need some advise on being more selfish or something!!!!

RoyalMarine

worst week of my life... need some help here..


ok, from the start and ill make this the short version not to bore everyone...


i was 19. my gf was 16. she got pregnant. we had the kid. moved in together. realised it wasnt working. broke up. she moved out and started seeing this other guy. it hit me like a ton of bricks. i went into some serious depression. i moved to england for 8 months. now me and her are friends.

in the uk, i met this girl. we started dating, and had a great time. since then, ive moved home about 2 weeks ago. loving it since. untill now.

basically, back in feburary when i moved to the uk, i noticed i had contracted an std... genital warts... i went to a clinic and got treated for it. used the cream and bobs ur uncle, im fine.

im 21 now. working fine and getting on with my family.

now.... here's where im ****ed!.

the girl i was seeing in the uk, has contracted it... apparently i didnt catch all of the std and remove it all... or it was still in my system...
she's 17 now.
and she feels majorly depressed and is seriously mad at me.
i dont blame her.. but then again, was it myfault really? i didnt know i still had it.

problem is.... i went to see my kid today. and myself and my ex, we slept together... it was strictly sex only.. we talked about it after, and she told me she doesnt love me at all, and she loves her bf ( the 2 of them have been on and off for a while for 8 months )...
thats all fine and dandy.. but i dont think i have feelings for her either..
but i dont know what it happened...
jesus its messed up big time...

she doesnt want anything to start. neither do i.
so thats fine. i think. she's confused as am i...

but how can i help my gf in the uk? i dont think its going to work between us... infact i want to break up. but its her bday soon and i dnt know how to do it. also, she is going through a tough time with the virus she contracted off me.

what do i do?

i just wanna be single and see my kid, friends and work...

but i dont want to hurt anyone at all..
i need to be selfish and tell them im not interested, but ive a huge problem with hurting people's feelings...


HELP ME PLEASE!!!

Victor

Go to STD clinic.

Tell the mother.

If you want to be single, you need to talk to the other girl and say so. Or is being "single" code for wanting to have sex with the mother?

I think I need to say this, but keep it in you pants for the moment.

Jesper

Wow thats ****ed up. it happens though.
well you seem to know what you want so you're not so bad. Break up with the English girl as soon as possible waiting until after her birthday won't make it easier for any of ye. Stop sleeping with your childs mother thats both of ye being greedy and wanting a bit of fun when ye shouldn't be having it. Not fair on ye'r partners.
Stay meeting the child but probably best if you do it away from your ex. And be careful who you sleep with in the future. Good luck.

Nasty_Girl

Here's some advice that might help you avoid such situations in the future

+ stop ****ing around
+ stop sleeping with teenagers (they're volatile)
+ if you absolutely must do either of the above, use a condom for christs sake.


Good luck.

beezkneez

You say you dont like hurting peoples feeling yet you slept with your ex and you have a girlfriend in england! cop on!

savoyard

Can I ask if you used condoms with your UK girlfriend after being diagnosed with an STD? Or indeed when you got your first girlfriend pregnant or when you contracted the STD?

What kind of contraception do you use? I'm assuming condom use isn't high on your priority list, but maybe I'm totally wrong and you've just been incredibly unlucky. I hope you and your ex used something on your last shag or she might have contracted it too.

If you haven't been using condoms with the UK girl then it is your fault that she has it. You should have been more careful and taken precautions after being treated for an STD. I'm not surprised she's mad at catching genital warts at the age of 17. I'm just surprised she wants anything to do with you, birthday or not. At the age of 21, you've left one schoolage girl with a baby and another with a dose of warts and you think you need to become more selfish? Sorry but it is hard to have much sympathy for you. Maybe you were just unlucky - but if you have an STD it is your responsibility to make sure you do your best not to pass it on. I'm guessing you probably didn't mention the fact to your UK girlfriend.

Stop sleeping with your ex - the most important relationship is with your kid. its going to be complex enough a relationship to manage without mixing sex into it. You also probably need to tell her she should get tested for an STD. It can be harder for women to realise they're infected and its not fair to let her pass them on to her present boyfriend. It's only six months since you've been diagnosed, you may not be clear.

