Long Distance Internet Relationship stuff

LegacyUser

OK This is gonna be boring so you probably won't read it since it's so long but I figure I'd post incase someone has the time and patience to read and advise. Thanks to those who do...

Hello my name is Long Distance John Silver. (Not REALLY omg HAHA as if! imagine that was my re...ok anyway.)

Ok I know just reading the title would make you scoff and scorn me for it but here goes...

Before I type this it's gonna be a long one but then it wouldn't belong on this board if it wasn't would it ok on with the show.

About 5 and a half years ago I was but a young lad of 16 and I was just searching online for girls in ireland on icq. Up came a girl around my age so I just figured feck it I'll say hi. (At this time I was quite fat and no girls would go near me to do anything more than laugh since i was the class clown not cuz I was fat sheesh have some heart! ) Anyway I say hi and things go from there. It turns out this girl lives in a far away country and just liked Ireland and wanted to go there one day so we just chat whenever we see eachother online for about a year and a half. We got on well and had a laugh about things whenever she was around. We'd also often leave messages for eachother. Now let me just clarify we were totally just friends and I had no feelings of anything more than this. She was pretty cool but just a friend and never foreseen to be more. Then after about 2 years of us just knowing eachother not always talking just saying hi how're things etc now and then her best friend was at her house while she talked to me. And they decided I should give them a call to say hi. Infact it was a day or two before the 9/11 event which is how I remember when I first talked to them. So I said why not I was housesitting for my Aunt so I called her . They answered and said Hi and I chatted away to the girl I'd been talking to for the year and a half previously. Her friend didn't say much and just listened in on the line.

Ok a year and 3 months later that best friend gets msn and I start talkin to her too. Now at this stage I've known alison about 3 years. It turns out they're planning a visit to Europe and they're thinking about visiting me. So I say yeh cmon it'll be fun I'll show you dublin and you can hang with us in my friends house who lived in Dublin city centre with his family in a nice big gaff loike. But anyway yeh 6 months passed and by this time I'd become much closer to the best friend and they both came to meet and we got on well. They stayed with me in my apartment which by then I had acquired and I made a move and we got together and then they left and I was quite sad but then 3 months later visited her (sorry if im skipping on but im getting to a much later thing quickly) in and after a 2 week visit which was lovely staying with her and her family It was time to leave and both of us knew it was over on my departure because it could never be. This hurt a lot and It was my first experience of heartbreak.

On my return it was 1 and a half weeks and she had a new bf after telling me she didn't want a bf and wanted to go out and date guys and experience different guys which i understood but to do that after saying to me she didn't want anyone i realised she used me to lose her virginity for a quick fling which lasted 3 months or so just for some sex or something. This crushed me but I knew I had to move on SO. I vowed that one and a half week after to not do an internet thing again.

BUT then just before I had disconnected completely I receive a message from a girl on this website thing (which ironically I had only joined because the previous girl had asked me to for fun) saying hi and you're cute and
whatever. So I just have a look at her profile and I'm already quite
impressed as she's into alot of things I am and she cracks a couple of jokes that only some people would get and I GET them so I'm like woah interesting! Thing is where does she live? well it's not bloody here I'll tell you that! But I just reply hey yadda yadda and things go from there. 8 months pass and I visit her. We get on really well and just a kiss between us which is more than enough to keep me happy. I by now was quite in love with this girl and the only fear I had was that she wouldn't like me because of my being
overweight and she being an absolute slim stunner but luck was on my side and things went well and we got on.

Ok now the problems. We argue sometimes because she talks to guys online who are just friends to her but to them she's a piece of meat they want to get stuck into and I hate that outlook. Plus she's mine ffs and I'm not there to be or play the protective boyfriend so what am I to do being stuck on her msn list at best So I freak out about that sometimes and then we get into an argument about it. Now the thing is I don't chat to loads of girls online and I give her no reasons to freak out. She doesn't like that I go out a lot on the weekends and during the week but the thing is I live by the code

Don't do what you wouldn't want the other person doing and that works a treat because I'm more than happy I've got the person I love and want and click with but she likes attention from lots of guys even though she doesn't act on it she still flirts for it and gets it from a lot of guys. If she walks down the street she'll have every bloke staring at her which is fine but for the fact she entices it and does everything short of stepping over the line for it. I don't like this because I don't do that at all.

