Meeting Girls

LegacyUser

Hello,

Im a fairly shy fella and I would be regarded as fairly good looking. When im out in a pub/niteclub I often get looks or make alot of eye contact with girls. But i never go over talking to them. I just want to get girls opinons here, are girls always waiting for the fella to make the first move and if so what would you say. What would be a good way to make a conversation?

rick_fantastic

sorry im not a girl but the best way to start a conversation with a girl is to go over to her and say : "hi, im x, whats ur name?" and go from there....

women love nothing more than to talk about themselves so ask loadsa questions and listen. dont be drunk either thats not a good idea.

sins

If your in a niteclub/bar and a girl is giving you the eye she is obviously interested and is probably waiting for you to go over and make the move. Im a girl and thats what I would be waiting for, im shy so I would never make the first move. Why not go over and give her a compliment about what she is wearing etc nothing cheesey or anything - and what ever you do don't give her a cheesy chat up line.

chern0byl

guest88888 wrote:

Hello,

Im a fairly shy fella

It wont get you anywhere with strangers. You want to talk to her? Kiss her? Shag her? Your shyness wont get you anything with her. There is a time and place where your shyness will do everything for you, but it will keep you standing on the sidelines in the nightclubs. Nightclubs are for scoring, so its pointless going to one if your not willing to do the basics.

LegacyUser

So whats considered cheesy then, I mean how can you give a girl a compliment without embarassing her etc.

DAEDULUS

best thing you could do is just bail on over and say hi and start a conversation,dont compliment her,dont ask her name(you can do that later if you dont mess up by then)
you have no reason to be shy,you say your good looking,then you should take pride in that,you are 1 up on all the ugly people strut around like your a god and women will more often come to you

WizZard

rick_fantastic wrote:

the best way to start a conversation with a girl is to go over to her and say : "hi, im x, whats ur name?" and go from there....

It really is this simple...

WhiteWashMan

guest88888 wrote:

Hello,

Im a fairly shy fella and I would be regarded as fairly good looking. When im out in a pub/niteclub I often get looks or make alot of eye contact with girls. But i never go over talking to them. I just want to get girls opinons here, are girls always waiting for the fella to make the first move and if so what would you say. What would be a good way to make a conversation?

the onus is not any any perticular gender to initiate contact with any other gender (well, at leas, with the other gender, there only being two...) but lets be honest here, if everyone stood around waiting for someone to come up and say hello, the species would have dies out ages ago.

nothing ventured, nothing gained.

a good opening line is 'hello, how are you?'...

LegacyUser

yeah but if you go up to a girl and your shy, it really does come across I think. And it makes me self-concious. How can I conquer this? How can I make myself so interested in them that I come out of myself?

Dave

The hardest part is breaking the ice really. Once you've done that it's plain sailing (hopefully). If you smoke, the old "Any chance of a light" can lead onto a good conversation.

alfa147

well i feel for ya man, i mean i dont have a problem talking to girls when im out and making the initial move.

girls are crap at making the first move in ireland. its the old fashioned, guys have to talk to girls scenario. u just got to bite the bullet, either that or go surfing on the dancefloor for some discopigs.

Adblock

if the girl likes u, when ur chatting 2 her she will be very intrested in what u have to say and stuff..the important thing is if u get told off for something, DONT LEAVE THE CLUB LIKE THAT. go chat up another bird, if u like pratice on girls u kinda/dont like. but the most important thing is have fun. It dosent matter a dam thing if she says no, it just means she's not into u.

basically if u can deal with the 1 r 2 regections ur away with it.

have fun.

NikNik

rick_fantastic wrote:

sorry im not a girl but the best way to start a conversation with a girl is to go over to her and say : "hi, im x, whats ur name?" and go from there....

women love nothing more than to talk about themselves so ask loadsa questions and listen. dont be drunk either thats not a good idea.

I disagree with the whole going over, introducing yourself and asking loads of questions. For me that's like an interrogation (reminds me of speed-dating) and I know me and most of my friends would feel a like they're being put on the spot. I think you might get further if you just ask how their nite is going or has she been there before (don't say "do you come here often"!) something along some such levels just to keep it casual. Once you've made an impression on her, then tell them your name. Do one of those "I'm (name) by the way, nice to meet you".

Or if you can make the girl laugh all the more better.

AARRRGH

guest88888 wrote:

yeah but if you go up to a girl and your shy, it really does come across I think. And it makes me self-concious. How can I conquer this? How can I make myself so interested in them that I come out of myself?

