Going out with a younger partner

LegacyUser

I'm a 25 year old guy, and I'm going out with a girl who is 17. So far it's been great (only 1 month since we met though), but sometime I wonder how it will go in the long term.

Does anyone here have experience of relationships with this kind of age difference? All I know is that I changed a long from the age of 17 to my early 20s, and I sometimes wonder how much more changes she will go through. I'm a very youthful 25 - in looks and attitude- so it doesn't seem like much of a difference. At first I didn't want to get involved in a relationship for fear of all the fact that she is so young (I know what they can be like) but she really likes me and I really like her too... so why not give it a shot and see what happens?

Some of you will say I need to find someone my own age, or at least 20+, and maybe you are right. But it doesn't change the fact that I met this girl and we have something nice going (and she doesn't have the ego that a lot of the more attractive girls my age carry around with them) I don't want to destroy it just cause she's a "young one".

LegacyUser

By the way, when we first met, I thought she was older (19 or 20) and she thought I was 20 or 21 max...

but the real age difference is quite a bit more!

Pythia

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 27 and we have never had any problems, fights etc over it. I would never notice the fact there's such a big gap between us.
Friends laughed at first but no one remembers that anymore.
I would go for it. You've nothing to lose and it could work out very well!

Gazza22

Boyfriend wrote:

but she really likes me and I really like her too... so why not give it a shot and see what happens?

But it doesn't change the fact that I met this girl and we have something nice going.

I don't actually have any experience in this situation. But from what you have said in these lines concludes that there is absolutely nothing wrong with your relationship.

If you are both happy together, then there is no reason why you shouldn't give it a shot. The girl is 17, she knows what she is doing. Nobody can ever plan a relationship long term when you have only been with the person for so little time, so just go for it and see what this relationship has in store for you.

DawnMc

I think the maturity levels are fine as it is very true that girls mature faster than guys etc. I think the problem you will face is that you'll want different things at different times. There may come a point (if ye stay together) where you realise you want to settle down and she feels she's too young.
I was with a guy before who was ten years my senior but same maturity level. However, he wanted to settle, I didn't etc etc

On the other hand, you are only together a month. See how things go!

Nevyn

17 is the age of sexual consent but you are still going out with a minor,
a consenting minor mid but in the eyes of the law a minor.
Once she turns 18 and is an adult she is totaly responsible for her
own actions and choices.
The fact you are dating an adult then becomes thier issue , and thier
problem.

An 8 year age gap is not that odd.

There was a time when age gap of 14 years plus were not unknown,
there have been bigger age gaps in my family for sure.
It is true that is seems to be a recent intolerance of age gaps in our
society, that you shoud be with some one that is some were in the range
of 3 years younger or older.

Age is not a measurement of maturity.
I know a lot of 17 to 22 year olds that are more mature in many
ways then some of the 30 to 35 year olds I know.

As long as you are both happy and doing things and going places together
and at easy in each others company and communicte well then dont
let other peoples issues cloud it or become an issue between you .

DublinWriter

Boyfriend wrote:

I'm a 25 year old guy, and I'm going out with a girl who is 17. So far it's been great (only 1 month since we met though), but sometime I wonder how it will go in the long term.

You used the magic-phrase 'long-term'.

Basically, age-differences should never trouble a relationship.

....BUT, and it's a very big but!...

A woman changes *a hell of a lot* between the ages of 17 and 24. What she wants and needs emotionally always goes through a complete transformation during this time.

This is also true of guys, but to a lesser degree.

Caveat Emptor.

tonyinuae

Your age gap in not that great if neither of you are much aware of it. The gap between me and my partner of 8 months is far greater - I won't say by how much -and hasn't been an issue at all. My parents have 19 years between them, and they celebrated their golden wedding anniversary this year. So it's about two people, two spirits, and if you're happy, well, crack open the champagne and enjoy!