Ok problems aside,

...I ask this. What should I do. Continue the distance thing even though the only way it would work is if one of us (which won't be her) moves to be with the other person which would have to be me meaning I'd have to learn the languages of the country she lives in and work there for the rest of my life!! My career is important to me and I want to be comfortable later on and not knowing the country very well which is very much developed and one of the highest quality of life countries on the planet incase you're wondering if it's an economic problem or something it's not it's just that I feel I'd have to plan the rest of my life in order to continue this relationship. She would like me to move closer. I've been contemplating moving to a city near her town and working there for a while and learning the languages as languages are a real hobby of mine but getting a job etc without knowing the languages is a difficult task.

Just going a bit crazy here because all I want is to enjoy life and have someone to care for as they care for me. We're not around very long so I just want someone to love. I know it sounds very cliché but I'm really lonely after being a fatty all my life and only now having lost quite a bit of it girls have started paying a lot of attention but the girls I meet here just don't do anything for me. I know that sounds snobbish or something but it's the truth. So please any advice would be gladly appreciated.

Ry

jonny68

Been there done that mate,long distance relationships do not work,they might for a while but ultimately most end in disaster trust me ive been there

tinkerbell

LDJ Silver wrote:

On my return it was 1 and a half weeks and she had a new bf after telling me she didn't want a bf and wanted to go out and date guys and experience different guys which i understood but to do that after saying to me she didn't want anyone i realised she used me to lose her virginity for a quick fling which lasted 3 months or so just for some sex or something. This crushed me but I knew I had to move on SO. I vowed that one and a half week after to not do an internet thing again.

Okay, she told you that she didn't want a boyfriend and then hooks up with a guy a week later and starts a relationship with him? Wanna know why that is? She didn't like you that much to want to start a long distance thing with you, but did not have the heart to tell you straight up. Or else the guy she met, she fell head over heels for him. Sorry to be harsh, but that is more than likely what happened here.

LDJ Silver wrote:

Ok now the problems. We argue sometimes because she talks to guys online who are just friends to her but to them she's a piece of meat they want to get stuck into and I hate that outlook. Plus she's mine ffs and I'm not there to be or play the protective boyfriend so what am I to do being stuck on her msn list at best So I freak out about that sometimes and then we get into an argument about it. Now the thing is I don't chat to loads of girls online and I give her no reasons to freak out. She doesn't like that I go out a lot on the weekends and during the week but the thing is I live by the code.

What code is this? It's your problem that you hate it when she talks to other guys, not hers. She can talk to whoever she wants, it doesn't matter if they want to get into her pants or not. The fact is, to her they are only friends, not lovers. YOU are the guy she likes, not them. Just because some girl is friends with a lot of guys who have the hots for her, doesn't mean she will reciprocate. And the whole attitude of "play the protective boyfriend" - she will probably grow to hate that, because she could see it as you trying to control her life by not letting her talk to other guys. I'm sure she's old enough now to be able to make her own decisions.

LDJ Silver wrote:

What should I do. She would like me to move closer.

I'm afraid only you can decide what you want to do. Why do you have to do all the running, why can't she move to you?

If you do have to end up moving out there with her, why don't you wait a while, learn the language a bit first, and then move out so at least then you will have hope of securing a job.

Do you see the relationship going somewhere in that you see a future with her? Is she worth the move?

If your heart says you want to be there with her, then go.

LegacyUser

let it go.

Coney Island

I have been there too....and learnt never to trust girls I met over the internet, whatever they tell me.

By the way, where is she from? I am very curious

Lex_Diamonds

This sounds like a bit of a disaster zone tbh mate. Also, you signed your name, dunno if that was intentional.

