I want to see a Psychologist

LegacyUser

I've decided that I want to go to see a psychologist as I have a few things on my mind which I want to be able to discuss with someone who is not close to me, and someone who is an expert & trained in human behaviour, who may be able to offer opinions and advice. I am what most people would perciave to be an extremely well rounded and stable person, almost everything in my life is going really well, except for one thing, and it occupies my thoughts constantly.

I have a fantastic life, great job, social life, friends, family etc etc etc, however I'm in my mid 20's and apart from when I was 18 I have never had a proper girlfriend. I have loads of female friends, more than almost any guy I know, I am very close to them and they hold me very dearly, but every time I find a women I like, we end up just being friends. I am sick of it. There is no logical reason that in all this time just one of them would like me in the same way, but what always happenes to me is either they just want to be friends or somehting else gets in the way.

Unfortunately this is somehting I am not confortable discusing with friends etc and this is why I want to see a psychologist to help me get a better understanding of myself and how I can addres this issue. The thing is I have no idea who to go about this. I want to make sure I go to someone who is specifically experienced in these types of matters and that I feel confortable with.

I had a look here: http://www.psihq.ie/find_psychologist.asp but I'm still not sure exactly what type of psychologist I should be aiming for.

I was wondering if anyone here can offer some advise as to how I can take this one stage further, as I have been considering doing this for a very long time and now I finally want to go and do it.

Thanks

Nickibaby*

You should go to your GP and explain how you are feeling. Your GP will then refer you to a psychologist.

DAEDULUS

I personally doubt this is something you need to see a psychologist about,its probably something relatively small that you are doing wrong thats blinding these women from seeing you as more then just a friend..you have to understand that women act pretty fast when deciding how far they are willing to go with a guy,
example..
guy meets girl
guy makes girl laugh alot
girl likes guy
girl gives guy green flags
guy doesnt go in for the kill
girl thinks hes afraid to and cant take control
girl discards any hope of him being a mating partner
girl continues starts to use him as a emotional tampon
meanwhile..guy is still waitin around thinking hes going to get lucky
guy eventually makes a move
girl whips out the classic line 'lets just be friends'....

It happens to 99% of guys at least once in there lives...

The reason you have all these friends is probably because your hilarious to them..so the best thing you could do is probably just make a move next time you have a girl cracking up...


maybe you should describe what happened with the last girl that turned into a friend....

LadyJ

OP,it doesn't matter what your reasons are for wanting to see a psychologist. The point is you want to. You'll discover when you go there that you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. You must remember that therapy can only guide you,the rest is up to you. Understanding your feelings is the first step towards healing.

I'd recommend everyone to have a few sessions with a therapist. You can only benefit from it.

jcoote

LadyJ wrote:

OP,it doesn't matter what your reasons are for wanting to see a psychologist. The point is you want to. You'll discover when you go there that you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. You must remember that therapy can only guide you,the rest is up to you. Understanding your feelings is the first step towards healing.

I'd recommend everyone to have a few sessions with a therapist. You can only benefit from it.

ladyj hit the nail o the head here...if u don't feel right go and talk to someone OP it can only help u...and as said before your gp is the person to start the ball rollin...just be prepared for some emotion...best of luck

meow

Deciding you want to accept help is a very huge step to take and let no one tell you otherwise.

Your GP can make a referal, but be warned waiting lists are long.
It'd probably be better for you and quicker to find someone privately, there's no point waiting up to four years to see someone when perhaps all you need is short term counselling.

Your local information center should be able to provide you with a list of private psychologists/counsellors in your area, maybe your GP has that list too.

Any form of counselling is tough and can bring up painful feelings. Its not unusual to feel a little worse in the beginning but in the long run it can be worth it.

Good Luck

Cabaal

I'd have to go with what DAEDULUS's said, happens to us all certainly nothing to worry about
Although I can certainly understand how this is affecting you

WhiteWashMan

frustrated wrote:

I've decided that I want to go to see a psychologist as I have a few things on my mind which I want to be able to discuss with someone who is not close to me, and someone who is an expert & trained in human behaviour, who may be able to offer opinions and advice. I am what most people would perciave to be an extremely well rounded and stable person, almost everything in my life is going really well, except for one thing, and it occupies my thoughts constantly.

