Sex problem...need advice.

LegacyUser

Ok, firstly, I’m a regular poster on boards, but this problem embarrasses me, so I’m logging in as a guest.

This problem is about sex. I’m not exactly sure what my problem is, but I know that when it comes to sex, I feel uncomfortable. I’m 21,and female. I have slept with a few people, but I have never enjoyed it. I always just want it to be over. Because I have very little experience, I always feel awkward, and stupid, like I don’t know what to do, or how to do it so that my partner will enjoy sex. I get nervous, and tense. To be honest, at this point, I just want the other person to enjoy sex, im not to worried about whether I enjoy it or not. Maybe that’s the first problem. But I need to feel confident that the other person is enjoying it in order to relax and enjoy it myself.

I want to enjoy sex, and I want too look forward to it, but at the present I just dread it. I have started going out with someone whom I really really like, and I’m worried that my lack of interest in sex, and general crapness and embarrassment about the whole issue will ruin it for us. (Don’t get me wrong here; I don’t necessarily have a lack of interest in sex. I want to have sex, and I want to enjoy it like everyone else seems to.)

I need help. Firstly I want to know if anyone has this problem, and if so how did you deal with it. Secondly, I want to know if anyone has any suggestions on what I could do to overcome this problem. I have been thinking that maybe I need some sort of sex therapy to deal with this. Please someone help. I just feel so stupid, and im worried that maybe im frigid or something. I enjoy kissing, and all other factors of intimacy, its just when it comes to sex that things seem to go so wrong.

WhiteWashMan

there is nothing wrong with that.
a lot of people are like that.
hopefulyl, at some stage you will meet someone that you can be intimate with where you are not self conscious and you can just relax and enjoy.

until then, just go slowly, dont push yourself, and try and learn to enjoy your own body. figure out what it is you have difficulty with. is it being naked with someone else, in which case, think about different states of undress, or is the expectation you feel they will have (believe me, at that age, any guy in bed with a real woman is usually about to wet himself through sheer terror, or is too busy panicing about ejaculating too quickly - being a bloke is no fun ) or one of the millions of other things.
if you are even worried about what to do, there are plenty of sites on the web that can give advice and information.

but the most important thing is that sex is about having fun, and being intimate. having slow intimate love making is just as much fun as having wild weasle monkey sex with 15 other people, so dont pressure yourself into thinking that everyones an expert. just go with what feels good for you, not anyone else.

AARRRGH

Why not talk to a professional? Worst case scenario you learn some things about yourself.

I don't know your history (abuse etc.) but from my experience with some women, it's not abnormal for a girl to have issues with sex (I'd nearly say it's 50/50).

Stop worrying. Sex is normal. Talk to someone if it's really bothering you. Just stay away from bastards and everything will be fine.

Really, stop worrying. You're young. You have lots of time to get comfortable with sex. Just keep away from the one night stands which will erode your confidence...

tuxy

dublindude wrote:

Why not talk to a professional?

what kind of advice do you expect her to get from a hooker?

_Turismo4

wrote:

there is nothing wrong with that.
a lot of people are like that.
hopefulyl, at some stage you will meet someone that you can be intimate with where you are not self conscious and you can just relax and enjoy.

until then, just go slowly, dont push yourself, and try and learn to enjoy your own body. figure out what it is you have difficulty with. is it being naked with someone else, in which case, think about different states of undress, or is the expectation you feel they will have (believe me, at that age, any guy in bed with a real woman is usually about to wet himself through sheer terror, or is too busy panicing about ejaculating too quickly - being a bloke is no fun ) or one of the millions of other things.
if you are even worried about what to do, there are plenty of sites on the web that can give advice and information.

but the most important thing is that sex is about having fun, and being intimate. having slow intimate love making is just as much fun as having wild weasle monkey sex with 15 other people, so dont pressure yourself into thinking that everyones an expert. just go with what feels good for you, not anyone else.

Know more posts needed (Spot On)

Laguna

My opinion is that maybe you've had sex with the wrong person/people and have had sex for the sake of having it, therefore leaving you feel empty and over time disliking sex. Maybe when you meet someone special you'll view it in a different light.

Gazza22

Your very young and it is normal to be feeling nervous and have certain anxieties about sex. Only have sex if you feel that you are ready for it and enjoy it otherwise it will just be an empty act for you.

This is a bit of an odd question but it wouldn't be your sexuality would it?

I say this because a girl i know hated sex, despised it... even though she was happy in a heterosexual relationship. She then had a sexual relationship with a girl and extremely enjoyed it and realized she was a lesbein.

Beruthiel

SexProblem wrote:

but I know that when it comes to sex, I feel uncomfortable. I’m 21,and female. I have slept with a few people, but I have never enjoyed it. I always just want it to be over. Because I have very little experience.

there is nothing wrong with you. I'm betting these people you had sex with aren't long term b/fs, so of course you are nervous!
once you have a b/f who really cares about you and is happy to take things slowly, someone who you can talk to and who understands that you are nervous, then I believe that once you are comfortable with him, you will soon come to enjoy sex.
I am of the belief that the longer the relationship the better the sex, you both get to know each others bodies and how they work and what they like, so take heart and just wait for the right person.

ferdi

exactly, if your new guy actually cares about you he wont mind taking things slow and helping you though it if he can.

only advise i can give is to relax and take your time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice everyone. Its nice to know that im not alone or weird.

kkennypussycat

hey im new here but i just wanted to say that I've been there my first experience with sex was not a nice one and i thought I just didnt like it full stop. But when I started going out with my current boyfriend I just started to feel more comfortable with it and now he thinks im like a nympho or sumthin .... dont worry about him too much.... men tend to enjoy sex no matter what so relax. Another tip I have is to spend a couple of nights just kissing and touching and then one night just let it go a bit further.... you'll be so turned on you wont be worrying... hope i was of help bye

The Sweeper

If you want to know how you feel about sex, try the following short excercise. Get a pen and paper. Get your posion of choice - by this I mean a drink if you like to drink, a cigarette if you like to smoke etc. Put yourself in the sort of self-spoiling position you would if you were settling in to an armchair with a good book and a bar of chocolate or whatever. Now, write down the answer to these questions...

1. When you think of sex, what's the first word that comes into your mind?
2. What do you want for your partner when you have sex?
3. How would you like to think of yourself sexually - e.g. are you beautiful, sexy, a vixen, playful, coy, shy, a goddess etc.
4. How would you like your partner to think of you?

Just four questions, that's all. It's best, first, to answer the four with short answers - words, thoughts, the first thing that springs to mind. Then try and extrapolate on your answers.

This exercise isn't about feeding answers into the interweb and getting a stock analysis - it's about self-discovery. Sex is a very, very personal issue - no amount of being bombarded with words like 'frigid', magazine articles about 50 different positions, internet posts about 'making him cum in 30 seconds', conversations with your friends - all of whom are naturally at it like bunnies, apparently - and all the rest of that, is EVER going to make you feel better about sex.

You're the only person who can do that.

So you're the only person who can fix it.

And to fix it, you need to know what ails ya...