Surrogate father

kleefarr · 16-08-2005 10:54pm #1

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a surrogate father to start
their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a speciality of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too, you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my!!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs Smith
the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your,
er.. um.. ah.... equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that
we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?

Good Grief, she's fainted!!