Stalker trying to ruin our lives

LegacyUser

right well basically whats going on is that this woman is trying to ruin my familys lives, my dads in particular, her reason being revenge for what, i cannot say.

myself my mum & dad have all recieved abusive phone calls/texts so much to the extent that we've all had to change our numbers & house number. my mum in particular got the worst abuse, the woman told her things to try turn her against my dad etc. this all happened a few months back, & after the number changes we thought it was all over.

WRONG.

this woman has somehow got hold of our numbers again, god knows how, as we dont have our numbers listed anywhere (simply because of the chance of this happening). so the texts & calls began again etc etc, but thats not where it stopped this time, oh no.

soon enough she sent letters/calls etc to my dads workplace & to places where he would be viewed quite highly & honourably. the contents of these letters & calls were the same as our calls & texts, basically accusing my dad of being a perverted, & trying to ruin his good reputation in these places.

i can honestly swear on my life & the lives of all those i love, that my dad is not in anyway a pervert. he is a decent & honourable man & a great father.

this woman is setting out to ruin his reputation & to break up our family. this is really starting to get to me, as god knows what length she will go to to ruin him. it is actually quite frightening how much info she knows about us & im just afraid she will do something very serious. im also afraid of her trying to contact my younger brothers & sister as they know nothing about whats being going on, & i dont want them to either.

we've gone to the police but there not taking it that seriously & arent allowed access to call details etc by mobile companys. im afraid of rumours starting & people in my area thinking that he is a pervert.

fair play to you if youve read all this, i just needed to get it off my chest. any advice etc is realy apprieciated.

thanks

Linoge

No access to phone records?! What a load of bs. If they dont have access, who does?

The gardai are obliged to take every complaint seriously. What if you were to go round to the womans house and beat her up? You could say that you were left with no other choice, and you'd be right. That is the reason why the gards are there and why they are given the powers they have.

How do you know that they are not taking it seriously though? I would ring them every day and ask them for an update as to what they are doing about this situation. If you feel they are doing nothing, I would report it to a higher authority in the gards.

What that woman is doing is slander and is illegal. I recommend that you keep a record of what she has done, dates and times and be as consise as possible. You should also keep copies of all statements made to the gardai. These will all be needed if it comes to a civil action that may well end up being made against the gards as well as the woman.

Hope some of this helps

annR

>>this woman has somehow got hold of our numbers again, god knows how, as we dont have our numbers listed anywhere (simply because of the chance of this happening). <<

>>it is actually quite frightening how much info she knows about us <<

That is a bit freaky, I wonder where she is getting the information.

The Gardai not taking it seriously is just not acceptable.

WhiteWashMan

if you are getting nothing from the guardi, then i suggest taking it higher up the food chain.
also, get in touch with a lawyer or solicitor, they may have access to people and departments that you dont have access to.

Happy?????

Em...well ok this woman sounds like a complet and utter lunatic!

This woman must know someone close to your family in order for her to get phone numbers etc etc.

Got I feel so sorry for you all, if she is out to set a bad image of your dad. I find it very hard to believe that the Guards can't get hold of these mobile number logs as they can get it for different reasons.

I have no advice whatsoever for you but I just hope that this woman is stopped before too much damage is done!

Khannie

If she's posting letters to others, then she's crossed the line into slander. You can now take her to court without the Gardai getting involved. I'd suggest getting in touch with a solicitor.

Sounds very rough though.

Zombrex

WWM is right, if the local guards aren't taking this seriously (and knowing local Gardi I wouldn't be surprised) then you need to keep at it and get a solicitor involved, because what the woman is doing is completely illegal. The guards will take a complete like this more seriously coming from a lawyer, unless they want to be on the recieving end of a complaint themselves.

And the guards can get access to phone records, its your phone, you have a right to know who called you. AFAIK O2 and Vodafone both have a department that handles problems just like this.

fade2black

bruachain wrote:

Sounds like the old man played away from home, and now this scorned woman is trying to ruin his life.