The traditional method is to get drunk, but if you really really want to change it you could try to think about why are you so shy - overbearing parents/friends?

There is defo a reason some people have bundles of confidence and some people are desperately shy. Try to think about why you are shy and then try to solve those problem (talk to a counceller, talk to your parents, etc.)

Also, maybe something like joining a gym, getting a **** hot haircut/clothes/etc to make you feel better about yourself?

When I was in my early teens I was VERY shy. I think it was because of my overbearing father (very domineering.) I focussed on something I was good at - making people laugh and listening - and used this to build up my confidence in myself. i then started hanging around with really confident people and that helped me bring out my personality. Now I have bundles of confidence (borderline arrogance!)

But I don't think there are any easy solutions. It will probably take a year or two of really working on it to get rid of your shyness.

...

And you are right, girls can sense shyness miles away. It has to be "real" confidence.

LegacyUser

and how did you find something for yourself to focus on. I mean im good at a few things like knowing about cars or computers, but I dont see how this could help me improve my confidence etc.

Tobias Greeshman

yes its true that girls will pick up on shyness, its fairly obvious having a conversation with a shy person, you dont have to be a girl to pick up on it. But you've got to learn to fake confidence, its actually not a hard thing to do and once you do it, you'll start feeling more confident because girls will see you as a confident guy and you'll see this and feel more confident about yourself.

Also another thing is that you should try and hang around with non-shy people, this really helps, trust me!! You'll feel more confident if your friends are confident as well when they're shy they can be a pain at times, certainly dont help in pulling/chatting to a girl.

Your not going to get rid of shyness overnight as DublinDude said, but if you work on it over time you will become less and less shy and more confident and chatting to a random girl in a pub/club will become like less of an obstacle for you!!

rick_fantastic

guest88888 wrote:

and how did you find something for yourself to focus on. I mean im good at a few things like knowing about cars or computers, but I dont see how this could help me improve my confidence etc.

whatever u do dont mention computers. i dont know any girls that like computers except the ones in my class in college.....

avoid talking about computers like the plague. i dont even tell women when im chatting them up that i study computer science... they run a mile ( i know this from experience!!! )

chern0byl

rick_fantastic wrote:

whatever u do dont mention computers. i dont know any girls that like computers except the ones in my class in college.....

Im a computer geek and proud of it! I have no issues with letting a girl know what i study. I am a guy with goals and ambition and might actually being doing something productive with my life.

rick_fantastic wrote:

avoid talking about computers like the plague. i dont even tell women when im chatting them up that i study computer science... they run a mile ( i know this from experience!!! )

Why not? Theres the start of your problems.
For the op: When it comes to night clubs a girl has decided long before your dazling coversation whether she will score you or not. It most likely happened on eye contact. Your coversation or lack of it even doesnt really matter. Most of the coversation will be lost in translation.

..and walking up to somebody and introducing yourself is the best start.

Mollytt

Do you have any female friends, it can really make it easier if their s someone else to help starts conversation for you. It makes you look a lot more appoarchable, you might get mistaken for a couple. But they can alway find out later once your on talking terms.

WhiteWashMan

guest88888 wrote:

and how did you find something for yourself to focus on. I mean im good at a few things like knowing about cars or computers, but I dont see how this could help me improve my confidence etc.

talk about the latest film releases, youre favourite coffee house, what palces you like to go to in dublin, the last time you made a complete fool of yourself trying to chat up a chick....

you dont need to pretend you are james bond and you dont need to be intellectual. women like someone who will just chat with them about, well, every day stuff.

ask them if they are single, and why...?

why are the single, that should get her talking about herself for half an hour. women like to talk about themselves, you listen, you nod, you put in the odd coment like 'pfffft! men!' and she will think youre funny.

its really easy....

AthAnRi

guest88888 wrote:

yeah but if you go up to a girl and your shy, it really does come across I think. And it makes me self-concious. How can I conquer this? How can I make myself so interested in them that I come out of myself?

Hey man,

Sorry to here about your problems mate. I know exactly what your going through. I think one of your major problems is you may be a little too self conscious and possibly a little afraid of being embarrased.

Think about it this way what is the worst than can happen. She says no, the thought of a girl saying no is actually worse than when it happens. I mean if you get rejected then just say well at least I tried.