Seriously though, I would drop it, its been years, there hasnt been any progression, and she isnt exactly what youd call an enthusiastic party. She is bad news if you ask me.

neadla

Internet relationships do not work. Whether it's in Ireland, Japan or Ethiopia. Disconnect now! :cool:

Kingp35

neadla wrote:

Internet relationships do not work. Whether it's in Ireland, Japan or Ethiopia. Disconnect now! :cool:

the best advice anyone could give you

marshmallow

Lex_Diamonds wrote:

Also, you signed your name, dunno if that was intentional.

/

Yeah, I noticed that as well. There's a user on boards named Ry.. Are you Ry?
I wouldn't discourage you from internet relationships. Okay, I don't have much experience in relationships but I met one ex off the net and he's been the best bf I've had so far..

HOT_ALPHA_MALE

lol spiral

Nevyn

HOT_ALPHA_MALE BANNED

tut unhelpful post and not reading the charter oh dear.
Have a nice day,
Thaed

miss_gonzo

I tried the long distant internet relationship


and

wish I never did


waste of my time

Chavster

I think you should address the reasons why you're looking for love on the net rather than in RL. The internet is good for getting to know people on there personality alone, at least the personality they show you anyway.

For every one internet love success story there's an awful lot of failures. That's before you even take distance into account!

In my experience long distance relationships can work on a temporary basis but not permanently. To get this one working one of you would have to move to the other, which is a pretty big gamble imo.

BEAT

jaysus, dont listen to these people.
I know more than a few people that have met thier now husband/wife from the internet!
It does happen people, and they were also a long distance from each other.
I myself have met great guys in other countries...its all down to your own personal experience. Just because it doesnt work once doesnt mean it wont again.
If you feel its something worth doing then go for it. If you think she is the one, then tell her and start making arrangments for the next step whatever that may be for you.

Goodluck

loz

Met my wife of 7 years and mother of our daughter online..........

sometimes they do work

LundiMardi

met my gf online and 3 years later........

elexes

met my gf online / at a online pissup etc.. etc.. many years ... many fights .. many good times ... child incomming .. etc.. 75 miles between where each of us live... bought a car ... buying house in next few months ...


things looking good

i hope u got the picture

btw didnt read all of ur post was 2 long but i wouldnt say never try a long distance relationship

LegacyUser

It might help us to know what country she is in (for languages etc) and what your line of work is. Some jobs you can do in English even in a foreign country.

Le Rack

Firstly OP I'm gonna be honest, I didn't read the whole thing, it was as you said long, but I read a little, as far as problems aside and just from the fact that its a long distance relationship I advise you to forget it, I know it will hurt like f*ck but not as much as it will when you get played around. I have a lot of experience with long distance relationships, of my own and of family and best friends, and you get hurt.

When people feel strongly for someone they're not gonna see the wrong in any aspect of their relationship, whether it be one person being a craphead or the relationship being awkward itself.

When in a LDR no matter how much you love and therefore trust your partner, you never ever know for sure if they have that level of respect and trust and stuff for you. Personaly, I was with a guy from Cork and I'm from Wexford, I loved him and he claimed to love me, we were together over a year but it took his friends to stand up and tell me that he was cheating me. And from the sounds of your girl, it doesn't sound really like you can trust her, I know some people are naturally flirty but she seema a bit much.

I dunno, I don't trust LDR's at least not when in your teen years or in slightly later life when you've settled to and extent, my uncle gave up his life and moved to a foreign country for a girl, but they broke up and he's stuck out there fairly much alone.

is_that_so

LDRs generally don't work. Have the scars to prove it. Only solution is that someone has to take the jump. There is a risk in that and in my case it didn't work out but at least I found out pretty quickly. Internet LDRs are even more prone to risk. Seeing as many of us use invented online persona, god only knows what the real person is like. :rolleyes:
So does either of you want to make the jump and move? If not move on as some of the other posters have said.

Nevada

Worked for me!

Met the perfect woman online and have a beautiful son all since June 04 and life is good. Wouldnt have met her in Ireland i think but everyday i thank the net.