Gross Halfwit

Shes above the age of consent. You are happy. If there is no maturity issues or a bigger brother threatening to break you legs then go for it. But bear in mind that things change. She may want to go travelling the world whereas you may have already done that and want to settle down. You may want a family and she may want to enjoy her youth. You two are operating in a different time frame but if your on the same page then it shouldnt be a problem.

I mentioned settling down and babies cause you mentioned long term, I wasnt being melodramatic.

LegacyUser

"What she wants and needs emotionally always goes through a complete transformation during this time."

That is my only worry. 2 years down the line, she may decide she doesn't want to settle down after all.. or maybe wants to explore life more (I mean, I'm her first boyfriend ever!!).

But other than that, why not give it a try anyway

Beruthiel

Boy2 wrote:

years down the line, she may decide she doesn't want to settle down after all.. or maybe wants to explore life more (I mean, I'm her first boyfriend ever!!)

you can bet a months wages that will happen, she is going to change so much before she hits her late 20's, she will not be the person you know now.

ven0m

I'm 26 & currently seeing a 20 yr old english woman.... age hasn't been an issue once with friends or families.... nor has the difference in our ages been a problem once, except when I mention some really old kitsch 80's thing.... guess it also helps there's a massive maturity level difference between 20yr old english women & 20yr old irish women...... I've found 20yr old english women to be closer to irish 24yr old women..... :rolleyes:


::: ven0mous :::

irlirishkev

I'm 28 now. When I was 27, I was seeing a 19 year old. Now don't get me wrong, it was great fun, but the problem I found was this:

She was in college, I'd just taken out a mortgage.
All her friends were 17-20, all mine are 28-35.. There just wasn't any social crossover, and there weren't many things we could do together socially, barr go to the pub, and then it'd be college talk from her mates, and marriage/mortgage/work talk from my mates..

I ended it because she was falling for me very quickly, and more than likely she'd change her mind and get bored before I would. It's a tricky situation.

It's different for everyone, but that's my two cents..

Kevin.

Talliesin

There are a good few reasons why such a relationship is less likely to last as people have said.

But hell, if anyone can find a way to identify a relationship with a 100% chance of lasting forever please let us all know.

roberteboot

Boy wrote:

(I mean, I'm her first boyfriend ever!!).
QUOTE]

Id be more worried about that long term than the actual age difference to be honest.But when you take this into account ALONG with her age then long term it could be a very big issue.But on the other hand maybe not.The only thing you can do is enjoy what you have and not worry about the long term.Itll look after itself.

LegacyUser

"The only thing you can do is enjoy what you have and not worry about the long term.Itll look after itself."

Absolutely, I'll go with this advice

RampagingBadger

For serious relationships there's a rule. Nobody less than half your age + 7. Works every time. For a bit of fun break the rule. Otherwise.....

Foofoo

Boyfriend wrote:

I'm a 25 year old guy, and I'm going out with a girl who is 17. So far it's been great (only 1 month since we met though), but sometime I wonder how it will go in the long term.

Does anyone here have experience of relationships with this kind of age difference? All I know is that I changed a long from the age of 17 to my early 20s, and I sometimes wonder how much more changes she will go through. I'm a very youthful 25 - in looks and attitude- so it doesn't seem like much of a difference. At first I didn't want to get involved in a relationship for fear of all the fact that she is so young (I know what they can be like) but she really likes me and I really like her too... so why not give it a shot and see what happens?

Some of you will say I need to find someone my own age, or at least 20+, and maybe you are right. But it doesn't change the fact that I met this girl and we have something nice going (and she doesn't have the ego that a lot of the more attractive girls my age carry around with them) I don't want to destroy it just cause she's a "young one".

you go 4 it and if it doesn't work at least you clicked what your mates would envy

angeldelight

Are her parents going to give her a hard time? That could make it difficult. I recently told my mum I was interested in someone who was older, but I built it up by saying you really won't like it etc and she thought the worst. I'm 18 btw, told her he was 24 and she was relieved thought I meant he was in his 40s or something. We're not together, I was just testing the water cause didn't want loads of hassle if anything does happen!

drunkenfool

I find that really really strange tbh, im 22 and my sister and her mates are all 16,17,18 age group and they are all really immature. And even when i look back at when i was 17 and the amound I have matured and changed, i dont know how you could deal with going out with a 17year old. Shes probably still in school ffs!! thats just wrong imo. Also, if shes maybe mature for her age, then think about her mates as well, having to go out with her mates etc ewww, and she cant even get into pubs legally....