Also if you would like to work up a little bit more courage with the ladies just talk to them first. Not always with the intention of scoring. Maybe just try and get a number, perhaps the old convientional date. That kind of **** is a dying art that women and men quiet enjoy if they try it out once in a while.

Ignore the people on here that are taking the politically correct route about 'girls having to make the first move too', that is a load of sh1t. This is the mating game, the reason god put us here. It is up to the guy to make the move and 95% of the time he does.

Finally as men we hold all the advantages, if a girl is interested in a guy she has to wait for him to make the move, this could take months and a lot of times it doesn't happen for them with certain guys. While for us it's pretty simple we see a girl we like we make a move and we either strike it rich or we crash and move on to the next.

0utshined

chern0byl wrote:

For the op: When it comes to night clubs a girl has decided long before your dazling coversation whether she will score you or not. It most likely happened on eye contact. Your coversation or lack of it even doesnt really matter. Most of the coversation will be lost in translation.

..and walking up to somebody and introducing yourself is the best start.

Exactly! If she's eyeing you up then she's likely thinking two things.

1) Please let him notice me and come over.

2) Please let him not say\do something completely stupid.

It's like negative marking, you're in unless you play yourself. Just have a chat with her and don't stress it. If she blows you off, so what? At least you tried.

_Turismo4

wrote:

What would be a good way to make a conversation?

Develop a backbone and just go over and say hi…and talk on from there,,, what have you got to lose..

AARRRGH

_Turismo4 wrote:

Develop a backbone and just go over and say hi…and talk on from there,,, what have you got to lose..

Yes, I agree.

The "what do I say" part is easy. Myself and my friends used to have a laugh by saying any crazy **** that came into our heads (and I'm talking seriously ridiculous ****, like we were from Africa and we were half-black etc.) But we said it with such confidence we always got away with it. So "what do I say" is easy. It's anything at all, said with confidence (although acting normal is obviously recommended.)

The key is developing confidence. Without confidence you will get nowhere.

As you said: you are good looking. You like computers and cars - scrap this. Are you a good listener? Let the girl talk. As someone else said, girls love nothing more than talking **** about themselves. Just listen, make the odd funny comment, and then tell her something to make her feel good about herself (it's not difficult.)

Regarding the not-looking-like-a-shy-tool. You'll have to work on this. It won't magically appear. It'll take time. You have to believe in yourself. Confidence (real confidence) comes from thinking "I'm clever/interesting/good looking/worth something/etc.". Unless you believe in yourself no one will. Hanging out with positive, confident people will help bring this out (look at celebs - all their yes men make them think they are **** hot.) Also try to find out why you are shy and then solve that issue.

It'll come with time. But you gotta start working on it.

DAEDULUS

your best bet is to just say something funny concering your surroundings...

also when having a conversation you have to understand that men want facts,women want feelings,so no 'good match wasnt it?' bull****,if she says she likes playing football,you say 'what do you like about it?' when she answers you say,'yeah i know what you mean,i love that rush of exitement you get when the match starts' or some other jargin like that..you want her to think that the two of you have this real deep emotional bond lol

but whatever you do,dont just agree with whatever she says,if she says something stupid,call her out on it,be a man

4th edit-

what you say is about 10% of all communication,your voice tone being 30% and body language 60%...so no matter what you say,if you have ****e posture and have the voice of a mouse kicked in the balls then you'l get nowhere...take brad pitt,clooney,brosnan,farrell,all these guys have deep voices, and good posture,when they stand they have their shoulders back and chests lifted...

lifting your chest and bringing your shoulders back a little are the closest things you will ever get to a quick fix with women,youll notice a big difference in attention you get

ando

Go out thinking you are the best looking dude in the world and act accordingly oozing with confidence. Works a treat

dramaqueen

Just don't be silent.
As a girl there is nothing worse than a guy asking you one question and expecting you to do all the talking.
It's nice for a conversation to go two ways.

g'em

wow, if you weren't stressed about it before, you sure as hell will be now with 17 million different pieces of advice...

and so i'm gonna jump on the bandwagon too!!!

its ok to be shy. its not a bad thing. imho, a cocky, over-confident idiot will get nothing more than a brush off from most of the girls I know, me included. Trust me, there's enough idiots out there of both sexes. Be yourself. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then whats the point? Talk about anything and everything. When it comes to people who I like and click with I could talk about completely random rubbish and still enjoy myself.

