Hanging out with ex

LegacyUser

I'm gonna visit my ex-girlfriend (abroad) soon. She lives with her new guy. When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her? What does everyone think? Am I asking too much by expecting her to e.g. head for the pub with me but not bring her boyfriend?

I still have feelings for her.

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like your asking her to choose and i don't think that's fair on your ex (no one likes being asked to choose). She has moved on and wants to share her new life with you. This new life for her is a full package, THE NEW BOYFRIEND. She is probably hoping that you and the newbie can get along. I don't think it's right of you to want her to ditch her new bloke while you're visiting, especially since he's (i'm just presuming now) being so sound not having a problem with you going there.

I think you should spend time with them both. Your ex will know you want to be alone with her and will more than likely make that possible but that should be her choice. If you want to talk to her about how you feel for her then let her know you want to talk but your friendship and her happiness should be the most important thing to you.

Beruthiel

...unsure... wrote:

When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her?

no, it wouldn't

I still have feelings for her.

then you are setting yourself up for a big let down

simu

...unsure... wrote:

I still have feelings for her.

Don't go over until the feelings are gone.

meditraitor

...unsure... wrote:

I'm gonna visit my ex-girlfriend (abroad) soon. She lives with her new guy. When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her? What does everyone think? Am I asking too much by expecting her to e.g. head for the pub with me but not bring her boyfriend?
.

Yes,

I still have feelings for her

Do everyone involved a favour and cancel the trip, sounds like she's moved on and you have alterior motives

WhiteWashMan

i think you may want to say all of this before you go over, or you could have a very unpleasant time.

she has moved on, you havent.
it would be rude to just barge into her life and expect her to just drop everything to spend time with you.

lets face it, youre only going for one reason, ebcause you still want her.
and that aint going to happen.
especially since she lives in another country.

ven0m

...unsure... wrote:

I'm gonna visit my ex-girlfriend (abroad) soon. She lives with her new guy. When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her? What does everyone think? Am I asking too much by expecting her to e.g. head for the pub with me but not bring her boyfriend?

I still have feelings for her.

There is NOTHING more painful than spending time with someone you still have feelings for..... especially if you're not honest with them & telling them that. I'd suggest you cancel the trip & be honest with her why you're cancelling it & let her know that it wouldn't be fair on you (expectations/feelings) & wouldn't be fair on her.

I'd also suggest you cease ALL contact with her until things are clear in your own mind & also that you get your own healing process under way.....

Been there & done that mate & it's a long hard road to more heartache - spare yourself that, cos it truly sucks!!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

BizzyC

It's a very bad idead imo.
She's moved on, and chances are that her boyfriend is a much higher priority than you.

You're only opening yourself up for a world or hurt.

Quite poissibly literally, dont think I'd be too friendly to a guy making that request of my girlfriend.

jellie

He's part of her life, you cant expect him to dissapear for the time you're over there. Imagine this was you, how would you feel if your gfs ex was visiting and wanted to spend time alone with her?

That with the fact you still have feelings for her sounds like you want something to happen between you while you're there, whether you've admitted it to yourself or not.

In general, the whole trip sounds like a bit of a bad idea. You might just end up hurt

Talliesin

...unsure... wrote:

When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him.

Intend away. He's her boyfriend. It's one thing to want to spend some time with just you and a friend, another to exclude her partner for the duration of a trip. Isn't going to happen.

...unsure... wrote:

I still have feelings for her.

That's where the whole thing begins to sound like a bad idea.

If you have feelings, and she knows it, and you both know nothing's going to happen, then what the hell's with trying to exclude her boyfriend?

If she doesn't know, then I'd cancel the trip tbh.

dramaqueen

You might find that by going over and spending some time with her and her new fella, that you will realise that she has moved on, so it might be a good thing.
Just don't tell her that you only want to spend time with her. That puts her in an awkward position and she will be embarrassed.
If you do go, be prepared for heart-ache.
I doubt she would feel comfortable with you visiting her and her new fella unless she was totally over you.
Sorry mate.

ADUB?

...unsure... wrote:

When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her?

.

You could ask it but I think you will be told where to go and end up with your ass on the street
I cant believe you seriously think this is a normal resonable request.

Why not ask can you share her bed as well?

My crystal ball sees someone heading for a beating if they dont sort out their issues.

TerrorFirmer

In a brief summary - bad, bad idea.

I've been down that road and you best keep it to a friendship. Unless of course, she initiated some kind of interest, but have a good look at the situation.

I would not expect you to come home alive if you had the balls to make a move on another girls man, whilst he welcomed you into their own space. Especially given that he had the amazing good grace to agree to let you come along in the first place.

Don't expect to spend a minute alone with your ex. It might, prob will happen, but either get into the friendship, or....god forbid...you might "get" into a coma if you try to initiate this plan of yours. Don't pursue it. At the very, VERY least....not in the current situation.

PullMyFinger!

Thats the worst idea Ive seen in PI in a long time. You're setting yourself up for the kind of pain thats going to sting so bad a kick in the balls from a horse would be a better option.

*unless* this is a short term fling with this guy.

How long is she with him?

how long were you with her?

how long is it over?

U$ername

Im sure the rejection when you get there will be a serious learning experience.

1. She really loves you thats why she left the country so she could be close to you in her mind.

2. She is thinking about you every day.

3. She lives in a foreign country with a new boyfriend and has moved on.

Pick one...actually I will just take out the choice ->Number three is the answer.

gerrycollins

its simple ur walking a fine line even visiting her in the first place,what does her new fella think of all this,second of all i think u may need help, im being sincere, she has moved on i think u should too and not visit otherwise it will open the flood gates, lastly in my opinion u are jealous, deciving manipulative and in need of serious help weather or not u have feeling for her(i have for others but that time has passed) its just NOT A GOOD IDEA stay away

PullMyFinger!

gerrycollins wrote:

lastly in my opinion u are jealous, deciving manipulative and in need of serious help weather or not u have feeling for her

So you you got all that from one post did ya? Will you play the Lotto for me this weekend?

Dont be so harsh.

To the OP: simply dont do it unless this guy is a fling and you talk to her before you go over about your feelings

p.pete

Try have a conversation with her before you decide to go over. Also decide in the long-run whether you want to remain a friend or risk having a bust-up which could be difficult to repair.

Long distance relationships are difficult at the best of times - are you sure that's what you really want to start, or have you thought it through fully?

milli

I agree with the previous posts, not such a good idea to ask her to spend time exclusively with you while you're there.. But telling her how you feel wouldnt be such a bad thing. Worse case scenario she says she wants to stay with him, and maybe then when you hear her say it you'll be able to move on.

On this subject, is there any easy way to get used to the idea of you ex seeing someone new?! My last relationship broke up earlier this year, he told me he's been seeing someone recently, and I dunno, it's just a weird thought to get used to. It's not that I wanted to start going out with him again, we're good friends still, so I can't understand why I feel a bit unsettled by it all. Nothing that time won't fix I'm sure!

_Turismo4

...unsure... wrote:

I'm gonna visit my ex-girlfriend (abroad) soon. She lives with her new guy. When I go over there though I intend for me and her to hang out the whole time without him. Would it be ok to say this to her? What does everyone think? Am I asking too much by expecting her to e.g. head for the pub with me but not bring her boyfriend?

I still have feelings for her.

Forget her, and don’t even go over to see her. She’s with a new guy. That’s enough. I wouldn’t even bother.
Unless when you where together she was totally madly in love with you, then go and try to win her back. But otherwise forget it.