I dont mind age gaps but when it comes to anything when the girl is under 18, its just sick. Like being 30 and going out with a 50 year old man is fine.

freewing

Boyfriend wrote:

Some of you will say I need to find someone my own age, or at least 20+, and maybe you are right. But it doesn't change the fact that I met this girl and we have something nice going (and she doesn't have the ego that a lot of the more attractive girls my age carry around with them) I don't want to destroy it just cause she's a "young one".

if youre on this board and asking questions then maybe you have doubts yourself . could it be that you find a younger girl easier to handle ?. if youre relationship was on the front page tomorrow would it bother you ?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your opinion drunkenfool... to be honest I didn't even think of it so much from all those negative sides. I don't care too much that she has a younger circle of friends, cause I'm not one of those snobby "oooh I couldn't hang out with those young immature people, I'm much too advanced" people. I know people like that, but I don't let my age affect my friendships and social activity.

For instance, I often hang around with people who are twice my age, and I really click with them, always have. Similarly, I'll hang out with a bunch of teenagers and have great craic with them too.

No need for egotistical "oooh I ccouldn't hang around with anyone old/young" attitudes, it's what separates people. Our age group is nutorious for only hanging around with their own age, I don't understand it. Opening the auld mind to different age people doesn't do any harm ,...

el tel

Kudos to you man.
Going out with an 80s girl - and a late one at that!

(Soon 90s girls will be legit too...)

chump

Ah yes, maybe he just goes out with her because she's better quality (looks+bod) but easier to get at than the alternative girl of the same age... who would be perhaps less malleable?

It might be exciting for her that she's going out with an older, mature fella...
It might be exciting for him that he's going out with a hot piece-o ass

So they're both getting what they're after...

My advice to the OP: look within friend, is it just easier to go out with this younger girl?

tig_the_pirate

Age is no problem as long as both people are happy and in love.

I've been going out with my boyfriend since I was 17 and my boyfriend was 27.

Neither of us notice the age gap.
It only seemed to bother other people in the begining.

I say go for it and don't let other people affect the way you think.
Just don't do anything illegal.

azezil

lol its like reading about myself... i'm 25 going out with a 17yr old, a month and i thought he was older when we met! lol

The age difference doesn't bother me, had I known before i met him, well maybe would have been less inclinded to meet up tbh, but now it doesn't matter.

I too had some concerns, he's still in school (I didn't know that till recently either) wondering how will it work, puts some restrictions on the progression of the relationship untill he's finished, but I can live with that, and if he decides in a year or two he doesn't want to be tied down, I'll hold no ill regard, I love him to bits so I only want the best for him. If that means not being with me, I'll support that decision too.

crazymonkey

If ur happy, what difference does the age gap make, I have do it both ways, Dated an older women in the past, (more than seven yr gap), And my current Gf is 20 and i am 27, It hasn't caused a problem yet,
Although at 17 it must be interesting getting her into clubs,,,

LundiMardi

Think of it this way, you'll get to go to one last debs night.

Personally, as long as it's legal it's cool! But, i'm 21 and even i couldn't see myself with a 17 year old girl, teenage girls are a ''wreck the head'' so to speak.

LegacyUser

Out of interest, where and how did you meet this girl?

nesf

I wouldn't fixate on the possible problems of having a long term relationship with her.

If you're happy now, stay with her and enjoy yourself. No point in worrying over whether it'll turn into a long term relationship or not. It'll either happen or it won't.

Mist

I posted not that long ago about me going out with a girl who is 16 (I'm 19) and i'm just informing anyone who cares that she is now my girlfriend and we couldn't be happier.

