Obsession: Pretty Girls

LegacyUser

Ok, this is not a new thing but I can't seem to get over it and as a result, I feel horrible about myself for large periods of time.

I'm 20 years old and am in a very serious relationship, I'm fairly sure this is the girl for me and that noone will ever care about me as much as she does. She is the only girl that I've had a sexual relationship with and it's probably just as well since I have quite the sexual appetite and tastes which she is willing to accommodate (until she gets sore ofc).

Now my problem lies in the fact that I just can't keep my eyes off that dangerous race called pretty girls. Just this morning I was on the bus and saw the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, talk about perfect facial features, a bit exotic looking, I couldn't keep my mind off her and how much I wished I could just chance my arm at going up to her. Then I thought of my girlfriend and thought awful about myself.

It doesn't stop there though, the fact that this girl was actually so beautiful probably wouldn't have made a difference because, if there's a slim girl, between 16-30, I'll be checking her out. I can't help it, I just can't. I even go out of my way to get a glance sometimes, always subtly however. I have loads of female friends and I'm never disrespectful. I'm an aspiring artist and I'd like to push it to me appreciating beauty but Idunno how true that is. Whilst a lot of it isn't sexual feeling, a lot of it is and whilst my favourite part of any girl is face and form, I will be looking at the whole picture.

I find myself hating girls though, I hate girls that flaunt themselves, that doesn't stop me looking..

I would be a decent looking guy, a bit alternative and I get on with loads of people, I have a rather large circle of close friends and sometimes I figure that may be my problem. The fact that I'm under lock and key and feel like I may be missing out but then I think that no amount of girls would satisfy my craving and I'm just lucky to have someone that cares about me as much as she does... But then I feel that I'm not worth it seeing as I harbour these thoughts. Is that love?

I rate girls, I've only been in my new course 3 or 4 weeks and I've already picked out the girls I have to avoid... I won't though, and I haven't, I've already made good friends with a girl I really fancy..

This may seem a little incoherent but these are feelings I'm having trouble understanding, I'll update in a while but if anyone can tell me whether this is normal (how depressing, I think I'd rather be a freak...) or whether I'll ever get over this... bleh

chump

You're allowd like the way other girls look and think they're "hot" ... it's human nature. My mates with gf's are as bad as those without with checking out hot girls. It's almost a subconscious thing really. (we're not talking about wailing abuse and wolf whisling or anything here)

The big thing is: would you also be checking out your gf if you weren't going out with her ... if the answers NO, you're in trouble... as long as you still dig your gf I don't see the problem...

I'd say we all just grow out of this after a while
Well that's what my gf is hoping anyway

Chrissie

I'm no expert, but I'd say you're suffering from a common problem, which is:- you're a Man!!!!!!


Nope, don't think it'll go away, it's what men do & to be honest I'd say it'd be more worrying if you didn't.

Yes, as a girl it can get a bit irritating sometimes but I just learned to live with it, so long as you're only looking there's no harm in that. With most of my friends being male I've just always been included in the 'check her out' kind of conversations anyway, & though I'm not into women in anyway, I can give credit where credit's due!
My ex (not the reason he's my ex tho) loves looking at nice women, the bigger the baps the better. It got to the stage that if I saw a nice one I'd tell him so he could see for himself. I mean, he's going to do it anyway, so I may as well help him.

He loved me all the more for this fact & would always be telling his mates about the fact that I did this.

I'm sure not all women are like this though, but my motto:- 'if you can't beat em, join em' & so long as you don't act on your thoughts, no harm done imo.

mountainyman

Choose to be faithful and enjoy looking. The fact that you would like to cheat doesn't mean that you should.

No harm looking.

jcoote

u have nothing to worry about...if u weren't looking at pretty girls u would have a PI but u do so its all good...look as much as u want but don't touch and if your gf has a problem wit that its her issues not yours !!!

LegacyUser

You see, I think one of the reasons is that I fell in love with my girlfriend but I never really fancied her before then... Then when I see a girl that I think god has specifically customised for my sexual pleasure I really start to wonder...

yossarin

Sounds a little like you are worrying about spending the rest of your life with this girl.
At that age you just wanna feck anything moving, and being with her is stopping you trying.
is this the case? Me and my GF got together fairly young and have both expressed a regret at not ever having a wild oats period.

Jonny Arson

Chrissie wrote:

I'm no expert, but I'd say you're suffering from a common problem, which is:- you're a Man!!!!!!

Bang on. If you went to a medical professional any response other than that would be wrong!