I have a fantastic life, great job, social life, friends, family etc etc etc, however I'm in my mid 20's and apart from when I was 18 I have never had a proper girlfriend. I have loads of female friends, more than almost any guy I know, I am very close to them and they hold me very dearly, but every time I find a women I like, we end up just being friends. I am sick of it. There is no logical reason that in all this time just one of them would like me in the same way, but what always happenes to me is either they just want to be friends or somehting else gets in the way.

Unfortunately this is somehting I am not confortable discusing with friends etc and this is why I want to see a psychologist to help me get a better understanding of myself and how I can addres this issue. The thing is I have no idea who to go about this. I want to make sure I go to someone who is specifically experienced in these types of matters and that I feel confortable with.

I had a look here: http://www.psihq.ie/find_psychologist.asp but I'm still not sure exactly what type of psychologist I should be aiming for.

I was wondering if anyone here can offer some advise as to how I can take this one stage further, as I have been considering doing this for a very long time and now I finally want to go and do it.

Thanks

if you want to see someone, then see someone.
im not sure what your PI is here.

nobodythere

I don't think it warrants psychological help but whatever you think yourself...

Are you really going to go to a psychologist to learn how to pick up chicks?

Is it that you consider it to be a personal problem or you're curious about the psychology behind love/lust?

The friend/girlfriend thing is established very early in a friendship and is kind of difficult to change. It's all about body language and if you treat all women the same way as you do men, they'll treat you as a friend. This is nature, evolution tells us that if we want to make babies with zee women that we must wow them and impress them, yes?

Most of my female friends I can't see that way. I think I'm just conditioned to it after years of female friends

DawnMc

I think you should opt for a psychotherapist - they are trained specifically in the type of issues you are experiencing. Try going to the Irish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (IACP) www.iacp.ie I think.
It is the best place to find someone.
Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks Guys. DAEDULUS you are probably right, I suppose I don't have the confidence to strike when the iorn is hot. grasshopa, I'm not going to learn how to pick up chicks, I want to learn what is inhibiting me from getting what i deserve. Sometimes i just feel like everyone has a hot girlfriend except me. All the time women tell me that I would be such a good boyfriend and any women would be lucky to have me etc etc. A few of my guy friends are real players, and have the ability to sleep with almost any new woman that comes on thew scene, and then just not bother with them after that. Makes me sick as the women fall for this when deep down they know its not what they are looking for.

Haa anyone here gone to see someone and can offer any advise as to how to go about it and what it involves?

Hells_Belle

I'm a fan of therapy myself, so ceretainly if you feel a need, I would say have a go. Obviously a therapist can't help you land a girlfriend, but a therapist can help you learn to cope healthily with rejection and disappointment (things we all experience) and help you address self-esteem issues that can arise from flying solo for so long. These are not unique or uncommon issues.

What I would also suggest, though, is that instead of continually plowing down a road that hasn't worked for you (meeting a woman, becoming friends, seeing if she might be interested in dating, finding out she isn't), is that you change tactics. You might like to put yourself in the path of women who are specifically looking to date. Perosnal ads, internet dating sites and local dating agencies can all be means to doing that.

And there's no shame in it. I did all three for a three-month period when I was single, and honestly I had a fantastic time. I had the best luck with the internet ads and dating agency because there's a bit of screening (your own or the agency's) there, but I was out at least three nights a week meeting interesting new people and having a really good time.

Obviously you have to go into each meeting not thinking "this could be the woman of my dreams!" but moree like "this could be a really good evening."

But the advantage is that both you and your opposite number are broadly on the same page: looking for a partner. It really levels the playing field in an interesting way.

Anyway, just throught I'd throw that out there as a suggestion. Good luck to you

nobodythere

Well personally (and this is just my opinion, I don't know you so you probably know better), I don't think you need the help of a psychologist just yet. Maybe you should have a go at experimenting with different ways of going about meeting women, and if this doesn't work then seek professional help?

Do you think that this is a problem with you (looks or personality) or the way that you go about meeting people? Does it affect your self esteem? I'm going to PM you some Acrobat Reader files that I have off Limewire that might be of interest to you

Victor

Talk to your GP and see if he can recommend someone local. Start with a counsellor or psychotherapist first - its €50/hr instead of €100/hr for a psychologist.

I'm not sure if this is the solution, but it might be a start.