Seriously silly jokes!!

deisedevil

Ya know dem stupid jokes ya hear when your drunk that get ya in the stitches. post em here!!!

What happened when the drum and cymbal fell off the cliff??

BADOOM KISSSHHHHH!!!!!

deisedevil

When I go to Heaven...
A nun asked her class, "What part of the body goes into heaven first?"
A little girl raises her hand and says, "I know, I know, the top of your
head."
The nun asks, "Why do you say that?"
The little girl replies, "Because when you die, you go straight up, and
the top of your head goes in first!"
The nun replies, "That makes sense, anyone else?"
Another little girl says, "I know, I know, the tips of your fingers."
The nun asks, "Why the tips of your finger?"
The little girl replies, "Because when you put your hand together to
pray, the tips of your fingers go into heaven first!"
The nun says, "OK, anyone else?"
Little Johnny is in the back waving his hand.
The nun says, "OK Johnny, please tell us what part of the body goes into
heaven first?"
"Your feet! Your feet do, for sure!" yells Johnny.
The nun, puzzled, asks, "Why do you think your feet get to heaven
first?"
"Because I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night, and my mom
was in there, and she had both feet sticking straight up in the air, and
she was yelling 'Oh God, I'm coming. Oh God, I'm coming!' and if my Dad
hadn't been holding her down, I think she would have gone!"

goodgod3rd

a man walks into a bar. he says ouch...

bacause he walked into a steal bar. one of those new modern bars..... and the handle was made of stainless steal??? no...ok he gets drunk and decides to walk into the bar he was throwem out of!! he gets thrown out

no...
to silly?

speedboatchase

Did you hear about the vegetable that died?

There was a really big turnup at the funeral!

Diarmsquid

goodgod3rd wrote:

a man walks into a bar. he says ouch...

bacause he walked into a steal bar. one of those new modern bars..... and the handle was made of stainless steal??? no...ok he gets drunk and decides to walk into the bar he was throwem out of!! he gets thrown out

no...
to silly?

SHH!

TerrorFirmer

speedboatchase wrote:

Did you hear about the vegetable that died?

There was a really big turnup at the funeral!

hahahaha silliness at its finest, nice one

vibe666

man walks into a doctors office with a carrot in each ear and baby sweetcorn up each nostril.

he asks the doctor what's wrong with him to which the doctor replies 'you're not eating properly'.
[align=right]13.16.137.11[/align]

TerrorFirmer

vibe666 wrote:

man walks into a doctors office with a carrot in each ear and baby sweetcorn up each nostril.

he asks the doctor what's wrong with him to which the doctor replies 'you're not eating properly'.
[align=right]13.16.137.11[/align]

Hahahaha...another good one. I'll have to take some of these beauties down

Zapho

What do ya call a one legged horse?

-Clop!

What do you call a three legged donkey?

-Wonkey!

What do you call a three legged one eyed donkey?

-A winky wonkey!

What do you call a three legged one eyed donkey who plays piano?

-A plinky plonky winky wonkey!

What do you call a three legged one eyed donkey who plays piano and is wearing blue suede shoes?

-A honky tonky plinky plonky winky wonkey!

What do you call a three legged one eyed donkey who plays piano and is wearing blue suede shoes and is driving a bus?

-F*cking talented!

JungleBunny

Fantastic!!!!
LMFAO

deisedevil

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the ****ing morning!!"

Hank_Scorpio

What do you call an Italian Prostitute?

A Pastatute!!!

BizzyC

A sausage walks into a bar and asks for a pint,
barman say "get lost, we dont serve food".

Raytown Rocks

Jesus said to Moses " Come forth and you shall inherit the world"

He came Fifth and won a toaster.

Healio

I went into town the other day to buy the new palestinian sex doll, as soon as i got it on the bus it exploded.

djmarkus

my sig

djmarkus

lol...racey buy i like it

TerrorFirmer

chef wrote:

Jesus said to Moses " Come forth and you shall inherit the world"

He came Fifth and won a toaster.

I love that one

ANarcho-Munk

Maybe not drunken humour but i don't know where else to put it.

Paddy irish man, paddy scots man and paddy english man all walk into a bar and sit then the barman asks "is this some sort of joke?".

Kinetic^

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls???

Sparky

fade2black

Two television aerials got married. The wedding was desperate but the reception was great.

Healio

A Scouser walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing dole, I'd really
rather have a job!!"

The worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent sir. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man. He wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her
sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The
starting salary is £100,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bull****tin' me!"

The counter worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it!!"

TheStrandRoads

Who's the coolest dude in the hospital??

The Ultra-Sound Guy

What's big, red, and eats rocks?

A big, red rock-eater

What do you call the wife of a Sultan?

A Sultana - it only stands to raisin!

Kinetic^

A man walks into a pub with a roll of tarmac under his arm and asks
"can i have a pint please & 1 for the road"

Dave

Two goldfish in a tank.

One says to the other "You man the guns, I'll drive."

Diarmsquid

ANarcho-Munk wrote:

Maybe not drunken humour but i don't know where else to put it.

Paddy irish man, paddy scots man and paddy english man all walk into a bar and sit then the barman asks "is this some sort of joke?".

lol! I like that one!

RoadSweeper

Whats the biggest draw back in the jungle?


An elephants fore skin!



Knock, knock?
Who's There?
Police, Your family is dead.

Cake Fiend

How many anti-climaxes does it take to change a lightbulb?!






































One.

Steoob

RoadSweeper wrote:

Knock, knock?
Who's There?
Police, Your family is dead.

jesus christ man!

Dizzyblabla

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff

What's blue and fluffy?
Blue fluff

What's white a fluffy?
Cotton wool!!
tee hee!

fade2black

RoadSweeper wrote:

Whats the biggest draw back in the jungle?


An elephants fore skin!



Knock, knock?
Who's There?
Police, Your family is dead.

Christ I laughed. I need to get myself seen to.