[Jackass]

shame wrote:

Now my problem lies in the fact that I just can't keep my eyes off that dangerous race called pretty girls. Just this morning I was on the bus and saw the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, talk about perfect facial features, a bit exotic looking, I couldn't keep my mind off her and how much I wished I could just chance my arm at going up to her. Then I thought of my girlfriend and thought awful about myself.

It doesn't stop there though, the fact that this girl was actually so beautiful probably wouldn't have made a difference because, if there's a slim girl, between 16-30, I'll be checking her out. I can't help it, I just can't. I even go out of my way to get a glance sometimes, always subtly however. I have loads of female friends and I'm never disrespectful. I'm an aspiring artist and I'd like to push it to me appreciating beauty but Idunno how true that is. Whilst a lot of it isn't sexual feeling, a lot of it is and whilst my favourite part of any girl is face and form, I will be looking at the whole picture.

You just described my average lunch hour...and is noting to be ashamed of, every guy does it.

Your real problem is you're tied down to something too serious too young. You want to expierience sex with more girls, and see what else is out there, but are hesitant of risking what you have. All perfectly normal.

It's like having a 4 on the dice...you could role again and land a 6...but you could also land a 1. (does that make sense?)

It's time to redefine your relationship, ask yourself how strong is this desire? Do you really want to expierence sex with different people, is it something you will have to do before you could take the step into making your current relationship perminant one day?

If the answer is yes, it's better you come to an agreement with your g/f rather than end up cheating on her.

Tell her you really love her, you love the way things are so serious, but you would like to take a short break from the intensety...neither of you have ever really expierienced independance, and it's something you both require to bring your relationship to the next level.

You must make it clear however that to reach this enlightenment you want to see other people, to prove to youself she is the one...and must encourage her to do the same...and accept the possability that some other guy might be doing the stuff with her that you do....

Risky step if you ask me mate...but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do....and if it's really ment to be, you and your g/f will find a way through this difficult time.......

Good Luck.

Hub

OP, Eh well, seriously thats normal man

bullrunner

yossarin wrote:

Sounds a little like you are worrying about spending the rest of your life with this girl.
At that age you just wanna feck anything moving, and being with her is stopping you trying.
is this the case? Me and my GF got together fairly young and have both expressed a regret at not ever having a wild oats period.

Sounds like u should try them swingin parties!

Beruthiel

just cos you're on a diet
doesn't mean you can't look at the menu

The Sweeper

shame wrote:

...it's probably just as well since I have quite the sexual appetite and tastes which she is willing to accommodate (until she gets sore ofc)...that dangerous race called pretty girls...I find myself hating girls though, I hate girls that flaunt themselves, that doesn't stop me looking...I'm under lock and key and feel like I may be missing out... ...no amount of girls would satisfy my craving ...I've already picked out the girls I have to avoid...

There's nothing wrong with looking.

However, just a point:

Your girlfriend isn't an object designed solely to fulfil your desires. Other women are not objects designed solely to fulfil your desires. The entire human race was not built to satisfy your craving.

These are all people. They have wants, needs, desires, cravings and thoughts themselves.

There is nothing wrong with looking at them.

Looking is fine.

It's thinking that's dangerous.

Töpher

You can look, but don't touch!

LegacyUser

is your gf not good looking?

Dave

I think you may be too young to be in such a serious relationship. I'm talking from experience here. I was in the *exact* same situation. I broke up with a girl I loved a few months ago as I realised that the "looking" may well turn into something more, and the reason behind this was (being 20 at the time) that I wanted to experience life outside a relationship before settling down at such a young age, and if I didn't do this then I would be plagued by "what ifs" which isn't the best mentality to have in a serious long term relationship.

mikeruurds

Hey there.

I'm 28 years old and married to my first sexual partner who I love dearly. I also catch myself checking other girls out... whenever a bit of cleavage is showing I have to force myself not to let my eyes drift.

It's just a guy thing. Our libido is sight activated and unfortunately we can tend to be rather indiscriminate about being turned on. It's our choice to be committed to one person. If you really love someone then you can live with being faithful to them. The problem arises when you are not comfortable with your natural urges and start beating yourself up about it. The more you suppress these urges the more they are going to rule your life.

As much as it might frighten you, it might help being a little open about your feelings with your partner. It will help a lot if she can give you a bit of support.

Guilt is a death sentence my friend.

Tar.Aldarion

paperclip wrote:

is your gf not good looking?

Indeed, shouldn't your girlfriend be ridiculously hot to you?
If I don't find somebody attractive and then fall for them....how attractive I think they are rapidly changes.