If you are happy then the age difference means nothing.

RampagingBadger

RampagingBadger wrote:

For serious relationships there's a rule. Nobody less than half your age + 7. Works every time. For a bit of fun break the rule. Otherwise.....

silly silly rule made up from who knows what who knows where.
If it was rigidly applied I'd never have been born.
Heck my Grandparents wouldnt have been born.
I know some of my friends wouldnt have been born.

And guess what none of the stable relationships that I'm thinking of should exist but they do.

Look.
It's like this pure and simple-A relationship works because two people want it to work.If that principle is there and the two people get on so well that they look foward to seeing each other again even when they have seen each other a few hours ago or yesterday-Then Age their sex ,colour , Creed or thebitchyness of their other friends doesnt figure at all.
What matters is two becomes one and it was meant to happen.

If it wasnt meant to happen then it wouldn't and usually doesn't.

azezil wrote:

and if he decides in a year or two he doesn't want to be tied down, I'll hold no ill regard, I love him to bits so I only want the best for him. If that means not being with me, I'll support that decision too.

You know and I hope ya don't mind me saying but thats an extremely mature thing to be saying,It's also usually something thats said when someone actually does care about someone.You didnt have to say it,you added it, when you had already commented enough to answer the OP's question.
Thats a good sign-Best of luck even if worst comes to the worst at some point you might find it harder than you think(hopefully not though)

OP - in short go with the flow.

THEZAPPA

what does everyone think off a 19 year age gap?

Nevyn

Personally if you could have given birth to them or spawned them it is a
bit much of a gap,
but there are gaps of up to 27 years in my extended family.

As a long as the people invovled get each other and respect each other
that is what matters.

is_that_so

I met a 27 year old once whose boyfriend was 66. It did stop the conversation momentarily. More often than not it's the interests in common that allow people to keep going. The difficulty of large age gaps occurs when the interests and desires in life begin to diverge.

Nightwish

my sister is 19 and her BF is almost 26, and they've been together since she was 16. They've had their ups and downs, mostly caused by her being in school and that but as soon as she finished that and matured a little (yeah I know its sounds horrible but people do change during those years) everthing sorted itself out.

THEZAPPA

yeh cose my friends cousin is 17 and is going out with a 36 year old so thats a gap off 19 years!
they started going out when she was 15 and he had just turned 35.
he is really nice and stuff but i dont know what to think of it.they have a lot in common but he is 19 years older.

Tar.Aldarion

Nightwish wrote:

my sister is 19 and her BF is almost 26, and they've been together since she was 16. They've had their ups and downs, mostly caused by her being in school and that but as soon as she finished that and matured a little (yeah I know its sounds horrible but people do change during those years) everthing sorted itself out.

so he was 23 when they started going out,did you or your brother not like beat him up!
i would have had a problem if that had been the case with my sister.

Nightwish

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

so he was 23 when they started going out,did you or your brother not like beat him up!
i would have had a problem if that had been the case with my sister.

my brother is 12, so he wouldnt beat anything up. anyway, I knew the guy before she did, and he's v nice. they kept it secret for a while cos they thought I'd go mental but I didnt care. They are both mad about each other, who am I to stand in their way

Tar.Aldarion

oh if you knew he was a nce guy.i am in no means very protective but i have friends who have brothers that go mental if a guy is one yeear older than them.19 and 20 was an eg not so long ago.he woulda killed that guy...
i dunno how protective i would be...my sis is older than me and is strong :P

Eolyn

Ok i can only say in my experience. I was only with two guys older than me. I mean significantly older. im 19 but last year i went out with a 25 year old. I really liked him and he really liked me but he had already passed the "discovering who you are" phase and he excpected certain things from a relationship...not that he said it. I just wasnt ready for that. so it didnt work out though we are still good freinds.

The other one lasted longer and it just didnt work out. so i cant tell you only...she doesnt really know herself yet im sure but that doesnt mean she cant find out with you.