Needs saying you have to approach it with complete honesty

Ry

Damn ok yeh caught Rapi' as they say. Yeh yeh Lol spiral and all that shut up

Feel stupid now but anyway yeh it did start on the net and I had decided **** that never again but it was like 2 weeks after I'd got back from Canada where the first girl lived and she'd gotten a guy in a week and a half so It happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to disconnect completely from that ****e. I wasn't surfing the internet for girls or anything like that which is why it was pure chance.

Also at this stage it is more than just internet because it's telephone and texts and letters and talking all the time plus we've met now too. So it's more than that now.

She wouldn't move. I know she wouldn't because she's extremely patriotic and wouldn't leave her country plus she's kinda kooky like that and just won't she'll visit me but not live here. She might even stay for like a year or two but never for good.

My hopes would be that she comes here and likes it so much she decides she'd like to stay for a bit like a couple of years so we can see how things go in closer proximity. As for myself I'm actually looking to move abroad and learn languages so all I've been looking for is something to say "come here" and she's a good reason to go there cuz they speak two languages and It's somewhere different So I'd be more than willing to move. She has told me she thinks I might be her match because we are both nuts and we click. Don't get me wrong I know that that's what people ALWAYS think so yeh I'm aware of the possibility of it falling apart regardless but at least we have it ye know!

I'm just confused if I should chase and work at it or just find someone here. The thing is finding someone here has been kind of annoying since yeh I've been out and about and girls have shown interest but I've not met any that I really like and get on with well because tbh that's more important to me than a quickie or whatever they're looking for.

Thanks STEVE for pointing out that I signed it ffs yeh I know I'm an idiot but you knew that already You're gettin a dig if I ever see you again

Ry (spose I can sign it now since the jig is up )

Oeneus

In all fairness, considering the probabilities of internet relationships working you've done pretty well.

I think you could have a lot of fun if you took it less seriously. Continue at your rate and you could get laid by someone in every country. Quite expensive though...

Ry

Canada was expensive but this girl is in Europe so it wasn't as expensive to go there. But as I'm sure you didn't mean it to be, it's not about getting laid lol.

My friends joke about it because it's kind of like that since im travelling here and there to meet girls but they know it's because I have real feelings about these girls not just stupid "Ohhhh lets go there and f*ck" bullsh1t which is an attitude some boards users may find an affinity with, but not misé

Plus it's nothing to that scale either.

I've just met 3 girls and visited them all. What's happened has only been down to us wanting to, not because that's what I drove for and aimed at so I could move on or anything.

Also if things do break down I'm not going to do it again. I've had enough of it really. I wouldn't go through it all again. It's only because something has lasted that It's still good and worth keeping. But if that fails which tbh I hope it doesn't, I won't do it again and I'll have had my fill of it.

Ry

ShreddedHumans

I think it's sad I mean if you can't get a girl in real life and have to resort to finding girls on the internet that live 10000 miles away, you have issues, and should address them first.

Ry

ShreddedHumans wrote:

I think it's sad I mean if you can't get a girl in real life and have to resort to finding girls on the internet that live 10000 miles away, you have issues, and should address them first.

Like I said before in a post you probably didn't bother to read.

I can and have in real life and I didn't "resort" to the internet it just happened by pure chance. She came to me out of nowhere just saying hello etc and we just talked since then for the past 9 months. Girls I've met here I just haven't clicked with and haven't interested me at all. I know there are plenty more but I just happened to have met one that DID interest me only she lives abroad.

Secondly yeh I do have issues but they're not relevant to this one.

I'd have to say you replied impulsively and a little too quick there, also seeming a little uninformed of the situation. I might even throw in the closed minded card too as a pure guess. Of course I may be wrong not that it matters really as you're entitled to your opinion however ignorant of the facts I've already stated it may be

But the last thing I want is a flame on this cuz I value the opinions weather it's a no it wont last or a yeh it will or past experiences or whatever I want it to stay nice and informative so it might give me some kind of ideas or inspiration into another way of thinking about it etc but "You're sad and have issues because you cant get a girl in real life" just isn't constructive in my opinion. Thanks for trying though, really! :rolleyes:

I do appreciate everyone's tales and experiences so thanks so far for what's been said. Even the lol spiral bit ha that cracked me up who is that?

Cheers
Ry