Need Help - Part 3

Anselm

Hi everyone, thanks again for all the advice. Its really therapeutic posting this, it helps a small bit and doesnt keep things bottled up. I did what a lot of you said and went out this weekend, helped a bit (but not my bank balance) - But my GF (or ex GF) was out as well, I heard. I suppose I should have expected that.

She has said that she will call me at the end of the week, but I dont know what - if it is a complete break up, I think I will completely go under, it already hurts so so much not being with her. The Tears and Pain, its almost constant..
I have promised not to make any contact until then. The fact that she says she needs space, I wonder if that is a good or a bad sign ...?

Any comments appreciated
Thank you guys



Hi Guys

Thanks for everyone who offered advice, I really appreciate and it helps a small bit to know that I am not the only one.
I still dont know whats happening, we have spoken once this week, and she said that she cant talk to me now, and that she will contact me when its time to talk. I have no problem giving her space, but I guess I want to know whats happening. Still really cut up, cant stop the tears to be honest. I love her so much, so much. And I know she does too, even though she is confused and uncertain right now.

I said I would leave her alone until she contacts me, but its so so hard. I sent flowers to her office today, I just wanted to let her know I was thinking of her.
If its over, I feel like my life is over too, I know thats silly but its how I feel.

Id really appreciate any thoughts you guys may have

Thank you



Hi Guys, really need help if anyone is reading this. Im 26, and my girlfriend is 23 - absolute love of my life, we are together 2.5 years.
It hasnt been going as well as it could for about 6 months or so, mostly down to me giving her a hard time about stuff (me wanting to settle down, money, work, sex, usual stuff I guess). She is the most beautiful person on earth, so happy and cheerful, but I think I have ground her down and depressed her. We had a big row on Sat night, which basically lead to us splitting. We were both in an awful state. She says that she is miserable and hates herself and cant be with me anymore. She was devesated, and so was I. She left then, and I have only talked to her once since then. She says that she needs time to sort things out. I dont know what to do, I want to tell her how much I love her, and I know that if I get another chance I will take it. We love each other so much, I just pray that I havent blown it. Anyone I have talked to says to leave her, make no contact and let her come back to you. Its so difficult I feel like crying all the time, and am going out of my mind. I just want to call her and be with her again...
Please guys, has anyone got any advice ?

Thanks

Beruthiel

anselm
can you please just keep the same thread going for this?
there is no need to keep setting up new threads
thanks
B

Anselm

Sorry Beruthiel, a bit new to all this...

Anselm

Hi Guys


I know its monday and all, but if anyone has the time to offer advice I would appreciate it more than you will ever know. I cant eat, sleep, im like a zombie here in work. I just need her back, want her back.
Reaching out here,,,cant stop crying no matter what I do, where I turn

Thanks

dramaqueen

Difficult and all as it is you will just have to be patient.
What will happen is out of your control and I think that's what you are finding so difficult. Maybe you should take the time to work out in your head why you have these urges to be in charge all the time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't that what was really going on in your relationship. You wanted things to go at your pace and when she didn't cooperate you pressurised her.
Maybe you could try to be less controlling and you might find this waiting a little easier.
Accept that you can't do anything to change the outcome of this one and the next week might be easier on you.

pdunno

Look man you're going to need to get a grip. You have to remember no matter what happens with your gf - life goes on. You only get one chance at life so you're going to have to make the most of it.

I know that this is incredibly hard, believe me I've been there before and not all that long ago either. The only advice i can give is to try and pull yourself together, get some perspective on this issue. A week is not a very long time and your gf is making a life altering decision, so give her space and time to do it.

For youself, you should spend this week being as busy as possible, taking your mind off the situation as best you can. The more you dwell on this, the more you will eat yourself up.

So basically pull yourself together, give you gf the space she needs for the week, and when you do speak to her next, be calm and cool and responsible. Don't get hysterical if things don't go the way you hope and don't forget your gf must be going through a tough time also.

WhiteWashMan

no one here can help you. you just have to learn to get over it yourself.
while we can support you, have empathy, and tell you our own stories, at the end of the day, youre the one who is going to be sleeping in a cold bed, on your own.

stop thinking about you and her together. stop thinking of all the things you used to do. stop thinking of all the good times you had. stop thinking about her altogether!

start thinking what you want to do with yourlife, start thinking about where you want to go and wha tyou want to do. think about travel, or work
get a game and play it constantly for about 8 weeks solid. baldurs gate 1 and 2 should be sufficient!
start heading out with your mates, and start scoring other girls. at the moment, you are your own worse enemy becuase you appear to have too much time on your hands and you want nothing more than to be miserable.

while im sure we all feel sorry for you now, to be honest, if you keep going like this, pretty soon, people will get fed up of you, and tell you to be miserable somewhere else. which is fine from a bunch of internet losers, but when youre friends start telling you, you have a serious problem.

and if you really have serious issues, then go and talk to a councillor. you will get far more and longer lasting success than through posting random thoughts. they will help you to focus and discuss the real issues you have.

