A list of Eircoms Excuses - Please Contribute

Lemming

Originally posted by Bard

They RANG my Dad (at random) doing a survey and said pretty much exactly that - trying to sell him their "hi-speed" product. He put them on to me saying I'd know more about it.

Hehehehehee That was classic.

But seriously though, I'm *somewhat* (insert "extremely") disturbed by the accuracy of what I initially wrote as a joke excuse!! Ohhhh dear! This doesn't look good!!

Kix

How about the derivative but pertinent:

• "Prices will continue to increase until morale improves"

K

Scruff

"Ireland can indeed be the e-hub of Euope.........but not unless we say so and make a big fat profit out of it"

"you want broadband? YOU WANT BROADBAND? YOU CAN'T HANDLE BROADBAND!"

"And when i click my fingers you will wake up and immediately sign up for an ISDN connection and you will forget all about ADSL"

MiCr0

• heavy electricity
• leaves on the line
• all esats fault
• all indigo's fault
• all odtr's fault

Bard

Originally posted by Lemming



Hehehehehee That was classic.

But seriously though, I'm *somewhat* (insert "extremely") disturbed by the accuracy of what I initially wrote as a joke excuse!! Ohhhh dear! This doesn't look good!!

I don't have to make these ones up... eircom sales lady on the phone said it all...:

her: "ISDN is going to be really big!" ... me: "so what about ADSL?" ... her: "oh that is... ALSO going to be really big" ... me: "but it's really really expensive!" ... her: "er... yeah... well we're not *really* trying to sell it yet..."

(don't take these as *direct* quotes- they're from memory, so... um... y'know...)

"we'll get rid of your old-style slow analog lines and put in a nice new speedy digital line for ISDN - which is FOUR times faster than your current connection!"

Praetorian

1) If we give you adsl at a reasonable price people might realise how much we have ripped yee off in the past!!

2) Caps are good. Caps are there to save you from getting addicted to the evil of the internet!!

2.5) Things like downloading and p0rn are bad dont ya know!

3) The rollout takes time as we only have one guy in a van atm.... cut backs n all.

Ba$tard

The reason that we just can't give you what you want is because;

"Jimmy the appreciate plumber is the guy doing the upgrades on the exchanges and he has to be home each night before dark and his mammy won't allow him outside Dublin for another few years"

"The entire ADSL staff have taken 4 months maternity leave in a strong showing of teamwork"

"We dont actually know how to do this DSL thingie and we just got some Esat guy contracted in to tell us about it for the next 3 years"

"Barry, Chief lazy-bastard-conservative telecomms engineer said he doesn't want to give out any of his bandwidth as it will affect his donkeyp0rn downloads"

"Anytime I pick up the phone, I get a shock and with all that nasty DSL voltage, it may start affecting my perm!"

"yes, but if we were to give you what you wanted ontime all the time, then we would not be in the middle of a controversy and then we would have to resort to expensive advertising & marketing instead of that 4th year student-prick in the stoopid mouse outfit who we pay 12 pound a week for"


Ba$tard :rolleyes:

yellum

Heres one:

All your local loops are belong to us

Lemming

Originally posted by yellum
Heres one:

All your local loops are belong to us

Christ!!! I damn near got 7-up all over my keyboard when I read that!!

hehehehe Good one yellum!!!

yellum

When asked any questions they start singing:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30942

aidan_dunne

Here's another excuse and one which I wouldn't be surprised to see Eircom using in the near future:

"All people use the internet for is downloading p0rn. If we introduce ADSL people will do nothing except downloading tons and tons of p0rn. Therefore, we have a moral obligation to prevent the youth of the Ireland being corrupted by such filth which is why we can't release ADSL!"

exiztone

Odtr: You bring out adsl at a fair price now, NOW!
eircon: odtr, you used to be cool man!
odtr: NO, odtr is still cool, you bring out adsl at a fair price later, LATER! (thats gonna be a helluvalong later if ever unfortunately)

would be just cheaper & easier to move to the states and use the net there, even the ****ing war **** going on there would be less hassle than eircons bull****!

niknak

"Internet?Whats this internet thing?We only deal with phonecalls!"

lampsie

"I am rubber, you are glue"

Hecate

Ooh, I love excuses

• Sorry, but we genuinely have no skillz
• You think we'd let go of this monopoly easily? *snigger*
• Ye'll take what you're given!
• We just don't feel like it
• Ring your electricity company
• But..who needs broadband when you have the giant mouse...look..the *giant* mouse..woooo!
• It's actually been out for years; we've just been hiding it that's all...ow!. thats my head!
• We used to have 5 month waiting lists to get a *phone* installed, and you want *broadband*; jeez there's no pleasing some people...

Not really related but here's little script idea I had for a flash movie based on all this

In AD 2001:

DSL was *not* beginning...

** A net user watches his bitrates diminish **

Net User 1: What happen?!

Net User 2: Eircom set up us the cap.

Net User 3: We get i-stream.

Net User: What!

Net User 3: Main screen turn on.

** An Eircom executive slowly fades onto the screen..complete with evil-looking purple cloak **

Net User 1: It's you!

Eircom Executive: How are you gentlemen !!

Eircom Executive: All your local loop are belong to us.

Eircom Executive: You are on the way to dialups.

Net User: What you say !!

Eircom Executive: You have no chance for broadband make do with isdn.

Eircom Executive: Ha Ha Ha Ha ...

popinfresh

Eircom: Me thinks "more profits = more customers,"
Eircom: Me thinks " If we should have to think hard, they should have to pay hard"
I think this is the 2 mottos that keeps them eircom fellas going