Edit: oh ya,it's because you are a dude as people have said.Are you just realising that!

Maccattack

ffs :rolleyes: EVERYONE perves. Your girlfriend looks at other guys - even if she says she doesnt.

That is the way of the human being.

ianmc38

We're all allowed to look and fantasise, there's no problem there. At the end of the day, i know that what i have with my g/f is better than i'd have with the random strangers that i find physically attractive, so i don't feel inclined to take it any further.

NikNik

Maccattack wrote:

ffs EVERYONE perves. Your girlfriend looks at other guys - even if she says she doesnt.

That is the way of the human being.

Exactly. I wouldn't think it's abnormal or anything I do it all the time to men with rippling hard muscles...mmmm...

*wipes drool off chin*

Just as long as it doesn't affect her you're alright

WhiteWashMan

shame wrote:

Now my problem lies in the fact that I just can't keep my eyes off that dangerous race called pretty girls.

dude, i see every pair of breasts that pass by me,.
so what.
i ve seen people look at me.
so what.

i love my partner, she loves me.i dont think she has a serious problem with me admiring the view, and i certainly dont have an issue with her looking at another bloke. i dont feel inadequate becuase she looks at other men, and i would hope that she doesnt either.

shame wrote:

I find myself hating girls though, I hate girls that flaunt themselves, that doesn't stop me looking..

well, there you have issues. i think you feel daunted by them, and instead of addressing the issues you have, you just pass it onto them by hating them instead. after all, its their fault.
im not sure why you would do that, but there is no logical reason for you to hate someone, even if they are good looking and flaunting it.
hell, if someone chick has great tits and wants to flaunt them, me, im all for it!
viva la bouncing breasts i say!

shame wrote:

I would be a decent looking guy, a bit alternative and I get on with loads of people, I have a rather large circle of close friends and sometimes I figure that may be my problem. The fact that I'm under lock and key and feel like I may be missing out but then I think that no amount of girls would satisfy my craving and I'm just lucky to have someone that cares about me as much as she does... But then I feel that I'm not worth it seeing as I harbour these thoughts. Is that love?

I rate girls, I've only been in my new course 3 or 4 weeks and I've already picked out the girls I have to avoid... I won't though, and I haven't, I've already made good friends with a girl I really fancy..

This may seem a little incoherent but these are feelings I'm having trouble understanding, I'll update in a while but if anyone can tell me whether this is normal (how depressing, I think I'd rather be a freak...) or whether I'll ever get over this... bleh

pffft. stop over analysing yourself. youre normal. you look at girls. you rate them and youd say 'yep, id do her, nope, wouldnt do her' etc.
i think most people do it in their own heads.
jesus, liven up and stop being so serious.

as long as you stay true to your girlfriend, and you are happy, whats the problem with getting aneyeful of lady everyday?

of course, if you feel that you are not happy, that there is something else for you, and you are unhappy, then you need to do someothng about it. and as for saying your girl loves you etc, are you afraid of hurting her, or are you genuinely afraid that you will not find someone else that will love you as much?

youre 20. if you want to shag hundreds of gorgeous girls, then just go and do it...

Civilian_Target

shame wrote:

I'm 20 years old and am in a very serious relationship, I'm fairly sure this is the girl for me and that noone will ever care about me as much as she does....

It doesn't stop there though, the fact that this girl was actually so beautiful probably wouldn't have made a difference because, if there's a slim girl, between 16-30, I'll be checking her out....

I rate girls, I've only been in my new course 3 or 4 weeks and I've already picked out the girls I have to avoid... I won't though, and I haven't, I've already made good friends with a girl I really fancy..

lol! Looking at the menu is healthy male behaviour. Do you think that if you stay with this girlie forever you'll never look at porn again? C'mon....

The danger is the good looking friends - you need to be clear that you're only interested in your girlfriend, or you never know what mistakes might be made and what resentments might be harboured. (Unless you're looking for a plan B of course...)

CathyMoran

Looking is normal, except at the very begining "head over heals" in love/lust stage people look at other attractive people. When in a relationship I have been close friends with very attractive men but they would always know about my partner and that I would not go near them as a result. Would think it to be more unusual if someone did not look.

Laguna

Don't all men look at attractive women?. Come on, all men do it, I'm not lucky as yourself though as I don't have a girlfriend, so I just look and do nothing about it (I think even if I tried to do something about it there'd be no difference! ).

jonny68

Beruthiel wrote:

just cos you're on a diet
doesn't mean you can't look at the menu