ARGINITE

She has said that she will call me at the end of the week, but I dont know what - if it is a complete break up, I think I will completely go under, it already hurts so so much not being with her. The Tears and Pain, its almost constant..

You will have to just grin and bear it till the end of the week, since its just a week it seem like a good thing (you will most lightly get back together). So I would stop worrying and get on with your life till then, its easyer said than done but thats life.

Anselm

I guess I cant make someone be in a relationship with me, and I dont want someone to force themselves into a relationship either. If she really really wants to end it, I suppose I have to just accept it - its just that its so so painful.

pdunno

Like I said before, get a grip of yourself. It is only a week, whatever is meant for you won't pass you.

daveg

There is a very true saying Anselm, and even though this may not mean much to you right now, but if it is for you it will not pass you.

We've all (most of us anyway) been in this position. It's an absolute cúnt. What you have to remember is that there is someone out there for you. It may not be your current GF. Maybe it is. Maybe it is your current GF but maybe it's not meant to be right now.

You need to chill out. Get a grip (not meant in a harsh sense). One of 2 things will happen. Either you will split up and you will have to deal with it. Try to think of the bigger picture that this is just a shítty time in your life but your other half is walking around somewhere and you both don't even know it. Other scenario is you won't split up.

My advice is go out with your mates. Get pissed and all the other good stuff you do when single.

Anselm

Thanks guys. I am just terrified about when she eventually does call me, in case its the news that I dread. Maybe if I knew for sure, I could grieve properly and start to try and get myself togther,

Can anything be worse that just not knowing ???

Pjays

Anselm you'll find out sooner than you think if you just try to relax for even a few minutes. all this stressing and worrying is really not good for you. you need to be strong. be willing to accept whatever it is that your girlfriend decides. it'll all work out in the end!

LegacyUser

To the OP;

I havent read your other 2 posts, what age are you? I can understand what you're going through.

Anselm

The fact that she went out with her Girlfriends over the weekend, and that she says she needs space - is that a good or a bad sign ??

Any opinions welcome -

pdunno

I don't think it's any sign, she was probably just enjoying a night out, not sitting at home brewing over all that's going on in her life at the moment. I wouldn't read too much into that

dramaqueen

Well you were pretty messed up and hurting and you went out with your friends!
Stop looking for hidden meanings in things. You're doing it again. Chill out, accept what she told you at face value - she needs space to work it out in her head. She probably is having trouble deciding how she feels so you are definitely not gonna be able to work it out!

WhiteWashMan

Anselm wrote:

The fact that she went out with her Girlfriends over the weekend, and that she says she needs space - is that a good or a bad sign ??

Any opinions welcome -

at this point, im beinging to think you are the jealous, power craving boyfriend who needs to know every detail of every facet of your partners life.

the girl is allowed to go out, now that you are apart. she may even have snogged someone. who knows.
at this moment in time, im begining to think that she is better off on her own, rather than have someone who feels the need to try and control every aspect of her life.

Anselm

Been thinking and talking a lot. I am prepared to give her all the time and space she needs. When we do meet and talk, I hope we can talk maturely and as adults, and see if the issues that we have can be solved and talked about.

Hopefully she feels what we have together is worth something, and she will let me show her that I can be a good boyfriend again and we can move forward. I dont think its fair on me if she comes back through obligation or duty to me, we both have to be committed to it.

Its still breaking my heart though...and its only Tuesday morning.
She said she would call "late this week" - does that mean before the weekend ??

Pjays

I'd take it that she means either thursday or friday. i doubt she'd leave you waiting until the weekend.

Anselm

Its just so hard waiting, I want to hug her and kiss her, and tell her that Im here for her. She is the true love of my life, I know this.

Im choked up here - I just want her back !

pdunno

Anselm, seriously man I know how hard this is for you. But I'm getting the impression that you are letting this get on top of you too much. You have to remember that you have your own life to live and your gf has her own life to live. Whatever happens will be for the best, trust me every time one door closes another opens.

You need to take a stepback from all this, remove yourself from the situation a little and try to have a bit more patience and understanding. You sound so desparate and needy, maybe this is what your gf needs a break from!!

sins

Seriously, you need to get a grip its not doing you or your gf any good. All the girl needs is time,a break, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or doesn't want you - she shows that by asking for a break for a while instead of just ending things cuz its getting too much. You need to respect this show her that your going to give her her space. I know you probably think she will forget you etc etc but I know she won't just think your going through crap at the minute with is normal BUT in a few weeks if you give her, her time you will have her back and you can kiss her and hug her and be with her again. But if you keep pushing her your going to loose her - seriously you are. Everytime you want to get in contact with her why not write it down on paper get it out of your system then in time when things get back on track with both of you, you can give it to her. You are not doing yourself or her any favours worrying about it so much but she does need her time to get her head sorted and the longer you push her the longer your going to have to wait.

