My sister smells.....

ronano

My 13 year old sister does not shower often and is overweight and sadly the result is a smell that lingers where she sits along with being fairly noticeable in person. I’d rather not have to say anything to her but I also do not want people saying things behind her back etc. My parents had abdicated responsibility in telling her (great parenting!) so it is down to me to do so………….

I do not have a great relationship with my sister and I’m mindful of how affected I’d be if I was told such a thing. How do I go about this that will not hurt her?

LundiMardi

I have no idea, but tread carefully; saying something like that to a 13-year-old girl can make them EXTREMELY self-conscious…..

THEZAPPA

It might be just a phase,alot of girls that age go through that,but I have no idea on how to tell her soory.

athena 2000

Do you have any other female relatives that could talk to her? Perhaps there's a teacher at school she respects that you could get to help you? At least you are willing to help, despite your relationship with her.

You'll have to pad the "you need to bathe" with some kind of expression of your care before and after you give her the information. I'm sorry your parents have dropped their responsibility concerning this with your sister. That is sad.

ronano

My sister has also refused to say anything and as for school i'm not sure

thanks for the quick replies

WhiteWashMan

ronano wrote:

I do not have a great relationship with my sister and I’m mindful of how affected I’d be if I was told such a thing. How do I go about this that will not hurt her?

you cant.

you either tell her, or you dont.

i know id rather be told i smell than go around smelling awful.

you have to be cruel to be kind etc...

claire h

ronano wrote:

My 13 year old sister does not shower often and is overweight and sadly the result is a smell that lingers where she sits along with being fairly noticeable in person. I’d rather not have to say anything to her but I also do not want people saying things behind her back etc. My parents had abdicated responsibility in telling her (great parenting!) so it is down to me to do so………….

I do not have a great relationship with my sister and I’m mindful of how affected I’d be if I was told such a thing. How do I go about this that will not hurt her?

Do you share a bathroom? You could try continually saying stuff like "I was going to use the shower later, unless you want to..." and "when are you taking your shower, so I know when it's free". You might push her into actually dealing with the problem without having to acknowledge it.

Nevyn

Tricky , very tricky.
She is at the age where he body is changing amd making all sort of new compounds and horror moans.
This can cause the smell, plus kids don't sweat and having to wash more often
and use deodrant can take some getting used to.
Do you get on well enough to go shopping with her at all ?
I'd get her into the body shop and tell her you want to get her a pressie,
get her to pick out a smell she likes and get her the soap and bodywash ect.
Even hit your parents up for money to wards it.

Tell her that she has to use it or you will be insulted.

Larianne

Maybe say something like "Sis, maybe you should try a stronger Deodrant coz sometimes I can get a bit of whiff off ya. (insert female friends name) uses *brand x* and says its really good" You're not saying HEY YOU SMELL, it would be a more softer approach.

It's gonna be better coming from you than some bitchy girl in school saying i front of everyone "Hey, you smell!"

crazy angel

yea its like someone said before, ya gotta be cruel to be kind, it wont make her nearly as self conscious as it would coming from one of her peers.

20 Times 20 Times

I was told this before by my cousin i was about 13 at the time and even tho it hurt me , it was the age old rule you have to be cruel to be kind this has never happened to me since and now i have an array of after shaves and shower gels body deroants etc , to put it simple i was young and didnt relise it and now i appeciate it as i got older and more into girls , thanks cous
now i have poeple tellling me how good i smell

Strokesa

Its true that it would definitely be better to hear it from you than some bitch at school.
I'd say you need to be direct 'cause there is a girl at my school who has this problem, and her friends didn't want to hurt her feelings, so instead they asked their form tutor to give the class a talk on personal hygiene. It didn't work...obviously she never thought she could do with washing a bit more.
Just come right out and say it, do that thing where you suggest a brand of deodorant. Even if she gets pissed off, and she most likely will, she will definitely give it some thought. She'll thank you in the long run.

RoadSweeper

I tried one to a close friend.... "You forget deodrant this morning?"

Or try if ye are going somewhere, "Are you not going to have a shower?"

billy the squid

If you think that she will be embarrassed by you telling her, imagine how she will feel if one of her teachers tells her in school, or even someone she does not get along with in school saying it infront of everybody.

would be better coming from someone in the privacy of the home than from someone in school infront of everyone. it is not a matter of if it will happen, but when it will happen. kids can be really cruel to each other when they want to be.

_Turismo4

WhiteWashMan wrote:

you cant.

you either tell her, or you dont.

i know id rather be told i smell than go around smelling awful.

you have to be cruel to be kind etc...

I agree, You don’t have much of a choice. = just tell her And get it over with.

