sweet fun

paconnors

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "A bunch of us are heading to that

new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a
soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in." So Smartie
says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after

you."

Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as
long As you'll look after me", and off they go.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as

he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one
look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over
his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and
generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out.

Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly body over to the table and wipes
up his Jelly blood, then turns to Smartie and says "I thought you
were going to look after me?!" ... . . . . . . . . . .




"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f***ing menthol!

bounty_hunter

*sigh*

Steoob

bounty_hunter wrote:

*sigh*

i second that

_Turismo4

bounty_hunter wrote:

*sigh*

I theard that.

Oriel

_Turismo4 wrote:

I theard that.

theard?

The Bollox

*cocks gun*

aidan_walsh

sinecurea wrote:

theard?

theard.

kittenkiller

I really liked that!!
Thanks, i'm all smiley now!

padser

thats so bad

TerrorFirmer

The Lockets take one
look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over
his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and
generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out.

Lmao thats ****in terrible but this part got me in stitches visualing it...

Steoob

aidan_walsh wrote:

theard.

i dont get it

Sugarbear

lolz....I think

stagolee

A big piece of black tarmac walks into a bar, sits down, leers at the barman and says "I'm black tarmac, I'm the hardest tarmac around, I'm not scared of anyone. You'll give me a drink right now and don't think I'm paying for it either"
The barman dosen't know what to think about this but he gets a pint for the black tarmac anyway.
Just before the black tarmac can take a swig of his pint the door bursts open and a bit of red tarmac swaggers in.
The black tarmac yelps and scurries into the ladies toilets.
"I'm red tarmac , the hardest tarmac around, I'm going to drink this full pint on the bar here and if anyone has a problem with that I'll batter them" says red tarmac. Theres no argument from anyone of course as he throws the pint down him and swaggers back out.

After a few minutes the ladies toilet door opens a crack and black tarmac can be seen looking around to check that red tarmac is gone. Then he walks out and takes his seat and somewhat sheepishly asks the barman for another pint.
The barman laughs and says "You said you were black tarmack the hardest tarmac around"
"I am" said the tarmac
"Then how come when that red tarmac walked in you scarpered like a kicked dog?" goaded the the barman.

Black tarmac looked embarassed for a minute and then said "you dont undrestand that blokes a ****ing cyclepath"

TerrorFirmer

stagolee wrote:

A big piece of black tarmac walks into a bar sits down and leers at the barman and says "I'm black tarmac, I'm the hardest tarmac around, I'm not scared of anyone you'll give me a drink right now and don't think I'm paying for it either"
The barman dosen't know what to think about this but he gets a pint for the black tarmac anyway.
Just before the black tarmac can take a swig of his pint the door bursts open and a bit of red tarmac swaggers in.
The black tarmac yelps and scurrys into the ladies toilets.
"I'm red tarmac , the hardest tarmac around, I'm going to drink this full pint on the bar here and if anyone has a problem with that I'll batter them" says red tarmac. Theres no argument from anyone of course as he throws the pint down him and swaggers back out.

After a few minutes the ladies toilet door opens a crack and black tarmac can be seen looking around to check that red tarmac is gone. then he walks out and takes his seat and somewhat sheepishly asks the barman for another pint.
The barman laughs and says "You said you were black tarmack the hardest tarmac around"
"I am" said the tarmac
"Then how come when that red tarmac walked in you scarpered like a kicked dog?" goaded the the barman.

Red tarmac looked embarassed for a minute and then said "you dont undrestand that blokes a ****ing cyclepath"

Good grief thats horrible

stagolee

MobileInfantry wrote:

Good grief thats horrible

yup, my only consolation for typing all that crap is that now other people will read it , misery loves company as they say

Steoob

stagolee wrote:

Red tarmac looked embarassed for a minute and then said "you dont undrestand that blokes a ****ing cyclepath"

was the red tarmac bit a typo?

stagolee

Steoob wrote:

was the red tarmac bit a typo?

DOH!!! ill just edit that , its not a good joke anyway but with that typo its even worse

kittenkiller

Well I liked it!

scuba steve

They are so bad, you have to laugh at them

Steoob

its not that theyre bad its just theyre so ooolllddd