Ego beatdown

Dathai

Ive posted here before about my relationship, about how we broke up, most were right, she came to her senses and took me back, I didnt know if it was right or not to go back, and Im thinking have I just wasted my time?
We've gotten back together, although, we have problems now, not like before though.
I try my best, yet its never good enough.
In a relationship, its give and take, I try my best to give and to get.But with some people, its a one way situation, and this has really gone too far.
I do things she asks me to do without question, as I believe that if I asked her to do something, she would do it.But no, the one time I ask, for her to do something she wont do it.I feel so ****ing worthless and powerless around this woman, and she makes me feel so **** almost all of the time.She ignores what I say,she speaks over me constantly, she makes me feel ****ing invisible alot of the time, and its really affecting my self esteem. Ive said it to her before, and she's acknowleged it and we've tried working through it, and some other problems, but she still does it.She forgets to text me and when she does its all about her.
We got into a really big argument today about it, and Im serious, I dont think she can change at all.She's way too proud and her ego is ****ing too big.She really isnt the person I thought she was.
Im seriously considering ending it, as Ive tried so hard, and she hasnt.Its not fair.Shes just trying to over power me I think.
Im just looking for opinions here, what should I do?

Should I end it?
Work through it?

If I do not end it, I would like to build back my self-esteem but I really have no idea how to do that, and I know that Im just going to get myself kicked around by her, and Im sick of being ****ed with.

Thanks for reading anyways,

~Dave

Seraphina

sounds like yer being used. you're her little toy to mess with when she gets bored. maybe tell her to f off when she asks you to do things, she how she feels. is there even any good in the relationship?

Dathai

There is, we have fun together.Its just that it always seems that its about her.Like the other day I was explaining how much it sucks when she speaks over me, or ignores what I say.She just made it all about herself.And same way today, made it all about herself.
I told her if she does it to me again Im gone, she just said "You threaten and you threaten, but you never do"
That fairly fuked with me.If she makes it about herself when I speak to her about it again, Im gonna tel her to go fu<k herself.

Tobias Greeshman

You've seriously got to get out of that relationship mate, your so called gf doesn't respect you. You've effectively become her doormat and she uses you as she sees fit, she wont do what you ask her and she's beating down your self esteem. No one should have to put up with that crap in a relationship, end it before she fecks with your head and confidence anymore.

ARGINITE

Should I end it?

I think you know the answer already.

D

[jerry spirnger guest voice] You got to kick her to the curb! [/jerry spirnger guest voice]

0utshined

Dathai wrote:

Should I end it?

Yes. Yes you should.

Red Alert

End it, simple as that.

Gone West

aye, daithai, like Im telling you on IRC.
Dump the ho.
Make sure you explain exactly why.
that is *is* her fault.
That'll bring her down to size fairly lively.

philologos

end it for your sake

Piste

First of all refuse to do anything to her and see how she likes it. If that gets you no-where, dump her.

Dathai

Im thinking of seeing what she has to say about it.If she has a negative attitude about trying to be nice, or makes it about herself, Im gonna leave her.I think it would be for the best.

Ruu_Old

Get rid of her, and make sure to tell her why!

Dathai

Thing is, Ive lost quite a few mates because I spent most of my time with her.And it will seriously suck if I break up with her, and Im left like "aww shít yeh, eh, kinda fúcked here"
So moving on will be rather hard, especially finding someone else.

Jimi-Spandex

Dump her.

It will be hard in the beginning but you will be so much better off in the long run.

Calina

Dathai wrote:

Thing is, Ive lost quite a few mates because I spent most of my time with her.And it will seriously suck if I break up with her, and Im left like "aww shít yeh, eh, kinda fúcked here"
So moving on will be rather hard, especially finding someone else.

Okay,

the only person who can decide to do the dumping is you. You have to make the decision one way or the other because getting other people to do tell you whether or not to do it is pretty much an abdication of responsibility plus it gives you someone to blame when you're feeling lousy or lonely or a combination of both.

Because there is no easy way of dumping her - if you do it, you will feel lousy.