Scraggs

We got a talk on this in first year how to tell someone about a BO problem kinda thing.
My sis also had this problem but my family are very blunt and open and we basically just said u smell bad! [my mum who unfortunately is prejudiced even said things like ya smell like a tinker...which is just an awful thing to say on many levels] I being the relatively sane one, just had a talk with her and said you need to wash more and use deo/anti-p. ur 13, ur at that age, going through changes etc. etc.
Like someone said already about deo ya could do the whole ''have you tried the new [insert brand] deo its really good'' thing.
Buy her a present of bodywash, deo and shampoo ya can get nice gift sets in chemists etc. If the gift is unexpected she'll get the hint i'm sure!
Ok might be a little too personal but if shes started her periods [well even if she hasnt]you could try persuade ur mam to have the 'ur now a woman' talk and go through periods, puberty and emphasis on the fact you need to wash more often and deoderise[sp]. OP I'm not sure if your male or female but if your the latter then you could have this talk either. Tbh i wouldnt reccommend it if ur a lad...way too embarrassing for the poor girl!
Say something before the school bítch does! It would be so much heartbreaking [is that the right word??] to hear from her than sis/bro/mam/dad/friend.

DSMe

Buy one of those pine tree car airfreshners and hang it around her neck

Pet

OP I'm not sure if your male or female but if your the latter then you could have this talk either.

His name is ronan..

DingChavez

Spray anti stink thingy when shes walks in a room. Problem solved.

newgrange

You'll have to say something to her, but please be aware that she is at an age where things that are said, and how they are said can literally affect her for the rest of her life.

If she is already self-conscious about her body changes and her weight etc., she may have already sadly started on the path of body hatred that a VERY big number of women have, hence the not washing, as why bother when (in her mind) she's not worth bothering about.

Your parents need a kick in their collective backsides. Parenting involves all sorts of things, including this, and some of them are hard to do. Is your sister aware of why the changes are happening to her body, or was that another thing they didn't bother to tackle?

Please think carefully about how you handle this. I hope there is not more going on for her that has manifested itself in the reluctance to wash.

Johnny Storm

This just might work. Get her to go to the family GP on some pretext. (the pretext is the hard bit - ideas anyone?). Tell the GP of the BO situation in advance. The GP tells her in friendly but authorative style that daily showering is a must for her because of her "unusually high skin XYZ level" or whatever. No one need ever know - no embarrassment - problem solved.

luckat

Wait... wait... wait...

It sounds to me, dear, as if your sister is depressed.

My suggestion is that you take a multiple approach to this. First, maybe raise this question with your parents - maybe she needs some professional help to solve the considerable problems one faces as a girl of that age?

Next, I know you've said you don't get on with her, but you obviously care about her. What about trying to help her get some of that weight off by bringing her out walking.

Buy (hate that word - but maybe in Penney's so it's not too dear) some nice walking gear for each of you - jeans and T-shirts in her favoured colours? And walk - and when you're walking, draw her out about her life. Don't offer her solutions, just listen.

For the next present, get her a few nice shower things - TK-Maxx has gorgeous Italian stuff and the English make Floris in delicious scents like stephanotis.

And buy her a slightly expensive deodorant - maybe the Vichy roll-on. She'll probably say "I don't use deodorants" - in which case, shake your head and say "That won't wash! Kids don't need deodorants, but as soon as you reach your teens your glands start producing hormones, and they'll make you smell bad if you don't use a deodorant."

Do it all gradually. Main thing is to get her happy, first - and for that, she needs to feel that she can talk without you advising her or trying to solve her problems or telling her secrets to anyone else. Including here, unless you do it anonymously, by the way.

It might also be a help to give her a hand with her homework. If you can get her happy, get her to make herself fitter and more attractive, get her at one with herself in her work, the non-washing thing will fall into place.

This isn't your responsibility - you're a kid yourself, after all. But maybe you can help her a bit. And do talk to your parents about whether she might be depressed.

eth0_

Wow luckat, I didn't know you were a psychologist with a crystal ball?
Where did you get depression from?
As other people have said, lots of girls go through a phase of this wehn they hit puberty because you don't get BO until then. And 'you're always the last to know'.
There was a few girls in my school who had this problem and they weren't depressed types...but they did get bullied about it.

I'd be pretty sure ROnano's sister has been bluntly told she smells by now. Teenage girls and boys can be quite mean!

Nevyn

DingChavez and DSMe
banned for 1 week for unhelpful commnets.

Do read the charter
have a nice day
Thaed

Nevyn

I can't believe that your parents have left this up to you tbh.
Really it is a parents duty and responsiblity to teach thier children
all that they need to know to get on and function in this world.
This goes from learning how to walk, talk, get dressed, to how to be have at
a dinner table, budgeting, and surely to gods personal hygiene.

Have they even bothered to explain to her about puberty and what her body
is going through ?
Seriously go talk to your parents tell them this is thier responsibilty
heaven forbid they later suggest you tell her about safer sex or how to
use a tampon.

gubby

Show her this thread!!!

LegacyUser

offer to dye her hair as a back to school pressie and tell her shell have to wash and condition it every day etc.