It could be absolutely anything - don't forget that if a woman is scorned against a man, such as the situation we see here, regardless of what it is the woman can always turn to the sex card because people will always presume exactly what you did, in the same lazy way that you did.

Beruthiel

no speculations please
if the OP wished to discuss that, they would have said so at the start of this thread
B

dramaqueen

The problem is that if you take her to court and sue her for slander your father may have to prove that he hasn't done the things that she says he has. This is harder to do than you would think. It's very hard to prove innocence.
As another poster has suggested you need to keep records of everything. Keep a journal and record every single contact she makes. The phone company can give you printouts of text messages and you should try to get a tape recorder for your telephone at home. I think if you get an answering machine you can record conversations. But go into an electronics store and ask.
The only way your family will get out of this mess is to get the police to stop her. They can't do anything until you can prove that it's happening. Unfortunately their hands are tied until the behaviour actually becomes threatening. As someone who has watched many movies on Hallmark about this kind of thing, that is what I would suggest you do.
Or go talk to the citizens advice bureau and see if they can refer you to an organisation or a solicitor for help.
Even if she has been wronged the way she is going about getting revenge is wrong too. Obviously she is very angry and firmly believes in what she is doing. I don't mean to be horrible, but you may have to consider the fact that there be a grain of truth in what she is saying. She didn't go off the deep end for nothing.

LegacyUser

fade2black wrote:

It could be absolutely anything - don't forget that if a woman is scorned against a man, such as the situation we see here, regardless of what it is the woman can always turn to the sex card because people will always presume exactly what you did, in the same lazy way that you did.

Absolutely I agree, there are very few things that have the same stigma as accusing someone of committing a crime of a sexual nature; e.g. rape. No matter how untrue the accusation is, there is so much attached to it that it is a venomous thing to do to someone to get at them. I wouldnt wish it on anyone*

I didnt assume that what I said was definitely true, albeit in a lazy way or not. I merely speculated as to the initial problem, which was just in my own wonderment. In some respects I find it a bit unbelieveable that the OP's family havent taken this to court already, because looking at the scale of the abuse, it's insane. Personally if it got to the point where I had to change my contact numbers due to someone harassing me, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'd be pursuing legal action, and not be on here looking for advice

Anyway I enclosed some advice in my original thread.

*By that I mean a false accusation of a sexual crime

Khannie

dramaqueen wrote:

The problem is that if you take her to court and sue her for slander your father may have to prove that he hasn't done the things that she says he has. This is harder to do than you would think. It's very hard to prove innocence.

My (limited) understanding was that in cases like this it's up to the accuser (the crazy lady in this case) to back up what she's said. In civil cases, the judge has much more freedom to just slap a fine / stfu injunction on the crazy lady.

Anyway, I'm no expert, but I would advise getting in touch with a solicitor.

fade2black

That's the thing though isn't it?...When you read a story like that everyone thinks the same thing, you were the first person to say it but you certainly weren't the first to think it. Regardless of what did go with the OP's Dad, he doesn't stand much of a chance, reputation wise, when she's calling him perverted etc. This is why I feel that the offensive is the only way to beat this, if you try and ignore her you're unwittingly admiting guilt, at least in the minds of others.

It's a double edged sword though...hide from it and be presumed guilty and a perv...fight it and bring it to the attention of so many more.

LegacyUser

fade2black wrote:

That's the thing though isn't it?...When you read a story like that everyone thinks the same thing, you were the first person to say it but you certainly weren't the first to think it. Regardless of what did go with the OP's Dad, he doesn't stand much of a chance, reputation wise, when she's calling him perverted etc. This is why I feel that the offensive is the only way to beat this, if you try and ignore her you're unwittingly admiting guilt, at least in the minds of others.

It's a double edged sword though...hide from it and be presumed guilty and a perv...fight it and bring it to the attention of so many more.

