Not very rude and extremely unfunny - joke do not read!!

Ann Elk · 28-09-2005 6:41pm #1

Heard it recently - it's my favourite of all time:

Johnny goes out on the pull with his mates one night and can't believe his luck when this absolute stunner comes up to him in the club and starts to hit on him - his mates watch on in disbelief as Johnny and the stunner appear to hit it off bigtime.

After about half an hour, Johnny walks over to his mates, grinning from ear to ear and says to them "F*ckin hell lads, I'm in here - I'm heading off home, will fill you in tomorrow" so he puts his arm around the stunner, they get their coats and head off.

On arrival at Johnny's place, being the chivalrous gent that he is, he opens the door and allows the stunner to walk in first, he follows her in and closes the door, when he turns around, shes halfway up the stairs, undressing as she goes. "Where's your room?" she purrs in a husky voice that raises Johnny's pulse to danger level, red-faced he splutters "The first one on the left"

"Well what are you waiting for?" she asks before slipping in the door, dropping her thong on the carpet en-route.

Poor Johnny races up the stairs like a greyhound and slams the door behind him - he stands transfixed by the naked stunner and her alabaster skin, shimmering in the moonlight filtering in through his window.

"What do you want to do to me?" she asks............"I'll do anything.........and I mean anything"

"You'll do anything?" repeats an incredulous Johnny " I mean, really, anything?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" comes the reply, "If you don't believe me just try me, come on Johnny, what's your biggest fantasy?"

"Ok", says Johnny, "You say you'll do anything right? Fine, I've always wanted to f*ck someone with my foot!, what do you think of that?"

"Mmmmm......" says the stunner "sounds niiiice......" and with that she bends over the bed.

Johnny nearly faints! He tears off his sock and shoe and rolls up the leg of his trousers and starts giving it loads with his foot....

The rest is far to smutty to go into in detail (sorry, but there do be young boardsies in these 'ere parts) but suffice to say that they have a great great night and fall asleep exhausted.

Johnny wakes up the following morning and the stunner is nowhere to be seen, no note, no number, no nothing!

Johnny couldn't give a toss, he's had the best night of his life and everything is rosey..............until, that is, he notices these tiny little scabs starting to form on his foot!

"Hmmmm", he thinks to himself, "thats not normal" and he promptly begins to rub sudocream on his foot, followed by increasingly long soaks in a basin full of dettol.

But it's to no avail, the scabs keep on growing and growing until, eventually, his whole foot is just one big greenish/yellow pussy scab. "F*ck it!" says Johnny, as he drags his worried ass off to the doctor.

When he gets there and shows his foot to the doctor, Johnny is less than impressed by the gagging reactoin from the Dr who turns a whiter shade of pale before telling Johnny

"Sorry man, I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I've never seen anything like that in all my years practicing medicine. I haven't a friggin' clue what it is, all I can do is cut off a bit of scab, send it of for analysis, and you'll have to ring back next week for the results"

Poor Johnny is dejected, but what can he do? He accepts the Doctor's offer, and drags his sorry, puss-ridden foot home to await the results.

So one day passes........

.......then another.........

......and another..........

(you get the idea)

Finally, on the seventh day, Johnny picks up the phone and, fingers shaking, dials the Doctor's number................................................

"Hello, Dr Smith here",

"Hi Doc, it's Johnny O'Toole here, I was in last week with my foot?"

"Oh yes! Johnny, I remember you alright, now, this is very, very strange - You appear to have Herpes of the foot!!"

"Herpes of the foot!" says Johnny "F*ckin' hell, that must be the strangest thing you've ever heard of!"

"Wellllll......not really" says the Dr, "Last week I had this lady in with Athletes C*nt!!"

ctrl-alt-delete · 28-09-2005 10:40pm

not funny IMO

Diarmsquid · 28-09-2005 11:31pm

Big long joke just for that punchline?
Crap.

biko · 28-09-2005 11:32pm

Good but.... long time telling a short joke

TerrorFirmer · 28-09-2005 11:35pm

Diarmsquid wrote:

Big long joke just for that punchline?
Crap.

Exactly. What an utterly pointless joke.

quank · 28-09-2005 11:47pm

Not very offensive either.

Karoma · 29-09-2005 2:37am

yawn

danniemcq · 29-09-2005 12:12pm

way 2 much reading for nothing

kent · 29-09-2005 12:22pm

BLAH

deisedevil · 29-09-2005 12:49pm

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, soooooooooooo disappointed, all that pain for so very very little pleasure. You sure that's your favourite joke of all time?