StandnDeliver

well buy her loads of smelly products example bodyshop etc and give them to her,say they are a gift and young teens deserve it,etc and tell her to try it etc.
and when she does go oooh makea big deal outta it.say she will have all the fellas after her.

or maybe alsoso the whole your becoming a woman thats cool,any problems with her?and that being a teen is a big theing hormones and stuff.that ppl go through changes,things get bigger and sore,ppl sweat more and need to wash everyday.
and then go into some made up story about some person not washing and her being called names or something and how sad it was.
she may think oh maybe i smell eep i better wash.

kawaii

Probably mentioned before but anyways...

Just buy her some soaps for her birthday/Xmas...

It's a fairly common gift (though mabbe not for 13 year olds...) so it would be subtle enough methinks...

OfflerCrocGod

kawaii wrote:

Just buy her some soaps for her birthday/Xmas...

It's a fairly common gift (though mabbe not for 13 year olds...) so it would be subtle enough methinks...

Meh.....the hint might just be ignored. I did that myself - I still have lynx and shower foam from 10 years ago that my relations gave me as presents which I just ignored The best thing is to simply be honest and tell her she stinks - that also failed on me but at least it was tried!

kawaii

But you can ask her every day 'have you tried the soaps' and whatnot and then barrage her with compliments when she does...

The fact that she's your sis (assuming you live with her) should make it a lot easier for you...

simu

kawaii wrote:

But you can ask her every day 'have you tried the soaps' and whatnot and then barrage her with compliments when she does...

Well, that will only work if the sister is too stupid to see through this oh-so-clever ruse. If she isn't, tell her straight out that she smells bad. I've often done it to siblings of mine without a problem.

cuckoo

Buy some nice shower gels (the body shop do some nice shower gel/body lotion sets), or some sort of gift set, and get your mother to pretend someone gave them to her as a 'thank you' for something/she won them in a raffle/whatever - but she's not too keen on the smell of them (doesn't like fruit smells, happy with her own stuff, whatever) so she suggests your sister has them, and should try them right now.

Then your mother/rest of the family could say 'oh, that smells nice on you'.

Or, who does the weekly grocery shop in your house? Get them to take your sister along with them, pause in front of the shower gels in the supermarket and suggest she pick one.

I'd suggest a subtler approach than 'you smell' at first - keep that big gun in reserve until the last resort.

Or, start a debate about the environmental effect of spray on deodorants vs roll ons, and then casually ask her which she uses?

[Jackass]

It's better for you to tell her in as nice a way as possible than some dickhead kid in school taking the piss out of her.

It could be the difference of her beung bullied or not, and you could do her a hugh favour. If you have to sacrafice yourself and take the brunt of her defensive attacks so b e it...she'll understand eventually.

Try with hints like "have you tried this new radox wash...it smells great", "do you want to use the shower before me, cause i might be a while", "you smell like a foot...wash"

Help her.

Shyster

We had to deal with this ALOT when working as supervisors in summer colleges and the only way we could go around it was to keep dropping hints like :

"Im taking a shower in the morning so do you want to use it or will I get up earlier?"
"Did you have a shower today?....cos someone left X in there/the water on"
"Im putting on a load of washing, there's nearly enough towels to do a load, are your's dirty?"

LegacyUser

I really think you should just tell her outright, but as nicely as you can. This happened to me many many moons ago. I was 17, first job and I didnt realize I had a problem. People took the p*ss behind my back, and my boss, yes my BOSS took me aside and explained it. I almost died from embarresment and could have killed him, but looking back now, he done me a huge favour. I really respect now that he had the guts to say something that could change me for the better. So many people think its much more fun to just take the piss and let the person go on. I admit, a 13 y.o. girl may react a lot more defensively, but maybe the present idea with the conversation might soften the blow. Best of luck with it.

Jonny Arson

Domestos wrote:

i thought the pine cone around the neck thing would of worked well

theres a shop in town do them in bulk and assorted scents.. maybe that would be a cheaper option

have a different scent each day of the week

i recommend the "new car smell"

Do you know the mods/admins can trace your IP adress?

Agent Smith

jampacked wrote:

I really think you should just tell her outright, but as nicely as you can. This happened to me many many moons ago. I was 17, first job and I didnt realize I had a problem. People took the p*ss behind my back, and my boss, yes my BOSS took me aside and explained it. I almost died from embarresment and could have killed him, but looking back now, he done me a huge favour. I really respect now that he had the guts to say something that could change me for the better. So many people think its much more fun to just take the piss and let the person go on. I admit, a 13 y.o. girl may react a lot more defensively, but maybe the present idea with the conversation might soften the blow. Best of luck with it.

smae thing happened a mate of mine, was working in the stock room with me and the manager came in, country guy, and he just said it there in from of everone, " jayes the wiff off you", and threw him a can of deodearant ( old spice, i can remember cause it was christmans and we had tons of old spice sets that weren't selling)

its said already, but its best she hears from you, then someone at school, nicknames like "smelly-X" would be hard to lose, i would imagine