Fathers access ights - can she stop me seeing my Son?

Diver79

I have a three year old son, shortly after he turned two I found out his mother was having an affair with her 16 year old sisters boyfriend (she is 30). Needless to say we split up and I have been seeing the child three to four days a week since.
Initially we agreed that I would pay for his pre-school. Then, during the summer I would buy him clothes or whaever he needs. This month I am skint and could not afford the full whack, so I bought him e50 worth of clothes.
I took two weeks off work this week, one week to spend with my son and the other to visit relatives in Ireland. I usually arrange to see the child beforehand if I am going away because he misses me.
She is now saying that I cannot see the child at all unless I give her the rest of the money.
I actually have legal gaudianship over the child, as she was still married to another man when we had the child. This meant that my son would not take my name unless it was proved in court that I was the leagl gaurdianship. I am told that this gives me rights to see the child but I am not sure.
I should be spending this morning in a toy shop getting the child his spiderman game that he saved up for, instead I am writing this.
Can someone help?

Talliesin

If it comes to court then they don't consider the rights of a parent to have access to the child as such, but the rights of the child to have access to their parents (rightly so, IMO).

Since you have been seeing him previously then, unless you in some way pose a danger to the child, you are most likely going to be given some degree of access should it become a court matter.

Maintenance and access are not a quid pro quo, they are each about different aspects of looking after the welfare of the child/ren involved.

Femelade

my daughters father only paid very little maintenance , but was still granted access.
he was only granted 3 hrs a fortnight though, under my supervision in my home.
the fact that he paid maintenance had nothing to do with the amount of access he got though. it was the type of parent he was and how much it would benefit my daughter in seeing him.
the judge obviously thought he was only worth 3 hrs a fortnight to my daughter, and even with that i thought he was being extremely generous.

i dont think u should have a problem gaining access to your son, u seem to be doing your best by him already, so there would be no reason to stop u seeing him.

ps. i'm not an expert in this, so i suggest you talk to a solicitor.

dahamsta

Femmy wrote:

i suggest you talk to a solicitor.

I agree. This really is a very complex issue and all people here can do is relate personal experiences, which probably won't even apply in you circumstances.

That being said, don't let a solicitor railroad you into legal action before you've tried to resolve the issue amicably with your ex. Legal action, even if it's successful for you, could cause more harm than good in the long run. Sometimes a little humility pays off in the long run.

adam

Maccattack

Femmy.

Can I ask why he was only given three hours? that seems to be very little.


Diver. Do your best to avoid Solicitors. They will cost you a fortune in Money, time and emotional energy.

The best thing you can do is to try to put the hurt behind you when thinking about and dealing with this. Your feelings of betrayal will cloud your judgement.

I say this because it is very likely that the way your ex will treat you will be largely based on how you treat her. If you go in all fired up she will close down. She does have some power over you in that the boy lives with her. If you can get your head to accept that you will save yourself mountains of grief.

You obviously love your son. Regardless of how you split, the fact is he lives with his mum. You have rights too, a court would grant you more access just be careful you are doing it for the right reasons.

I hope that doesnt sound condescending, I really do.

Iago

If you have legal guardianship then she can't prevent you from seeing your son. If she is playing this hardball game about money then you should consult a solicitor and bring the case to court.

In court you will be instructed to pay X amount of maintanence depending on your personal situation and you will also be allocated visitation rights to go with it. These rights can vary from nothing (very extreme, and normally to do with an abusive, or dangerous parent or partner) to an hour to 50% custody, to full custody depending on the situation involved. In your case (and this is just my opinion, which means it's relatively worthless) you will probably get somewhere in the region of 4 hours a week to a weekend/overnight stay. Presuming you've no history of problems that would make you an unfit partner.

I think that your ex is being very unreasonable and will struggle to come out of any court proceedings looking good on the basis of the informatio you've given here.
There is plenty of free legal aid available if cashflow is a problem, although it will be a lot faster to go through your own means. Just remember that however long it takes, you'll have the rest of your life to enjoy with your son, and when he's old enough to understand what's going on he'll realise that you did everything in your power to be there for him.

Femelade

Maccattack wrote:

Femmy.

Can I ask why he was only given three hours? that seems to be very little.

well, like i said, its all about the child and how much seeing her father would benefit her.

he was a horrible person, she was 2 when we left him , and thank god she wasn't older or she would have some very horrible childhood memories of him, which i wouldnt wish on anyone.

the access he was given was 2-5pm every second wednesday. on his first day, he tried to take her.and the guards had to be called to get him to leave my house.

after that i stopped the visits.

now i let her go down to his parents for 2 nites every 2-3 mts, he is there too but i think he's learned his lesson.