But I can also tell you that you don't feel lousy forever. At some point reality kicks in and you starting asking yourself "how did I put up with that s..t for so long?" Then you feel angry.

After that things get a lot better.

From what you say, I'm willing to guess that you're at that point where you're you're trying to calculate which would be worse, continuing as is, or feeling lousy after break up. Feeling lousy after break-up tends not to last for ever. Staying in not great relationships doesn't usually lead to an improvement in things.

It's your call though and you have to make it.

The Sweeper

Dude, you've not even dumped the current one. Stop worrying about where the next one is coming from!!

You sound as though you need to split up with your current girlfriend because you have no sense of self left in your relationship.

Anyway, after being as thoroughly stamped on as you sound like you've been, it's important to take time out to yourself for a while. Figure out what you want, from a partner and your life, set yourself realistic standards, and then refuse to put up with anything that doesn't meet them.

missingtime

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Dude, you've not even dumped the current one. Stop worrying about where the next one is coming from!!

Spot On!

If your worried that you've lost your friends give one or two of them a txt just to test the water. They will probably understand the situation. If you keep letting yourself get knocked down you will loose all your confidence and she will lose confidence in you. Before ya know it she's off doing the dirt.

Tell her its over and that you're sick of this ****.

0utshined

Dathai wrote:

Im thinking of seeing what she has to say about it.If she has a negative attitude about trying to be nice, or makes it about herself, Im gonna leave her.I think it would be for the best.

How about you don't see what she has to say about it? You broke up, you've got back together and you're still not enjoying her. You need to get shot of her mate. Tell her straight out, don't test the waters or try for a reaction, just tell her.

Thing is, Ive lost quite a few mates because I spent most of my time with her.And it will seriously suck if I break up with her, and Im left like "aww shít yeh, eh, kinda fúcked here"
So moving on will be rather hard, especially finding someone else.

See, you're giving yourself reasons to stay there but from the outside looking in I can tell you that they're not worth staying with her for. If they were proper mates you shouldn't worry about that stuff, just call them up and say " I've broken up with X. Sorry for being a díck. What was I thinking? Are you around for a beer?" I've had a friend in a similar position as you and it was no big thing when he dropped her and got back in touch, we were glad he was out of that.

Don't stress about finding someone else. It'll happen when it happens.

Beruthiel

Dathai wrote:

I feel so ****ing worthless and powerless around this woman, and she makes me feel so **** almost all of the time.She ignores what I say,she speaks over me constantly, she makes me feel ****ing invisible alot of the time, and its really affecting my self esteem.

it is quite clear from the above that this woman does not respect you, if she doesn't respect you there is no real relationship.
I'm guessing that the fact you do absolutely everything she asks means you are her doormat and nobody respects a doormat. Don't see this changing unless she starts respecting you and what are the chances of that?
me
I'd end it and regain your self respect and self esteem.
Remind yourself that you deserve better than this and that obviously this girl does not appreciate or understand how lucky she is having someone happy to please her

annR

You know, you might even do her a favour if you dump her, she might learn something. It's unlikely she'll change but she might and sounds like she needs a lesson in basic social skills.

Life's too short to be with someone like this I don't know how you stick it! You can bet other people have noticed this and are saying "what the hell is he doing with her!"

Dathai

Last night before I re-checked the posts (thanks for all the replies, really helped), I emailed her.
I said quite alot of things, I was honest, heres a bit of what I said

Thirdly, Im really really unhappy, and I think that is obvious.Im seriously considering ending this,I have no fears whatsoever about it I just think that if you give me a bit more respect, we can work through it, you havent seemed to have realised, that Im in this relationship too, and that its a give and take situation, and Ive been giving, and yet not yet recieved.
I really would like you to read this and get back to me about it.

We emailed back and forth, I kept mentioning trying to be a bit more appreciative and that, she just said that I was making something out of nothing as usual, and said,

" if you are saying this because
you really dont want to be with me, if i really make you that unhappy then
thats is your thing to say. but if you are lying to get my attention that is so wrong."

