Dating Again... Serious HELP needed here!

mlwaterbug

OK... Here's some quick facts about me.

New to this board.
I'm 36 yr male.
Divorded 1 yr (was married 13 yrs).
Started dating about 4 months ago.


Ok I'm one confused guy here... As you can probably guess I really don't know how to date anymore... but I try (not easy kinda shy) and have seemed to be doing OK until my last.. now I feel like im 15. And I fricken hate it.

Stroy:
I met this gal a few weeks ago on a business trip. We talked on the plane for a few hours...little difficult at first, but eventually had a lot in common. I found out that she has been seperated for a few months...not too big of a deal for me (she says it's over, but It does concern me very much).. been there done that..
Anyhow we talked the entire flight..difficult at first, but eventually we had alot in common. She was confused trying to figure out her next flight.. she had no cell phone no direction on what to do next...so I being the helpful guy lent her mine and helped her get set for the next leg of her trip.. we spent sometime togather in the airport (nothing big) and just left it at that.

Well I ended up calling her last week. Said hey and asked if she was interested in going out / hanging out, r what ever. She said she had written my name down in her purse yada yada yada..and was thinking about calling me...(but haddent). Well I set up a date for this last Wednesday.. Dinner, movie, drinks...we/I had fun..about as much as a first date can.. Movies went alright..I was looking for some signes (body gestures, eye contact, what ever but nothing really said BAM I LIKE U). For me I like her very much, and don't really know her? I touched her leg a few times during the movie, (I didn't get pushed away but never was given any re-assurance on her part that it was liked by her) she did grab my arm once during the movie. **** I'm lame..sorry. I look for these signs u know.

Well we had a good evening. I dropped her off at her truck. She gave me the best hug I've had in a long time...and I recprocated..gave her a small kiss on the cheak. She said she had a great time...(mee too).. and wanted me to call her on my way home r whatever... so i did. We talked shortly (kinda ran out of things to say) but I told her I had fun and would like to do it again she agreed. We tried to work out schedules, with kids and all but couldn't figure one out. From there the call ended quickly..well I gotta get to bed but we'll talk soon.

Well I waited until sunday eve to call her back letting things simmer. No answer, so I left a short message asking her to call me back..It's now been 2 days and no call..

OK here's the deal...I like her alot.. I've been out a bit, but nothing has hit me like this one has. I feel like im 15. Ok Question?:

Was she just being nice with this we'll talk soon bit and building up my ego, or did I just get burned by a "too nice girl".

Don't know what to do next.. Need some help/Ideas here?

secret_squirrel

She does sound like she might be one of those too nice to tell you 'no thanks' to your face kinda women.

However, I would give it one more call and then if she doesnt respond move on. Make it after 3-4 days after the last one.

Tbh if she doesnt respond after that she cant be arsed to treat you decently and therefore isnt worth chasing.....

jcoote

tbh u sound desperate like u need a woman to fill the void left by your wife and maybe u were a bit forceful or maybe she is just clinging on for the same reason u seem to be..but if u guys did have a good time and she did hug u like u said she did then why not call her again to put your mind at rest at least

ApeXaviour

I'm completely with secret squirrel on this one.

Dizzyblabla

secret_squirrel wrote:

Tbh if she doesnt respond after that she cant be arsed to treat you decently and therefore isnt worth chasing.....

My rule ALWAYS is, if they don't respond to the text/phone call, delete the number, no point in waiting around, just move onwards and upwards!

Tiriel

Dizzyblabla wrote:

My rule ALWAYS is, if they don't respond to the text/phone call, delete the number, no point in waiting around, just move onwards and upwards!

that's not bad advice.. because think about it.. if a woman you liked contacted you.. would you let it go and not text or ring her back?! If you don't have the temptation of ringing or texting her again.. after maybe one more shot at it.. delete the number and leave the rest to fate. But I hope for your sake it has a happy ending

Beruthiel

secret_squirrel wrote:

However, I would give it one more call and then if she doesnt respond move on. Make it after 3-4 days after the last one

totally agree with that

Cerdito

mlwaterbug wrote:

Well we had a good evening. I dropped her off at her truck.

