Girlfriend problem

The_Goose

Ok two weeks ago my girlfriend got this overwhelaming feeling that she didnt want to go back to college, so mush so she cried at the thouhts of it.
She had a few back experiances week her room mate( eg locking her out of her room, bring people back when she was asked not to as my gf does nursing and had long hours)
So she told her parents and her mother lost the plot!!
Said she was throwing her life away and she ll be a looser!!!!
Very motherly and helpful.
So over the next week there s more crying and crying. So its decided that
she sit her one repeat and if she gets it she ll go back and if not do a different part time course, apprently the PLC course s arent worth crap according to her mother and she s of again crying.
She decide s then to get a job until she can decide what she wants to do but working in a shop is beneath her and minimum wage is beneath her :eek:
so today she hears that she ll loose her spot in the campus dorm if the money isnt paid by next friday and her repeat is on tuesday.
So what does she say today(baring in mind that only a few days ago there was no way she was going back to her course)i m going back, all that other stuff was just a backup plan if i fail, i wouldnt want to look back a regret it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now before you go on sayin she s just confused and wha not i can see your point of few,but she was seriously feaked at giong back.

The problem is basically this, attention is all she was after yet she was willing to put everyone through hell for "back up plans"?
(By the way her mother is now doing a one night course)

Stench Blossoms

Let her figure it out for herself. If she doesn't want to go back then thats her decision. She might regret it but she could always go back in a years time.

pickarooney

If she really wanted to quite college because she had a crappy room-mate last year it would be pretty damn stupid. It was probably something else, or just one of those weird, irrational lady things that you don't want to spend too much time trying to understand.

You see a lot of hard stuff as a nurse. I imagine it takes some degree of thickness of skin to get by.

The_B_Man

I know a girl exactly like that. she doesnt want to move back to Ireland to finish her last few months. she gets depressed and does be cryin and has even started getting panic attacks! Though the girl she's movin in with isnt THAT bad

Tell your gf that shes not the only one it happens to! Tell her to sit the repeat and get a different room mate (or report her on the sly hehe).

shellby

are you accusing her of attention seeking or did she admit to doing it?

i know her behaviour probably seems completely irrational but it doesn't necessarily mean she was attention seeking there could be any no of reasons for her changing her mind so may times

you should talk to her about it for all you know there is something she feels that she can not tell yyou for once again any no of reasons

AARRRGH

What age is she? She sounds like a spoiled, attention seeking brat.

How long have you been together? This could be the start of a downhill spiral...

Talliesin

The_Goose wrote:

attention is all she was after yet she was willing to put everyone through hell for "back up plans"?

It's strange the way people dismiss behaviour as "attention seeking". Certainly attention-seeking is not a valid justification for destructive behaviour, and sometimes when someone's attention-seeking behaviour is damaging to you, you shouldn't put up with it.

However, it's not like people generally wake up one morning and think "you know what? I feel like a bit of a change from the old routine. Hmm, what shall I do?
"I know, I'll engage in a few weeks of attention-seeking behaviour, that'll be a laugh".

Her anxiety is probably genuine, but she's probably as anxious about the idea of dropping out as of continuing.

AARRRGH

Talliesin: Yes. But you cannot underestimate how attention seeking youngish women can be. In fact, I'd nearly say *generalising* it drives their personality. For example, put two average Irish girls in a room and they'll ignore you. Then bring in a hot girl who flirts with you. All of a sudden the average girls will be all over you... And I know so many youngish women who get depressed because they feel ignored/no one loves them. But when you give them attention they are delighted. That's why I'm very weary of girls who throw tantrums...

The_Goose

All good points but its her lack of control, sayin she ll do this one minute, get me especially to go off ge info on it, ring people about it and then change her mind to something else just to end up where she started. It madness i tell ya. But from nowon i mletting her make up her own mind and if she wants something she can get it her self.

AARRRGH

The_Goose wrote:

All good points but its her lack of control, sayin she ll do this one minute, get me especially to go off ge info on it, ring people about it and then change her mind to something else just to end up where she started. It madness i tell ya. But from nowon i mletting her make up her own mind and if she wants something she can get it her self.

Good decision. Don't change your mind!

bounty_hunter

The_Goose wrote:

The problem is basically this, attention is all she was after yet she was willing to put everyone through hell for "back up plans"?

I think this is a very unfair comment to make. Chances are she was actually genuinely confused and upset, and just got carried away with the whole "making alternative plans" thing.

I'll be honest, I know I've done it myself. When you're left battling with yourself over a decision that only you can really make, no matter how many people you talk to about it, it can be very frustrating when you realise that nobody else can really help you. I honestly doubt that she was doing this just to wind everybody up.

Cut her some slack and don't assume so badly of her, everybody gets a bit silly sometimes. (Unless, of course, she's like that all the time, in which case disregard everything I just said.)

Edit: Also, her saying that everything she said about working and such was just a "backup plan" and she's now definitely going back to college could just be her way of trying to convince herself that she never had doubts about it, and that everything is back the way it was before she said anything. She's probably quite embarrassed that she made such a fuss about it in the first place and so is trying to sound assertive now.

nesf

Accepting that you've been in the wrong course for several years can be an extremely stressful event. Mostly because other people tend to give you nothing but **** over it. Not everyone, but quite a few people do.

Maybe she was genuinely unhappy with the course and doesn't want to go back for many reasons, but didn't tell you all of them? I would not dismiss it as attention seeking. Even if it is attention seeking there is generally a problem lying behind that causing the behaviour.

And tbh, it's not like she can never go back or anything.


Personally, I wouldn't ignore it and I'd try to help her. If this wasn't a regular occurance. Otherwise, I'd probably try and talk her down or get her to get some help depending on how serious it was.

The_Goose

Thanks guys and girls hopefully it will come right for her but i cant get over her mother acting s if "it was the end of the world" thats why she s so scared of making the wrong decision me thinks!!

Gazza22

She just panicked. I doubt it was attention seeking, college can be a scary time, so can the prospect of repeats!

Shes a bit spontaneous in her actions though thankfully it's all going well now.

She would want to work on the mother issue though, she can't let her mother use scare tactics.

The_Goose

To right man, i could nt beleive what she was sayin to her, everyone else was tryin to calm her down and see her point of few and her mother just kept rising her