Can anybody help??

Pixie4

Hi All!

Could do with some objective advice...already posted last week of how my now ex b/f of a year decided he wanted to end things because he wasn't seeing enough of me...we were in a long distance relationship...he knew that this was the way it was going to be from the start but now he's saying it is not enough. It came totally out of the blue and I'm heart broken. Was starting to work things out and get myself back on track when I heard from him....he's now not sure if he's making a mistake or not...I'm all over the place..my heart wants him back but my head is telling me that I'll never feel secure as I'll be expecting him to call things off again on a whim.

Any suggestions>??? All greatly welcomed.

Chucky the tree

Will it still be a long distance relationship? if so dont bother. His probaly bored now and misses you a bit. When hes be back in the rut of going out with you for a month or so he will be pissed off and just want to end it again.


Move on.

Pixie4

Ya it would still be long distance....theres no way around that at all....I think its just a sad excuse,he says his feelings for me haven't changed...

Chucky the tree

Its the intial feeling of loose he is finding difficult. He just needs to give it a bit more time. Hes probaly thinking aobut you alot and is thus thinking that maybe he made the wrong decision.

But when hes back in the same long distance relationship he ended the first time around he wont take long to end it again.

Seraphina

yeah he's probably feeling lonely. but if his feelings havent changed you could try keeping in contact perhaps? if situations ever change and you can be near eachother, you could always try again.

misswex

How far apart are you?

WhiteWashMan

Pixie4 wrote:

Hi All!

Could do with some objective advice...already posted last week of how my now ex b/f of a year decided he wanted to end things because he wasn't seeing enough of me...we were in a long distance relationship...he knew that this was the way it was going to be from the start but now he's saying it is not enough. It came totally out of the blue and I'm heart broken. Was starting to work things out and get myself back on track when I heard from him....he's now not sure if he's making a mistake or not...I'm all over the place..my heart wants him back but my head is telling me that I'll never feel secure as I'll be expecting him to call things off again on a whim.

Any suggestions>??? All greatly welcomed.

continue with the break up.
his feelings are probably not aimed towards you, but he is now finding himself lonely that he doesnt have you (although far away).
so what he is feeling is that kind of empty feeling you get when you no longer go out with someone, but he is mistaking it for love or whatever he had for you.
continue with the break up, after all, the reasons he dumped you in the first place have no magically disappeared over the last week i suspect, and its probably only a matter of time before he gets to feeling he wants to be single again.

Chrissie

I'm in that situation myself, I've just broken up with my long term bf & I miss him so much I'd love to phone him up & get back together as that'd be so much easier, but it's not the solution & it'd never work.
It's the reality of I'm all alone & how do I spend my time by myself that makes me want him back, & I would, I'd be happy if we got back together, but once I felt safe again, the reasons why I broke up with him would surface again & I'd know I did the wrong thing.

Your ex is only panicking at the mo as he's lonely & lost, it'll past (It'd better for my sake!). Then he'll realise it's for the best & it's right that you stay apart.

If you're not sure, & he's saying at the mo that he does want to get back together, instead of turning him straight down tell him to give it 3 months & if you both still feel you want each other (which I doubt) you'll discuss getting back together then.

I haven't said anything like this to my ex as I know it'd make him feel exactly how you're felling at the mo.

Try to ignore him for now & put what he says down to loneliness etc & get on with having a good time.
If he has genuinely made a mistake then another few months to clear each others heads can't hurt.

Take care.

Zombrex

I would say the long distance thing was getting him down, he probably was thinking "wouldn't it just be easier if I had a girl here". People in a relationship that has problems (like being apart for long periods) tend to long around a lot more and think if only I wasn't going out with someone ...

I remember being in a relationship a few years ago where I couldn't pass an attractive girl on the street without going "Damn, if I wasn't going out with someone .." The thing is, this is just fantasy. If I wasn't going out with someone I still wouldn't have chatted up anyone of these girls I was looking at.

I would say after the break up your ex came crashing down to cold hard reality where in fact it isn't easy to jump straight into a new relationship. And he is probably lonely and missing being in a relationship.

My advice is leave it broken up. I have always been under the impression that long term long distance relationships are a bad thing anyway (people tend to feel they are in a normal relationship getting to know their partner when really they aren't properly, and if often ends up with someone being really hurt or the two people just drifting apart).

If you did get back together in all probablity the same problems would emerge and I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up back here in 6 months.

Laguna

Long distance relationships can work but they're so hard to maintain, the amount of time spent apart is torture enough, not forgetting the fact you'll constantly be paranoid if they are remaining faithful to you or not.

Only continue with the relationship if you see a future to it don't stay together for the sake of it.

Pixie4

Cheers guys and gals for your replies. Haven't heard a peep from him since the last phonecall so I'm coming to terms with the fact that our relationship is no more.....!! Just to answer one of your questions,he is living in Dublin and I'm in Limerick so I didn't think that it too far if you really wanted to see somebody.....ah well, life goes on I guess.

Cheers again!

LadyJ

OP,breakups are so hard and that's why no good can come out of being dumped twice by the same person. Believe me it's horrible and there's no use prolonging inevitable disaster.

You're better off getting on with things now rather than later. You'll thank yourself at the end of the day.

shakaman

I'm afraid I have to disagree.....I recently broke up with my g/f thinkin the single life was they way for me having gone out with friends and seen them going on the pull etc. After a month of playing the field I realised it's just a big game and I had everything I ever wanted in my ex so I begged her to take me back and I'm delighted she did and won't make the same mistake again.

Hope everything will be ok for you