Most importantly, smile, and enjoy yourself, we're not all evil y'know

WhiteWashMan

g'em wrote:

. its not a bad thing. imho, a cocky, over-confident idiot will get nothing more than a brush off from most of the girls I know, me included.

theres a big difference between the 'get your coat love, youve pulled' type of person, and they 'hello, i feel good abot myself' type person.

everybody likes someonet that feels good about themselves becuase they are just very easy and natural and comfortable with themselves.

its true that 70% of communication is through body language. someone who is relaxed and condifdent will always have a greater chance with someone. its why so many women go for bastárds. because they are self confident. you only get the bástard bit later

g'em

WhiteWashMan wrote:

its why so many women go for bastárds. because they are self confident. you only get the bástard bit later

i'm guessing they're knocking down your door daily then?


of course there's a difference between confident and cocky, its just that most people don't quite know how pull off the former with conviction.

Just mean he shouldn't be too worried about being shy. More important than anything he should be who he is. Its very easy to figure out when someone is putting on the bravado.

Jonny Arson

Great thread.

Even though I'm not a considerably shy bloke and have no problem talking with girls, it's chatting the ladies up in clubs/pubs that makes me become quite shy for some reason. Your certainly not the only one that's for sure!

Another thread on this forum a few days was discussing how people don't find clubs confortable be them being shy or not. Maybe getting involved in some course/club/hobbie where there would be alot of women could be a solution for overcoming your shyness and towards women in particular. You would be in a more formal environment, interacting with them at more ease and would be good practice for going into the lions den that is clubs.

Concentrate on building your confidence first and foremost and then attempt to lure the ladies. Good luck!

Khannie

rick_fantastic wrote:

avoid talking about computers like the plague. i dont even tell women when im chatting them up that i study computer science... they run a mile ( i know this from experience!!! )

I disagree with this. Don't get into any kind of technical conversation, granted. That bores the pants off anyone (and not in a good way ) in a pub, myself included and hell....I'm the computers mod.

I do think that there's a certain "geek chic" though. There are lots of positives associated with people who know about computers like assumed intelligence levels, ability to get a well paid, steady job, etc. etc.

When I was studying computer science, I used to kinda joke about it being geeky (to try to remove the negatives associated with it). Once you don't look geeky you'll be ok.

WhiteWashMan

g'em wrote:

i'm guessing they're knocking down your door daily then?


of course there's a difference between confident and cocky, its just that most people don't quite know how pull off the former with conviction.

Just mean he shouldn't be too worried about being shy. More important than anything he should be who he is. Its very easy to figure out when someone is putting on the bravado.

well, you appear to be stalking me today.

are you saying im confident or a bástard?


and there is no 'pulling' off being confident. its something you are, not something you act.

i think you are just trying to start an arguement today. youre exceedingly defensive.

WizZard

Khannie wrote:

I do think that there's a certain "geek chic" though. There are lots of positives associated with people who know about computers like assumed intelligence levels, ability to get a well paid, steady job, etc. etc.

This is true.
Intelligence is attractive to both sexes.

I get that a lot...

SexyGoddess

If you see a girl you like just go over and say "Hi"... ask her if shes having a good night thats all you need to start a converstaion if she just says its alrite or yea its a good night and you feel like you have nothing to say tell her a story tell her you came out with your friends and they gone and disappeared or something like that once the conversation starts everything will go from there and you can ask her her name and where shes from what she does etc etc.

Dont be ashamed to tell her like computers -believe it or not sometimes girls like computers aswel (iv been called a geek more than once -but a good looking one!! ) and even if they dont like computers just because a lad does doesnt mean hes suddenly not worth talking to - rick_fantastic sorry babe but i dont think its the computers thats making them run a mile

id just say go for it walk up to the girl say hi and let it go itself from there you might get shot down a few times but it does work itl just some courage and a little bit of confidence

g'em

WhiteWashMan wrote:

well, you appear to be stalking me today.

are you saying im confident or a bástard?


and there is no 'pulling' off being confident. its something you are, not something you act.

i think you are just trying to start an arguement today. youre exceedingly defensive.

oh dear, actually i'm finding all the banter quite hilarious, its nowehere near argument level! and no, of course i'm not stalking, besides you've been replying too

you're certainly confident i''ll give you that. i just don't like sweeping statements claiming all women like b*stards, when most girls I know want a nice guy to treat them well.

again, its two different views. that's it. no biggie, so lets leave it at that eh?