Break it off with the girl in the UK. I wouldn't worry too much about her birthday and there's not a lot you can do to help her with the STD. Better do it now than have the poor girl hanging on, thinking you care. You've moved back to Ireland so there's the perfect excuse. Or you could tell her that while she's been at the GUM clinic you've been shagging your ex....

Buy some condoms, make sure you use them and don't put others at risk. If you have been using condoms, you obviously need to learn how to use them properly. Read up on the literature the clinic probably gave you and do your best not to pass it on to someone else.

You can get through this - but you have some uncomfortable conversations to have and you do have to be much more careful about protecting yourself and the women you sleep with.

sceptre

Nasty_Girl wrote:

Here's some advice that might help you avoid such situations in the future

+ stop ****ing around
+ stop sleeping with teenagers (they're volatile)
+ if you absolutely must do either of the above, use a condom for christs sake.

reputation++

And in the meantime the OP needs to tell anyone he needs to tell if he doesn't want to see them any more. It's not selfish to tell them, it's selfish not to.

RoyalMarine

my self and my ex girlfriend, used condom's just got really un-lucky with that when my son was concieved.

as for my gf in the uk, we use condoms.
since i got my ex pregnant and got an std i dont do anything without a condom on.
but i dont understand how she got it tho. maybe through oral sex?
or is that possible? its also possible it was passed through contact in the shower or bath...

so i guess im un-lucky in that situation aswell.

well, she went to her mam aswell. told her whats happened and she went and is being treated for the warts as we speak now.
thats fine. i was talking to her after posting this, and i told her how i feel. she is really down at the mo feeling like life is **** and all that. but i cant help how i feel. i cant change it now.

as for my ex, NOTHING will happen between us again. for our own sake as much as the rest of our families.

i do realise that the std is my fault. but when i was treated for it i took every precaution to prevent this happening. i stayed away from sex for about 6 months due to it. i went to the doctor's like every week. and i was told that i no longer have the infection. i still decided to use condom's and i guess it was passed through in the bath or shower when we were together. ( not sex in the shower or bath... )

but hey. i told my ex it cant happen again, and that she might possibly catch it. she is going to look out for signs and if any appear go to the doctor.

my uk gf, i told her all. and i think we wil break up...


believe me, i feel like utter **** right now over this.
guess somethings im not good at... seems to be everything...

anyways thanks for the help.
i dont think im gonna want to have any intercourse for a long long long time...

DAEDULUS

thought it was bad when you mentioned your ex was 16 but the girl in the uk too? thats bad man

savoyard

You have been unlucky....

Some STDs, including warts, are passed on by skin to skin contact, so oral sex is definitely a way to pass it on. Good luck with the girlfriend.

chuci

i gathered by your last post that you called your the english girl "your girlf in the uk" that you havent broken up with her yet. thats really selfish both you and your ex girlfried are to your partners sleeping together behind their backs. have you thought what your doing to the potential relationship with your child some nights and the next morning your there when he/she wakes up and other mornings another man walks out of their mothers bedroom. how confusing is that for a two yr old?

plus imagine if the mother wants sex and you decide to not want to do it could or would she punish you by not letting you see your kid?i think the best thing to do when going out with your kid is to get some one from your family to pick them up and bring them to you. avoids all contact with the mother to avoid temptation.

as for the poor girl in the uk just get rid of her no nedd to drag here into this mess too she given her enough as it is. had you really no other option over there but to go for a 17 yr old?
as for the sti it can be passed through all bodily fluids including blood but no siliva so if you didnt wear a condom when performing oral sex its more than likely passed that way but most ppl just get coldsores. its gen through unsafe sex. but maybe your just unlucky.

best of luck.

Endurance Man

Dont you think you should leave these teen girls alone .

dramaqueen

If you want to be single, be single. Don't be with someone cos it's their birthday soon. That's pretty lame, sorry.
It's clear that you have been pretty unlucky with condoms in the past so maybe you should try another brand. Go to the family planning clinic and get the ones that gay guys use. They are designed to be stronger, for obvious reasons.
And stay away from kids. Both of these girls are way too young to be dealing with these situations. I know it takes two to tango but you were the adult in both of these instances.
Speak to your doctor about how to safely have sex with this disease. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not the case that once you contract warts, the virus is always in your system?
There is no cure.
But there is probably info out there on how to live with it.
research it