I think in that its really obvious that she really doesnt believe that Im unhappy.She went on to say how she thinks Im trying to trick her or something, and how she has to repeat something like "just remember,he doesnt mean it, he's just mad, he doesnt think your a bitch "

In the end she figured I really wanted to break up, yet then she said, Im willing to try if you are, and all along thats what I had been asking yet she just overlooked it and brings it up then.She said fine we're over, after that message, and I replied how it was her choice and that she has to live with it, I was still there, she just had to say she wanted me.
She said after that it was my fault and that I said "Im leaving you", I really thought she was lying, so I checked all of my sent messages, and even searched for each word, and sentence, yet, no match.She was lying, AGAIN.

So in the end she said she would try, if I would.
I text her today at 1 to see how see was, and how her day was..she said she was quite frustrated, and could I please give her space.I said, " of course, text me when you want, feel better.Bye....love you...."

---

I really feel wierd posting such private stuff, but I really need advice on this matter as it seriously affects me, and I feel if I do not sort this out, or get some ideas how, it will seriously fvck me up.


Thanks again for the support, very much appreciated.

~Dave

annR

This relationship is going to continue to be a complete HEADWRECKER. She either doesn't understand what you're talking about, or couldn't be bothered even discussing it properly. Either way.

I think you should just dump her as I think she is trying to turn this around and dump you instead to have the upper hand i.e. "needs some space". That just keeps you waiting around, under her control instead of YOU DUMPING HER.

She obviously knows you quite well and knows exactly how to put you where she wants you.

Where's your backbone, is this all the self respect you have? You started off dumping her and now you've let her dump you but still have you waiting around for her. Pure power play, get rid of her for Christs sakes :mad:

el tel

At the end of your exchange, below, where you say:

Dathai wrote:

" of course, text me when you want, feel better.Bye....love you...."

shows you are too needy and still can't put your own feelings first.
Noone should have to feel so miserable and pathetic at the hands of another person - it's just unnatural, fúcked up and unacceptable.

I'm sorry man but I think you better show some tough love towards yourself; get the ball$ from somewhere and just bite the bullet and get her out of your life. Do that or else stay miserable and probably get dumped yourself.

0utshined

Dathai wrote:

Excuses

She's playing you like a cheap violin and it seems like you like it.

WALK AWAY.

Hugh Hefner

Dathai wrote:

she said she would try, if I would.

~Dave[/QUOTE]
She's saying that you have something to be trying for?! Unbelievable. She's not worth your time. You may be finding it hard to break-up with her but for all you know the love of your life is just around the corner, waiting for you to break-up with this girl. I strongly suggest you do it.

G'luck.

mikeruurds

I've been through this before myself. Fear of the unknown (starting afresh) and being comfortable in your current situation (no matter how bad it is). I used to get walked all over... always giving and being sucked dry.

I had to break the cycle so I broke off a 9 month relationship and then stayed single for three years regaining my self-respect and looking out for number one.

I'm happily married now for almost 2 years after becoming romantically involved with my closest female friend.

There is life after the here and now... stop trying to force things with this person. If you are really unhappy then you need to guard your own heart. She doesn't appear to be at all sensitive to your needs and feelings. I'd recommend that you make a clean break and don't speak to her at all for at least 3 months... that way when you do communicate again it'll be from a emotion-free position. Believe me... you'll have a totally different perspective on things and you'll probably ask yourself how you managed to last it for so long

It'll hurt for a little while, but nothing is as bad as the damage that you'll do to yourself in the long run by staying in the type of relationship that you appear to be in.

Dathai

Hmm, I wanted to meet up with her tomorrow, but she wants to meet up on saturday instead.She said I cant do one thing she asks of me...hmm....vaguely sounds like the situation that caused all of this, although its the other way round...hmm.

Seraphina

sweet jesus man, i cant believe you ended up taking the blame again and being dumped by her.
you've given her far too many chances and she knows she's got you under her thumb.

for the sake of your own sanity and self esteem, DUMP THE SELFISH BITCH

chump

Dathai wrote:

Hmm, I wanted to meet up with her tomorrow, but she wants to meet up on saturday instead.She said I cant do one thing she asks of me...hmm....vaguely sounds like the situation that caused all of this, although its the other way round...hmm.