Noopti

If she is looking at you through the night, then go over to her and smile(important to girl folk and also so that it's obvious your being good humoured) and say, "I saw you looking over here, you should have come over and said hi".......
If she has been looking over then she is obviously interested and you saying that will probably get a response like:
"I was going to, but I'm a bit shy" or something to that effect.
Then you can say, "I can be shy sometimes too, its no biggie. My name is xxxx by the way...."

Either that or she'll tell you to feck off.......just joking. Good luck.

WhiteWashMan

g'em wrote:

oh dear, actually i'm finding all the banter quite hilarious, its nowehere near argument level! and no, of course i'm not stalking, besides you've been replying too

you're certainly confident i''ll give you that. i just don't like sweeping statements claiming all women like b*stards, when most girls I know want a nice guy to treat them well.

again, its two different views. that's it. no biggie, so lets leave it at that eh?

er, fine, my point was that women are 'perceived' to like bástards, because they are self confident, and its true that all people like other confident people.
they are easy to talk to, easy going.

im saying, that is why a lot of women would go for one.
i said they then find out hes a bástard after. i didnt say they liked that part
yes, its a gerenalisation, but its not really a point where specifics are needed, and in this case, i think its a pretty good generalisations. remember, not all gerneralisations are bad.

after all, most europeans are white, and most penguins live in the antartic...

again, read what i said, and not whatever you appear to think im saying!

DAEDULUS

do you actually believe that most of these men turn out to be bastards?.....

MrPinK

DAEDULUS wrote:

actually its a pretty stupid generalization,why would women want to go out with a bastard?

You missed the point entirely. They don't want to go out with a bastard, they want someone with self-confidence. This is something bastards have in abundence, which is they manage to attract women despite being bastards.

DAEDULUS

i edited just before u posted,wasnt fast enough i guess
i intially thought he was making one of those stupid 'you have to be a bastard to get women' comments,then realised it wasnt what he was saying,

but still a stupid generalization, 'most turn out to be bastards' my arse..
what is the bastardness that these men later reveal?

arbeitsscheuer

DAEDULUS wrote:

what is the bastardness that these men later reveal?

Imperfection?
Humanity?
A sense of Pride?

StephenInsane

You are probably not half as good looking as you think you are. You probably have no chance with the girls who are making eye-contact. People look at other people, get over yourself.

DAEDULUS

StephenInsane wrote:

You are probably not half as good looking as you think you are. You probably have no chance with the girls who are making eye-contact. People look at other people, get over yourself.

now this is a crock of **** unlike no other lol...

when you walk down a road and your (as you naturally do..) scouting out the area,and you spot a total mut staring at you,what do you do? return eye-contact? HELL NO,your instant response is to look the total opposite way to show her you want nothing to do with her and her ugliness,same works for women...so unless your part of the super small minority of men who keep eye contact with a woman he is not attracted to in the slightest,just for the sake of 'looking at other people' then fair enough,but I seriously doubt you are so dont waffle on like that and try put him down about something that he has going for him.. you simply dont understand attraction,so maybe you shouldnt be adding your 'advice' in here..

StephenInsane

What DAEDULUS? If it's a good looking girl starring at you, you have a good 5 minute starring contest?

DAEDULUS

well ive never came across a lenghty 5minute stare with a girl before but usually if a hot bird is looking my way il look back and make eye contact,give em a nice eye **** and smile,not breaking it until they do..this shows that your not intimadated by her looks like all the other wusses that hesitate and look away after making eye contact for just a second, its all about the confidence baby

StephenInsane

do u ever think that might come across as creepy?

DAEDULUS

not if they smile back...

GrumPy

MrPinK wrote:

You missed the point entirely. They don't want to go out with a bastard, they want someone with self-confidence. This is something bastards have in abundence, which is they manage to attract women despite being bastards.

I totally agree, Bastards attract women, even though there idiots, they bleed self-confidence

chern0byl

Irish GrumPy wrote:

I totally agree, Bastards attract women

Not any woman i would be interested in. They are always easy and have serious issues with themselves. I know plenty of bastards, and they can keep the women they get.

GrumPy

DAEDULUS wrote:

well ive never came across a lenghty 5minute stare with a girl before but usually if a hot bird is looking my way il look back and make eye contact,give em a nice eye **** and smile,not breaking it until they do..this shows that your not intimadated by her looks like all the other wusses that hesitate and look away after making eye contact for just a second, its all about the confidence baby

Good advice, but i'd be worried i'd be starrin at them, waiting for them to stop, and they dont? then were just starrin at each other and i look like a perv? LOL