Also agreed. I think the best method is to fight it, as long as he is fighting for his integrity. If the allegations are untrue, or grossly over-exaggerated, then he should prove her wrong. Going around spreading false rumours about someone, especially of this nature, is absolutely disgusting. Although if there is any truth in them then he should probably talk to his family and friends that are affected, otherwise even if he discredits this woman, there will be an element of doubt, and it will be a pyrrhic victory

dramaqueen

Mud sticks.
Look at Michael Jackson, regardless of the outcome of his case there are still loads of people out there who will always believe him guilty.
I'm not saying that they shouldn't stand up for themselves and fight back. Just go into it with their eyes open and know the consequences.
If there is even the slightest amount of blame on the fathers side - they will be ruined.
Consult a solicitor.
Find out what to do from an expert.

OMcGovern

I agree that you should start collecting evidence... times, dates, any letters the nutcase sends.
Recording phone calls may not be admissable in court, and possibly illegal unless you tell them you're recording the conversation at the start.
That in itself may be a good wake up call.

Someone else mentioned that O2/Vodaphone have procedures for dealing with crank calls... that's a great idea cos they have discretion over their own records. They might even be able to block / barr her usual numbers.

Is this woman single or married ? Having a private word with husband might reign her in. Can't say how I know this... but do trust me, I've seen it work before. Bored housewife making up allegations to get attention... history of nervous breakdown etc. The husband had to lay down the law and drag her to marriage counselling to sort it out.

Linoge

OMcGovern wrote:

Recording phone calls may not be admissable in court, and possibly illegal unless you tell them you're recording the conversation at the start.

It would be worth checking out. I'm sure it would not apply to nuisance calls as it is the call itself that is evidence. All I know is that Judge Judy always allows it!

I think record the phone conversations either way to show to the gardai. They might go all out when they realise how much of a psycho this woman is.

bombidol

Start collecting evidence. times of phonecalls, dates etc. Buy a caller ID unit for the house phone and make note of any numbers it shows. Get a recording device for the phone. while these arent admissable in court they are handy to have none the less. collect these numbers and put them in a journal that you can show the police. when she rings, hang up the phone straight away. never respond to texts or letters.
When a letter arrives, dont even bother reading it, if its from her put it the box with the journal and lists of times/dates. you need to compile evidence against this woman.
If you know who it is, all the better. if you have her number all the better. Get onto your telephone service provider and ask if her number can be barred from calling your house. i dont know how possible this is in this country though.
Thats the legal way of doing things. Obviously there are other ways, which i wont go into on this public forum. The woman is obviously disturbed in someway, probably living on her own and lonely/angry about something. She seems to know your family fairly well if shes able to get access to your new phone numbers etc. so no doubt she is a friend of a friend or something like that.

ferdi

barring order.

Zombrex

OMcGovern wrote:

I agree that you should start collecting evidence... times, dates, any letters the nutcase sends.
Recording phone calls may not be admissable in court, and possibly illegal unless you tell them you're recording the conversation at the start.
That in itself may be a good wake up call.

That is a very good idea, the OP should set up a recording device on the phone (simple enough AFAIK) and the next time loony woman calls politely say "I have to inform you that this call is being recorded. If you do not wish to have your converstation recorded please hang up now" ... she either hangs up the phone (and eventually gets the message there is no point calling again) or she agrees by staying on the line to having the phone call record, which can then (I am not a lawyer so check this out) be used in court against her. Brilliant

the_syco

bombidol wrote:

if you have her number all the better. Get onto your telephone service provider and ask if her number can be barred from calling your house. i dont know how possible this is in this country though.

Don't think it is. If it is, its very very hard to do, and most phone companies will say no.

=-=

OP, get a phonecall ID machine, so you can find out who is calling your house, etc. Always a buzz calling back a phone phrankster "yeah, I know it was you, your number came up...".

Ruu_Old

Surely Eircom or whoever your operator has measures to deal with abusive calls. Best of luck with the situation, as said before if the Gardai dont do anything, take it to higher powers.