You're coming across as pathetic Dathai.
All this emailing and texting - and as for the content, come on now

Cop on to yourself and get rid of this girl right now.
Nuttin else to it

Dathai

Done, asked her about trying, and being a bit respectful and that,after a long conversation she said "Ive nothing to try for" and some other crap, I said "Go fvck yourself you....." and went on for a bit there...
Talked to a few mates, gonna come in with me on the saturday and get my stuff..I think Im gonna do it - Self, Girlfriend and mates, next time..

Doesnt actually hurt...just numb... Hmm, thank you for your replies, really helped in the end, gave me more reason and courage to do what I was doing.Really helped.
I feel better about myself now, I have done something she never thought I would do, and I feel alot more confident.She seemed really shocked and upset.I know this may sound cruel, but Im really glad

Thanks again.

Tuesday_Girl

Dathai wrote:

Done, asked her about trying, and being a bit respectful and that,after a long conversation she said "Ive nothing to try for" and some other crap, I said "Go fvck yourself you....." and went on for a bit there...
Talked to a few mates, gonna come in with me on the saturday and get my stuff..I think Im gonna do it - Self, Girlfriend and mates, next time..

Doesnt actually hurt...just numb... Hmm, thank you for your replies, really helped in the end, gave me more reason and courage to do what I was doing.Really helped.
I feel better about myself now, I have done something she never thought I would do, and I feel alot more confident.She seemed really shocked and upset.I know this may sound cruel, but Im really glad

Thanks again.

Fair play to you man! If she thinks she has nothing to try for, you've done the right thing!!!

nobodythere

You sound like you HATE this girl. You can't make that kind of relationship work

mikeruurds

I'm glad you finally made the hard decision mate. Now stick with it and don't get all gooey eyed if she comes round in a week crying and wanting to get together again.

Make it a clean break and move on brother.

Beruthiel

but if you are lying to get my attention that is so wrong

I can't believe that comment

you did the right thing Dathai

annR

Do not give into all the whinging and attempted manipulation which I'm sure is yet to come.

Remember *very* carefully how it went when you tried to reason with her and hold that very very close when she tries to get you under her thumb again.

She has underestimated you and it's probably quite a shock for her but people like that have to learn.

dramaqueen

She sounds like a right nightmare.
Do yourself a favour, and stay away from her. You deserve much better.
And do bring a friend or a brother or somebody with you when you get your stuff. She will probably try to get you on your own and manipulate you again. Your track record with her isn't good and you might fall for it again.
Don't be alone with her, don't answer her calls, don't email her and don't text her back.
Enjoy your newfound freedom.
And enjoy being around people you don't treat you like a piece of shít under their shoe!

WhiteWashMan

whats the update.
are you still going out with this girl, or have you cleared all your things?

Dathai

Eh Whitewashman, I broke up with her, its right there ^^^

DamoKen

All I can add is well done mate, as already said though this is not the end I would think, she knows you and knows what buttons to push, by the sound of it she's totally mastered head games as far as you are concerned. Nothing to be ashamed of, I've been there myself, looking back at it I can only shake my head and with the benefit of a few years hindsight wonder how the hell I let myself get so screwed up, but just because it happened doesn't mean that's the way you are, sometimes we're just unfortunate enough to fall totally for the wrong person . If you manage to make a complete break of it though you will come out of this a lot stronger and wiser, just do not give into any tearful scenes, she treated you like garbage before and if you ended up back with her the only thing that would change would be she'd have even less respect for you.

WhiteWashMan

sorry, last i saw you were collecting some stuff, so didnt kow what happened after that.

well done anyway. im usually pretty impartial in these sorts of things, but your ex sounds like a complete cúnt, scuse the language.

Dathai

Ah right WWM, cheers for the replies and advice.Life is quite alot better now.Im regaining confidence, and my mates are being quite supportive, especially hating the ex and making her feel shíte I know it sounds bad but...I really dont care, she made me feel worse :P

Thanks again all,

~Dave