Need some advice please!

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,
OK, here's the story. Myself, my friend and my ex are all in the same society in college. Last year me and my ex started going out. We went out for 3 months, towards the end he stopped wanting me to come round to his house. He kept being horrible to me, we broke up in May, when I told him to treat me with respect or I'd break up with him, and the answer was "**** off". About 2 days later I rang him and his housemate (who he'd always flirted with) answered. He then started meeting up with her for lunch. I assumed this was all innocent, she had a long-term boyfriend. A couple of weeks later I decided I'd get over him quicker if we no longer spoke so when he texted me one day, I didn't reply and he got the hint.

Last week, I find out he's been going out with said housemate the whole summer. It was my friend who'd told me. She said they'd all gone out clubbing a week earlier and he told her he was with the girl. He claims they only started going out after I'd broken up with him but I don't believe that, he'd cheated on girls before me. She said no one invited me because he'd be there and it'd be awkward. I wasn't happy because I'm forever asking them and the rest of the club (who I'm friends with)if they want to go out. The ex being there wasn't too much of a problem because we just didn't speak to each other. She said she felt bad because they'd all gone out without me. She said that he'd told her that this girl goes absolutely mental if she so much as THINKS he'd spoken to me, and that she is very, very possessive and jealous. She also tells me she didn't want any tension within the club.

Myself and my other friends go clubbing last night and who is there but my friend, who announces she is there with my ex and my friends from the society. I said why didn't you invite me, she said because his girlfriend would go psycho if she thought I was there. She said in future if they were to go out that I wouldn't be invited because of this. She asked was I mad at her, I said I was. My other friend told her she was being very unfair, her excuse was that my ex would be angry at her if his girlfriend got mad at him for being out with me (despite the fact that we don't even speak). I told her she was taking sides and she was being really unfair because I'd done nothing wrong, and that if this girl is so jealous and possessive, that's her problem, and their business. She then went back over to my friends from the society, says something to them and they all start laughing. Not one of them had made any effort to speak to me the whole night. A while later they all left to go to another nightclub.

I've decided I'm not going to be friends with this girl anymore, she has shown her true colours. My friends all went crazy when they found out what she'd done, especially because she's blatantly taken his side, even though I've done nothing wrong. He cheated on me, and was horrible to me. She's been friends with me for 2 years, much longer than she's been friends with him, plus she barely even knows his girlfriend, yet she's taken their side. My other friends said that they were never going to invite her anywhere again, because she'd been so horrible to me. But I'm wondering. Would I be better off to just leave this society (seeing's how the only reason I was there was because I thought I had friends there, which I now know I don't) and just cut them all out? Or would I be better off to try and talk to my ex in the hope that his girlfriend would go crazy about it?

Sorry it was such a long post.

[Jackass]

Would I be better off to just leave this society

It's unfair, but yes.

It's group mentality, they're so interdependant, that one person starts to get pushed out, or when conflict arises, the group members usually rally together to make a scape goat to maintain the groups core and counter the fragility, for fear of it falling apart, perhaps your ex is the alpha male in the group, so the remaining females are positioning themselves on his side, attempting a closer bond for status in the group...the pushing out of one member draws the bonds and trust between the remaining members much stronger. You have been identified as the weak, as you are on the wrong side of the alpha male and female, and so have been used as a bargaining chip in the group to gain status.

Social psychology...it's a bitch.

But with shallow friends like that, who needs enemys, right?

LegacyUser

Too right! It's horrible because I'd considered her one of my better friends, guess I was wrong. But my actual friends (who aren't in this society) are mad at her over it and have told me that they love me and that she's not worth it. There was quite a bit of bitching done, which made me feel better.

LegacyUser

The girl in question has made it quite clear that she's not speaking to me(presumably because I stood up to her by telling her how unfair she was), or any of my/our friends (presumably because they stood up for me). She is also not speaking to my/our friends that weren't even there that night!
I don't know if she's going to be permanently cut out but I've cut her out, she's no friend to me, and by ignoring people she's supposed to be friends with that weren't even there that night, it's not looking good for her there either.

LegacyUser

Update: Girl in question kept threatening to sack me from the society, so I quit. Have not spoken to her since, she was talking to a mutual friend about the fight and told him a completely different version of events! She never said anything to him about telling me that I wasn't going to be invited out with the rest of the society anymore because of my ex's new girlfriend. She basically made out that I was at fault. The rest of my friends have given her the cold shoulder.

AthAnRi

These people sound very immature. Sounds like you will be better off without them.

Just remember what goes around comes around and they will get what they deserve at some stage.