She lives in a truck?

mlwaterbug

Thanks for the advice everyone...

I've let this one get to me too much.. Time to change my focus.

My Plan:
To-night I will give it one last shot...dunno what to say cuz right now I have the attitude of "forget it".. I don't need the head games that I'm placing on myself. I don't deal with rejection well, and a phone call not returned is just that to me.

A few questions...

Is this a selfish or unrealistic attitude to take toward dating and this situation?

If i do end up talking to her tonight... do i ask her if she recieved the message? or just avoid that one all togather?

Lastly.. If no answer...don't call again?

secret_squirrel

mlwaterbug wrote:

A few questions...

Is this a selfish or unrealistic attitude to take toward dating and this situation?

If i do end up talking to her tonight... do i ask her if she recieved the message? or just avoid that one all togather?

Lastly.. If no answer...don't call again?

Realistic attitude imo - just try not to get too engaged in the whole scenario at first...there's nothing to be gained diving head first into things (err..well with maybe one exception)

Dont mention the first call - makes you sound needy imo.

Err..probably. Personally I do a 2-3 strikes and you're out approach - on the theory that some women love a tryer! Never call/text more than 3 times though - a man's gotta draw the line somewhere.

Beruthiel

mlwaterbug wrote:

Is this a selfish or unrealistic attitude to take toward dating and this situation?

no
going through a divorce can be a painful thing, it is natural that you wish to protect yourself from more of the same.
You are at an age where you wish to be told straight and not have to play any games. Your attitude is correct imo.

If i do end up talking to her tonight... do i ask her if she recieved the message? or just avoid that one all togather?

I wouldn't push it, you don't know her well enough for that.

Lastly.. If no answer...don't call again?

I wouldn't call again, she has your number, she knows you called, if she was interested, she'd call back.
Either way, I wouldn't sit around waiting, continue on with your life. You can't win them all.

annR

I agree. Try not to get too involved in something before it's even started. Give it another go just in case and then leave it after that.

So did you call her?

Sifo

Who knows maybe you moved too quickly, getting into a relationship might not be top of her list atm.. concentrating on career, family etc.

mlwaterbug

Yea... Called her yesterday.

No answer.. just left causal message.. Guess I'm done now. Thought she was much more mature than that...huh?

Can't figure out why It wasn't more appearent to me she wasn't interested. What she said and what she is doing are two different things..

Strange.. I realize I'm new to this again...but geez.. I guess I fricken need to get a clue.

Beruthiel

mlwaterbug wrote:

Strange.. I realize I'm new to this again...but geez.. I guess I fricken need to get a clue.

don't beat yourself up about it
she's going through a seperation so her head is all over the camp and though she probably liked you a lot, perhaps she thought that it was too soon to be getting into another relationship after just coming out of one.
which would be right btw, she wouldn't have done you any favours by getting with you while she's still messed up

pdunno

Yeah don't dwell on it. I'd leave it now if I were you, you gave it a shot and the ball is totally in her court. If it was me I'd delete her number to avoid the temptation to call!

MojoMaker

mlwaterbug, are you American by any chance?

Have you considered that she may have picked up an element of pressure from you at the time? Devil's advocate 'n all...

Enii

I'd chalk it down to experience. It was unfortunate but you were in to her while she wasn't as in to you. No big deal, walk away. Possibly you imagined that there was more chemistry than there really was - i.e. when you rang her after the date you both ran out of things to say. This normally doesn't happen when you really click with someone. You can't expect to have a relationship with the first girl you meet after a divorce. This will probably be the first of many girls you meet in the search for Ms. Right. Good luck - and relax, enjoy those dates!