about the name though!)

Irishstabber

haha the name is harmless.

Great advice from all thanks. I will try to tell him to get his act together.

I'll just give you some bacgkground detail because eventsof today have positive.

We used to be in a group. About 7 of us. And the girls off course.
But ALL of them, not me(believe me, im not looking for support here), would slag of the girls and run them away. And many of them were nice girls too!...and they did run away permanently. To other fellas.

Anyway. We all kind of borke up over 3 of the lads turning to the 'dark' side. Drugs, robbing, stabbing etc... It was left me and this guy Im friends with now. The oldest made other friends from his class. And the other guy who wasn't scum just straggled around with no one really.

It was me and him left(this guy). So my old friend the guy who wasnt scum called today. The two of them went the pictures. So there is 3 of us now.

Irishstabber

To any psychiatrists out there. What does it mean when a person calls you every 5 minutes to see where you are. Even when this person isn't all on his own but with some people?

I was walking my cousin home yesterday with two others. (All Girls). Me, him and another were supposed to 'go drinking'. But tbh which would you rather
-Drinking with two fellas...only to watch them stumble around and act the pratt.
-Walk 5 km up and back with 2 two nice women and your cousin.

I picked the latter..leading to frantic calls from him. "where are you going."
"when will you be back"(this is at about 7)
They continued all the way to Ballymun. And back!!
"Slievene(?)" "Why you running off with those"
I got to the point that he called at every 5 lamp-post we walked by. Was amazing I tell you.
It wouldn't have annoyed me so much if he was on his own. But at the beginning he was with a group of girls his age. And our friend.
And later he was still with our friend. Then he decided to walk up a bit and meet us. Which after me having had a great time with the two girls, really pis*ed me off. He destroyed all the 'repour' that was built up with these girls.
But tbh they kept trying to get me away from him by playing tricks..(not that I didnt want to go. I was stuck with him really)
For eg. "X your ma is calling you" while the girl raised her phone in the air.
And to make it all worse. He was drunk slightly. And managed to get into a small fight with some local boys. Which I had to prevent.

I don't know your opinion on this but I think it confirms some assertions in this thread about him being scared about our 'relationship' dieing?

Thanks all.

nobodythere

Irishstabber wrote:

Anyway. We all kind of borke up over 3 of the lads turning to the 'dark' side. Drugs, robbing, stabbing etc... It was left me and this guy Im friends with now. The oldest made other friends from his class. And the other guy who wasn't scum just straggled around with no one really.

He's probably afraid that this will happen to you.

Irishstabber

grasshopa wrote:

He's probably afraid that this will happen to you.

What afraid I'll turn to drugs? Highly doubtful. He is borderline himself. I know whats good for me. If anything I am stopping him from doing things of that kind.

He is just a leech. But I am stuck with him. Great for me yippie :mad:

nobodythere

Well from an outside perspective if you were the only other one of the group who didn't turn to 'the dark side' as you say, then wouldn't he be VERY protective of you?

Irishstabber

He wouldn't be in that state of mind. Not mature enough to even think like that. He would actively encourage me rather than protect. From the way I know him anyway.

Irishpimpdude

i had to arise the topic when i found it browsing through these forums!as i am the friend he is talking about... yes i act immatue and stupid at times but its just to amuse ourselfs, because there is nothing better to do on the streets of finglas! and you know i wouldn't get involved in drugs !!! im not that stupid and its not true that just me and you hang around together... we hang around with another person, i know it is mostly me and you the majority of the time but i cant help that and your the one that asks me to come out and i ask "to do what" and he says "just walk around" and when i ask him to go to pics or out to bray for the day or something he says no... i quote "It's Just Stupid With 3 Of Us" well i think that is better then sitting in your house being depressed and i scare people away that i dont like, he seems to not even wanna talk to me as of yesterday...so maybe this could be the end of our friendship, he is set free i suppose

Eolyn

and the sad thing is if ye just talked and sorted it out this could of been prevented. Maybe you could do that now. Tell him you read this. Talk about it. It may not work but why not try. Getting angry will never work. You now know what he was thinking. Maybe you could change his thinking.

My two cents anyway,.

Irishpimpdude

ive txt him, rang him and txt him multiple times today... promised i would change but when i ring him he just says go away and F off and multiple other things it really upsetting me and making me depressed now that i have read this, i did'nt know he felt this way if he had have talked to me about it maybe his depression would not have lasted this long and if you ask me i think he is being a little immature atm... i don't know what to do to save our friendship if he wont talk to me

Edit*i just txt him saying "X Are you upset with me? and if you want to continue this friendship i will change... the only reason i wanted you to go online it to talk about this. :-( wb" and he txt me back saying "OMG your a fag and i cant go online cause the router wont sync"

Eolyn

Irishpimpdude wrote:

"OMG your a fag and i cant go online cause the router wont sync"

Ok first do you have any feelings like that for him?
Next if you dont then just tell him to cop on. You are his freind and in your book you try to fix things when they are wrong. What a stupid thing to say. Next id just text him. tell him you have read this and understand so your going to give him the space he needs. that you will text him next week or at the weekend.

You gotta understand that hassling him is what caused this. He needs space. then take it from there.

Irishpimpdude

No i love him like a brother but he has to cop on and so do i... i aint gay

Irishstabber

You are a fag. What a gay thing to say. Go hang around with yourself for a wek and see how great it is. How mature and interesting you are. How you 'dont' act like a pratt. In any case I tell you this every day, why act all sad about it. You cant change its just you. I tell you this every day, and I never see change.
Mikey never comes out anyway so why do you say 3 of us. The only time he comes out is if you ask him to go to town, or drink(which you seem to enjoy)
And you ask me to go to town? Every F**king day. Want me to say yes all the time.
You scare people you dont like. Well what if I like them? For eg. Dean et all. If you werent such a muppet maybe they would enjoy your presence.

and if you ask me i think he is being a little immature atm

My God would you ever take a reality check. Your the biggest eejit for even saying that. Explain how I am? Because I wont talk to you? Thats because you were acting like a child yesterday because I wouldn't give you the girls number. For you to torment her. Like you torment every bloody girl. For eg. Wendy.
I could go on forever but I wont.

***EDIT***
COP ON??? from what exactly. Explain.......

Irishpimpdude

ok bye i have nothing more to say...

Beruthiel

right you two
how childish is it that ye have to sort our your personal life over the internet when you could so easily be talking face to face.
If you don't mind me saying so, from what I have read from you both, the two of you could do with growing up a bit - there is a reason that ye are fighting like this and it's got to do with more than what you have said on this thread so far.
meet up, sit down, talk calmly and get a grip
B

Irishstabber

Sorry but Please please you are in no position to say that. Its just one of these situations you have to witness first hand, in person to understand the scope of the problem. And the problem wasnt supposed to be sorted out over the internet.
I didnt expect this guy to find this for it to turn into a debate.
But from what he has said above I do believe the problem is sorted.

Thanks all again.