RoyalMarine

ok, first off thanks again for the info.
second, my relationship with either of them doesnt involve our age groups, as i was 19 when i first started dating my ex, who was 16 at the time. and now she is 19 and im 21.

the girl in the uk is 17.
she will be 18 soon. and ive just turned 21.
so its not that huge a gap.

ok, i dont want to hurt either of them anymore. ive finished with the girl in the uk. she wants to talk more about it, and thats cool. we can try to be friends and end it with dignity.

im not gonna do anything with my ex who has my kid. and i didnt sleep there. i had sex with her. it was a once off occasion, and were both content to leave it at that.

dramaqueen

I'm sorry but I see a big problem with your age differences.
If you were 25 and she was 21, it would be different. But she is still a kid and you are an adult.
It was the same with the mother of your child. You were 18 and she was 16 when you got pregnant. She was a kid. It doesn't matter that she is 19 now.
Next time, aim for someone of your own age.
Don't you remember being a teenager? Don't you remember how screwed up and insecure you were?
These girls were still going through that when you slept with them.

PlayaFlow

Oh Good Lord, at least please tell me they were good lookin,........if not sting on you, wtf were u expecting

RoyalMarine

hey jesus i didnt ask to be critisised or givin abuse over this.
both of them were not virgins. both of them were the one's who began relations with me, and both of them are more than mature to know what they were doing.

fine, shame on me for doing what i did..

but the reason i posted here is not so ye can sit and laugh or take the piss.
i asked for help, and thanks to the people who actually did.

as for the rest, jesus get a life. i made a few mistakes in my life. so who hasnt?

i need some help and advise on this. not people to tell me im an idiot, or shame on me etc.. dont you think i feel bad enough as it is? becuase i ****ing do. i feel like ****. and i just want some advise on what i can do, how i can do it, and if possible some experiences of some other's past times that maybe can relate to my problems at hand.

dramaqueen, yes i was a teenager before. and i know exactly what you mean. and yes i suppose the age gap is a factor in all this. but im not looking to take back whats happened. im looking to try and help this end in a decent fashion.

WhiteWashMan

break up with the girl in the UK. you dont want her, dont waste her time. make sure she gets treated for the condition you gave her.

dont sleep with your ex. thats just stupid. if she is so in love with her bf, why is she sleeping with you. she has some issues, but thats her probalm to sort out.

dont get back with her. the same problems will be there before you left each other.

what other issues do you have?

easylife

Focus on whats best for your child. As you want to leave your girlfriend in UK and are benig with the mother of your child - it sounds like you are in the back of your mind thinking about your child, but are clouded with all the mess going on between yourself and the women. You also want to be single you said - I think you are actually working it out already!!
You'll get there - be strong!

Beruthiel

Royal
no need to loose the rag, everyone has made some fair comments, with the exception of playaflow, endurance man, DAEDULUS - lads, please refrain from saying anything if you have nothing helpful to say

i need some help and advise on this

you need to grow up, my advice is the same as Victors on this:

finish with your UK g/f
tell the mother of your child that she may also have an STI
get to an STI clinic and get yourself sorted once and for all.

those three things you must do, that is all you need to be told on this thread and you know it.
There is no avoiding hurting and upsetting people in a situation such as this, that's life, face it and sort it.

RoyalMarine

thanks beruthiel. i guess i just needed a slap in the face.

ive finished with the girl in the uk. over done with.
spoke to my ex in ireland aswell, its sorted. we dont want anything to happen from it. we both made that clear. we are only going to see each other when i pick up my kid and drop him home again.

as for the sti area, the girl in the uk is sorting it out now. actually, its sorted. she is on warticon cream for it now.

im going to the doctor in the morning. guess i didnt know enough about it when i got it. i need to learn a lot from this...

my ex was the one who gave it to me.. found that out. so she is going to go back to the doctor and get herself checked. also she will tell her current bf to get checked aswell.

im now going to concentrate on my career, and seeing my kid. im staying away from sex, dating and all my ex's for a long time. im going to start educating myself on self control, and on the proper treatment of this situation.
im going to make sure im never in any similar position again.

guess its a life experience i deserved for screwing about with my body.

lesson learned and problem is sorted now.

guess i do need to grow up a lot now.

Chucky the tree

Stop shagging kids.



Its simple really.

RoyalMarine

go **** ur self.

simple realy.