WhiteWashMan

im thinking that being oversensitive, melodramatic and high maintenance are why your missus wants to break up with you?

in thinking you may want to find someone who thinks these are charming character traits in a man.

Fuseman

:mad: This is a load of kack !! How are so many of you falling for this Gobs***e?? Its obvious he is just trying to make up a sob story that people will reply to !!

Anselm

Hi all Boarders,

I had a thread a few weeks ago, which a lot of you were kind enough to offer me advice on, thank you for that. I guess I have a new problem now, one which warrants a new thread.

We finally met, and she ended the relationship once and for all. Says she has baggage, we have run our course, she can no longer be with me, and needs to sort herself out. She said that she is still in love with me as well and wants to be friends. I am completely shattered, it was the worst day of my life.

Anyway, after nearly 3 years it was hard to clear all her stuff out of my house and have it delivered back to her. Tshirts, Teddys, clothes, it broke my feckin heart.

I want to move on, but dont know if I ever will. I cant even imagine having another partner, and the thought of her doing it breaks me up.

She wants to "be friends" but I dont think I ever want to see her again, not out of badness, thats just how I want to deal with it.


Has anyone any advice how I can get over her, and is it possible to be "just friends" with the one person I ever loved more deeply than Life Itself ??

Beruthiel

this is your fourth thread on the same problem Anselm
I asked you on your third thread to not start anymore

merging threads

Beruthiel

Fuseman wrote:

:mad: This is a load of kack !! How are so many of you falling for this Gobs***e?? Its obvious he is just trying to make up a sob story that people will reply to !!

another comment like that from you will result in a ban
read this forums charter
B

Anselm

Thanks guys for all your help so far.

Its been a week now since we broke up, and im feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions, love, hate, despair, anger, and awful pain.

Im still so in love with her. But I guess she ended it, and she hasnt contacted me since. Im dying to talk to her, but I am being advised not to, unless she makes the first move. I dont know how much more loneliness I can take, and I dont even know if i WANT to move on.

fellow boarders, I really need your advice !

Thank you

shakaman

Anselm dude, I know it may seem a bit odd but get one of your friends to read through all your past posts for an objective point of view. What is there to be achieved from acting like a love sick puppy. These posts paint a pretty pathetic picture.

I went through this not so long ago and there is absolutely nothing to be achieved by feeling sorry for yourself, I mean waiting by the phone like a 15yr old, waking on Tuesday and it seeming like an age till Friday??? You need to become a better person from this and learn to a) not be so controlling b) be more independant so if things don't work out with a girl your world doesn't fall to pieces c) keep your friends close so if you need them they'll be there

Try and see it from your ex's perspective........if she sees you moping around she will just think that you seem pathetic, however if you hold your head high you're at least showing some strength, that's attractive, feeling sorry for yourself ain't.

Previous posts are true if it's meant to work, it'll work, if not it just ain't meant to be. Believe me Dublin is not a place to be worrying about one ex!

pdunno

shakaman wrote:

Anselm dude, I know it may seem a bit odd but get one of your friends to read through all your past posts for an objective point of view. What is there to be achieved from acting like a love sick puppy. These posts paint a pretty pathetic picture.

I went through this not so long ago and there is absolutely nothing to be achieved by feeling sorry for yourself, I mean waiting by the phone like a 15yr old, waking on Tuesday and it seeming like an age till Friday??? You need to become a better person from this and learn to a) not be so controlling b) be more independant so if things don't work out with a girl your world doesn't fall to pieces c) keep your friends close so if you need them they'll be there

Try and see it from your ex's perspective........if she sees you moping around she will just think that you seem pathetic, however if you hold your head high you're at least showing some strength, that's attractive, feeling sorry for yourself ain't.

Previous posts are true if it's meant to work, it'll work, if not it just ain't meant to be. Believe me Dublin is not a place to be worrying about one ex!

Good advice, you should take heed of this and what the rest of us have been saying. Life goes on man, you only get one shot so make the most of it. Sitting around moping and being depressed isn't going to do any good. Get out and keep busy. Surround yourself with your friends, even if you feel like crap, put the bright side out and get on with things. Eventually things will get easier, as most people will find in this stiuation time is the only healer.

And get laid, may be only a short term fix but it'll make you feel better for a little while at least!!

Stench Blossoms

I'm sorry but this is a load of pants. Anslem was coming onto me on msn a few days before he posted up this story.

shakaman

orla wrote:

I'm sorry but this is a load of pants. Anslem was coming onto me on msn a few days before he posted up this story.

If this is true you are a sorry shell of a man Anselm, caught rotten, and valuable minutes of boarder's lives wasted posting replies to you.........................I hope it teaches you something! Just hope your ex ain't a boarder!